Tressugar Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I'm now in a new exclusive dating relationship. And this guy keeps on flaking on our dates. He doesn't follow through. I don't know if I should wait for him to call me with an explanation or just bail. I know his schedule is really busy. I have not heard from him in awhile. When I call he doesn't answer or return my text messages. What would you do in my case? He's a really good guy. 1
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 It doesn't matter if he is a good guy or not....it's a matter of expectations not being fulfilled. You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. He keeps flaking on you and you don't like that. I wouldn't put up with it. I'm sure he would feed you some explication as to why but that would be to pacify you. IMO I would be leery. He might be dating someone else, has a GF or is married. That would explain why he keeps flaking. Or he just isn't that into you and is hoping you would just give up. 3
Zahara Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Being a good guy is irrelevant. If he is not fulfilling your needs, respecting your time or having basic courtesy to respond, then it would be best to reconsider. Busy is never excuse. It doesn't take but 3 seconds to respond to a text. 4
Methodical Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I'm now in a new exclusive dating relationship. And this guy keeps on flaking on our dates. He doesn't follow through. I don't know if I should wait for him to call me with an explanation or just bail. I know his schedule is really busy. I have not heard from him in awhile. When I call he doesn't answer or return my text messages. What would you do in my case? He's a really good guy. You have your bar set VERY LOW if you think he is a really good guy. Read what you wrote...he constantly flakes out, doesn't follow thru, doesn't return calls or texts, and you haven't heard from him in a while. You need to re-evaluate your self-worth. Boot is butt to the curb and find someone who actually treats you with respect and makes some sort of effort. 8
SammySammy Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 What would I do? I don't know .... Sit around and wait. Wonder. Wonder and wait. He's a good guy! Maybe he'll show that one day. Until then ... wait ... and wonder. 3
Author Tressugar Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 All of your input is logical and makes sense. I just keep on thinking there's gotta be a valid reason for his disappearances. I would want someone to give me a chance if I couldn't show up or somehow couldn't call. Whatever the reasons are I don't get a good feeling. What if he finally calls...should I give him another chance? Thank you for your sound advice.
BaileyB Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 A good guy is consistent, reliably follows through with what he says he will do, and is considerate of your time and feelings. He is not a good guy and you should not waste another moment of your time on him when you could be out looking for someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated! 5
Zahara Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 You should move on from him even if he calls. He's showing you who he is and this is a "new" relationship -- imagine how he is going to treat you further into this. He knows you are sitting around and waiting -- EVEN when he disrespects you. He's already determined your value and if anything, he's just going to keep on disrespecting you. 4
candie13 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Interested men act interested. Notice i didn't say "good guys". First thing's first: he's gotta be and act interested. Interested men are consistent about keeping intouch and consistent about organizing dates. They do all that stuff. If the answer is no, next the dude. It's meant to be easy. 2
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 In May you found him still using dating websites and now this and you still call him a good guy? I got a feeling he told you you were exclusive just to shut you up about it. Dump 3
BaileyB Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 In May you found him still using dating websites and now this and you still call him a good guy? Dare I say it, but you need to gain some self respect. Better to be single than in a relationship with someone who treats you badly. You teach people how to treat you. 4
Buddhist Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) And this guy keeps on flaking on our dates. When I call he doesn't answer or return my text messages. What would you do in my case? He's a really good guy. He's not a really good guy if he can't be arsed even notifying you that he's simply not turning up for a date. Come on, it takes 30secs or less to make that contact. I can never figure out why women make these kinds of excuses for people. There are basically no excuses in the modern age for doing this apart from flat out bad manners, and death. You are very obviously not in an exclusive relationship with him because he keeps standing you up to go on dates with other people. No you don't hang around, signalling him it's perfectly okay for him to treat you this way or wait for an explanation. You don't allow this to happen 'again' by making yourself available to him at all. Take a look at your avatar and realise your Highest Good isn't this guy. Edited June 6, 2016 by Buddhist 2
Author Tressugar Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 This isn't the same guy from April. I met this man at the end of May. Got it! I received the message loud and clear. I'm moving on again. You would think this gets easier with each rejection, but with me it doesn't. I know I'm not a bad person. I'm meeting someone new this week. I know it'll end up the same as all the others. I don't know why I keep going through the motions. Thanks again.
BaileyB Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Hey, dating is hard! Really hard sometimes!! As the old saying goes, you have to kiss a lot of frogs... The important part is to know what you want and let those frogs go when they don't treat you well. But, try not to get discouraged... If you need to, take a break from dating and just focus on yourself - do the things that make you happy and when you are ready, start searching again. Better to do this than keep dating when you are not in a healthy and happy place. Take care. 1
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I'm meeting someone new this week. I know it'll end up the same as all the others. I don't know why I keep going through the motions. Thanks again. Because you conditioned yourself to believe you are not worthy of a good guy. To accomplish a goal you need to believe in it. I met up to 200 men before meeting my boyfriend. I never got discouraged. I knew what I was looking for. While my friends had boyfriend (bad ones) I was single and looking, dumping, looking again, dumping again, and I swore to those friends that when I get a boyfriend he will be true, respectful, considerate, attentive, loving and loyal. Finally I found him ! and he was worth all of the dumping and waiting I went through. 3
tinkerbell16 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 This isn't the same guy from April. I met this man at the end of May. Got it! I received the message loud and clear. I'm moving on again. You would think this gets easier with each rejection, but with me it doesn't. I know I'm not a bad person. I'm meeting someone new this week. I know it'll end up the same as all the others. I don't know why I keep going through the motions. Thanks again. Their rejection has no baring on whether you are a good or bad person. Next "opportunity" been keenly aware of how they make you feel. If it is anxious and off balance they are not meeting your needs. Don't wait for a guy who clearly is not meeting your needs (or even being respectful of your time). Would you treat him that way? I doubt it. Don't settle. Next him. There is a saying that goes something like this... "A woman who seeks no validation from a man is truly a free woman". 1
Author Tressugar Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Bailey B, thank you for the encouragement and words of wisdom. It is so true about kissing a lot of frogs...I'm burned out. I may take a break after this week. I need to lick my wounds and heal. Gaeta, I admire your tenacity. I think in my case I feel too deeply and trust too quickly. I'm happy to hear that you finally found your prince/king. Hopefully one day I can find mine too.
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Gaeta, I admire your tenacity. I think in my case I feel too deeply and trust too quickly. I'm happy to hear that you finally found your prince/king. Hopefully one day I can find mine too. My tenacity did not come in one day. I spent a lot of time on here asking for advice. I had a lot of micro-dead-end-relationships. All agreed though that I didn't dump quickly enough when red flags started waving at me. So I changed that. I was too tolerant and it always ended up with guys having flaky behavior around me. I finally made these rules to myself. * You talk sex - you're out * You stand me up once - you're out * You don't return a call - you're out * You have any kind of non-gentleman behavior - you're out Don't worry, you won't run out of men to date. 5
BaileyB Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I will say, I have kissed a lot of frogs and got to a point when it was just so discouraging... I still knew that I was a good person, but I was tired and entered every date with a self-defeating attitude... As you stated in your last post. I decided that I didn't want to be that person so I took some time away from dating to just live my life and do things that made me happy. I am now back to dating but it is in my terms... I'm much happier and stronger. I have a much more clear idea of what I want and I'm not about to settle. I have kissed more frogs since my "dating hiatus" and recently... I have met someone that I'm really excited about. And the best part, he seems to be excited about me too. And you know what, right now the memory of all those frogs seems to fade away... I'll be discouraged if it doesn't work out but it won't affect me in the same way it has in the past. I truly believe that every experience guides you to where you want to be... If you let it. All the best;). 4
BaileyB Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 My tenacity did not come in one day. I spent a lot of time on here asking for advice. I had a lot of micro-dead-end-relationships. All agreed though that I didn't dump quickly enough when red flags started waving at me. So I changed that. I was too tolerant and it always ended up with guys having flaky behavior around me. I finally made these rules to myself. * You talk sex - you're out * You stand me up once - you're out * You don't return a call - you're out * You have any kind of non-gentleman behavior - you're out Don't worry, you won't run out of men to date. I totally agree. Those are good rules to live by... 2
Buddhist Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Got it! I received the message loud and clear. I'm moving on again. You would think this gets easier with each rejection, but with me it doesn't. I know I'm not a bad person. It's not about you being a good person or not. If my cat decided it didn't want a cuddle on my lap I'm not about to start thinking I'm a bad person because of it. Who knows what goes on in the mind of a cat. This may sound funny but you've really got to apply the same logic to people as well. Who the hell really knows what goes on in the mind of someone else? But one thing you can be sure of, it has just about nothing to do with you. In all my time on this planet the only thing I really know is this. People are the most neurotic animals on the planet. No other species does the weird and illogical stuff that we do. That large and complex brain causes chaos most of the time. Do you ever wonder why it's so easy to have a good relationship with a pet? Because the pet doesn't have an ego, the pet doesn't try and manipulate you into behaviours that make it feel better. The pet just is, and they accept us just as we are too. He didn't reject you. You're rejecting him because you do not enjoy the behaviours he has. If we look at your avatar again....maybe your highest good right now is learning to say no. Maybe once you practice that a bit then you'll start attracting someone else. 3
BaileyB Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 He didn't reject you. You're rejecting him because you do not enjoy the behaviours he has. If we look at your avatar again....maybe your highest good right now is learning to say no. Maybe once you practice that a bit then you'll start attracting someone else. Amen!! Well said. 1
SugarLips72 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 This guy is a flake, inconsiderate, and really not into you if he is acting like this. Delete his number out of your phone. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 This isn't the same guy from April. I met this man at the end of May. Got it! I received the message loud and clear. I'm moving on again. You would think this gets easier with each rejection, but with me it doesn't. I know I'm not a bad person. I'm meeting someone new this week. I know it'll end up the same as all the others. I don't know why I keep going through the motions. Thanks again. Change that thought before you go on the date or any future dates. It can be much more than a positive statement you say to yourself. Characterizing moving on from "this guy" who stands you up as a success, rather than a failure is a start. It's a self-respect success. You are closing the door because you deserve better--these are not failures, they are successes. THAT'S the mindset you take to your next date. And others of the sort. If you let others have control over validating you, you will be in a losing battle. Don't outsource that. Validate yourself. Have the standards YOU want in place, be willing to communicate to get what you want and if you are getting it be ok with leaving. You will be fine if you can work on these things. Like Bailey said sometimes a break is what is needed to reset. Good luck! 2
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