nadzz Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Hey everyone, I hate social media. Anyways, I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. He claims to absolutely adore me and want to marry me and all that. I know it's bad but I'm trying to make sure he's the right guy. Anyway, instagram has this thing where u can see what the people you are following "like". Anyway, over the course of our relationship, I've noticed he always likes stuff from random girls, sometimes the same girls BUT he seldom likes my photos. I don't want to bring it up because I don't want him to think I'm jealous or insecure but I also don't want to get too serious with him if he's into other girls. Advice?
TheBathWater Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 'Liking' photos can be a form of flirting. The thing with social media is that it makes everything so ambiguous, so even if it is, he could easily deny it. This leaves the person (in this case, you) going mad trying to figure out if you can trust your own gut or not. I keep saying it over and over again. Technology is destroying human relationships, and nobody is doing anything about it other than saying "move on" while they continue staring down at their phones. Me, I would talk to him about it and emphasize how you feel about the whole thing, rather than accusing him. See what he says. If you're mature in your communication and he gets defensive, that's not a good sign. If he's receptive to hearing your feelings, genuinely receptive, then that's a good sign. Ultimately, how he behaves will be up to him, and it is up to you where the line gets drawn. 3
Buddhist Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) Advice? You clearly don't hate social media because you have an account and you apparently use it. Stop using instagram to spy on your boyfriend's mind and make value judgements about his behaviour. If instagram didn't exist you would have no idea if he's 'liking' the vision of another woman on the street. You'd have to develop intimacy with the guy instead and then trust him. My take is this, if you are in the headspace of wanting to keep one foot out the door in case 'he's into other girls' then you basically have nothing with him except the most superficial arrangement in which you both hang out and have sex. Social media is nothing more than a tool for suspicion, people trying to garner attention for themselves and also do what you're doing, spying on partners and analysing their behaviour. God, this generation are ridiculous.... Edited June 6, 2016 by Buddhist 1
Lorenza Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Actually, there's no reason to follow each other on social medias. Life updates? You get them in reality or can sms/call. Pictures? You see each other often, your partner knows how you look. Having rl status? Children's stuff. If your partner has a wondering eye for girls on the internet, unfollow. It is impossible to not have a wonderinh eye nowadays - we're bombed with attractive images of other people and we scroll through that everyday. They're just images, fantasies. A reasonable man understands that women in those pictures are products of lighting, makeup, angles, filters and takes them as such.Your bare face in the morning is 10x times prettier if he loves you. If your man is reasonable and you have no other reasons to doubt him, let him have his little game of double tapping (seriously, that's all "liking is" - double tapping on one image out of billions). You, though, aren't one out of billions, you are THE one.
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) You don't want him to think you are jealous or insecure???? But you are, but it's from his actions that you feel this way. have a talk with him. IMO a guy that is in love doesn't go around "liking" things from random girls vying for their attention. It's not appropriate. I can see it if they are long time friends from high school or part of a close social circle, but not strangers. This fails and needs to be addressed. If you don't communicate, you will fail in your marriage as well. You even said you want to be sure about this guy, then you need to have a talk with him. If you lose him that would be a good thing wouldn't it?? It would mean you saved yourself from a sh*&y marriage and divorce. He is not the one for you. I disagree with the above post to sweep it under the rug by "unfollowing" All you are doing is accepting his behavior letting him know it's ok with you. That isn't right. I don't by the "A guy can't help himself...." what a load. Edited June 6, 2016 by smackie9 2
Lorenza Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 You don't want him to think you are jealous or insecure???? But you are, but it's from his actions that you feel this way. have a talk with him. IMO a guy that is in love doesn't go around "liking" things from random girls vying for their attention. It's not appropriate. I can see it if they are long time friends from high school or part of a close social circle, but not strangers. This fails and needs to be addressed. If you don't communicate, you will fail in your marriage as well. You even said you want to be sure about this guy, then you need to have a talk with him. If you lose him that would be a good thing wouldn't it?? It would mean you saved yourself from a sh*&y marriage and divorce. He is not the one for you. I disagree with the above post to sweep it under the rug by "unfollowing" All you are doing is accepting his behavior letting him know it's ok with you. That isn't right. I don't by the "A guy can't help himself...." what a load. Yes, just censor everything, shut his eyes and it will be fine 1
smackie9 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 I'm not saying he can't look at other women say like walking down the street or check out a new coworker, but to spend his time searching on the internet for attention from other women is with a purpose. 1
Lorenza Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 I'm not saying he can't look at other women say like walking down the street or check out a new coworker, but to spend his time searching on the internet for attention from other women is with a purpose. How is looking at a woman walking down the street different than looking at a woman's picture in his feed? It's highly unlikely that pressing a "like" draws any attention, girls on IG are used to it, nobody makes it significany anymore 2
smackie9 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 he is looking for it on purpose...and yes it does draw attention because "Liking" something is still a means of communicating to someone. 1
Author nadzz Posted June 8, 2016 Author Posted June 8, 2016 All of your responses have really helped me gain some insight, thanks everyone! So i confronted him last night and he said it's nothing to worry about, he just likes photos and they don't mean anything and that's basically all the explanation he gave. The problem is, over a two week span, he "liked" this one girl's three different photos, one being a bikini photo...am I overreacting or is that bad???
kendahke Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 (edited) Hey everyone, I hate social media. Anyways, I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. He claims to absolutely adore me and want to marry me and all that. I know it's bad but I'm trying to make sure he's the right guy. Anyway, instagram has this thing where u can see what the people you are following "like". Anyway, over the course of our relationship, I've noticed he always likes stuff from random girls, sometimes the same girls BUT he seldom likes my photos. I don't want to bring it up because I don't want him to think I'm jealous or insecure but I also don't want to get too serious with him if he's into other girls. Advice? if he wasn't blowing you head up with the bolded above, what would you do? Would you stick around for a guy who was doing this but didn't have feelings for you? If not, then what difference does it make when he does have feelings for you, yet he still does this? Isn't that a way of saying "how you feel about what I do isn't my problem, it's yours?" There's a man over in Russia who is a graphic artist and an all around bon vivant, aside from being one of my Facebook friends--probably one of the most fascinating men I've come across. I like a lot of his pictures on IG, but that doesn't mean that I want a relationship with him. I just like what he posts. You're reading all of your self worth into him liking someone's pictures and that is not healthy. If your self esteem is that far down in the drink, then you need to work on the reasons why you feel that who you are isn't enough and why you feel you have to turn into his warden in order to feel secure. Edited June 8, 2016 by kendahke
TheBathWater Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 All of your responses have really helped me gain some insight, thanks everyone! So i confronted him last night and he said it's nothing to worry about, he just likes photos and they don't mean anything and that's basically all the explanation he gave. The problem is, over a two week span, he "liked" this one girl's three different photos, one being a bikini photo...am I overreacting or is that bad??? It depends who you ask. I personally wouldn't like that response. My ex-girlfriend only used to 'Like' a lot of photos of her male 'friend' - of course, she only liked the photos that were of him posing sexy, showing off muscles, or looking seductive. Anything neutral or that had another woman in it, she never touched it. People don't behave randomly and for no reason. He's a guy. I think he liked the photos because of her boobs and is letting her know that. He's not going to let YOU know that. Ha! Yeah right. It doesn't mean he's going to go cheat on you, but then what if she starts flirting with him online now in return? Then will he still think of it as 'nothing' or will he start considering a switch? This is exactly how affairs start online - before people are even aware it's happening. That doesn't mean it will in your case, but I'm just making a point here that people are very unaware of themselves. That, and technology is destroying human relationships. 1
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