Cristoforo Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) Looking for a bit of advice. I'm a 32 year old single guy and I think sometimes my parents worry and think that I need to have a girlfriend in order to be happy. Also I'm an only child and my mom has made comments about grandkids, just jokingly, but I can tell they want them and I'm their only chance for that! So they tell me one day that there is this girl that wants to go out with me, her family knows my aunt. Apparently they suggested me to her and showed her my pic and she was interested. My parents didn't really even ask me if I was interested and they just gave me her number. I looked her up and she is cute and I'm sure she is a great girl, but at this point right now I am just not interested in dating ANYONE. I've suffered from severe depression for years and I also get pretty bad anxiety from time to time. My self-esteem lately has been in the gutter. I just don't feel like I should be romantically involved with anyone. I honestly think I need to start seeing a therapist and work on improving my own well-being. I'm not happy with myself at all. Sometimes I just want to lay on the couch and sleep all day. But my parents don't seem to understand my point of view and got upset a few weeks later when I told them I didn't contact this girl. They say I should think about her feelings. What? They didn't even ask me if I was interested! I'm willing to bet somehow the message got relayed to this girl that I was definitely going to call her and that I was interested. My dad thinks this girl is "the one" lol. He says he can just tell that by looking at her, someone he has never even met! That made me even more upset. I feel like I'm in India or something and my parents are trying to arrange my marriage! They keep telling me I have nothing to lose and I should go out with this person, but I'm just not feeling up for it. My mom keeps saying "She will be so upset if you don't call." I never said I would call in the first place! I feel like I'm not even in control of my own life and my parents are making me worry about this girl who I have never even met. They are making me feel guilty for not doing something which I never said I would do in the first place. How can I make them understand I am in no position to be dating anyone right now? I have a lot to work on for myself and I don't think it would be fair for another person to be involved with that right now. So i choose to remain single. As of this past week they still think I am going to call this girl, its been over a month since they gave me her number. I feel like I don't owe anyone anything but they are making me feel guilty. What can I say to them? They seem to think this girl is what is missing in my life and is the answer to my unhappiness, but I feel they are so wrong. Thanks for the advice. Edited June 6, 2016 by Cristoforo
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Start seeing a therapist, then revisit going out on a date with this girl. Remeber, it's your anxiety that is doing the talking here. 1
Dork Vader Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Your parents are out of line in numerous ways. They are putting their desire for grand kids and to see you in a relationship ahead of your needs. It might also be a partially misguided attempt at getting you out of depression. Inpersonally feel that by not contacting her you are indirectly thinking of her feelings. You know you're not ready to date and not doing it, though it does sound like your reasoning for wanting to be single is depression based. My advice is find a good therapist. You can find some help on any budget, so not being able to afford it is not an excuse. If you are on a low income there are plenty of resources out there for you. If you're in the USA contact your Counties health and human services. If you're not, then explore spirituality and ask for guidance.
Author Cristoforo Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 Thanks! I am definitely going to look into therapy.
SugarLips72 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Your parents mean well but perhaps they are a little overbearing. Do you live with them? Work on yourself. Tell your parents right now you are not dating anyone right now and to please don't give out your number to anyone. You need to be firm with them since they don't get it. Good luck.
Author Cristoforo Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 Your parents mean well but perhaps they are a little overbearing. Do you live with them? Work on yourself. Tell your parents right now you are not dating anyone right now and to please don't give out your number to anyone. You need to be firm with them since they don't get it. Good luck. Thanks for your reply. I do not live with them but I am their only child so sometimes they tend to be a little overbearing and think that even at my age they know what would be best for me. I told them about working on myself before I date and they seemed to not really get it. They think going out with someone will be the fix I need and I don't see it that way.
TXGuy Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Don't let your parents guilt you into this. You can tell them "It is not my responsibility to make any woman happy. It's also not my responsibility to make a stranger happy." I think that is likely to shut them down. They could try to keep pushing and guilting you after that, but their arguments will quickly fall apart. You could follow up with something along the lines of "Why would I want to do that?"
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