bangooo Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) Ok i will try to be as short as possible, I have been dating this girl, 2 years, barely had any problems, we were very happy, we r close and everything is good, even our fights were not big or significant, i meet her family she meets mine, we call an engagement, and we decide to make a little celebration involving both families, we call our families, they come from different states, everything was going fine, then the day day before the engagement party, she drops out of earth, disappears, no calls, no texts, no reply at all, her mom later on that night answers me saying she is in the hospital, i asked which hospital she refused to tell me which was weird, and told me that i have to call the party off, so i did, now for the next month onward i have been trying to get in touch with her and all she have been giving me is silence, she reads my text but doesnt reply, she doesnt answer my calls, from her side nothing at all for 4 complete weeks, after a month of trying to reach her, to see whats happening, her sister answers me yesterday and tells me she was diagnosed with cancer and she says she no longer want me to be a part of her life, when i try to know further what kind of cancer etc... They shut me off, a week later i call her again after seeing her post on snapchat through a common friend (she deleted me from her snapchat) took 5 calls for her to answer, then when i ask her whats wrong, if you are going to break up with me have the courage to pick up the phone and say it to my face, she quote "it is not that i dont want you, i am sick, and if i really didn't want you i would have blocked you or changed my number" then i ask her what kind of cancer and that sort of stuff, she says she likes to keep it for herself, and that she want to have her space until she is ready to contact me, i get mad and tell her its my right to know, to be there for you, she then states that she doesn't want me to be by her side, and she doesnt want anyone to be with her now, but the thing is, my friend tells me she post snapchat all the time at work or in her house, doing random stuff, like there is absolutely nothing, normal life routine, and my friend tells me she ddnt tell her anything about her being sick, idk where to go from here, and i dont know what should i do from here, i love her, but i am confused, she also burrowed money from me 3500$ 1 week before engagement and i dont want to think she took the money and took off, why wait 1 and a half year for just 3500$ and now everybody is asking me whats happening and i dnt know what to say, i tried contacting her family again but even they dont answer me, is this her saying i no longer want to be part of this? But our last call she stated once her life gets back to normal she wants nothing more than to be with me, but right now she wants space, but if she wants space why does she keep posting stuff on social media, why not even call me, my graduation was last week and she didn't even text me, complete silence towards me, i called her 3 times today and she doesnt answer, i text her on whatsapp and i can see that she is online and she doesnt open the texts. I think atleast a closure would have been nice, if she was unhappy, she was always honest straight up with me, i am actually thinking of going to her work, but i dont know if its a good idea, i deserve answers, or should i drop and start going NC, and just block her and delete her, and start telling everyone its off, i keep saying that she is just having work issues and travelled and we will have it when she comes back, i am so hurt and confused, i am also afraid that she might be really sick and thats her way of coping with it. has anyone been through a similar situation or know someone that have, please enlighten me. thank you Edited June 5, 2016 by bangooo
VeveCakes Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I'm sorry this has happened to you, it is very cold and heartbreaking. This is the end of the relationship. Regardless of what she says, how can you be in a relationship with someone who could treat you this way? Time to start NC and the moving on process. Unfortunately you are not going to get closure from this one. 1
wellimhere Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I feel your pain bro , kind of the same situation here a couple of weeks back . me and her dated 2 1/2 years no major issues [ communication would have fixed them ] she starts acting cold and distant towards me ,i ask what's wrong she says '' just work stuff] .THEN she disappears on .days later i see her with another guy [ she was probably seeing him weeks before ].i tied calling ,seeing her but nothing .going on about 2 weeks here . it hurts , it was a heartless act to do ,my [ obvious ex ] is a coward that doesn't like conflict ... 1
whatnot Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 From someone who's been that kinda sick...The stress level is out the roof. That was the cause of one of our breakups. I needed my g/f with me but she just couldn't find the time. This caused so much more stress on my me that I had to tell her we're through. I read where cancer will either strengthen a relationship or end it. It's a game changer. To your deal. I'd say she's gone. I'm sorry to have to tell you this. But...she doesn't want you around...for whatever reason. (I don't believe she's sick. But that's coming from some guy on the internet).
kidm Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Everything she has done tells you she no longer wants to be with you. The way she went about it is despicable and unacceptable. She is not going to be good wife material. After 2 years of a what you have described as a "very happy" relationship, she didn't have the decency to sit down and let you know she wasn't happy and wanted out. That's all you need know. Please stop contacting her and definitely do not go to her work. That is over the top and you don't want to escalate the situation. My opinion is that she doesn't have cancer but who knows. She may reach out at her own time but I think at this point, this relationship is over (probably forever). I'm sorry you were treated so poorly. Best wishes. 1
gaig Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I tend to agree with the others.. situations like these scream there is someone else. But we don't know the girl, it might really be a health issue. How old is she?
whatnot Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 She got cold feet. I've seen it before. The disappearing act. To humiliating to tell you straight up. That's the smart money.
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Forget about the relationship, it is gone, but she owes you $3500, take steps to recover your money. She may suddenly be more responsive if the law is on her back. I get the "upset about the cancer & wanting space mindset", but NO contact whatsoever is suspicious. 1
Author bangooo Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 I feel your pain bro , kind of the same situation here a couple of weeks back . me and her dated 2 1/2 years no major issues [ communication would have fixed them ] she starts acting cold and distant towards me ,i ask what's wrong she says '' just work stuff] .THEN she disappears on .days later i see her with another guy [ she was probably seeing him weeks before ].i tied calling ,seeing her but nothing .going on about 2 weeks here . it hurts , it was a heartless act to do ,my [ obvious ex ] is a coward that doesn't like conflict ... I am sorry this happened to you, it is cowardly act, but i dont think mine is the type that cheats, even our common friend stating she is not dating, but says she knows nothing about her being sick, when she confronted her she said she was busy and that she will tell her later, but nothing so far, and i think our common friend is in conflict, she started avoiding me as well.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Yes, your relationship is over. What a terrible thing to have done to you, OP. My sympathies.
Author bangooo Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 I am just angry and in denial, lots of questions eating me up from the inside, my friend called me today she could arrange a meet up without her knowing and make it seem like it was a coincidence for me to show up, do you guys think its a good idea?
gaig Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 99% you will feel even worse after it.. But I would do it.. to get closure..to get something
juniorrocha Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I am just angry and in denial, lots of questions eating me up from the inside, my friend called me today she could arrange a meet up without her knowing and make it seem like it was a coincidence for me to show up, do you guys think its a good idea? The further you go with this, the more you'll gonna hurt. You should start NC asap and forget about her. When she's ready, she may reach you for closure. That girl is such a coward, I'd run away so fast without even looking back.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I am just angry and in denial, lots of questions eating me up from the inside, my friend called me today she could arrange a meet up without her knowing and make it seem like it was a coincidence for me to show up, do you guys think its a good idea? No, because it will take her about 3 seconds to realize it was a set-up. It won't end well. I understand why you feel you need to talk to her again and get some answers; any of us would be in quite a state after what you've been through. But I don't feel this is a good way of going about it.
whatnot Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) We've all done this or much worse. I've lived years of my life doing what you're doing. I've chased women around the country. I've given women money. I've stayed monogamous for years. She may come back. She may not. But buddy...The one thing I can't say is that I didn't usually know what was going on, on some level, when I did it. I just hoped. Hoped that I could make things good again. Hoped I could get her back. Hoped I wasn't going to have to not ever see her again. Heck bangooo...i married my ex wife twice. Who am I to say what you should or shouldn't do? A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. But..."until death do us part"? Neither one of you is going to bury the other. Sorry bro. Oh...that second marriage of mine to the same girl. . Three months later she left with another man. These things don't usually get better. There may be moments. But my oh my. Pay...did I ever. Go on over there....see what's she's got to say for herself. You mentioned that you don't "deserve" this. You deserve an explanation. "Deserves got nothin' to do with it." - William Munny in Unforgiven Sorry to sound so harsh. But...it's as harsh as you make it bro. And no one here hasn't made things harsh on themselves. Trouble is...life's harsh enough. EDIT: try not to give her anymore money. I'm serious. Bad investment bro. Edited June 6, 2016 by whatnot
Author bangooo Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 i guess u guys r right, i will try my best to stop contacting her, she is a coward, and i guess i will see what will i do regarding the money, but when the time comes, right now i am not ready to do anything except pick up the pieces and start moving on, open a new chapter i guess, i did my part well, but she was disrespectful to me, to me the shock is severe, like going a highway and suddenly a truck hits you when you thought the road is empty. thank you guys for your advice everyone of you, i will try to update you all on how things go on from now. Day 2 NC.
whatnot Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Never saw it comin'. We've all been there. Sorry for the loss. They'll be new and improved models come along bangooo. But that doesn't make the hurt any less painful.
Author bangooo Posted June 17, 2016 Author Posted June 17, 2016 I know this post is long over, but i feel like i can let go of things here coz i see u guys support me and feel what i am going through, Today is day 12 NC, yesterday i saw her at the mall with her frnd, if it werent for my budy i would have went to her and started shouting, when i saw her lots of anger came that i ddnt knew i had in me, it was awful. And update: our common friend decided to cut me out, i mean could it be something i did, i keep wondering, i was faithful all the time, i even cut the amount of female friends i have for her, but if my frnd took her side she might think i am the one mistaken. Letting go is a pain in the butt. Thank u guys for letting me write here and letting things go i hope it gets better with time.
VeveCakes Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Don't worry about what the friends think. A lot of the time you will lose friends when you lose a relationship. Stay strong with the NC.
whatnot Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 There's always unanswered questions. And there's always something else we have to say... Closure is an Oprah Winfrey word. 1
Author bangooo Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 Update: She called me from her sister's phone, Her: Hi, how r u? me: good and u? her: idk really. me: what do you mean? her: i am calling u to apologize for how i treated u, and i dont want to hurt u any longer, so lsn to me to the end and plz dont say anything until i finish. me: ok her: i know i have no right to treat u the way i did, i loved u so much, and if u think am cheating on u i swear i wasnt, i was diagnosed with cancer, and i know u want to know details, but i dnt want to talk about it, all i can say is that i dnt know how much longer i have to live, i dnt know what is love anymore, i gave up, i gave up on everything, i even stopped going to work, i tried to act as if nothing is happening, but i cant, i brought my family here becoz i am moving out of the city and back with them, all i want right now to be with my family, and i am sending my sister to drop the money i burrowed from u tomorrow, with a little gift from me, if u rlly love me, leave me be, it is not fair for me to keep u with me, and if u moved on i wont be sad, if i die i will be happy seeing u from above knowing that u found happiness, but i am letting the days ahead of me decide if i will ever come back to u or not, i know u will do anything, and be by my side, but i just want u to understand, i want to be alone, for the rest of what i have from my life...... me: i love u too, but i cant see u suffer and not do anything, we can do this together,.. her: i have nothing else to say, plz forget me and move on with ur life, if faith have a plan for us, one day we will be back together, but now, i am leaving town, forgive me for hurting u, but i had a lot to take in, and still am, i cant give u anything anymore, and i cant be the person u want me to be, and i know u can take care of me well if i gave u the chance, but it wont be fair to u, ur still have a life ahead of u, so respect my last wish to be alone and i dont want u to be in my life anymore, forgive me. Me: my door will always be open, becoz i truly love u from my heart, and i know ur strong and that u can survive this, and u will be stronger than ever, but atleast consider letting me be by ur side. her: i did, and thats why i called u to let u know that i want to be alone for the rest of my life, dnt try to call me, text me, reach any one from my family, it was my wish from the start for them not to answer u, everyone wanted to let u in, but i dont want that. tc of urself, plz dont try to reach me ever if u ever loved me, and live ur life, get old, have kids, be happy, and with time u will forget all about me. me: ..... her: goodbye. me: goodbye i guess i had my closure there, i wish i can do something, i think i should leave her be, do u guys think she will ever talk to me again? do anyone have an experience or know one with such an experience? it broke my heart more to hear she was sick, more than the thought of her leaving me.
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