planb1973 Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 I just started dating a wonderful woman a few weeks ago. I've been really enjoying our dates and that things have been moving at a slower pace than I am used to, the build up and sexual tension has really been wonderful. Last night as we had plans to spend the night, for the first time together, on my boat. (her idea.) I was all prepared with a box of condoms and looking forward to our first sexual experience with each other. After some great make out time and cloths started coming off I reached down to take off the last remaining item that hardly was covering anything when she said "No, not yet." I respect that and back off back to kissing and touching. I then asked her when the last time she had been tested for STD's. She is bi-sexual for what it matters. She told me she was tested about 6 months ago and tested positive for HPV, but it hasn't passed yet. I think she meant that she was still having symptoms. We talked about it a bit and she wanted to know how I felt about it. Having never had an STD I simply told her I would need to do some research and to give me some time. We ended up cuddling and kissing the rest of the night, just enjoying each other. We had discussed a couple dates earlier that neither one of us were dating anyone else. I really like this woman and see great prospect for something long term. I am not overly freaked out by this as it seems to be quite common. Though I have never been in this position. Googling HPV is not giving me much to go on. It seems common, not much of a risk to me as a male, but I also know I could transmit it to future partners if I were to get it. I could use some insight from members here that may have been in a similar situation or have been tested positive for HPV.
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 She may have HPV genital warts... as that is the only symptom that I know of . They are very contagious so best to wait until they have cleared before having sex.
TheBathWater Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 First off, good move on how you handled this on the boat. It sounds like you were non-judgmental, caring, and thoughtful. I'm sure she appreciated it. I'm a guy in his early thirties. I have never tested positive for any STI in my life, which is kind of surprising given the amount of partners I've had. I have been with a couple of women who told me they used to have HPV - the cancerous kind, and had to have it removed via surgery. There was a brief period a year ago where I thought I might have a single genital wart and had it removed (even though it looked nothing like a genital wart and was in between my belly button and penis area). It never came back, but just to be safe, I told the woman I was starting to see at the time I might have HPV and she freaked the f**k out and dumped me. Little does she know she probably already has or at some point will contract HPV. If you've had sex with five people, statistically, you've had HPV (that is a real statistic - google it). So I've done a lot of research on HPV, and this is what I know... I'm sure you can google this information and find it out as well, if you haven't already... Like I said, the majority of people who are sexually active get HPV at some point in their life, but it usually clears up on its own and never gets detected. There are over 80 strands of HPV, and only a couple of them are worth being concerned about. One is the cancerous kind, which affects almost no men but does affect women, and the other is the genital wart kind. The cancerous HPV can be detected and removed if a woman gets regular pap smears. The genital wart kind literally has no health consequences to it other than the visual sight of a wart. The warts can usually be removed at a single doctor's visit by freezing them, though sometimes they return. It is believed that once the cancer or the warts have been removed, that the HPV itself will clear up sometime between the operation and two years after it. The takeaway from all of this? The stigma of HPV is probably 100000x worse than the actual virus. Most people get it at some point and just don't know it. It's not a big deal at all. As long as women get pap smears, the world is going to be just fine. Also, I'm not sure if you said how old you are, but I know there is a vaccine available for men and women out there to guard against HPV, and that can help alleviate some anxiety if you get it before being exposed to it. Finally, contrary to popular belief, condoms DO reduce risk (but not always) against HPV. I would ask her for more information about what "positive" means. Does she have the cancerous type? Warts? Has she had an operation? Was she given a timeline for when she is cleared? This would be helpful information to know. It can take up to two years to clear an HPV infection. If you do have sex with her, and the relationship doesn't work out, I would be responsible and talk to the women you sleep with in the future for at least two years post-break up, and give them this information so they too can make an informed decision. Most women are fine about it, I've discovered. I just happened to get lucky with the one girl who freaked out on me, but she was a total judgmental prude anyway. 2
Shanex Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Genital warts due to HPV affect many, many people. Even Condoms aren't a 100% protection. Cautious with oral sex too. I've looked up that before (on Google images, creepy). Whilst it's not life threatening at all. It's best to be vaccined (yes for certain type of HPV there's a vaccine). However and until someone can confirm you can get rid of the warts yet the STD stays in your body ad vitam.
frus69 Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 It's a simple question: are you willing to risk getting a lifelong disease for a woman you've known for a few weeks 1
lana-banana Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 It's a simple question: are you willing to risk getting a lifelong disease for a woman you've known for a few weeks "Lifelong disease"? It's out of your system in two years. Most people contract it without ever realizing it because it has no symptoms. It's so prevalent we don't even know how many people have had it, but it could be as many as 75% of adults. There is no reliable, cost-effective test for the virus in men, so unless a man has a strain that causes warts there's no way he would know. If he's ever had unprotected sex at any point in his life he may have it already. Does your partner have the kind of HPV that causes warts? Or does she have the kind that causes a neoplasia (abnormal cells that may turn into cancer or spontaneously reverse)? Either way, this is maybe a 1.5 on the Big Deal Scale. Good on your partner for being honest and good on you for being supportive. 5
Author planb1973 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Posted June 5, 2016 Thanks everyone. I'm just doing my due diligence on this one. As for a lifetime diseases with a woman I hardly know. I assume first that if things doent work out I would not want to hinder my sex life for future partners. For all I know I may have already had it or have it. Since there is no way to test for it in men I really have no idea. I'm going to look into the vaccination just to be safe. I don't know what type she has. Not having much knowledge I did not know what questions to ask. The more information I can get the better choices I can make. When I was 19 and had sex for my first time I caught crabs. I freaked me out I didn't have sex for 8 more years. But now in my 40s and plenty of partners I take some of these things more lightly, but still I DO NOT want to catch anything. She seems like a real quality woman I plan on continuing to date her, just might hold off on the sex for a while till I know more.
PogoStick Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 If you're 40 and had several sex partners then you already had or have HPV and shouldn't be concerned with catching it from this girl. Also, you're too old to get the vaccine. It's pointless for the same reason, you've already been exposed. 1
frus69 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) "Lifelong disease"? It's out of your system in two years. Most people contract it without ever realizing it because it has no symptoms. It's so prevalent we don't even know how many people have had it, but it could be as many as 75% of adults. There is no reliable, cost-effective test for the virus in men, so unless a man has a strain that causes warts there's no way he would know. If he's ever had unprotected sex at any point in his life he may have it already. Does your partner have the kind of HPV that causes warts? Or does she have the kind that causes a neoplasia (abnormal cells that may turn into cancer or spontaneously reverse)? Either way, this is maybe a 1.5 on the Big Deal Scale. Good on your partner for being honest and good on you for being supportive. I say it's a lifelong disease because the virus stay With you for good. It does not get out of your system in 2 years. Maybe Google lied? Also just because it's prevalent doesn't mean you don't need to care anymore. Again, all this for a woman you know for few weeks. I suppose hold off on sex is a smart move Edited June 6, 2016 by frus69
Shanex Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Some further info about HPV: STD Facts - Human papillomavirus (HPV) .. What is HPV? HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection (STI). HPV is a different virus thanHIV*and*HSV*(herpes). HPV is so common that nearly all sexually active men and women get it at some point in their lives. There are many different types of HPV. Some types can cause health problems including genital warts and cancers. But there are vaccines that can stop these health problems from happening. How is HPV spread? You can get HPV by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has the virus. It is most commonly spread during vaginal or anal sex. HPV can be passed even when an infected person has no signs or symptoms. Anyone who is sexually active can get HPV, even if you have had sex with only one person. You also can develop symptoms years after you have sex with someone who is infected making it hard to know when you first became infected. Does HPV cause health problems? In most cases, HPV goes away on its own and does not cause any health problems. But when HPV does not go away, it can cause health problems like genital warts and cancer. Genital warts usually appear as a small bump or group of bumps in the genital area. They can be small or large, raised or flat, or shaped like a cauliflower. A healthcare provider can usually diagnose warts by looking at the genital area. Rest at link above that excerpt.
yellowhibiscus Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 From what I've heard, 80% of people have it and most have no idea that they do have it since there are really no symptoms usually.There are many strains of HPV and the only ones to be really concerned about are the type that cause genital warts or the strain that leads to cervical cancer. It's as common as the common cold. I wouldn't get too worked up about it.
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 When was the last time you were tested for std's? If you haven't yet, go and do talk to your Dr, ask questions and get the right information about hpv. Once they clear up, still always use a condom.
trippi1432 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I've had to laugh at this thread, cervical cancer and genital warts are two entirely different things. I'm sure the medical companies profit...and Trojan is making it's cut........but let's be honest....stop kissing frogs expecting them to become princes. It puts the condom on the body....................
Emilia Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Agree with TunaITB There are many versions of HPV and very few of those can cause serious illness (cervical cancer, warts - caused by different HPV types). Most of these leave your system without any trace, pretty much all sexually active adults encounter them at some point in their lives. She should have explained better to you OP what she meant by it and what variety she has/had. Most are harmless.
introverted1 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 There is no test for HPV in men. So you have no idea whether you've had it, still have it, or have never had it. Healthy people will clear the virus from their bodies in ~2 years. There are many different strains of HPV. A few are associated with cervical cancer, some with warts, and others are asymptomatic. If your date tested positive for HPV this most likely means that she is asymptomatic but within the 2-year clearance (warts are usually removed so if she had one of those strains it is possible she is still in the "no sex" period after that procedure).
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I say it's a lifelong disease because the virus stay With you for good. It does not get out of your system in 2 years. Maybe Google lied? Also just because it's prevalent doesn't mean you don't need to care anymore. Again, all this for a woman you know for few weeks. I suppose hold off on sex is a smart move The wart you have on your finger is also a virus you caught for life and stays with you for good. The chicken pox you had as a child is also a virus you caught and will stay in you for the rest of your life. Every flu you got was a virus you caught and will stay in you for life. 95% of women will have a form of hpv at some moment in her life. Her body will fight it, she will build anti bodies and it will go dormant and not reappear. I had a form of hpv at 20. At the time it was not even considered an STI. The doctor gave me something to apply and told me to not worry about it. Years later they started talking about this in the media and suddenly it was an STI. Good luck to find a woman that has never had it or doesn't have it.
Katie3 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Forgive my ignorance here, but I didn't there was a test for women for HPV, either, unless they had an abnormal cells pap result? Is there really a test for asymptomatic women? Also I don't understand why the vaccine isn't an option for older people who don't have symptoms.
frus69 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 The wart you have on your finger is also a virus you caught for life and stays with you for good. The chicken pox you had as a child is also a virus you caught and will stay in you for the rest of your life. Every flu you got was a virus you caught and will stay in you for life. Can you not make it sound like all virus are the same? Lol
introverted1 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Forgive my ignorance here, but I didn't there was a test for women for HPV, either, unless they had an abnormal cells pap result? Is there really a test for asymptomatic women? Also I don't understand why the vaccine isn't an option for older people who don't have symptoms. Yes, there is a test for women. Abnormal pap results can indicate infection with one of the strains that can lead to cervical cancer. It's now believed that nearly all cervical cancer is a result of HPV.
SugarLips72 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 There are so many strains of HPV its so incredibly common. Many strains don't cause warts but abnormal paps. It affects women a little more severely than men because it usually lies dormant In the cervix. I have it and have had a couple abnormal paps and that's it. This would not bother me at all. There are worse STDs to have.
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