Bring up the what we are talk or give it some time with an ex?

[tempurabits]

I broke up with him 2 months ago because i thought he was just stringing me along. Later on i realized i was being impulsive and he was just confused. Hes not that type of person and i should've known him better. I tried to convince him to give us another chance but he said no twice. So i stopped chasing him for a while.

 

Last week my ex told me to go over to get my stuff as an excuse to see me. He gave me the longest hug at the door, stared at me and kissed me. He asked me to come in and we ended up sleeping with each other. We talked things out about why we broke up. We've been talking to each other constantly ever since. He tells me where he's going, who he's with and does all the things like he's my boyfriend. He talks about doing things together in the future, like he's not back just temporarily to screw around with me. Like we can go do this do that together.

 

He was really mean when we broke up and he said he did that so I can move on easier. Then i asked if he wants me to move on and he said no. He didn't want to give me hope in case he didn't know what he wanted at that time. But from my understanding i still feel like he doesn't know what he wants?!

 

He asked me on a date and we were acting like we were together. Things were going well and i still feel the intense passion between us. It feels like we never broke up.... and nothing has changed

 

He asked if i want a friends with benefit or open relationship but we both established very clearly that thats not what we want, but he hasn't asked to get back together. We're exclusive to each other. I know he's not talking to other girls and he doesn't want anyone else. But i'm not sure what we are. When people ask him if we are back together, he just tells them it's complicated.

 

I don't know if i should just give it some time and see how things go. I don't want to force him cause when we broke up before i kept forcing him and not giving him space ... but i really want to know... It's only been a week. But if i were to wait, how long is a reasonable time before i say something?

 

Or if should bring up and have the talk with him the next time i see him?. Even if we don't come to a conclusion, at least i want to know what he's thinking or his concerns... and make sure we're on the same page. I don't want this to backfire though if i force him to give me an answer by bringing it up and he's still confused?

 

I'm scared of falling for him all over again without knowing what we are....

Edited June 5, 2016 by tempurabits

[LD1990]

We're exclusive to each other. I know he's not talking to other girls and he doesn't want anyone else.

 

You're not exclusive to each other if you both haven't agreed to that, and I'd be very careful about assuming he's not talking to anyone else.

 

He wants the benefits of a relationship with you, without any commitment, so he's free to hook up with someone else guilt-free and play the "well we weren't officially together" card. The fact that he brought up friends with benefits or an open relationship is pretty telling.

 

You're not going to get the type of committed relationship you want out of him. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't tell people "it's complicated." It's not that hard to be in a relationship with someone, it's just a matter of feeling strongly enough for that person.

[tempurabits]

You're not exclusive to each other if you both haven't agreed to that, and I'd be very careful about assuming he's not talking to anyone else.

 

He wants the benefits of a relationship with you, without any commitment, so he's free to hook up with someone else guilt-free and play the "well we weren't officially together" card. The fact that he brought up friends with benefits or an open relationship is pretty telling.

 

You're not going to get the type of committed relationship you want out of him. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't tell people "it's complicated." It's not that hard to be in a relationship with someone, it's just a matter of feeling strongly enough for that person.

 

I know him, and i know he's not that type of person. He won't casually hook up and sleep with other people. We concluded that we're the only ones in the picture for each other. I think he's just confused... scared that we'll run into the same problems. Maybe wants to see how things go? He was always insecure which is part of the reason he didn't want to be together before. He was always has to be scared and worry if im cheating, being jealous of other guys and everything even if i never did anything.

 

And with the joking around with the friends with benefit and stuff he always jokes around about those things and me with other guys just so i can reassure him kind of thing because of his insecurities

 

He's also most likely working overseas once he graduates next year, so that might be a concern for us and he doesn't know what to do

Edited June 5, 2016 by tempurabits

[LD1990]

Pretty much everyone who has been cheated on has thought their significant other is "not that type of person."

 

You're making excuses to avoid accepting the truth. He's confused. He's scared. He's insecure. He likes to joke around about friends with benefits. All excuses. The truth is that this is a guy who strung you along before, refused multiple attempts on your part to get back together, and now has sex with you without committing to a relationship. If he wanted to be with you, he would. It's that simple.

[DevotedBaker54]

Having a conversation about where he sees things going seems like a good idea! That way you'll know what he's thinking and expecting out of the relationship. Maybe that will be a good time to talk about why it didn't work out last time and establish some ways you can avoid your past problems. Better to talk about them now than later?

You can maybe figure out better ways to solve your arguments and insecurities this time around.

I wish you two the best

[juniorrocha]

I agree with DevotedBaker54. Next time you meet him, bring this subject up, but don't get emotional about it, just open your heart and listen to what he has to say. Then you can decide what's best for you. Ask for some time if you should.