Dis Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 I wouldn't mind so much if it was one or two dates buts we've seen each other more or less twice a week for the last almost 3 months. She passionately kisses me, holds hands, very touchy feely, we've had sex. I feel like we ought to be exclusive at this stage. I don't want to be getting in to a sexual relationship with someone who is talking to other men. It bothers me. I'd love to call her to discuss but know this will be better saved for in person. Hopefully she won't flake on Friday I dunno...I dont think the fact she lied to you sets a new relationship off to a positive start. I wouldnt enter an exclusive relationship with someone that had lied to me before it even began. If she's already acting sketchy...I cant imagine what she'll be like a few months down the road This situtation is messy now...be careful about what you're getting yourself into Btw....dishonesty is a huge red flag
joseb Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 I dunno, yeah she was a bit dishonest but you kinda put pressure on her with the whole "im deleting my tinder account" - hard for her to say "ok, im not", and maybe she did delete it - its very easy to reinstall it. So maybe not great behaviour, but i wouldnt write her off completely. Have a heart to heart with her that you want exclusivity. Dont tell her you know she is on Tinder. Clarify that you want both of you to be exclusive, no tinder, etc. If she agrees, and your friend is still matched, have him talk to her and see what she says. You will then know if she is still being deceptive.
Author unbeknown Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 I dunno, yeah she was a bit dishonest but you kinda put pressure on her with the whole "im deleting my tinder account" - hard for her to say "ok, im not", and maybe she did delete it - its very easy to reinstall it. I thought it would actually be a non pressured way for her to reciprocate a response as "I'm deleting mine too then". Clearly not. I've fallen for her and thought I might actually have found the one. I can't help but feel she's going to flake for the first time on Fri and that I've wasted 3 months of investment. The way some people can go from so interested to acting the way she is now I have no idea, it just messed with me, I should know better.
tinkerbell16 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I thought it would actually be a non pressured way for her to reciprocate a response as "I'm deleting mine too then". Clearly not. I've fallen for her and thought I might actually have found the one. I can't help but feel she's going to flake for the first time on Fri and that I've wasted 3 months of investment. The way some people can go from so interested to acting the way she is now I have no idea, it just messed with me, I should know better. I have my fingers crossed for you I hope all goes well Friday...
Author unbeknown Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 Thanks. As I predicted tho she text earlier to say she doesn't think she can make it. I called and she wouldn't pick up but text me back. After a bit of persuasion she was willing to talk (felt like I had to say it over the phone) so I called and we chatted for over an hour. She said she still likes me and nothing's changed but I called her out on it and she couldn't answer. Said she might do something tomorrow depending on how she feels (feeling moody/time of the month) but I'm not holding my breath. I know she's made plans to see someone else tomorrow (said she's busy and when I asked what she couldn't say), she just couldn't bring herself to tell me and I gave her an out so I still feel confused. I feel a lot better having talked to her. And she told me she has now deleted her tinder profile (my friends confirmed) but I have my doubts it was for me. My mind tells me walk away. My heart says the opposite.
katiegrl Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Very secretive with her phone, even took it to the bathroom with her when she showered which i guess is where my feelings reside from ^^This is what stood out for me from the get go. If a new guy I was dating and intimate with ever did this... very loud alarm bells would be going off inside my head. Huge red flag right there IMO. One that I would NOT have ignored or tried to justify or shuffle under the carpet. I would have talked to him about it immediately! Gotten to the bottom of it. NOT in an accusatory way, but I would have found out what I needed to know. In any event, I read your update that she cancelled. I think your intuition is spot on... she was juggling you and probably several others, lying to you. I know you are really into her but don't let that prevent you from maintaining your dignity and doing the right thing -- walking away. Sorry it didn't work out.... me thinks you dodged a bullet with this one though. 1
Author unbeknown Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 I'm so messed up over this. Why would she show such signs of interest, sleep with me, text me constantly all day and dislike it when i take a while to reply then in the space of a week (last Friday we slept together) to this Friday she's completely changed. When I called she is so reserved. Won't tell me anything that's wrong and just says she's not in the right head space at the moment. It was her who brought up about looking for a relationship. I was matching her level of interest and now I feel like i've been left out at sea. I gauged the way it was going and maybe I went too far and came on too strong? I just don't understand her at all. Trying my hardest to walk away with my dignity and delete her from all social media but I can't bring myself to do it. It felt like we were on the verge of a developing offical relationship and in the space of days it's gone. Do girls really change their feelings like that switching them on and off like a tap?
CarrieT Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Do girls really change their feelings like that switching them on and off like a tap? For those of us that have been in and out of the dating pool longer than the internet existed, it is hard for us to watch how your new generation does this via Tinder. It isn't that just girls change their feelings like this. It is that you live in a generation where THE NEXT BEST THING is ostensibly found with a swipe. I would suggest that she never had a chance to establish feelings because the entire time she was seeing you, she continued to swipe other choices, without even giving you a chance to build a possible relationship. And this has nothing to say against you! It is simply the age you are living in and if you truly want a relationship with someone, you have to talk about exclusivity - and getting off your phones! - sooner. You need to disconnect from all else that is out there and concentrate on each other. Does that make any sense?
Author unbeknown Posted June 12, 2016 Author Posted June 12, 2016 It isn't that just girls change their feelings like this. It is that you live in a generation where THE NEXT BEST THING is ostensibly found with a swipe. I would suggest that she never had a chance to establish feelings because the entire time she was seeing you, she continued to swipe other choices, without even giving you a chance to build a possible relationship. Does that make any sense? Defintiely makes sense, thanks. Although she must care and have feelings. Last night she called me and I told her I was going out, she was staying in. I get a text later on that night saying "don't do anything stupid tonight please" realting to me hooking up with someone. So she doesn't want to exclusively date me but doesn't want me talking to/hooking up with other girls on nights out (I wouldn't anyway as that's not who I am) yet was messaging my friend on Tinder to meet up. Why are girls so confusing and why do I get hung up on them. I wish I never slept with her now
katiegrl Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Defintiely makes sense, thanks. Although she must care and have feelings. Last night she called me and I told her I was going out, she was staying in. I get a text later on that night saying "don't do anything stupid tonight please" realting to me hooking up with someone. So she doesn't want to exclusively date me but doesn't want me talking to/hooking up with other girls on nights out (I wouldn't anyway as that's not who I am) yet was messaging my friend on Tinder to meet up. Why are girls so confusing and why do I get hung up on them. I wish I never slept with her now Stop clinging to the scraps she is tossing you. No ... her telling you to not do anything stupid does NOT mean she has feelings for you, come on now. Stop rationalizing, justifying, and projecting *your* feelings on to her..... believing what you want to believe rather than what is staring you in the face. She is not feeling it at least not to the extent you are. If at all.. She is keeping her options open, looking for the BBD. You deserve better, don't you think?
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