LookAtThisPOst Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Interesting how opinions vary. Typically I don't ask a woman out on a 2nd date, while at the end of a first date and give them time to process it for a time...before calling them a couple days later to ask them out THEN. Someone on these boards advise this is the best way to go to determine interest is to ask right at the tail end of the first date. I had a female friend advise against it and that's something a man shouldn't do as it's, "putting her on the spot" and comes off as desperate/needy. That you need to give her time to process her evening with you. Thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 ...Someone on these boards advise this is the best way to go to determine interest is to ask right at the tail end of the first date... Personally, I disagree; IMHO, the best way to determine interest is to pay attention to our interactions with one another during the first date. So, yes, in my perfect little world, on a first date that has a mutual attraction, we would be locking up the second date by the end of the first date; I'm in touch with myself and my feelings enough that I don't need a couple of hours / days / drinks to figure out what I want. Everybody's different, though...it's probably best to gauge each human on their own merits / preferences and proceed from there. Best of luck to you, OP... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Agree with above. By end of a date, you know if you want to go again! I don't think it hurts to ask as the girl already knows what she would say in the majority of cases. To me, I don't see it as a make or break issue if you contact within a few days to ask her for 2nd either. BUT, the big point is that if she likes you and wants to see you again she already knows at the end of the first date so if you asks confidently and with charisma, it just keeps the momentum going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) Honestly for me it doesn't matter whether he asks at the end of the first or calls a couple of days later. Either way, if there was a mutual attraction and connection, the most important thing is that the second date happens and we both take it from there. If there is a mutual attraction and connection, which is obvious to both of us during that first date, I don't stress wondering if he will call ........ I know he will and I have never been wrong. If there *isn't* a mutual attraction and connection on the first date, it wouldn't matter when he asked for the second either -- I say no .... no matter when he asks. I don't waste time going on dates unless there *is* a mutual attraction and connection...... I don't need a couple of days to process my feelings. I know fairly quickly if something is there ......or not. Edited June 5, 2016 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) If I'm feeling mutual interest with a woman, I go for a kiss and then ask her out again sometime after the date has ended. Being patient and allowing a woman to actually think about you only fuels attraction more. Also let's say that a woman doesn't want to see you again. But you put her on the spot during the first date. What's probably going to happen? She'll agree to avoid awkwardness and then just flake on you. However, if you follow up after the date has ended and she agrees to a second date when she doesn't have to, her interest is more genuine. Edited June 5, 2016 by fitnessfan365 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 If everything is going great, the conversation and laughter is flowing and you both have huge smiles on your faces and you're closing the restaurant down at 11 pm because time was just flying, then definitely set up that next date right then and there. But if it's not clear that she'll definitely say yes, I wouldn't suggest a hard arrangement then and there. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 You should ask at the end of the first meeting. Sometimes it can be read if you don't ask you don't have interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) I suppose whatever you do it isn't that big a deal really. I say though, that if you had a good time and you want to see her again AND you sense she had fun too, ask her out during/at the end of the first date. Anything else is adding steps. Strike while the iron is hot! Edited June 5, 2016 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) I say if you had a good time and you want to see her again and you sense she had fun too, ask her out during/at the end of the first date. Anything else is adding steps. Strike while the iron is hot! You know ..... in this day and age of OLD and women being bombarded with messages every time she blinks, it might be a good idea to lock that second date up at end of first. As crazy as it sounds, to me anyway, as Ami1uwant said, there are women who truly believe if a guy is interested he *should* ask her out at end of first. And if you don't, she will assume you are not and move on to one of the 100s of other guys messaging her. I have read threads from women who believe this, so there is some truth to it. Edited June 5, 2016 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 As crazy as it sounds, to me, as Ami1uwant said, there are women who truly believe if a guy is interested he *should* ask her out at end of first. And if you don't, she will assume you are not and move on to one of the 100s of other guys messaging her. I have read threads from women who believe this, so there is some truth to it. I would be one of them, if we got on like a house on fire, I would expect another date set up pretty quick, else by the time 2 days went past I probably would have lost interest or assumed he was seeing someone else... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I would be one of them, if we got on like a house on fire, I would expect another date set up pretty quick, else by the time 2 days went past I probably would have lost interest or assumed he was seeing someone else... I would expect another date set up quickly too, but if he doesn't ask me at end of first, I am not going to automatically assume he is not interested. And if you guys were totally clicking and connecting, high chemistry, etc, which for me is SO rare, you would lose interest in two days if he didn't call? Really? Okay. I could understand a week, but not two days. At least not for me, but everyone is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) Well, look at it another way: There are two women, Woman #1 and Women #2. Both are equal, clones of each other say, except Woman #1 already knows she'd like to see you again, while Woman #2 isn't sure but if you wait 24 or 48 hours or whatever, her intrigue may go up high enough to want to see you again (yeah I know this is already sounding far-fetched to me too even writing this). Which woman would you really rather date? I'd rather date Woman #1. I like women who are into me. Well Woman #1 would prefer to be asked for the second date by the end of the first date. Edited June 5, 2016 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) Well, look at it another way: There are two women, Woman #1 and Women #2. Both are equal, clones of each other say, except Woman #1 already knows she'd like to see you again, while Woman #2 isn't sure but if you wait 24 or 48 hours or whatever, her intrigue may go up high enough to want to see you again (yeah I know this is already sounding far-fetched to me too even writing this). Which woman would you really rather date? I'd rather date Woman #1. Well Woman #1 would prefer to be asked for the second date by the end of the first date. There is a difference between *preferring* and *expecting* and if he doesn't meet that expectation, he is not interested...and in turn the woman loses interest. That expectation is a bit over the top imo, but again to each his own... Again, for me, it is so very rare when I meet a man with whom there is high mutual chemistry and attraction, and when it happens, I don't lose that in two days. I am confident he WILL ask me out again, soon, and he always has. Just me.... and my experience though. Edited June 5, 2016 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Also let's say that a woman doesn't want to see you again. But you put her on the spot during the first date. What's probably going to happen? She'll agree to avoid awkwardness and then just flake on you. However, if you follow up after the date has ended and she agrees to a second date when she doesn't have to, her interest is more genuine. I wait until the next day for precisely this reason. I suppose if you do decide to ask for the second date as the end of the first, you do need to realize there is a chance that she wasn't being honest and will ghost you. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I think you should. They guy I'm seeing now always says at the end of the date "I had a really good time, I'd love to see you again." It makes me feel good because I know he's interested to see me again... Then, in a day or two we talk and decide when/what we are going to do. Be vague if you want, but don't hesitate to let her know that you had a good time and you'd like to do it again... Link to post Share on other sites
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