Truff Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) Hello, My ex I and had been together for nearly 12 years until 2 weeks ago he decided he wanted to break up. We were basically high school sweet hearts and he was my first everything. My ex and I had been arguing a lot for the past few months about what I thought were normal couple arguements. Arguments were about "when will we get married?", "when will we take our next trip?", "when did you want to start having children?", "why are you ignoring me?". Thinking more about it it seemed I was constantly nagging him about our future. It mostly happened when one of our friends got engaged, got married, or was pregnant. Then a few arguments were about him not doing things around the house. He moved in a little more than a year ago. When our relationship was good it was really good we would go on dates, hikes, and just have fun. But when it was bad it was bad. I also had a lot of "baggage" for the past 2 years. My parents are currently going through a divorce and my grandmother just past away less than a year ago. I started to have trust issues and I became really pessimistic. Because of those issues that I had, I began working a lot 7 days a week no days off to try and not think about my problems. The times that I was able to see my ex was when I got home from work. Some of those times I would be so grouchy and tired I would take it out on him. He also started school 4 months ago which made me see him less and less which made me irritable. The main reason why he left was when I discovered $100 was missing from my wallet. (I lost money less than a year ago again when I left it in our dresser- $600 but didn't blame him.) I immediately called him and asked if he took my money. He denied it so I told him to leave thinking he was lying. When I got home 3 hours after our conversation, half of his things were packed and ready to go on his best friends truck. He left that day saying he couldn't do this anymore and that I need to work on myself as he needs his time too. He said he'll come back for the rest of his things that night but didn't and I constantly called and texted him, no answer. The next day I met him and he confirmed that it's a break up and he'd appreciate if I don't call him for a week. I was good for 3 days until I found out he was still coming to the house to pick up little items at a time but not everything. He did this 4 times during the week until I texted/ left a voice message saying he needed to stop getting a few items and take everything. I also mentioned we needed to separate our phone plan. He agreed to meet after 7 days of not really talking. When we met, it became more of a mutual thing and he even asked for break up sex which we did. He agreed to pack all his things the next day then we would meet again for our phones. It's been 4 days since if NC and I'm aiming for 30. Typing my story and thinking more about it I'm really having doubts of us getting back together. Maybe it's just bad timing? I have family issues and he also had a minor family issues and wanted to start focusing on his career. Should I still have hope or should I just move on cuz I'm such a bad person (I know I need to work on my personal issues) and there's no way he'll want to go back with me? In need of your opinion. Edited June 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Buddhist Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 It seems to me these are not just your issues with work or family tragedy. The real problem was the mismatch between what you both wanted. The fights about marriage, kids etc. If you were both on the same page there fighting would not have happened. It's probably a case of fond memories and move on. The fact this all went from situation stress bickering to it's suddenly all over and him being packed up and ready to go tells me the relationship had been on the out for quite some time. You've probably both been emotionally pulling away for the entire 2yrs but sticking it out because it was comfortable. Couples that aren't ready to split don't move out on a dime, and collect all their stuff. The break happened far too cleanly for me to believe this had anymore life left in it. He left and he meant it. You told him to leave and you meant it. Let it go. You were both around 30 or so? Then you know what you want, marriage, kids and you also know he doesn't want it. There is nowhere else to go with that. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Wait a minute...you suspect him of stealing $700 from you, and you are wondering if you are a bad person? That is arse- backwards. How on earth did he explain the missing money, and how exactly were you able to overlook that? Look, the issues you raise are big ones - marriage, children, and so on. If those are things you want, it's not going to happen with him. After 12 years, it would have by now. You shouldn't have to keep asking a partner for those things. If he hasn't made a move in that direction, it's because he doesn't want to. It sounds like this relationship has really run its course. I think he saw this latest argument as the opportunity to end it for good, and honestly, I think that's how you should be looking at it too. 3
Author Truff Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) He does want kids, marriage, etc. but last year decided to go back to school and work on his career. We are both 28. I just thought it would be fair to let him do that and wait. He repeatedly said he didn't take the money and that I should have trusted him. During our "mutual" break up he also mentioned that he still loves me but he just didn't like what was happening and it was a cycle to him. I'm still not sure why he would say "later down the line it may be possible that we'll be together again. We just need to work on ourselves and be happy". This just gives me hope. But I think you guys are right. I should definitely move on... Edited June 6, 2016 by Truff
juniorrocha Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I believe he loves you but couldn't put up with so many issues, so he needs time apart. If the money went missing, you can't blame him for that if you aren't sure about it. Never accuse someone of something you are unsure about. I'm sure there are problems on his side too and you aren't the only one to blame, afterall relationships are made of 2. It's nice that you know where it went wrong on your side though. And I wouldn't rely on what he said, that maybe things can work out in the future. That's false hope. Work on yourself and work on moving on. IF for some reason there's another chance down the road, you can think about it later. Forget about it for now and go NC. 1
Author Truff Posted June 8, 2016 Author Posted June 8, 2016 Just an update... NC for 1 week then all of sudden he calls me at work about his insurance. I work for an insurance company and he has a policy with us. Not really paying attention to the number on the caller ID I answered the phone and he started by saying "hey... So I ran over a pot hole but not sure what I should do". I kept calm throughout the entire conversation speaking to him as a regular customer. I just wish I hadn't answers the phone. I wish he called our mail customer line instead. Makes me wonder if he still has any feeling towards me by hearing my voice. I felt numb through the entire conversation. I don't want to think anything of it. Just another customer right?
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