MIK3 WB Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Yes, don't wait for her to come to you later about excuses how she slept with another person by "by accident" or whatever. End it before that and you have the power.
NIGHT1985 Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Op, learn from my mistake. Delete her pics, voice mails, text, and her #. You need nice to heal and you need to cut all contact with her. She is gonna go date/hook up with other guys, and you're absolutely not in a state where you need to be checking up on her while she is doing that. Take some time to grieve, talk to friends, and just hurt for a bit. After that short time has passed, find a new hobby, focus your energy on something positive.
Author hampern Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Op, learn from my mistake. Delete her pics, voice mails, text, and her #. You need nice to heal and you need to cut all contact with her. She is gonna go date/hook up with other guys, and you're absolutely not in a state where you need to be checking up on her while she is doing that. Take some time to grieve, talk to friends, and just hurt for a bit. After that short time has passed, find a new hobby, focus your energy on something positive. thank you all for the responses. I have already accepted that this is most likely over. So, Prom is tomorrow. I will call her tonight, and we will iron this out. I wont take " i need more time" for an anwear. If shes having troubles, why not let me help her deal with it? Instead of pushing me away. Makes no sense since we were in a loving relationship. Oh well, still hurting 2 days later. But its getting better, I can sleep but not eat.
Buddhist Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Okay so my girlfriend came home after a night out yesterday and we got into a argument. She was supposed to graduate from school in a week but she failed her finals and she thought i wasnt there for her. She felt as if she couldn't talk to me, i wasnt supportive. Your girlfriend needs to learn some personal responsibility. She didn't fail her finals because you took her for granted. She failed them because she didn't prepare or do the work. But she feels as if she has lost herself and needs to find her way back, it isnt like it used to be. Of course it isn't like it used to be. It's a relationship, they evolve, they change. It's not going to be hearts and flowers forever and an eternity. She's 'lost herself"? Honestly. She has no idea who she is, she's a teenager. She won't likely find herself until she's about 40... That's how long it usually takes people to discover themselves. I am just scared that I lose the love of my life. so what i am wondering, how should I solve this? Is there anything I can do? Or am I just to wait for her to make up her mind. Understandable you feel on shaky ground. A few points though. - You are both teenagers, she is only the love of your life because she is possibly the only LT GF you've had. That doesn't mean she is the best person you will ever meet. - You can't solve anything that originates from within someone else. She is projecting her failure onto the relationship and until she stops blaming something outside of herself for her own performance it will never be solved. - Nothing you can do except look after yourself emotionally and don't buy into her projection that her situation is all your fault. - The last one, yes. but I just need to talk, im in a really dark place.. and I dont know how to solve it. The only thing you need to 'solve' is making the realisation that if this ends, it's ending because it's at it's natural end. It's ending because she isn't the best person you will ever meet. It's ending because somewhere in your future is someone else you need to be available for. 1
Author hampern Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Your girlfriend needs to learn some personal responsibility. She didn't fail her finals because you took her for granted. She failed them because she didn't prepare or do the work. Of course it isn't like it used to be. It's a relationship, they evolve, they change. It's not going to be hearts and flowers forever and an eternity. She's 'lost herself"? Honestly. She has no idea who she is, she's a teenager. She won't likely find herself until she's about 40... That's how long it usually takes people to discover themselves. Understandable you feel on shaky ground. A few points though. - You are both teenagers, she is only the love of your life because she is possibly the only LT GF you've had. That doesn't mean she is the best person you will ever meet. - You can't solve anything that originates from within someone else. She is projecting her failure onto the relationship and until she stops blaming something outside of herself for her own performance it will never be solved. - Nothing you can do except look after yourself emotionally and don't buy into her projection that her situation is all your fault. - The last one, yes. The only thing you need to 'solve' is making the realisation that if this ends, it's ending because it's at it's natural end. It's ending because she isn't the best person you will ever meet. It's ending because somewhere in your future is someone else you need to be available for. Thank you! I have discussed the situation with a good friend of mine, and we sort of agreed on giving her tonight to contact me, since prom is tomorrow night and i need to take time off work for it. And if she contacts me and wants me to go, that says a lot. And if she doesn't, im just ending it right there. would you agree with this?
Author hampern Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Thank you! I have discussed the situation with a good friend of mine, and we sort of agreed on giving her tonight to contact me, since prom is tomorrow night and i need to take time off work for it. And if she contacts me and wants me to go, that says a lot. And if she doesn't, im just ending it right there. would you agree with this? Okay, she just called me. and she wants me to come over. and we agreed on wokring on this together, i will update when i get back from her place.
Author hampern Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) Okay, she just called me. and she wants me to come over. and we agreed on wokring on this together, i will update when i get back from her place. OKay, we sorted it all out. for the most part and here it comes. We are both giving it another try, we agreed on that. BUT, she is still unsure about going to prom with me? Ill begin by explaining my prom was last year, and we went and got in a little fight over someone ruining her dress by spilling beer on it. And she said she doesnt want it to become like last year, thats why she wants to go with her friends alone. While I see it as a great way to bond, if we both decided that we would give it another chance, what better place to start than that? I don't get her reasoning at all. I feel like there is something she isnt telling me. it feels like she wants to keep me around, while stilling enjoying single life style. and that just doesnt fly with me I need some more advice here, this is getting too complicated. maybe its about time to end things. i dont know Edited June 6, 2016 by hampern
Poutrew Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 OKay, we sorted it all out. for the most part and here it comes. We are both giving it another try, we agreed on that. BUT, she is still unsure about going to prom with me? Ill begin by explaining my prom was last year, and we went and got in a little fight over someone ruining her dress by spilling beer on it. And she said she doesnt want it to become like last year, thats why she wants to go with her friends alone. While I see it as a great way to bond, if we both decided that we would give it another chance, what better place to start than that? I don't get her reasoning at all. I feel like there is something she isnt telling me. it feels like she wants to keep me around, while stilling enjoying single life style. and that just doesnt fly with me I need some more advice here, this is getting too complicated. maybe its about time to end things. i dont know The beer thing is just an excuse. Here is what is happening: She wants to go to the prom with her girlfriends because they all have dates lined up and have offered to set her up with someone, whom she will meet there. She wants to have a good time trying this other man out without you being there to ruin things for her. If the other guy doesn't work out, there is always you, loyal, true, boring, you to fall back on. She wants to have you around as a back up plan. Are you willing to be her secondary penis? Because, as of right now, that's what you are. If it were me, I'd just tell her to have a happy life, but that you aren't going to be hanging around while she disrespects you. Pat her on the fanny as you push her out the door and then find a more mature lady friend who can respect you. Your present relationship is over unless you want to be a cuckold. 2
Author hampern Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 The beer thing is just an excuse. Here is what is happening: She wants to go to the prom with her girlfriends because they all have dates lined up and have offered to set her up with someone, whom she will meet there. She wants to have a good time trying this other man out without you being there to ruin things for her. If the other guy doesn't work out, there is always you, loyal, true, boring, you to fall back on. She wants to have you around as a back up plan. Are you willing to be her secondary penis? Because, as of right now, that's what you are. If it were me, I'd just tell her to have a happy life, but that you aren't going to be hanging around while she disrespects you. Pat her on the fanny as you push her out the door and then find a more mature lady friend who can respect you. Your present relationship is over unless you want to be a cuckold. i repsect the brutal honesty. I have been waiting for her to call all night she was just going out to some errands with friends, its been 7 hours and no show from her. Im tempted to go there and pick up all my things and just make her come back to an empty home. But i dont think that is a very good plan.
basil67 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 The two of you got in a fight because beer spilled on her prom dress? Oh for heaven's sake, that's what happens at parties. Anyway, I think it's fishy that she doesn't want to take you to the prom.
LD1990 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Poutrew hit the nail on the head. It sounds like you know she's full of ****, so don't let your emotions blind you here. Somehow it's your fault that someone else spilled beer on her last year, so if you don't come there's no risk of that happening? And she wants to give it another try, but not actually take you to her prom? Girls go to prom with guys. Her girlfriends are all taking someone, she will definitely be there with someone too. Get your stuff if you really need it, tell Ms. Failed All Her Finals to enjoy summer school, and go NC.
fixing Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 She doesn't want to go to the prom with you? As in, you, her boyfriend? Time to walk away man.
Author hampern Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 She doesn't want to go to the prom with you? As in, you, her boyfriend? Time to walk away man. we're going together now, things arent what they used to be. I'm hoping tonight will be bring me some clarity.
Poutrew Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 When you get there, keep a very watchful eye on her and really observe her body language. Her replacement for you will be there and if you keep your eyes open, she will probably give herself away and you can gauge the competition. For sure, don't let her 'disappear' for any length of time (if she says she has to go the bathroom, just keep a distant eye on her to make sure she actually gets there) - a lot can happen in a supply closet in even 10 minutes... It may be more difficult than you think. If she has her posse watching out for her, they will have their eye on you whilst the lovebirds are together and warn her if you appear too suspicious. In any case, let us know how things turn out, eh?
lolablue17 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 it feels like she wants to keep me around, while stilling enjoying single life style. Not exactly. She wants to keep you because she's afraid to dump you and to end up lonely. So, she's keeping you around, until she finds someone else, and it's will happen very quickly. Her going to the prom with you is a price she's willing to pay for not losing you, in an inconvenient timing for her. Add to that - maybe she didn't find a date for the prom in such a short notice... So, she agrees to go with you. You're going to get hurt very soon.
Author hampern Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) Not exactly. She wants to keep you because she's afraid to dump you and to end up lonely. So, she's keeping you around, until she finds someone else, and it's will happen very quickly. Her going to the prom with you is a price she's willing to pay for not losing you, in an inconvenient timing for her. Add to that - maybe she didn't find a date for the prom in such a short notice... So, she agrees to go with you. You're going to get hurt very soon. Alright so prom night is over, it all went great we had a great time both of us. However i did notice her friends being kinda awkward around me, they didint look me straight in the eye, and there was just some tension there. I fortfor to tell you also, the day she asked for the time a part, she went out partying with her friends. She endes up at a after party and came home at 5 am.(she never stays out longer than 2, EVER.) i dont think im wrong in seeing this as maybe shes cheated on me. I dont really know how to confront her about though. But the relationship over feels great right now, maybe im Fooling myself, setting myself up to get even more hurt. But i think im willing to take a shot at it, because i really Love this girl. If you have any advice, let me know. I do have to confront her about if she cheated, or if she is cheating. I also dont want to ruin the good ting now. And also, she had been under a lot of stress like i have Said before, maybe she just needed time to think what shes doing with her life, she nerds to retake school, get a job, and start feeding herself. I might just be blinded by Love, and that would suck. Edit: and to add, she is talking about the future again, wanting to book a trip in the summer and im just ****ing confused out of my mind.. The thing is, i might have made the situation a lot bigger of a deal than it really was. But that shouldnt stop me from questioning things. Maybe i should let go of my worries and just enjoy it. What happens happens, i need to stop being this controlling. Shes not my property Edited June 9, 2016 by hampern
Author hampern Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 Probably should have mentioned this earlier, but i have major trust issues that roots back to my childhood. Maybe that has something to donwith how i reacted
fixing Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Alright so prom night is over, it all went great we had a great time both of us. However i did notice her friends being kinda awkward around me, they didint look me straight in the eye, and there was just some tension there. I fortfor to tell you also, the day she asked for the time a part, she went out partying with her friends. She endes up at a after party and came home at 5 am.(she never stays out longer than 2, EVER.) i dont think im wrong in seeing this as maybe shes cheated on me. I dont really know how to confront her about though. But the relationship over feels great right now, maybe im Fooling myself, setting myself up to get even more hurt. But i think im willing to take a shot at it, because i really Love this girl. If you have any advice, let me know. I do have to confront her about if she cheated, or if she is cheating. I also dont want to ruin the good ting now. And also, she had been under a lot of stress like i have Said before, maybe she just needed time to think what shes doing with her life, she nerds to retake school, get a job, and start feeding herself. I might just be blinded by Love, and that would suck. Edit: and to add, she is talking about the future again, wanting to book a trip in the summer and im just ****ing confused out of my mind.. The thing is, i might have made the situation a lot bigger of a deal than it really was. But that shouldnt stop me from questioning things. Maybe i should let go of my worries and just enjoy it. What happens happens, i need to stop being this controlling. Shes not my property OK. So, the fact that her friends didnt want to look you in the eye and acted shifty suggests to me some kind of guilt/shame... What were they always like before that? What is your gut telling you with regards to her coming back at 5am from an 'after party' when she never left it later then 2.am maximum? You say you have trust issues which relates back to your childhood? I can sense this in your posting. Could it be that your judgement is getting clouded because of betrayal in the past? Or, is your gut feeling right? Whatever the case. There is zero trust here in this relationship which is not good at all and it will result in doom. I think it is very hard now after this reconciliation for you to spur on the question about whether she has cheated or not. This should have been dealt with before any reconciliation... It happened to me with my ex before my last... I fully trusted her and didnt mind that she had male 'friends'... One day she was to go to a special christening which I wasnt invited too. She was to come back in 2 days. She rang me on the 2nd day and said she was staying another night. When she came home she was cold and distant. Long story short I saw in her facebook messages she had cheated with some younger guy at the christening. (we shared laptop and she left hers logged in). It was my pure gut feeling that something had happened which spurred me on to check her new message. (The first and only time after 1.5 years). I kicked her out and went no contact. The point Im trying to make is, that even though you may have trust issues from the past, NEVER doubt your true gut instinct. You do not want to be stuck in a relationship with a cheater. They know NO bounds when it comes to lying and cheating to keep you as their convenient partner. 2
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