Are guys serious when talking about marraige and having a family with their SO?

[Melissa2]

Every thing in our relationship is good, we got comforteble with eachother very quickly which i love, no fake superficial relationships here. We are out of the honeymoon phase. In the past 5 months of our (so far) 9 month relationship my bf has been ocassionally hinting to me that he sees me having his kids, and us being married.I don't know what to think. For example.

 

- he talks about how him and I will have brown coloured children like me (im brown, hes white)

-he will hypothetically talk about how he needs to know what kind of lady products I use so when we get married he knows what to buy.

- He told me his friends can't wait for us to have a baby.

- He introduced me to his whole family at a reunion he took me too,and next month im going with him to visit his parents home in Brittish Columbia. 16hr drive.

-he sent me a text saying hes not going to go on his guy trip because he wants to save up for a house...or a wedding (then he put a winky face after the word wedding.

-he said im in for the long haul

-he said im a keeper

-said he loved me and but then realized he said it too fast. We havent seriously exchanged i love yous but he constanly says stuff like " all i do give you my love"

 

Idk what to think. He might be more into it atm than me. He talks and him about that stuff way more than i do.

 

 

I dont know what to think

[Buddhist]

Take it with a grain of salt at this stage. You're only 9 months into a relationship, he might be buying the fantasy at the moment but put it in the realm of cutesy sweet talk until the day he pops a ring out of his pocket. All bets are off until a proposal is on the table.

 

It's so common that break up threads on here feature....but he talked out our future etc. Not saying you're heading for a breakup but am saying that guys get swept away by future fantasy just as easily as women and they tend to verbalise it too. It means nothing until it inspires action.

Edited June 5, 2016 by Buddhist

[Gloria25]

I would probably run from this guy...

 

I mean, maybe, maybe he's in the "honeymoon" stage of a new RL - where we put all our hopes, dreams, etc. into this new person when in reality we know nothing about them. Trust me, 9 months isn't enough to know if someone is parenting material - especially without pre-marital counseling.

 

I was with a guy who in three months told me ILY...come to find out he was controlling, insecure, and a fool. His first wife made a fool out of him, he dumped me for the town skank, and ultimately married some woman he met while on military duty for six months. Yes, he married some woman he only dated for six months. In other words, he falls hard and fast.

 

So, while you may be a wonderful woman. He, IMO, would be wrong to even bring up all of this when he doesn't know a thing about you. IMO, it takes at least 1 1/2 - 2 months of "dating" (no LDRs, friends, co-workers, shack-ups) to get to know someone. And, once he proposes, ideally, add 6 months of pre-marital counseling to know for sure if he and/or you are ready/compatible for marriage and kids.

 

So, at this point, if you wanna give him the benefit of a doubt (assuming that he's not a flippant, controlling and/or desperate guy and is just swept up in the honeymoon stage of a new RL), then let him know that you're at awe that he feels so strongly for you and that you want to really get to spend more time with him. Then, let's see if at the 1 1/2 year mark he's serious about it and that you two really got to spend some quality time dating to learn about each other intimately (and no, I don't mean intimate like sex).

[acrosstheuniverse]

Sounds sweet, and good to know he's on the marriage and kids orientated side of the spectrum (if you're looking for similar) but I agree not to get too swept up in what he's saying at such an early stage of the R. Lots of Rs start out with a bang like this then fizzle naturally. Until he's actually proposed, it's just words. It's too easy to get carried away with words when they're nice to hear, but compared to actions they're fundamentally meaningless.

 

OP you didn't say how you feel about all of these ideas re kids and marriage? Nine months isn't a long time, I'd be worried if someone I was dating that long kept bringing it up as often as your guy does. What's the rush?

[Fruitee]

^ My exact thoughts with guys like these: whats the rush?

[basil67]

I agree that he sounds sweet - and is probably genuine. That said, take it all with a grain of salt. If things are still looking great after two years together, then it probably has legs.

[acrosstheuniverse]

^ My exact thoughts with guys like these: whats the rush?

 

In my experience, guys who fall hard and fast and start talking about heavy commitment fast usually fall out of love just as fast.

[mikeylo]

While each to his/ her own but when I met my now wife ( of 20 years) , I knew early on that I'm going to marry her and started dropping the word around in about 6 months. We married after a year of dating and still happily married.

 

Every guy is different. There are no rules. Even a ring is no guarantee that a marriage will take place. Even a marriage is no guarantee that cheating or divorce won't happen.

 

OP, what you need to see is if it's something you also want and if he is not just saying it but is taking steps towards giving a serious commitment. That's something only you can tell.

[Melissa2]

While each to his/ her own but when I met my now wife ( of 20 years) , I knew early on that I'm going to marry her and started dropping the word around in about 6 months. We married after a year of dating and still happily married.

 

Every guy is different. There are no rules. Even a ring is no guarantee that a marriage will take place. Even a marriage is no guarantee that cheating or divorce won't happen.

 

OP, what you need to see is if it's something you also want and if he is not just saying it but is taking steps towards giving a serious commitment. That's something only you can tell.

 

I agree with you, every guy and relationship is diffrent. My mom and step dad knew eachother for 6 months then got married and have been together for 12 years and are so happy. My mom and her ex husband got married after 3 years of dating and they got married and then he cheated and they divorced a year after I was born.

 

My boyfriend seems to be a very committed guy. He was with his last gf for 3 years but he realized they just fought too much to have a good and happy future together so it ended. I can tell he is looking for someone to settle down with as much as I am. He is 25 and im 22. But I've been hurt before so I am going slow and I dont really talk about future plans like he does.

 

I will say he isn't making any huge steps towards a heavy commitment yet, he just occassionally talks about it and I think thats good because it's only been 9 months...I dont expect a ring or future plans set in stone atm. We both know it takes time, but I do feel like he might see me as the potential 'one'.

[Melissa2]

Sounds sweet, and good to know he's on the marriage and kids orientated side of the spectrum (if you're looking for similar) but I agree not to get too swept up in what he's saying at such an early stage of the R. Lots of Rs start out with a bang like this then fizzle naturally. Until he's actually proposed, it's just words. It's too easy to get carried away with words when they're nice to hear, but compared to actions they're fundamentally meaningless.

 

OP you didn't say how you feel about all of these ideas re kids and marriage? Nine months isn't a long time, I'd be worried if someone I was dating that long kept bringing it up as often as your guy does. What's the rush?

 

He truly is the sweetest guy ive ever met. But I do hope to get married one day, I want all of that down the road. Probably at 25. Nine months is not long. It is my longest relationship tho and Im unsure what to think. I hear stores of couples who have talked about marraige early in the relationship dated for a year and got married and are still happy, and others who talked about marriage early and broke up after a few months so idk what is right or wrong. He doesnt bring it up every day but the side remarks are enough to get me thinking. Funny enough he is the type of guy to puts action to his words. 90% of the time He always does what he says hes gonna do. And the other 5% he will let me know ahead of time and apologize when something important comes up and we will reschedule. He belives doing something is more important that just saying it...he believes this so much that a few years ago he put a tatto on his arm that

Says "deeds not words" in another language. Maybe its all an act. Idk haha

[Cherryz]

If you 9 months in a relationship its still honeymoon!

 

But you speak like its years.

 

Its good that you guys tell each-other what your plans are.

But some of the things he say sound kind of to much.

Like he trying to speed up the romance and the wedding and the settle down and so on. And alot of it is just sweet or romantic talk. Cute, but dont lose the reality in this. It doesnt have to be what he really will do. You need more then months to know what he really about and so on.

 

How old are you guys? You sound very inlove or naive.

Either way be careful. And also let the relationship take its time to grow.

Take time to know each other, and dont forget to love yourself first and see if this person is really the one for you and what you want and need.

Dont go just by words. ANd if he is going fast tell him so. And be honest about how you feel and think.

Because in this period many say alot of words just cause they are inlove or to make you fall. Its with time that you will see whats real. So dont rush.

[Lois_Griffin]

Oh boy, 25 years old.

 

Let's see if he's still all gung-ho about getting married 2 years from now, when the relationship isn't so new anymore.

[Gloria25]

If you 9 months in a relationship its still honeymoon!

 

But you speak like its years.

 

Its good that you guys tell each-other what your plans are.

But some of the things he say sound kind of to much.

Like he trying to speed up the romance and the wedding and the settle down and so on. And alot of it is just sweet or romantic talk. Cute, but dont lose the reality in this. It doesnt have to be what he really will do. You need more then months to know what he really about and so on.

 

How old are you guys? You sound very inlove or naive.

Either way be careful. And also let the relationship take its time to grow.

Take time to know each other, and dont forget to love yourself first and see if this person is really the one for you and what you want and need.

Dont go just by words. ANd if he is going fast tell him so. And be honest about how you feel and think.

Because in this period many say alot of words just cause they are inlove or to make you fall. Its with time that you will see whats real. So dont rush.

 

She's 22, he's 25. IMO, he needs to wait until she's at least 28 and he's 30. Most marriages don't survive now a days if the marriage took place before 30's. Besides, she won't be the same person at 22 or 28.

 

And his previous RL was three years, but all they did was fight and it didn't work out? Well duh, that's when he was like what 22 or 23?

 

This guy needs to put some breaks on the whole marriage thing. I mean, back in the day yes, people married young cuz they had parents involved in selection of the mate and the couples weren't as selfish, had less options before marriage and kids (education, travel), and, actually had "something" to bring to the marriage (women actually cooked/cleaned/nurtured and men took pride in being providers/protectors).

 

So, now, IMO, better to marry at 30. By then, hopefully both people have matured, and know what they want out of life and have something better to bring to the table to make a stronger, lasting, marriage.