Gordy88 Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 Hi, My girlfriend out of the blue, told me she wanted a break as she didn't know if she still loved me. We have been together 7 years, living in a house with a mortgage for the last 3. We also have a 2 year old child. As we talked, it turned out shes not been happy for the last year. And has developed strong feelings for a guy at work over the last 3 months. I begged for another chance but she is adamant that she wants to break up, and be single for a while. Before trying to make things work with the other guy at work. I'm devastated. I can't help but feel like i've pushed her into some other guys arms. I've been a bit distant for the last year unintentionally, but i still love her. She can't move out for a while till she generates some funds, so we now have to live together still. Its going to be so hard knowing i love her and can't have her. How do i stay strong through these hard times?
basil67 Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Sorry to hear you're in this situation. I assume the house is jointly owned. Normally, I'd say that if she wants to leave, then she should get out now. However, as there's a child, his/her welfare and stability must be considered first. I think the best way forward is for you to sell the house so that you can split your equity and she can move on. I also think it's best if you're not living together - it's just too hard on you. Is there nowhere that one of you can move to until the house is sold?
Neffer Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Being distant and unavailable for a year is very rough on a relationship. Her actions, seeking emotional contact elsewhere, is a response to that. If at all possible you should stay with a friend or family for a few months. I'm sorry for your situation, but lack of communication and distance for a year is hard to overcome - basically you withdrew from her (for whatever reason) a year ago - so for her its not out of the blue at all. Maybe with some time apart you can repair things, but I don't know.
whatnot Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) I was in your shoes 10 years ago with my ex wife. I don't know that there's a right or a wrong way to handle this. I can just tell you what I did. One Sunday afternoon she told me she was moving to another state with another man. I knew she meant it. I knew she was serious. (This isnt something one just wakes up one morning and decides to do). I knew there was no talking her out of it. That she had given it thought and had made her decision. I packed a bag, told her to be out of the house in 4 days, told her to take whatever she needed. I told her that on the 5th day it was no longer her house. (But, legally it really wasn't. I paid for it and the house was in my name). She had one child that I was in the process of adopting. It was already her child and her child only. There may be more legal implications with you being the father. Whatever name(s) is/are on the deed to the house may also play a legal role in how this plays out. It's much too complex to advise or speculate on an Internet forum, in my opinion. At first blush...just with the information you've given and the question you asked, I believe I know what I'd do. Pack a bag, get out and get legal counsel on your options depending on your state's laws and the circumstances surrounding her leaving the relationship. No one could reasonably expect a person to stay in a home where the other person has openly admitted their plans to be unfathful. Being distant is one thing. But we're not even talking in the same universe here as far as the consequences and ramifications of one's actions are concerned. Take care of yourself would be my advice....whatever that entails. The child is already the loser. That shipped sailed with her adamancy to leave. Even though you dont know who the other man is...the child should be physically safe with its mother. One would hope. At least as it stands now...fwiw. This is not something that should publicized or discussed on an internet forum in my opinion. This needs personalized advice. What a mess. Edited June 5, 2016 by whatnot
ExpatInItaly Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 I was in your shoes 10 years ago with my ex wife. I don't know that there's a right or a wrong way to handle this. I can just tell you what I did. One Sunday afternoon she told me she was moving to another state with another man. I knew she meant it. I knew she was serious. (This isnt something one just wakes up one morning and decides to do). I knew there was no talking her out of it. That she had given it thought and had made her decision. I packed a bag, told her to be out of the house in 4 days, told her to take whatever she needed. I told her that on the 5th day it was no longer her house. (But, legally it really wasn't. I paid for it and the house was in my name). She had one child that I was in the process of adopting. It was already her child and her child only. There may be more legal implications with you being the father. Whatever name(s) is/are on the deed to the house may also play a legal role in how this plays out. It's much too complex to advise or speculate on an Internet forum, in my opinion. At first blush...just with the information you've given and the question you asked, I believe I know what I'd do. Pack a bag, get out and get legal counsel on your options depending on your state's laws and the circumstances surrounding her leaving the relationship. No one could reasonably expect a person to stay in a home where the other person has openly admitted their plans to be unfathful. Being distant is one thing. But we're not even talking in the same universe here as far as the consequences and ramifications of one's actions are concerned. Take care of yourself would be my advice....whatever that entails. The child is already the loser. That shipped sailed with her adamancy to leave. Even though you dont know who the other man is...the child should be physically safe with its mother. One would hope. At least as it stands now...fwiw. This is not something that should publicized or discussed on an internet forum in my opinion. This needs personalized advice. What a mess. I completely agree. She cannot expect you to be okay living together while she gets close to another guy. How will you feel when she wants to go out some night, only to find out she's with him? When she spends time texting him and smiling to herself? Either you or she needs to find a friend or family member to stay with while you get your permanent living arrangements in order. Living together is not wise at all. You will get hurt even further.
gaig Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Well, we guys tend to be late until it is irreparable. But there is a child.. And his soul can be severely hurt from this situation if not protected at all cost. The more nasty your separation becomes, the worse for him. My ex is holding bad memories since she was 8 years old and she was afraid that she might repeat these mistakes with her future family as well. As said, the child is already the loser. Sit down with your gf and try to talk her into giving an acceptable solution. Then, let her go. She might come back some time, but are you going to trust her again..?
Tahirthegreat Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Let her go, she is a disgusting human being that doesnt care about you or her child. Take care of yourself and do the best you can to bring your child up in as good of an environment that you can.
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