Walk away gf/ wife ?

[mikeylo]

I recently read about this on another thread. How common is it ? I guess this is the reason why so many break ups are initiated by women. Does this equal to being blindsided by break up, with men on the receiving end ?

[basil67]

What is a 'walk away gf/wife'? How does it differ from a regular breakup?

[mikeylo]

From what I understand , it's the situation when a woman brings up her concerns, as to what is bothering her and the guy either ignores or doesn't make a change at all and even if he does , it's short lived. The gf/ wife , after repeatedly trying to make him see her Pov, finally stops complaining and one fine day ,she gets up and leaves. The guy is left wondering as to what happened as since she had stopped complaining, he had believed that she had accepted the issue.

But by then, her feelings are gone and she leaves the relationship with no emotions and he is left shocked.

 

I guess , when a woman stops complaining, it should raise alarm bells!

[dreamingoftigers]

From what I understand , it's the situation when a woman brings up her concerns, as to what is bothering her and the guy either ignores or doesn't make a change at all and even if he does , it's short lived. The gf/ wife , after repeatedly trying to make him see her Pov, finally stops complaining and one fine day ,she gets up and leaves. The guy is left wondering as to what happened as since she had stopped complaining, he had believed that she had accepted the issue.

But by then, her feelings are gone and she leaves the relationship with no emotions and he is left shocked.

 

I guess , when a woman stops complaining, it should raise alarm bells!

 

That's about right.

 

If she complains for months / years about something and there's no real change on the guys part, then yeah.....expect her to be getting her duck in a row to get out of there!

 

Like Why stay if he doesn't give two craps about how she feels?

[Buddhist]

From what I understand , it's the situation when a woman brings up her concerns, as to what is bothering her and the guy either ignores or doesn't make a change at all and even if he does , it's short lived.

 

The guy is left wondering as to what happened as since she had stopped complaining, he had believed that she had accepted the issue.

But by then, her feelings are gone and she leaves the relationship with no emotions and he is left shocked.

 

If a guy is left shell shocked after she has brought the issue to the table and given ample opportunity to address and he fails to do so, then I rather think he might be blindsided by many aspects of life. Is he also blindsided when he gets fired at work for failing to pick up his performance when it's been flagged? Does he get blindsided by mail being left in his letterbox?

 

This is basic cause and effect. No-one should be 'shocked' when it happens or left in the dark as to why it happened when the why has been made abundantly clear at some previous point. It's no person's responsibility to stick it out in a relationship that is unsatisfying and just endlessly complain about it.

 

Sorry but this just sounds like numpty's having not a clue in life and despite all indicators to the contrary deciding it must be someone elses fault. Most ridiculous concept I've heard yet. Yes people we have 'walk-away' partners because they do not wish to spend their lives complaining to someone who doesn't listen. Basic, basic relationship stuff.

[mikeylo]

There is a reason to be shocked. It's because once a woman ( from my experience ) , stops complaining , the guy assumes that everything is fine and she has accepted the issue the way it is and it doesn't bother her anymore. While all the time , resentment is building up inside her and slow emotional detachment begins , which the bf/husband again fails to notice , because she isn't complaing anymore.

So when fine day she gets up and leaves , he is shocked.

 

It's not a ridiculous concept. It's being aware and having the strength to first voice your concerns and giving them the time to make a change and then moving on. Lots of patience , self esteem and self worth is needed.

[basil67]

Are you suggesting that a guy would believe that his previously unacceptable behaviour is now acceptable? Does the fact that her complaining has been replaced by disconnect not give him a clue that something is wrong?

 

Such a guy could only be described as a meat head. I'm not surprised that the girl/wife walked away.

[mikeylo]

Yes. Happens quite often. Usually when people say ' things were getting better and I thought that we had sorted out this issue ' etc. Google ' the walkaway wife syndrome '. It's interesting.Its not limited to wives but to gfs as well.

[basil67]

Yes. Happens quite often. Usually when people say ' things were getting better and I thought that we had sorted out this issue ' etc. Google ' the walkaway wife syndrome '. It's interesting.Its not limited to wives but to gfs as well.

 

Clearly there are some men who are totally inept at relationships haha

[Buddhist]

There is a reason to be shocked. It's because once a woman ( from my experience ) , stops complaining , the guy assumes that everything is fine and she has accepted the issue the way it is and it doesn't bother her anymore.

 

I'm sorry. The bolded statement is giving me a case of.....I can't even. That line of thought is so alien to anything I consider logic it's not funny. I'm very glad I've never met a guy who subscribes to this way of thinking because I think I might lose IQ points just being around someone who thinks like that.

 

While all the time , resentment is building up inside her and slow emotional detachment begins , which the bf/husband again fails to notice , because she isn't complaing anymore.

 

And the parallel universe I have apparently been sucked into just gets stranger and stranger. A guy, has to be complained at to notice anything? Just....Wtf? Let me tell you, there is no slow buildup of resentment here, or slow emotional detachment. Once a guy shows me, by his actions, that he just doesn't care or isn't noticing anything my attachment is dead instantly.

 

Lots of patience , self esteem and self worth is needed.

 

No. I don't need to have lots of patience with a guy who insists that the problems I've already brought to his attention are resolved merely because I no longer complain about them. I need to just realise when someone isn't listening, isn't noticing and therefore isn't present in a relationship we are supposedly having. It does my self worth and self esteem no good at all to sit in a relationship that's bad because the guy incorrectly assumes I'm suddenly okay with a situation that I've already communicated to him I'm not.

 

I stand by my earlier comment. Any guy who makes the assumptions you are suggesting just isn't very bright and not a good candidate for relationship. It's not my job to stick around and teach him the facts of life. It's my job to get on with my life and choose someone less unaware.

[elaine567]

Some guys have an over inflated ego, so when an issue crops up and they do not do anything or they refuse to do anything about it, they believe when the subject is dropped, they have "triumphed".

Deep down they usually believe that what they say goes, as they are the man, they hold the power, so that when she stops complaining, they feel good as they won, they were right all along and the case is closed.

But women tend to store such perceived injustices up, they have long memories, resentment starts building.

He doesn't remember, as the problem was solved his end, but she doesn't forget so easily.

One day when she has had enough of multiple small issues or one or two big issues, she walks...

[mikeylo]

Buddhist, I'm not talking just about you , lol but the women who walkaway from guys like these and situations like these.

[mikeylo]

Some guys have an over inflated ego, so when an issue crops up and they do not do anything or they refuse to do anything about it, they believe when the subject is dropped, they have "triumphed".

Deep down they usually believe that what they say goes, as they are the man, they hold the power, so that when she stops complaining, they feel good as they won, they were right all along and the case is closed.

But women tend to store such perceived injustices up, they have long memories, resentment starts building.

He doesn't remember, as the problem was solved his end, but she doesn't forget so easily.

One day when she has had enough of multiple small issues or one or two big issues, she walks...

 

Exactly my point.

[Buddhist]

Buddhist, I'm not talking just about you , lol but the women who walkaway from guys like these and situations like these.

 

I'm not talking about just me either.

 

You put up a scenario in which a guy is made aware of a problem, ignores problem and his GF leaves him. This isn't the mystery of the ages here. It's cause and effect. If a guy has difficulty understanding that he's not very bright.

 

To then say it's some kind of syndrome with women is disingenuous and projecting. It's not any woman's responsibility to stay in a relationship where she isn't heard and her feelings aren't regarded.

[spiderowl]

I recently read about this on another thread. How common is it ? I guess this is the reason why so many break ups are initiated by women. Does this equal to being blindsided by break up, with men on the receiving end ?

 

I think anyone can be blindsided, perhaps because they failed to listen to grumbles and do something about whatever the problem was or simply because their partner fell for someone else. Emotional detachment usually occurs before a person leaves, which is why the other can feel blindsided. Detachment can occur for a number of reasons.

[basil67]

You know how I asked the difference between a walkaway and a breakup at the beginning of this thread? Well, you're describing a completely normal breakup.

 

Using the term 'walkaway' somehow implies that she's at fault for leaving; that she's leaving a good thing. But what woman in her right mind would stay around and complain so that he knows something is STILL wrong?

[down hearted]

there really isn't anything shocking about someone leaving because they feel their feelings are not been heard, i mean what does he expect for her to just sit around and take it? This is not only the case with wife/gf i feel like it works both ways I'm sure men get fed up as well and walk, either way there really isn't one to blame, when you're feeling like your opinion does not matter eventually wouldn't anyone get tired after years?

[Lady Hamilton]

I'm not getting this thread... "Walk away wife/gf" implies she just gave up and abandoned her partner, for no reason, and the partner is a victim.

 

The context of w/gf having a serious issue, the partner blowing it off as "complaining" and thus doing nothing to resolve it, and the w/gf leaving is a logical progression of events... She is checking out of a relationship that her partner had clearly checked out of first.

 

How can somebody who actively chose to do nothing to cultivate their relationship complain when they get dumped? It's like punching somebody in the arm over and over and over again and then complaining they're mean when they get up and move to another table.

[basil67]

I had never heard the term walk away wife before, so I did a little light reading on it. From my experience, this is how a big portion of relationships end. My marriage, my best man's marriage, and a couple friends' relationships.

 

Yep, my marriage too.

 

Basically, the woman just is not emotionally invested any longer. The problem is, in many cases, if a problem is even voiced, the man does not know how big the problem is. If my wife or GF vents about me being messy for example, how am I to know that something like that might lead her to leave? A lot of guys just don't look at it that way. Some of us have minor, similar complaints about our partners, but I know in my case, I understand that no one is perfect, and those complaints would not cause me to exit the relationship.

 

The degree of the problem is really important here. If a person is just a bit messy and a partner mentions it a couple of times a year, I wouldn't consider that it would cause them to leave. But if the person always leaves the dishes dirty, leaves piles of washed/unwashed clothes everywhere, ashtrays overflowing and the partner complains frequently, then of course it's going to drive them away.

 

I'm a bit messy but my partner lives with it without complaint. And I usually sort it out without being reminded within a few days. My hubby forgets to clean and I live with it. But neither of us are filthy to the point where it does our partner's head in.

 

Another thing I noticed is that when a relationship ends, the things that our partners once found endearing about us, seem to be what irritates them the most. When I got separated, one of the biggest complaints my ex wife had was that I played video games too often. Well, it's not like I suddenly discovered Playstation after a lifetime of watching TV for entertainment, I was always a bit of a gamer.

 

Again, the degree of the problem is everything. If a person just games a bit when there's nothing else to do, I'd be surprised if it dealbreaker. But if they are gaming when there's chores or errands to be done...or choosing gaming over a date or quality time, then you'll have a dealbreaker issue.

[urmysong]

From what I understand , it's the situation when a woman brings up her concerns, as to what is bothering her and the guy either ignores or doesn't make a change at all and even if he does , it's short lived. The gf/ wife , after repeatedly trying to make him see her Pov, finally stops complaining and one fine day ,she gets up and leaves. The guy is left wondering as to what happened as since she had stopped complaining, he had believed that she had accepted the issue.

But by then, her feelings are gone and she leaves the relationship with no emotions and he is left shocked.

 

I guess , when a woman stops complaining, it should raise alarm bells!

 

 

When I complain something about why he doesnt hug me anymore as much as he does before, he will just tell me "stop complaining, You worried too much". So I stop complaining. But yet I never left because I still love him. I did get used to that he doesnt hug me anymore like he always did. As long as I can hug him is enough for me. But he broke up with me...

[BlueIris]

The degree of the problem is really important here. If a person is just a bit messy and a partner mentions it a couple of times a year, I wouldn't consider that it would cause them to leave. But if the person always leaves the dishes dirty, leaves piles of washed/unwashed clothes everywhere, ashtrays overflowing and the partner complains frequently, then of course it's going to drive them away.

 

The partner's reaction can also be important. It doesn't have to be vicious. Being ignored or dismissed cuts too. Being called a "walkaway wife" is dismissive. Sometimes their husbands' dismissiveness was why they walked away in the first place.

[basil67]

Enigma, you're quite right about perspective being relevant.

[katiegrl]

Degree is a matter of perspective. Things are rarely so black and white. I'll use myself as an example. Sure, sometimes there might be some chores than needed doing when I was playing games. I think many people are guilty of that. Do you always do your work before relaxing? I do not. Sometimes, when I get home from work, I just wanna relax with the new game I bought for a bit before I delve into the chores that need doing.

 

Choosing a game over quality time is another matter. I have found that sometimes when a man enjoys a certain hobby, whether it be gaming, working on cars, or whatever, his woman will test him by interrupting and asking to spend time together right then. If he does not, she will claim he chose his hobby over her. That's what happened to me. IMO, that would be like me stopping you in the middle of a movie and insisting that we do something else. Instead of waiting for the game to be over, she would want me to hang out with her that instant, or not at all. In the end, she walked. While it sucked at the time, I've been happier ever since.

 

enigma, the gaming thing was just a symptom of the *disease* (so to speak).

 

The disease was she felt unloved and neglected, in general, which is why she felt the need to test you in the first place.

 

When you chose the game over her, it confirmed what she had already been feeling prob for a very long time.. That you didn't love her.

 

Maybe you did love her.... point is for some reason she didn't feel like you did.

 

So she walked.

[preraph]

There is a reason to be shocked. It's because once a woman ( from my experience ) , stops complaining , the guy assumes that everything is fine and she has accepted the issue the way it is and it doesn't bother her anymore. While all the time , resentment is building up inside her and slow emotional detachment begins , which the bf/husband again fails to notice , because she isn't complaing anymore.

So when fine day she gets up and leaves , he is shocked.

 

It's not a ridiculous concept. It's being aware and having the strength to first voice your concerns and giving them the time to make a change and then moving on. Lots of patience , self esteem and self worth is needed.

 

If the guy had half a brain, he would know the obvious: A problem that is not resolved still exists.

[Porter56]

Wow...after reading this thread, I don't want to be in a relationship at all lol

 

I mean seriously...you all make relationships sound so awful. The impression I'm getting is that if you don't change who you are for your partner or do what they say....it'll all be over. Good times!