its over, ive lost her and im struggling :(

[Kbb]

hi guys. apologies for any spelling mistakes or awful punctuation but im on a different phone to what im used to. so, heres the story (im going to start crying round about...now!) so i met this girl in june last year, we talked for a bit, then we got closer and closer etc etc. then july last year we both agreed we wanted, and was ready for, our first relationship. it was long distance so it was always going to be a bit difficult. anyway, we were happy together until christmas-ish time. i swear to god those were the happiest months of my life. but we broke up in jan/feb because we couldnt meet since october because of her a levels. apparently 6 hours of revision is a necessity... most days it was closer to 10. so obvs that had a bad impact on things. eventually that spark dissapeared from the relationship for her, even tho it was still there for me. this was about... april? ish. so then wed spoken loads of times about our relationship and she was very indecisive.

 

okay im babbling here arent i? sorry. basically i tried everything i could think of, offering to go on a 3 hour train journey to see her. but she still couldnt meet me because she had to revise. anyway the last couple of months were really hard for both of us. and at times it seemed like she didnt want to talk to me at all. her replies were short, never really carried on the convos etc. so after all of this, 3 days ago she tells me she MIGHT like another guy. she liked this guy before so i was pretty sure she liked him now too.

 

over the last couple of days ive been like not-quite-so-available and let her do the chasing in thw hope shed come back to me. but obviously that blew up in my face like everything else usually does. so last night we was talking and i asked about us getting back together, and are we finished? she said she thinks so. Eventually i tell her to tell me when she's 100% sure. she immediately said she is. it wasnt a spur of the moment decision btw. she had ages to think.

 

so here i am, heartbroken, confused, wondering why i was such a paranoid, ugly, jealous emotional wreck that probably pushed her away. its probably all my fault. i have an awful temper and that is probably a part of the reason she ended it. ive never said anything nasty or done anything physically at all. i just got pissed off at the tiniest things. right now im a mess. i invested so much into this relationship, i lost 4 or 5 very close friends at least, because i was investing so much time with this girl. i loved her, and i still do. i still want her and im really struggling to accept the fact that she thinks its best we both move on from it. i literally have no one to talk to about this. any advice, guidance, anything at all is appreciated. sorry its so long as well :// im really lost right now without my bubba. she was my everything

[smudge21]

Well first off, at least you recognise you do have anger issues, so I would deal with them... however, from what you describe I don't think that was the reason for the break up. I think it was the distance and the change in lfestyles. It happens all the time. People move away or start a new job, and suddenly other things change too. The way you describe how she started getting distant and then announced she had feelings for someone else makes it clear that her heart had drifted elsewhere long before the break up. Basically what I'm saying is, you shouldn't beat yourself up over this or what you did to keep her close. We all do crazy stupid things when we're in love, and when we start to lose that love. Common sense goes out the window. Right now you need to focus on you and your healing time. Follow the guides on here and read the many other posts where you'll soon realise you are truly not alone. We've all been there, some of us still are. It will hurt and you will feel sad, but so what... you're supposed to. The fact that she accepted the breakup and never fought to keep you should tell you that this girl was not the person you thought she was. I know that's hard to accept right now as for you, she's still on the top of that pedestal you put her on. Over time you will heal and will start to accept that clearly your love is meant for someone else. Go work on that anger thing and then work on yourself, whatever it takes to make you feel better and realise that happiness always comes from within, not from others.

[Nick-learning-curve]

I'm sorry for what your going through. I can honestly say that I know your pain because I recently was left stranded by the woman I thought I was going to marry.

 

First off, things will get better. I can't say how long it will take because every one is different but what I can say, it will take longer to heal if you focus on your ex and not yourself. You may not want to hear this but you have to let go and focus on yourself, what that means is, focus on the future, where you want to be and what you want to do.

 

I was with my ex for 4 years. I'm South African and she is Polish, we met in USA and decided to stay together, we both moved to England together. Things we tough because we both had nothing and had to start all over. I couldn't work for 6 months so she was supporting me. Eventually i was allowed to work so things got better. She always had more make friends than female friends which I learned to except. Obviously I allowed her to speak to whoever she wanted to speak to but I made her know that I didn't like the way a few of her male "friends" were speaking to her. Anyway, she disliked England and wanted to move back to Poland, I joined. Things were great at first, we both had jobs. Things were going well, although we still argued alot about petty things. She became friends with this guy from her work, her words, "short fat hairy guy" so I wasn't bothered. After 7 months of being there, she would talk about this guy every now and then, I started getting suspicious because she suddenly started going to work looking better than usual, wearing sexy underwear to work etc. I ignored those "signs" but I caught her texting him in the evening, now, I didn't get to see her all day, so why would she be texting the guy she spoke with all day and still at night while her BOYFRIEND who she didn't see all day was sitting right next to her. I voiced that i wasn't happy about it. Obviously after a huge argument she said she wouldn't do it any more. She started making excuses for sex, she started becoming weird. Random affection, starting pathetic arguments etc. Basically, she she started saying I was controlling her. I caught her texting him again in the evening one evening, the next day I told her to chose between our relationship OR to stop texting this guy while she is at home. She said no. She kicked me out, had no where to go, in a foreign country 3 days before Christmas. Saw her two weeks later with the same co worker.....

 

 

Obviously there were times that I got angry and yelled etc, but at the end of the day, these are all learning curves. Be positive that things will get better, trust me. I thing my case is harsh because I moved to her country, gave her the world Only to be kicked out and replaced. I'm still breathing and so are you.

 

 

Don't ever let ANYONE hold the key to your happiness, don't let anyone have such an impact on your life that you become sad and depressed.

 

Be strong people

[Kbb]

thanks so much for the replies and personal experiences. in a way what i went through is nothing compared to that! im really confused right now as to what im going to do next... im all divided. a part of me kind of wants to go out, drink, hook up with loads of girls and try and forget this. but i cant do that. another part of me wants to try and find another gf, or even just a female friend, because i feel like i need that female-ness in my life if you get what i mean? yet the rest of me wants to fight for this girl, because im hoping a part of her regrets her decision and we stopped talking about it last night on goodish terms etc. what do you guys think i should do? from personal experience? one of the above or something else? im not exactly the most attractive guy so i cant just find a girl. idk my brain is like a jungle right now and i dont know which way to turn.

[Kbb]

okay the latest update is.... she wants to cut contact. shes been kinda depressed this year and she puts it down to stress from our relationship and her a levels. we havent actually done it yet bcoz neither of us are ready to completely lose each other or at least im not:(( ive never been this upset in 17 years, im honestly distraught. i have no one except her. shes my only friend and now shes going to cut contact. idk what to do. i need to grow a pair, get a hold of my liife but i keep finding 101 reasons i cant.

[preraph]

Isn't it funny how once it's over, we can clearly see how we screwed up? Too late, though.

 

Here's the bottom line. You're both young. You are long distance. That hardly ever works out. But mainly here was your critical error. She is in school and at no time in your life are there more available love interests milling about. You, on the other hand, discarded your friends and social life, probably so you could fully devote your time to keeping track of this girl and get mad every time you felt insecure.

 

This was never supposed to work out. I'm sorry you're hurting. Life just keeps going and doesn't put itself on hold, even though you did.

 

Please never again discard your friends. You should always keep touch with them and see them at least once a month to catch up. If you had kept up with them, they'd have cautioned you long ago that you were about to blow this with your temper and jealousy and long distance complicating things. Maybe you would have been more cautious, more realistic. They would have brought you down to earth, and you'd have someone to buy you a beer right now. That's what friends are for.

[smudge21]

Stop trying to heal yourself by finding others. You're living in a world where you believe your happiness is only possible if there's a woman by your side allowing it. You were happy until you met her surely? You were happy when you were a kid. You were happy when you were single. You need to find that personal happiness and move away from thinking your life can only be perfect if it's with her. You're hurting right now and that will last for as long as it needs to.

[Mittens]

If she's doing A levels, that means she's under the age of 18. And dedicating herself purely to her studies is the best thing she can possibly be doing.

 

I wish I had had the sense to do what this girl is doing - instead I was stupid enough to get far too serious with my boyfriend at 18, ended up marrying him at 21 and was divorced by 24. Studies and work went completely by the wayside as I was too involved with my relationship.

 

I'm now 47 and I still regret getting so serious so young. If I could go back I wouldn't get serious about someone until I was 30.

 

Please leave her alone. She doesn't want to be with you. Work on yourself, like she is doing. Get some help for your temper.

[Kbb]

@preraph: Yeah buddy, believe me ive learnt my lesson about the friends. That's one of my biggest regrets, but its over now and theres nothing I can do about it.

 

 

@smudge im gonna have to disagree with you here mate. I always felt like there was something missing, and that thing was a female presence in my life. I agree with the rest of what you said though. But what did you mean by "Stop trying to heal yourself by finding others."? I would've thought finding new friends and maybe even a new partner would make things easier??

 

 

@mittens Yeah she was a really sensible girl. Much more so than me. Like she always kept me on the straight and narrow. Anyway this morning, we actually decided to cut all contact forever. So its actually done now. So as you said I will "leave her alone". And about my temper, we talked about it before we cut contact. She actually said its not a big thing. Like my temper isn't that bad, she said I have the idea in my head that it is but its not worth getting help because its not bad enough.. apparently.

 

 

But yeah, were never going to speak again, I miss her loads already though . Thanks for all the replies everyone.

[lolablue17]

According to the movie, there was this guy, his girlfriend dumped him when there were students.

 

He felt so bad, and his ego went so low, so he had to do something extreme to prove her that it's her loss... So he created Facebook, his name is Mark Zukerberg.