Bryanp Posted July 25, 2005 Posted July 25, 2005 I doubt she would wish to be all touchy and feely if you had been screwing another woman unprotected during your first year of marriage.
Author Jrugby7 Posted July 25, 2005 Author Posted July 25, 2005 No ****! There are a lot of things i would love to say just like that when we talk about this stuff but it doesn't seem right to take a cheap shot at her. As hurt and angry as i am, i still love her and i don't want to cut her down like that.
Moai Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 Bail out now. She did it once, she'll do it again. Be glad it was only after a year, and that she hasn't had several affairs and yo uare only finding out about it after 15 years.
Author Jrugby7 Posted July 26, 2005 Author Posted July 26, 2005 THis is unbelievable. Last night while after dinner we were cleaning up and gettin ready to go to a movie, the day and night had been very pleasant. Not sure if i mentioned this in previous posts but she and OM coach a sport together and one of my conditions of trying to work it out was that she NEVER talk to him again, this would include coaching with him. So after i told her this she goes to the Athletic Department Head and tells them she can't coach with him, and she's very upset, but doesn't tell them why. They told her she already signed the contract and they would make it her last year of coaching. Apparently she did not tell me about it because OM had not signed the contract to coach yet. She was just hoping he wouldn't sign it and she wouldn't have to make a big deal about it. So once she tells me about it, i calmly explain to her that there is NO WAY i would stand for that. I told her to fugure it out because if she wants to be married to me then she's not coaching with him. Bottom Line. She comes back with "i can't believe you don't trust me"! WHAT A JOKE! I almost hit the floor. What do i have to trust i asked her? I think it sunk in. She has promised to get out of coaching and she says she understands my position. Meanwhile i have started to interview for jobs in different cities, becuase i don't think she will get out of it, and i can't live with it. Like i stated before she has not talked to him, and has been honest with me, but, what option do i have here?
KANSAN Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 How do you know that she has not talked or seen this guy are you with her 24/7? Cheaters are called cheaters for a reason they are sneaky and they lie. Until your wife tells you EVERYTHING you should not trust her unless you like walking blindly into things.
michelangelo Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 Two things prove her continuing selfishness. 1. She is upset that YOU don't get all mushy with her in a fake way at a party when you just recently found out she's banging some guy? 2. She makes you the bad guy that she has to quit her job because she can't say she's been banging a fellow employee and more improtantly, was or is banging this guy? She has got gall, I'll give her that. She is of the strong offense is a stgrong defense variety of cheater. Be firm on your stance. If you back off she'll continue to do it with impunity. Maybe she'll finally understand that there are consequences to her infidelity. The first thing to go is your trust of her. She has to earn it back, not insist on it!
TMCM Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Might be a good idea if you sat down and calmly, quietly, and respectfully convey to your W that regaining your trust will not come cheap. You freely gave your trust to her once and not only did she not value it, but broke it into a million pieces when she betrayed you with her affair. So now if she wants your trust she will have to do it the hard way, earn it. This is very important because if she earns it back, both of you will be able to finally move on with a much happier and healthier marriage. Let her know that it may take up to 2 years or more [the average time a betrayed spouse fully recovers from an affair] of consistent and voluntary accountability of her time and whereabouts before you give her back your trust. What will you give her back in return? Your word as a man of honor that you will never throw the affair back in her face when there may be strong disagreements between the two of you. Inform her that while it is going to be hard for both of you, that it can be done if both of you are committed to do the necessary work and take the journey of recovery one day at a time. Afterwards, leave her alone to ponder your words. TMCM
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