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when are you ready to get married ? Is it smart to stay with someone who use to watch

Loveisforlovers

By Loveisforlovers
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Loveisforlovers New Member

Loveisforlovers

Posted
Posted (edited)

Me and my fiancé has been together for 4 years he is now 23 and I am 21 he proposed to me with a 5,000 diamond ring and is super supportive. But I'm not sure if I wantMe and my fiancé has been together for 4 years he is now 23 and I am 21 he proposed to me with a 5,000 diamond ring and is super supportive.

 

But I'm not sure if I want to be with him. It is because of all the issues we been through in the past. I try to communicate with him I am huge on communication but he assures me he changed and he will treat me like a queen. I love him but I'm not sure if he is everything that I want in a man; after I was emotionally damage for over a year.

 

At the beginning of our relationship he was busy with college football and never use to communicate bec he says he never was close to girls than I got close to him. But we started having issues than fights some time physical so I moved out but we stayed together afterwards he became so distance watching porn more not wanting to have sex with me but on Sunday's bec he was 'tired'. He use to jack off 4 to 5 times a day even when I was living with him.

 

Than 5 months later I move back with him but he still had the issue of watching porn instead of touching me. I know we had problems but we talked them out and I gave him space for months while faithful. I'm young nice athletic body with a big but pretty face and I always keep my self looking good. My hair is done, I work out, and I'm freaky.

 

I make him come fast every time for the last 4 years so why would watch porn instead of having this sex machine (me) next to him. I love him so much I even told him I'll watch it with him and give him head etc but he says that's weird.

 

So I gave up I stated talking other people our sex life was dead plus he never talked to me no type of friendship.

 

I cheated on him started having sex with someone else it was great I felt wanted again. But bad bec he thing porn isn't cheating I don't mind porn but not when you don't want to fu** me. I like the real feeling touching myself isn't enough. It's hard to turn down all these nice man when I'm not feeling completed at home. He found out and forgave me. But we stay together now and the Sex is better we worked through our past and he proposed to me.

 

But last week I found out he said he used to be addicted to porn and he sometimes watches it once a month. But I found out through his cum not being as much and had to drill him for the truth

OVER AND OVER ASKING HIM telling him I won't get mad. He lied to me I'm hurt now like I told him I don't care just tell me the truth. I'll even make porn for him if he get horny and I'm not around. But he said he was mad at him self and didn't want me to know because of the past.

 

SHOULD I GET MARRIED TO SONEOBE LIKE THIS I'm young, attractive, in school doing big things in my life. I don't no if I should let go?

 

We are both close with our family's and their expecting us to get married. I want too bec I'm shacking up with him and I don't want to live with sin. Financial he is no issue he spoils me and have always paid all the bills to be with him. It is because of all the issues we been through in the past. I try to communicate with him I am huge on communication but he assures me he changed and he will treat me like a queen. I love him but I'm not sure if he is everything that I want in a man; after I was emotionally damage for over a year.

 

[]

 

I need advice!!

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
spacing and redacted duplicate paragraphs ~6
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Loveisforlovers New Member

Loveisforlovers

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I want to feel desire and someone to have sex with me with out being the one who start things off with for play. I have a fiancé but I think he is use to watching porn but good at hiding it. He is great guy but my life would be statisfied if I could have sex with other guys just sex and be desired by them. With out hurting him and not catching anything. What should I do

JLeaks3 Member

JLeaks3

Posted
Posted (edited)

In my opinion, you are not nearly mature enough to make a lifetime commitment to someone at 21. No, do not get married.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 3
bummer Established Member

bummer

Posted
Posted (edited)
I want to feel desire and someone to have sex with me with out being the one who start things off with for play. I have a fiancé but I think he is use to watching porn but good at hiding it. He is great guy but my life would be statisfied if I could have sex with other guys just sex and be desired by them. With out hurting him and not catching anything. What should I do

 

Be honest with him since you are honest with yourself. You shouldn't hold a secret this big to yourself. If you need more physical interaction, ask him. Explain you need desire and passion to feel fulfilled. If he can try harder see if that fills the void.

 

Last option is to lay out your cards that you think of other men and think his porn habit maybe affecting his performance. Talk gently and openly when you are both receptive to change, compassion, and compromise.

 

Don't get married until you both agree on a solution to this issue. You'll save both of you trouble down the line to get this in the open.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added quote after merging two threads on the same topic ~6
  • Like 1
devilish innocent Established Member

devilish innocent

Posted
Posted

I definitely think you should let go. I've watched friends and family get married at your age under similar circumstances. Their boyfriends were pushing for it. Their parents were happy to see them find someone. It was their first serious relationship, and they had nothing else to compare it to. It hurt to end things. They'd been together for years and thought if they'd survived this long they'd always be together.

 

They weren't really getting married because it was what THEY wanted, though. They knew they had doubts about whether this was the person they wanted to spend their lives with. The relationships had had problems and signs of abuse. Instead of looking forward to being married, it was something they were doing out of a sense of obligation.

 

None of these marriages lasted very long. You're in the same boat. If you go through with this, I think there's a good chance you'll be filing for divorce in another year or so. Marriage is serious and not something you should go through with if you're having doubts.

  • Like 1
Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
He is great guy but my life would be statisfied if I could have sex with other guys just sex and be desired by them. With out hurting him and not catching anything. What should I do

 

Stay single and unattached...

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 1
sfd'swife New Member

sfd'swife

Posted
Posted

I don't think now is the time for you to get married. If you are having doubts, there are reasons for them. Trust your instinct. It also sounds like you both have issues that need to be dealt with. Your reasons for wanting to get married - your parents would be happy, you're living together, etc. are not the right reasons to get married. You need to take a good look at your relationship and your issues. These issues will not automatically go away once you are married. In fact, they will probably get worse unless they are resolved before.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

Posted
Posted

You have to decide what you want with your life. Doesn't sound like you're happy with the relationship at all, just the fact that he pays your bills. Is that the life you want for yourself?

 

 

If that is your priority find a man with money who will actually have sex with you. It can't be any worse than the relationship you have now.

NTV Established Member

NTV

Posted
Posted

You aren't going to get married or break it off based on what you hear from strangers on the internet.

 

 

But what we can do is get you thinking about it.... And I don't think either one of you are mature enough to be getting married anytime soon.

 

 

It also doesn't sound like you two are a good match for each other. I think you should learn how to carry your own weight and be self-supporting as that will put you in a better position to find a guy... could be once you are independent the type of man you look for changes.

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
At the beginning of our relationship he was busy with college football and never use to communicate bec he says he never was close to girls than I got close to him. But we started having issues than fights some time physical so I moved out but we stayed together afterwards he became so distance watching porn more not wanting to have sex with me but on Sunday's bec he was 'tired'. He use to jack off 4 to 5 times a day even when I was living with him. Than 5 months later I move back with him but he still had the issue of watching porn instead of touching me. I know we had problems but we talked them out and I gave him space for months while faithful. I'm young nice athletic body with a big but pretty face and I always keep my self looking good. My hair is done, I work out, and I'm freaky.

I make him come fast every time for the last 4 years so why would watch porn instead of having this sex machine (me) next to him. I love him so much I even told him I'll watch it with him and give him head etc but he says that's weird.

So I gave up I stated talking other people our sex life was dead plus he never talked to me no type of friendship. I cheated on him started having sex with someone else it was great I felt wanted again.

 

If I understand correctly:

 

- he's physically abused you

- isn't interested in sex with you

- you've cheated on him multiple times as a result

 

And you want to know if the relationship should lead to marriage :confused: ???

 

That you would ask that question should be its own answer. Just in case - no, don't marry him...

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 2
Whoknew30 Established Member

Whoknew30

Posted
Posted

I honestly didn't have to read past the "he gave me a 5000 dollar ring" (what does that have to do with anything)...that alone says you are not ready to get married, let alone him. Don't do it!

  • Like 1
Got it Established Member

Got it

Posted
Posted
If I understand correctly:

 

- he's physically abused you

- isn't interested in sex with you

- you've cheated on him multiple times as a result

 

And you want to know if the relationship should lead to marriage :confused: ???

 

That you would ask that question should be its own answer. Just in case - no, don't marry him...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I agree. Also, why on earth does the price of the ring play ANY factor in this? Why was that even worth mentioning . . . ????

BetheButterfly Established Member

BetheButterfly

Posted
Posted (edited)
Me and my fiancé has been together for 4 years he is now 23 and I am 21 he proposed to me with a 5,000 diamond ring and is super supportive.

 

A diamond ring doesn't guarantee happiness, by any means.

 

 

But I'm not sure if I want to be with him.
If you are not 100% sure, then please don't marry him. A woman's intuition is a gift; don't blow it off.

But we started having issues than fights some time physical

Did he physically abuse you, yes or no? :( (hitting, slapping, pushing, kicking, throwing you around and not for fun for because he's mad at you?)

 

If he has ever physically abused you, please leave him immediately. He should truly change (with ample and long-term evidence of said change) before even thinking of marrying you.

 

so I moved out but we stayed together afterwards he became so distance watching porn more not wanting to have sex with me but on Sunday's bec he was 'tired'. He use to jack off 4 to 5 times a day even when I was living with him.
? Why would you want to live with him, out of curiosity?

 

Than 5 months later I move back with him but he still had the issue of watching porn instead of touching me. I know we had problems but we talked them out and I gave him space for months while faithful. I'm young nice athletic body with a big but pretty face and I always keep my self looking good. My hair is done, I work out, and I'm freaky.

 

I make him come fast every time for the last 4 years so why would watch porn instead of having this sex machine (me) next to him. I love him so much I even told him I'll watch it with him and give him head etc but he says that's weird.

If he truly loves you, he wouldn't treat you like he does, I'm sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. Love is proved by action, not just words. Words mean nothing without the action.

So I gave up I stated talking other people our sex life was dead plus he never talked to me no type of friendship.

 

I cheated on him started having sex with someone else it was great I felt wanted again. But bad bec he thing porn isn't cheating I don't mind porn but not when you don't want to fu** me. I like the real feeling touching myself isn't enough. It's hard to turn down all these nice man when I'm not feeling completed at home. He found out and forgave me. But we stay together now and the Sex is better we worked through our past and he proposed to me.

If he doesn't think porn is cheating, he will more than likely do it again and expect you to get used to it and accept it.

 

But last week I found out he said he used to be addicted to porn and he sometimes watches it once a month. But I found out through his cum not being as much and had to drill him for the truth

OVER AND OVER ASKING HIM telling him I won't get mad. He lied to me I'm hurt now like I told him I don't care just tell me the truth.

Why say you won't get mad when you will? Definitely both of you should be truthful. A good relationship isn't built on lies.

 

I'll even make porn for him if he get horny and I'm not around.
That's sweet; I don't think that's bad at all. :)

 

But he said he was mad at him self and didn't want me to know because of the past.
He should be mad at himself, mad enough to change!

 

SHOULD I GET MARRIED TO SONEOBE LIKE THIS I'm young, attractive, in school doing big things in my life. I don't no if I should let go?
I personally think you will regret it later if you marry him. I'm sorry. I could be wrong, but that's what I think.

 

We are both close with our family's and their expecting us to get married. I want too bec I'm shacking up with him and I don't want to live with sin.

Are you a Christian? If so, why not try to work on the relationship when not living with him and not having sex with him?

 

If he is a Christian, he should know that lusting after someone not his wife (porn of other people) is disobedience to Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ even uses hyperbole to show the importance of not lusting:

 

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[Exodus 20:14] But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

 

If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. - Matthew 5:27-30 (NIV)

 

Job gave a great example of how not to lust after someone not his wife:

 

"I made a covenant with my eyes

not to look lustfully at a young woman.

For what is our lot from God above,

our heritage from the Almighty on high?

Is it not ruin for the wicked,

disaster for those who do wrong?" - Job 31:1-3 (NIV)

 

If your fiance is a Christian, he really needs help to repent of lusting after people not his wife. That's important. While definitely God forgives when we confess our sins and repent, believing in Jesus, God expects repentance and obedience.

 

While King Solomon definitely had an issue with womanizing, he did write via the Holy Spirit God's ideal for sex:

 

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.

Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.

 

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always,may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

 

Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

 

- Proverbs 5:15-20 (NIV)

 

 

Financial he is no issue he spoils me and have always paid all the bills to be with him. It is because of all the issues we been through in the past. I try to communicate with him I am huge on communication but he assures me he changed and he will treat me like a queen. I love him but I'm not sure if he is everything that I want in a man; after I was emotionally damage for over a year.

[]

 

I need advice!!

If you both are Christians, my advice is to first strengthen your individual relationships with Jesus Christ - which includes obeying God's commands. A Christian marriage without obeying Christ is a disaster waiting to happen.

 

Blessings.

Edited by BetheButterfly
Betrayed&Stayed Established Member

Betrayed&Stayed

Posted
Posted
he is now 23 and I am 21

 

Based on this alone I say "No". You are both too young. Enjoy your 20's first.

pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted

Definitely not!!!

 

There is a man out there who will be a good match for you sexually and who will make you feel desired and loved without you having to go outside the relationship.

 

You need to move on from this one immediately.

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
I love him so much I even told him I'll watch it with him and give him head etc but he says that's weird.

 

Setting aside whether it's appropriate for you to make this offer, his refusal might be proof of insanity :eek::eek::eek:!

 

Mr. Lucky

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