kendahke Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I really want to but at the same time I am trying to avoid conflict. I actually want to suggest that we go for therapy and see if it might be a mental thing for him. I think that suggesting him go to therapy without you first having a direct talk about what's up is a bit extreme. We had a very long talk last night and he admitted that he no longer has romantic feelings towards me and that it is best if we part ways. I am absolutely gutted and feels like my whole world has been turned upside down. I'm glad you finally spoke with him. I'm sorry to hear about your result, but I'm still glad you spoke up for yourself. This has gone on long enough.
Methodical Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Sorry you are feeling gutted . His lack of attraction in general isn't personal. Eighteen months and only one attempt at sex. Nah, he just isn't into women and has been using your 'relationship' as a smokescreen. 3
ChickiePops Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 We had a very long talk last night and he admitted that he no longer has romantic feelings towards me and that it is best if we part ways. I am absolutely gutted and feels like my whole world has been turned upside down. I'm sorry you're hurting but this is most definitely for the best. Isn't it better to know now than to waste another couple of years just trying to be polite?
NIGHT1985 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 We had a very long talk last night and he admitted that he no longer has romantic feelings towards me and that it is best if we part ways. I am absolutely gutted and feels like my whole world has been turned upside down. Wow... He's definitely been having sex with other people then. What a pos
katiegrl Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) Wow... He's definitely been having sex with other people then. What a pos Yup...... and my guess is those *people* would be men... As Methodical said, sex with OP one time in 18 months? And he was turned off.... repulsed. Said it was her period which I am NOT buying for one second. This would indicate he never had romantic feelings for her. But yet stayed 18 months? And would *still* be there had she not confronted him..... Something isn't jiving.... Edited June 6, 2016 by katiegrl
Buddhist Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) It's Sydney! You would be lucky to find a straight man there. I wouldn't mind betting if she googled pics of Mardi Gras she'd find a pic of him bare arsed on a float.... The best you can do in that city is bi. Let me guess he has a gym membership and spends most of his time there....hmmm. You can guess what he's doing in the showers. Edited June 6, 2016 by Buddhist
fands Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 my whole world has been turned upside down. Since you are in Australia, this means that things are now right-side-up for probably the first time ever. In all seriousness, you're obviously heartbroken, but better to know the truth. You deserve so much better. And try not to get hung up on this "failure"--we all live and learn in life--because the next relationship is likely to be so much better. Look after yourself, and you'll be back on your feet in no time.
PogoStick Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Katie, you were not happy with this relationship. You weren't fulfilled, didn't feel desired. Now you're free and can find someone who you will enjoy. Think of it as a weight lifted.
mortensorchid Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I was just talking to a friend of mine online. She and her husband have been together for 16 years (married for 14), and in the last 10 years or so, they have had sex less than 10 times. I have never met him, I only go by what she says. What reason would I (or anyone else) have for believing she would lie about this? She asked him why he has no interest, he says he doesn't know, he just doesn't. She claims he is not finding it from someone else (either a single person or multiple people). She has even questioned whether or not he may be gay or not, he says he's not. He's just not interested. Is this situation similar to yours? There is something else at work here if two people don't want to do IT, and they have not been together for a long time (as in years and years) and are bored with each other. It sounds like it's coming from his side of his not being interested in you but you are in him. If that is the case, there's not much you can do but accept it and move on with or without him.
bathtub-row Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Hate to say it but I can't believe you put up with that stuff for as long as you did. The end result is not at all surprising. I'm sorry you're hurting but I hope you've learned from this. You tolerated this unacceptable situation for far too long. 2
Author Katie_T Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 I was just talking to a friend of mine online. She and her husband have been together for 16 years (married for 14), and in the last 10 years or so, they have had sex less than 10 times. I have never met him, I only go by what she says. What reason would I (or anyone else) have for believing she would lie about this? She asked him why he has no interest, he says he doesn't know, he just doesn't. She claims he is not finding it from someone else (either a single person or multiple people). She has even questioned whether or not he may be gay or not, he says he's not. He's just not interested. Is this situation similar to yours? There is something else at work here if two people don't want to do IT, and they have not been together for a long time (as in years and years) and are bored with each other. It sounds like it's coming from his side of his not being interested in you but you are in him. If that is the case, there's not much you can do but accept it and move on with or without him. Not sure why so many people jump to the conclusion that he is gay. He certainly isn't. I did a lot of reading through the night, and today, and it seems to be very common that men prefer masturbation over sex. My boyfriend, or well ex, did admit that he preferred masturbation as it was his usual ritual before meeting me and it was a quick and simple to relief him of stress. Unfortunately he never stopped and it continued throughout our relationship which had dire effects on how he saw me sexually. I made the mistake today and sent him a list of articles to help him through it and told him to please stay in touch and if he ever manages to work through it that he should contact me. 1
Author Katie_T Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Good in Bed - Masturbation Over Intercourse? - Forums
salparadise Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 My boyfriend, or well ex, did admit that he preferred masturbation as it was his usual ritual before meeting me and it was a quick and simple to relief him of stress. Unfortunately he never stopped and it continued throughout our relationship which had dire effects on how he saw me sexually. I've heard of men who ejaculate prematurely masturbating before sex to enable them to last longer, but to masturbate before meeting to avoid sex... eh, I ain't buying it. Men, normal ones at least, are sex hounds. We [most] can't get enough. Even an extremely low-drive man is going to want sex several times a month. This is still not adding up, imho. I think he's still hiding something and when you addressed it directly he was more willing to admit to a masturbation issue than whatever the real issue is. It could be a deep-seated psychological aversion, asexuality, homosexuality or other things we're not even thinking to suggest, but I do not think it's as simple as porn/masturbation. But, I do think you've arrived at the right solution (terminate). You're now free to find a real man who wants to shag you silly on a daily basis. In mid-thirties, daily would be normal. Twice a week, low-normal. Don't settle for someone who can't open about their feelings or won't talk about the relationship itself. This guy wasted a year and a half of your time and then escaped without even telling you what was actually going on with him. 2
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I made the mistake today and sent him a list of articles to help him through it and told him to please stay in touch and if he ever manages to work through it that he should contact me. Please stop this non sense. Having sex is not only about relieving stress it's about intimacy, closeness, togetherness and he does not want it with you. I don't believe in a split second he is telling you the truth. What ever his problem is, it's his to figure out, not yours. Block and delete and move on to a better man. 8
katiegrl Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) What does him preferring masturbation have to do with him not having romantic feelings for you? One thing has nothing to do with other. I am sorry to be blunt but he doesn't love you. Not in a romantic sense anyway, he told you that. Gaeta is right, pls stop this nonsense. Leave him alone and move on. He is not being honest and you're in denial. Edited June 6, 2016 by katiegrl 3
NIGHT1985 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 He was most likely cheating you. You're just gonna have to stop investing anymore time into figuring him out and move on. You're an attractive woman, don't let this cut you down. 1
elaine567 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I think he's still hiding something and when you addressed it directly he was more willing to admit to a masturbation issue than whatever the real issue is. It could be a deep-seated psychological aversion, asexuality, homosexuality or other things we're not even thinking to suggest, but I do not think it's as simple as porn/masturbation. The problem with porn addiction is that as more and more porn is viewed, more and more extreme porn is required to turn the addict on. Normal sex with a real live woman is often not enough to get him excited or aroused in any way and that is why such excessive porn usage is ruining relationships and marriages. He is right, porn is a quick and easy fix, he doesn't actually have to do anything, if is all on the screen and in his hand. If he doesn't like or is not getting turned on by the images/women/action he is seeing, all he needs to do is change the site or the video or the "topic" and he is transported to a more exciting place. In the porn world there are no real life bodily fluids or blood, not those he can smell or taste anyway, so the period blood probably was a big turn off. Perfect shots of perfect women/men, no spots, no hair, no lumpy bits or bad camera angles unless that was his particular preference, just a very clean world, where he can indulge his sexual fantasies, whatever they are. I am sure in the 3 years he was single, he and his hand had many great adventures... BUT that is NOT your problem, that is his to figure out, if indeed he wants to. I guess the fact he dumped you PDQ as soon as yoiu broached the subject, means he is happy doing what he does and he doesn't need "saved". 2
joseb Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Not sure why so many people jump to the conclusion that he is gay. He certainly isn't. I did a lot of reading through the night, and today, and it seems to be very common that men prefer masturbation over sex. My boyfriend, or well ex, did admit that he preferred masturbation as it was his usual ritual before meeting me and it was a quick and simple to relief him of stress. Unfortunately he never stopped and it continued throughout our relationship which had dire effects on how he saw me sexually. I made the mistake today and sent him a list of articles to help him through it and told him to please stay in touch and if he ever manages to work through it that he should contact me. Yes, porn addiction is a real problem. Yes guys sometimes prefer porn to relieve stress, and some guys in long term relationships can't be bothered with the real thing all the time, but I find it very hard to believe that a healthy hetrosexual male would NEVER ONCE have sex with his attractive girlfriend in all that time if it was as simple as excessive porn use. Have you seen the porn (I'm wondering if it's gay porn). Why are you so sure he is not gay? Anyway, Katie, what I think you need to do, though, rather than worry about what is wrong with this guy, is ask yourself, honestly, why did you put up with this for so long. Because that's the bit thats the most confusing, and the bit you need to address most to learn from all this. And even now, you are still grasping at straws. Forget about this guy.
Emilia Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 He was most likely cheating you. You're just gonna have to stop investing anymore time into figuring him out and move on. You're an attractive woman, don't let this cut you down. Yes this is my guess. It went on for quite a while, there must have been someone else.
Toodaloo Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Not sure why so many people jump to the conclusion that he is gay. He certainly isn't. I did a lot of reading through the night, and today, and it seems to be very common that men prefer masturbation over sex. My boyfriend, or well ex, did admit that he preferred masturbation as it was his usual ritual before meeting me and it was a quick and simple to relief him of stress. Unfortunately he never stopped and it continued throughout our relationship which had dire effects on how he saw me sexually. I made the mistake today and sent him a list of articles to help him through it and told him to please stay in touch and if he ever manages to work through it that he should contact me. Oh no no no Katie. This guy is a grown up man - not a boy. If he can't deal with the normal bodily functions of a female body and uses that as an excuse then - just no... its too wrong for me to even start forming coherent sentences to describe how wrong it is... Close the door on this one. He does not deserve you. You are acting like a Florence Nightingale and you need to be acting more like one of the Avengers. Think female Ironman or something... And no. Most men do not prefer masturbation to sex. Most men on some of those websites may do but reality is that men like sex with another human being. It is abnormal not to. Your guy just is not taking responsibility for his actions and is behaving like a child. Close call there but be glad its over. Time for you to pack up your relationship, put it in the past and go and find an adult to date... I am sure once you do you will not be asking these questions again.
jen1447 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Not sure why so many people jump to the conclusion that he is gay. He certainly isn't. I did a lot of reading through the night, and today, and it seems to be very common that men prefer masturbation over sex. My boyfriend, or well ex, did admit that he preferred masturbation as it was his usual ritual before meeting me and it was a quick and simple to relief him of stress. Unfortunately he never stopped and it continued throughout our relationship which had dire effects on how he saw me sexually. I made the mistake today and sent him a list of articles to help him through it and told him to please stay in touch and if he ever manages to work through it that he should contact me. Late to the party here sorry but IMO a normal male sexual response doesn't just involve nutting. A guy with exposure to flesh and blood women should have an instinctive drive to get in their pants. That's the ultimate goal after all - zero in between your legs and then get on w/the nutting. I think male masturbation is mostly a fallback plan for when there are no opportunities, and lots of guys can become complacent that way and not really try to get out of that rut, but it's not normal behavior when you have a perfectly suitable vagina there waiting for you - attached to a woman you have some compelling interest in. Sex once in 18 months is objectively incomprehensible to me. Being as he was the one who made that happen (or not happen), it's a pretty inescapable conclusion that he was defective in some way. I don't know that it's homosexuality but regardless, there was something amiss. 1
ChickiePops Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 I am going to go against the grain here and guess that that first experience he had with you may have put him off for good. It's a lot easier to forgive and forget something like that when you're already in love..for example I don't like my boyfriends morning breath but I can still make out with him after he's brushed his teeth. But I am in love with him so the oxytocin is flowing. It sounds like he wanted to be ok with it but was never able to get over it. Regardless of the reasons, this is for the best Katie. Treat yourself well, heal, and then go find a new guy..and maybe don't let him go down on you when you're close to starting your period.. 2
GunslingerRoland Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Glad it's over now, a beautiful woman in her prime shouldn't need to deal with this. Also, I'm a pretty open minded guy, but giving oral during a period isn't really my thing. Intercourse is fine, but it's not a great taste.
Toodaloo Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Glad it's over now, a beautiful woman in her prime shouldn't need to deal with this. Also, I'm a pretty open minded guy, but giving oral during a period isn't really my thing. Intercourse is fine, but it's not a great taste. She has already said she didn't realise she was coming on so was probably only spotting a tiny amount. Guys wee out of their willies does that mean that women should never be spontaneous and go down on them just because they may have spent a penny after washing earlier...? Sex is exchanging body fluids. Granted some are more preferable to others but when you are due on its rarely a full gush to start with! As soon as you know you just stop that activity and do something else. Its like being kicked by accident as you change positions or letting off a fart as you come. Stick a finger up a guys bottom to massage his prostate and get a bit of poo on it... No point making such a fuss, just get on with it. Its life! 1
jen1447 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Glad it's over now, a beautiful woman in her prime shouldn't need to deal with this. Also, I'm a pretty open minded guy, but giving oral during a period isn't really my thing. Intercourse is fine, but it's not a great taste. I'd call it an acquired taste. (Flavors vary from woman to woman btw, just like their normal flavor. )
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