Wife wants kids...

[Emilia]

I dont know the extent to which they knew. Both our families are not so much interfering. I used to meet my wife alone and discuss all this pre marriage. I dont know what she shared and what she didn't with her parents.

 

As for my parents my mom always thought I would eventually come along. She now realizes how serious I am. She is fully supporting my wife. I need to talk with dad to understand where he stands in all this. As far as I know him he wont interfere much. He knows I am not a kid anymore and would leave me to decide the final outcome.

As much as I think usually a conversation should be between the future bride and groom, I think you and/or your wife made a mistake by not involving her family in this. They would have warned her what she was getting herself into due to her inexperience.

 

It is also common to assume that a person will change their mind about children. When I was seeing that Indian guy, he used to drive me mad when he tried to convince me to have children. I had enough of that conversation within a few weeks and broke up with him (wasn't the only reason but the nagging annoyed me).

 

See, it's all very well for you to shut yourself away from people who will challenge your view but I think it was irresponsible of you to dump your wife in this. You know how much pressure there is on women in India to conform. This was always going to be a problem. You should have involved the family, that's the whole point of an arranged marriage, non? Otherwise might as well go for a love marriage.

[SummerDreams]

That is a bit harsh, she is a young woman, she probably didn't realize that her desire for children would be so strong when she agreed to the marriage.

People change, they want different things out of life as they age. What sounds great at 21 may seem like madness at 24.

Experience changes us all.

The OP at 40 and fed up of making money, may decide he wants kids after all.

None of us knows the future.

 

I am sorry if I was harsh but this woman agreed to never have kids and travel around the world in 15 years or so. Now she hates this lifestyle and wants to make a 180 turn. It's not like disagreeing for a simple matter. She knew this man wanted no kids and she knew the reason for it, how could she imagine he would be persuaded? Getting influenced by relatives is not an adult thing to do.

[Emilia]

I am sorry if I was harsh but this woman agreed to never have kids and travel around the world in 15 years or so. Now she hates this lifestyle and wants to make a 180 turn. It's not like disagreeing for a simple matter. She knew this man wanted no kids and she knew the reason for it, how could she imagine he would be persuaded? Getting influenced by relatives is not an adult thing to do.

I'm pretty certain - OP correct me - that she had no relationship experience before meeting the OP. In India women have very little power, even in cities that are more modern. They get an education and go to work but you generally won't find Indian women experience life to the extent that Western women do, people live at home at their parents' place before they get married and girls are kept naive and inexperienced. You can't judge her the same way. She probably just really wanted to get married.

[BettyDraper]

You chose the wrong woman, she is a family orientated girl who would be happier organizing her daughter's wedding with family and friends all around, than sitting in a luxury hotel suite in Dubai. At 50 she will not want to be far from her parents or your parents as they will be ageing and your child will need her continuing support as it goes out in the world. she will by then have a network of friends and family so wandering the world with you alone will not be high priority for her.

She doesn't want it now as a young woman relatively free from responsibilities, she will not want it then.

 

If she was such a family oriented girl at heart, she clearly manipulated the OP just to get married in the hopes that he would change his mind about having children. The OP is not at fault for believing his wife when she pretended to share the same goals.

[BettyDraper]

That is a bit harsh, she is a young woman, she probably didn't realize that her desire for children would be so strong when she agreed to the marriage.

People change, they want different things out of life as they age. What sounds great at 21 may seem like madness at 24.

Experience changes us all.

The OP at 40 and fed up of making money, may decide he wants kids after all.

None of us knows the future.

 

While it's true that none of us know the future, I feel like you think that everyone will want children eventually when that is not the case. It's also clear that you think the OP is wrong for wanting a childfree marriage. Not everyone is obligated to have children just because that is the common path for most couples. Have you considered that the OP could reach 40 and still be very glad that he doesn't have children as well?

 

I knew that I didn't want children at 23. Now I am my early 30s and I still don't want them. My husband didn't want kids when I met him in his early 30s. He is 42 now and he's very happy that he had a vasectomy. We enjoy being an aunt and uncle but babysitting our nephew makes us realize that we made the right choice when we see how draining it is to look after kids.

[Emilia]

If she was such a family oriented girl at heart, she clearly manipulated the OP just to get married in the hopes that he would change his mind about having children. The OP is not at fault for believing his wife when she pretended to share the same goals.

I can't believe how quick some women are to judge their disadvantaged sisters. Very sad to see.

[BettyDraper]

I dont know the extent to which they knew. Both our families are not so much interfering. I used to meet my wife alone and discuss all this pre marriage. I dont know what she shared and what she didn't with her parents.

 

As for my parents my mom always thought I would eventually come along. She now realizes how serious I am. She is fully supporting my wife. I need to talk with dad to understand where he stands in all this. As far as I know him he wont interfere much. He knows I am not a kid anymore and would leave me to decide the final outcome.

 

I havent interacted much with her family to be honest. Other than occasional dinners we rarely even spoke on the phone.

 

 

 

Yep. She hates the whole plan. But she is willing to compromise. Once the kid is independent then we can go and live wherever we want. So instead of doing it at 40 we do it at 50.

 

 

 

I dont know whats going on in their meeting. I hope other sees it the way you see it. I know I wont be changing my mind, so there is no question of brining the kid anymore. Moreover even if my wife changes her mind now nothing will be the same again.

 

I must say that your wife is a hypocrite for getting angry at you because you spoke to her sister. Now she is bringing your family into a personal decision to force you to change your mind? I know that Indian families are very involved in marriages but if you hardly spoke to your in-laws and your parents didn't interfere, it's obvious that your families are more modern than most Indian families. I would be livid if I were you.

 

My guess is that your wife has gone to your family with tears in her eyes talking about how you don't want children. Your mother and your wife think that they can persuade you by ganging up on you.

 

I have a mother who is very nosy and controlling. She has tried interventions as well as berating me in order to do what she wants. When my mother was not invited to my wedding, she calmed down considerably because she realized that trying to run my life would have the opposite effect. She still spreads rumors about me being forced to live a childfree lifestyle because of my husband. I try to avoid speaking to her as much as possible.

[GunslingerRoland]

You chose the wrong woman, she is a family orientated girl who would be happier organizing her daughter's wedding with family and friends all around, than sitting in a luxury hotel suite in Dubai. At .

 

There is a bit of irony to this thread though that while the OP supposedly isn't family oriented and wants to run away to a different country the first thing he did when trying to convince his wife was go to his family for advise and the second thing was go to her family.

 

 

He's still trying to figure out everyone in the families sides on this whole situation.

[BettyDraper]

I can't believe how quick some women are to judge their disadvantaged sisters. Very sad to see.

 

Aren't you judging me just for having a certain viewpoint though?

 

I don't take kindly to manipulation and lies. If that makes me a judgemental person, then so be it because lying is completely unhelpful.

[Emilia]

Aren't you judging me just for having a certain viewpoint though?

No, I'm judging you for not trying to understand what it's like for women to grow up in a society with fewer rights than a man.

I don't take kindly to manipulation and lies. If that makes me a judgemental person, then so be it because lying is completely unhelpful.

But don't you understand that she had no idea what she was getting herself into? Maybe she really wanted to get married to get away from her own family? She would have no other way to get out of that house. This may not be true but you don't know. Maybe she really thought she liked the OP enough that marriage would be enough for her and she didn't realise what it would be like once the newness of the marriage wore off because she had never had a serious relationship (or probably any relationship) before.

 

Why is it so hard for people to try to understand cultures that are different from their own?

 

Also, no-one here knows (including the OP) what kind of men had been presented to the OP's wife as marriage potential. Maybe he was the only one she could imagine having sex with. There is subtle and constant pressure on women to get married and while I'm sure she wasn't forced per se, should wouldn't have the same rights as Western women to say no.

 

Why is this so hard to understand? Especially as a woman?

Edited June 20, 2016 by Emilia
incredulity

[Hodor]

Or she will change her mind AGAIN and come up with a totally different plan that you will need to follow again. Marriage is about common path and compromises from both parties, not compromises from only one party. Your wife does not respect you enough. She thinks she can persuade you like you are a child and I find this to be very insulting. I will even go as far as think that she faked it when she agreed with you to have a childless marriage having the plan to convince you later.

 

Yes she can change her mind again. I have to take all her promises with a grain of salt. But she isnt a manipulative type of girl. In the 3 years I have known her we were extremely happy until this point.

 

I will stick to my guess that society pressure made her change her mind.

 

Well, I agree with the others that the obvious solution is to divorce. However, I also understand how that would be an extremely difficult solution for both of you to carry out. AFAIK divorcees are heavily ostracized in India, especially the women. From what I understand, both of you might lose many family and friends, and it's unlikely that either of you will be able to marry within your culture again after a divorce, especially in her case.

 

Your plan is to be able to leave India and travel the world at 40 without obligations, is that correct? So here's my suggestion: Has your wife ever travelled outside India before? My guess is no. Do you have the funds to do so? If so, do... just a nice vacation between the two of you. Go to a few countries that you both think you'll like, do some fun stuff, see the world a bit.

 

There is a small possibility that she doesn't truly realize what's out there for her and that once she sees it she may decide the same as you, that she wants all of this. It's a small chance, but it's not 0. There is also a possibility that none of it will impress her - in which case yeah, tough decision ahead for both of you.

 

She went to live in Germany for a month or so in some rotary program when she was 16. Some girl from Germany came to live in her house and she went to live in hers. She has also visited southeast region of United States with her parents. We went to United Kingdom for our honeymoon. Couple of ASEAN countries as well.

 

So we both have travelled a bit.

 

You chose the wrong woman, she is a family orientated girl who would be happier organizing her daughter's wedding with family and friends all around, than sitting in a luxury hotel suite in Dubai. At 50 she will not want to be far from her parents or your parents as they will be ageing and your child will need her continuing support as it goes out in the world. she will by then have a network of friends and family so wandering the world with you alone will not be high priority for her.

She doesn't want it now as a young woman relatively free from responsibilities, she will not want it then.

 

In future at 40, I want to live in semi isolation with minding our own business, lead a nice healthy tension free lifestyle. She wants to live in Family kind of environment. As of now the compromise on the table is that we live according to her till 50 and then we live according to me.

[elaine567]

It's also clear that you think the OP is wrong for wanting a childfree marriage.

 

Not at all, I do not think he is wrong here. I understand his point of view but I also understand hers.

He cannot force his wife into a lifestyle she no longer wants. I see no other option but divorce here. He made a mistake, she made a mistake, it is unfortunate, but I am not going to witch hunt a young woman for changing her mind and suddenly wanting kids, as it is the most natural desire in the whole world.

Why do all those career minded young women who never want kids suddenly show up in mothercare pregnant and with toddlers in tow, its called biology...

[PennyP]

Hi Hodor,

 

Children are very tough subject. I went through a somewhat similar situation. I got married young. My husband is from a big family and wanted children. I have a small family and really did not want to have children. So we compromised on having one child. I wanted to have the baby several years into our marriage. He wanted to have the baby right away. I kept saying lets wait awhile. He kept pressuring me to have the baby. So two years after we were married we had the baby. Taking care of the baby was a lot of work. We did not have much support. So basically it was all on us. My child is an adult now. If I had it to do all over again. I would still have the baby but later in the marriage and I probably would have had one or two more children. I guess the point I am making is there has to be compromise in marriage. The truth is people change. If your wife really wants a baby maybe you two can figure out a time, even if not right away when it maybe a "good time" to start a family. Maybe consider one child. If you do not agree to at least one child she may eventually come to resent you as her life partner.

[BettyDraper]

Not at all, I do not think he is wrong here. I understand his point of view but I also understand hers.

He cannot force his wife into a lifestyle she no longer wants. I see no other option but divorce here. He made a mistake, she made a mistake, it is unfortunate, but I am not going to witch hunt a young woman for changing her mind and suddenly wanting kids, as it is the most natural desire in the whole world.

Why do all those career minded young women who never want kids suddenly show up in mothercare pregnant and with toddlers in tow, its called biology...

 

We are not mindless slaves to biological imperatives. It is called free will.

Sadly, many people choose to follow urges to have children when they are not suited to be parents. This results in children being raised in terrible situations or suffering abuse by parents who didn't want them. Just because a person can have a child, it doesn't mean that she should.

 

It's great that you don't judge the OP's wife for not wanting children. However, based on some of your language and and blaming the OP for choosing the wrong woman, it appears that you feel that being childfree is a phase most people grow out of.

[SummerDreams]

If she was such a family oriented girl at heart, she clearly manipulated the OP just to get married in the hopes that he would change his mind about having children. The OP is not at fault for believing his wife when she pretended to share the same goals.

 

I can't believe how quick some women are to judge their disadvantaged sisters. Very sad to see.

 

There is no other option here, either she truly agreed with him with the lifestyle he suggested and she suddenly changed her mind and is trying to persuade him like he is a child (which shows she doesn't respect him) OR she always wanted kids but pretended she didn't to trap him into marriage and plan to persuade him later (which also shows she doesn't respect him). So your suggestion that we judge a poor woman while she has done no wrong is not right.

[Hodor]

As much as I think usually a conversation should be between the future bride and groom, I think you and/or your wife made a mistake by not involving her family in this. They would have warned her what she was getting herself into due to her inexperience.

 

See, it's all very well for you to shut yourself away from people who will challenge your view but I think it was irresponsible of you to dump your wife in this. You know how much pressure there is on women in India to conform. This was always going to be a problem. You should have involved the family, that's the whole point of an arranged marriage, non? Otherwise might as well go for a love marriage.

 

We are a family who is not too traditional and not too western. We marry with our parents blessings but we dont involve them in our daily life. You will find all types of people in India. Joint families who lead life with one man in charge. That guy dictate all the rules. I have a friend who lives this way. He is 30 and still cant stay out of house past 12AM.

 

In that situation I never thought it would escalate to this level. Yes its my mistake to take this thing lightly.

 

I'm pretty certain - OP correct me - that she had no relationship experience before meeting the OP. In India women have very little power, even in cities that are more modern. They get an education and go to work but you generally won't find Indian women experience life to the extent that Western women do, people live at home at their parents' place before they get married and girls are kept naive and inexperienced. You can't judge her the same way. She probably just really wanted to get married.

 

Things are changing. Most of the young generation these days are involved in relationship. The thing you mentioned do happen but in those families which are extremely conservative, have false pride or are undereducated. Her family is not like that. She had a relationship in college and it ended when the guy went abroad to do his masters and fell in love with someone there. We didnt discuss this much. When it comes to past relationships I am someone who believes that let the bygones be bygones.

 

If she was such a family oriented girl at heart, she clearly manipulated the OP just to get married in the hopes that he would change his mind about having children. The OP is not at fault for believing his wife when she pretended to share the same goals.

 

Thank you for supporting me but I still wouldnt say she manipulated me. Its not like admitting to it will make me a less of a man but only when our close associated started having kids her mind changed.

 

I must say that your wife is a hypocrite for getting angry at you because you spoke to her sister. Now she is bringing your family into a personal decision to force you to change your mind? I know that Indian families are very involved in marriages but if you hardly spoke to your in-laws and your parents didn't interfere, it's obvious that your families are more modern than most Indian families. I would be livid if I were you.

 

My guess is that your wife has gone to your family with tears in her eyes talking about how you don't want children. Your mother and your wife think that they can persuade you by ganging up on you.

 

I have a mother who is very nosy and controlling. She has tried interventions as well as berating me in order to do what she wants. When my mother was not invited to my wedding, she calmed down considerably because she realized that trying to run my life would have the opposite effect. She still spreads rumors about me being forced to live a childfree lifestyle because of my husband. I try to avoid speaking to her as much as possible.

 

Yes my wife getting mad at me for meeting her sister was wrong. And it made me angry as well. She talks to my mother regularly and I have equal right to speak with anyone I want.

 

There is a bit of irony to this thread though that while the OP supposedly isn't family oriented and wants to run away to a different country the first thing he did when trying to convince his wife was go to his family for advise and the second thing was go to her family.

 

 

He's still trying to figure out everyone in the families sides on this whole situation.

 

Families would have eventually been involved. Divorce is a big thing here. Its not easy to part ways. It not only affects the individuals involved but affects the whole family. That is why parents always try to figure out ways to save a marriage. A divorced husband or wife is frowned upon. This is changing now but far from being socially acceptable yet. I had to know the standings of our family members. I am still not a family man, but that doesnt mean I completely ignore the society I live in.

 

No, I'm judging you for not trying to understand what it's like for women to grow up in a society with fewer rights than a man.

 

But don't you understand that she had no idea what she was getting herself into? Maybe she really wanted to get married to get away from her own family? She would have no other way to get out of that house. This may not be true but you don't know. Maybe she really thought she liked the OP enough that marriage would be enough for her and she didn't realise what it would be like once the newness of the marriage wore off because she had never had a serious relationship (or probably any relationship) before.

 

Why is it so hard for people to try to understand cultures that are different from their own?

 

Also, no-one here knows (including the OP) what kind of men had been presented to the OP's wife as marriage potential. Maybe he was the only one she could imagine having sex with. There is subtle and constant pressure on women to get married and while I'm sure she wasn't forced per se, should wouldn't have the same rights as Western women to say no.

 

Why is this so hard to understand? Especially as a woman?

 

I didnt ask her what sorts of potential grooms were presented to her but we discussed couple of funny encounters. She confessed that she had no idea she would find someone so easily and so early in life. We have cases in India where the girl had started looking at 22 and still remained unmarried at 30 because of not finding a suitable match. Apart from basic qualities one searches in a husband she wanted 3 main things

 

1- To be able to work post marriage

2- To not have controlling in laws

3- A family that doesnt asks for dowry

 

According to her I exceeded the basic qualities she was looking for and those 3 conditions were pre met.

[elaine567]

We are not mindless slaves to biological imperatives. It is called free will.

Sadly, many people choose to follow urges to have children when they are not suited to be parents. This results in children being raised in terrible situations or suffering abuse by parents who didn't want them. Just because a person can have a child, it doesn't mean that she should.

 

It's great that you don't judge the OP's wife for not wanting children. However, based on some of your language and and blaming the OP for choosing the wrong woman, it appears that you feel that being childfree is a phase most people grow out of.

 

 

I am not "blaming" anyone that is your interpretation, but if the OP wanted a wife to live in "glorious isolation", with no tensions, no stress and no people or kids complicating their existence then he has obviously chosen the "wrong one" as that is not what his wife wants.

NO "blame" attached, just a fact.

 

Many many people are happily child free so why on earth would I think being child free is something people grow out of...

But I have also been around many people who desperately want children, so I can also empathize with his wife.

There is no suggestion here that the wife would make an awful mother or that they live in a "terrible situation"so I am not sure if your "rant" about child abuse is actually relevant.

[BettyDraper]

No, I'm judging you for not trying to understand what it's like for women to grow up in a society with fewer rights than a man.

 

But don't you understand that she had no idea what she was getting herself into? Maybe she really wanted to get married to get away from her own family? She would have no other way to get out of that house. This may not be true but you don't know. Maybe she really thought she liked the OP enough that marriage would be enough for her and she didn't realise what it would be like once the newness of the marriage wore off because she had never had a serious relationship (or probably any relationship) before.

 

Why is it so hard for people to try to understand cultures that are different from their own?

 

Also, no-one here knows (including the OP) what kind of men had been presented to the OP's wife as marriage potential. Maybe he was the only one she could imagine having sex with. There is subtle and constant pressure on women to get married and while I'm sure she wasn't forced per se, should wouldn't have the same rights as Western women to say no.

 

Why is this so hard to understand? Especially as a woman?

 

Do you honestly believe that women are on equal footing with men in the Western world? If you do, then I have a bridge to sell you because women are still expected to do certain things on this side of the pond which men are not. We are also still held to different standards than men. If women were truly equal in North America, there wouldn't be such a pay gap between men and woman in the corporate world and women would not be shamed for enjoying sexuality with different partners.

 

The OP's wife is an intelligent and educated woman. She was permitted to have a relationship before marriage which is unheard of in traditional Indian families. The mere fact that she was even encouraged to seek education shows that her family has a more present day way of thinking. More than once, the OP has said that both families are far more modern than most so his wife would obviously have far more rights than you think.

 

As for understanding culture, it seems that you are unaware that India is experiencing a huge shift in the way women are treated. It is still a very old fashioned nation. However, educated young people who live in large cities have more in common with their Western counterparts than you understand. Sounds like you don't know as much as you think. I suggest you refrain from putting every Indian woman in one box based on your rudimentary knowledge of their culture. It would make sense not to automatically see every Indian woman as a victim since that is not empowering for your "sisters" at all.

[BettyDraper]

I am not "blaming" anyone that is your interpretation, but if the OP wanted a wife to live in "glorious isolation", with no tensions, no stress and no people or kids complicating their existence then he has obviously chosen the "wrong one" as that is not what his wife wants.

NO "blame" attached, just a fact.

 

Many many people are happily child free so why on earth would I think being child free is something people grow out of...

But I have also been around many people who desperately want children, so I can also empathize with his wife.

There is no suggestion here that the wife would make an awful mother or that they live in a "terrible situation"so I am not sure if your "rant" about child abuse is actually relevant.

 

You said the OP chose the wrong woman. That is blaming him for not selecting the right person to spend his life with when she came into the marriage appearing to agree with his views.

 

There were some comments in your other posts about most couples and women changing their mind about not having kids as they age. That is where I came to the conclusion that you think childfreedom is not normally a permanent decision.

 

I can appreciate that you may not have meant to come across a certain way but your wording indicates the opposite of what you were trying to convey.

[Hodor]

My wife isnt coming home for now. She is either sleeping at my parents house or her house, I dont know. My mother called and said we had a lengthy talk amongst ourselves and we all would like to talk to you. I told them let me think about it.

 

Her dad called as well. He said he wants to meet me. I clearly told him that there is no point because he will be taking his daughters side to which he replied he will only do the right thing. He wants to save our marriage and got some proposal for me. I told him to take couple of more days to think this matter over and then we will meet. Also I suggested that he speaks to my wifes sister in details to get my side of the story. He agreed. Before disconnecting he was like "Dont worry son, we will work it out".

 

I will have an informal meeting with some divorce lawyer just to understand the procedure.

[BettyDraper]

My wife isnt coming home for now. She is either sleeping at my parents house or her house, I dont know. My mother called and said we had a lengthy talk amongst ourselves and we all would like to talk to you. I told them let me think about it.

 

Her dad called as well. He said he wants to meet me. I clearly told him that there is no point because he will be taking his daughters side to which he replied he will only do the right thing. He wants to save our marriage and got some proposal for me. I told him to take couple of more days to think this matter over and then we will meet. Also I suggested that he speaks to my wifes sister in details to get my side of the story. He agreed. Before disconnecting he was like "Dont worry son, we will work it out".

 

I will have an informal meeting with some divorce lawyer just to understand the procedure.

 

I think you're approaching this well. You seem to understand that these "meetings" are really just high pressure discussions where your family members will attempt to bully you into having children. There isn't anything to work out with your parents and in-laws. You have given fatherhood some more thought and you still came to the conclusion that you want a childfree lifestyle. This is a sad and difficult situation but I commend you for being realistic about the outcome.

 

Several family members have tried to pressure me to have children. There were no formal meetings but there were times when I visited family members who had children and my mother was there as well. She would start talking about how nice babies were and complimented me on how cute I looked with a baby in my arms. Then my mother would get the other women present to agree with her and they would all start telling me I needed to have a child.

 

Being childfree is a lonely life because it is unusual and flies in the face of societal expectations of marriage. I'm lucky that I have some childfree friends as well as some loved ones with children who do not denigrate me for my choice. Nobody should make such an important and lifelong decision based on what others expect of them.

[Hodor]

I think you're approaching this well. You seem to understand that these "meetings" are really just high pressure discussions where your family members will attempt to bully you into having children. There isn't anything to work out with your parents and in-laws. You have given fatherhood some more thought and you still came to the conclusion that you want a childfree lifestyle. This is a sad and difficult situation but I commend you for being realistic about the outcome.

 

Several family members have tried to pressure me to have children. There were no formal meetings but there were times when I visited family members who had children and my mother was there as well. She would start talking about how nice babies were and complimented me on how cute I looked with a baby in my arms. Then my mother would get the other women present to agree with her and they would all start telling me I needed to have a child.

 

Being childfree is a lonely life because it is unusual and flies in the face of societal expectations of marriage. I'm lucky that I have some childfree friends as well as some loved ones with children who do not denigrate me for my choice. Nobody should make such an important and lifelong decision based on what others expect of them.

 

Honestly I would rather not meet anyone. They have nothing to offer that can change my mind. I will be only meeting them out of respect for elders. They are civilized and rational people. They should understand that its not me who wants to leave their daughter but its their daughter who cant adjust with me anymore.

 

Being child free raises big doubts on you as a person. Here even those who cant afford 3 meals a day bears a child. I dont know a single person who doesnt bring a kid due to financial issues. People live their life how society wants them to and this is something which I cant stand.

[BettyDraper]

Honestly I would rather not meet anyone. They have nothing to offer that can change my mind. I will be only meeting them out of respect for elders. They are civilized and rational people. They should understand that its not me who wants to leave their daughter but its their daughter who cant adjust with me anymore.

 

Being child free raises big doubts on you as a person. Here even those who cant afford 3 meals a day bears a child. I dont know a single person who doesnt bring a kid due to financial issues. People live their life how society wants them to and this is something which I cant stand.

 

I can relate to feeling conflicted between respecting elders and living life as you choose. I tend to avoid elders who bring unnecessary strife because I don't want to end up arguing with them when they are rude or inappropriate.

 

It baffles me how many people choose to have children when they can barely take care of themselves in every way. Just goes to show how common it is to allow biological urges to override common sense.

[Els]

There is no other option here, either she truly agreed with him with the lifestyle he suggested and she suddenly changed her mind and is trying to persuade him like he is a child (which shows she doesn't respect him) OR she always wanted kids but pretended she didn't to trap him into marriage and plan to persuade him later (which also shows she doesn't respect him). So your suggestion that we judge a poor woman while she has done no wrong is not right.

 

She was 21 when they married. And given her culture, chances are at 21 she was still living at home and obeying her parents, had never been given the chance to find herself or to think about what she wanted in life. How many things were YOU sure about when you were 21?

 

Marrying young always carries risks like this. A few couples manage to evolve together and work things out, many don't. Of those who don't, some divorce, and some stay together unhappily for the rest of their lives.

 

She isn't the abuser with him being the victim, they're both victims of a restrictive culture IMO.

[BettyDraper]

She was 21 when they married. And given her culture, chances are at 21 she was still living at home and obeying her parents, had never been given the chance to find herself or to think about what she wanted in life. How many things were YOU sure about when you were 21?

 

Marrying young always carries risks like this. A few couples manage to evolve together and work things out, many don't. Of those who don't, some divorce, and some stay together unhappily for the rest of their lives.

 

She isn't the abuser with him being the victim, they're both victims of a restrictive culture IMO.

 

I agree. The OP and his wife are not victims of each other.

Marrying young can work out but it often doesn't because of the growth and change that most people undergo in their 20s.

 

That said, if Hodor's wife was really such an obedient daughter who observed customs, she would not have agreed to a childfree marriage in the first place. The arranged marriage could have been called off on those grounds and nobody would have faulted her for that.