Buddhist Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 Okay, I've been on this forum long enough to have seen the perpetual questions of.....but why? I thought we might all chip in with the obvious so we can periodically visit this thread when wearing love goggles and remind ourselves. #1 - People are disingenuous. No, really. They say stuff they don't even mean. You will probably date one at some point. #2 - People will let you do stuff that's not in your best interest if it's works in their favour. That's how hookups, getting strung along, and letting you assume exclusivity that doesn't exist happens. #3 - When dating the under 25s try not to be surprised when unreliability happens. 6
sparkle222 Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 Haha. This sounds familiar! #4. People will rationalise everything they do. There's no point telling them what they did wrong because they'll always have a justification and often it involves blaming you or calling you dumb. #5. Any apology is just there to calm you down. They don't actually feel bad the way you want then to. #6. People only appreciate something when they can't have it anymore (and even then not very often). 3
blackcat777 Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 #2 can be negated completely by setting strong boundaries for yourself. (Something I wish ANYONE would have taught my growing up but never did...) #4 & #5 sound like signs of a toxic relationship... 1
PegNosePete Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 #7. The people who could learn the most from this thread, will never read it. 6
Toodaloo Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 #8. If they are not "into" you there really is no point wasting time and brain space thinking about it #9 Agonising over a person you met once for an hour is just not cool or healthy. You do not even know them so how on earth do you know that they are "perfect" #10 On the subject of perfection - no one is. While I have my doubts I am still sure even the Queen farts (they probably smell of roses though) #11 if you have to ask the question the answer is probably no. #12 just because someone else wants it/ has it doesn't mean you should want it too - nor that you should have it... 7
Toodaloo Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 #13 That guy/ girl you dated for 3 months and were crying about for 6 months... in 3 years you will not even remember their name #14 Life goes on. You can choose to go with the flow or sit stubbornly on the bank and remain in the past but that is your choice. Your past is not to blame for you refusing to accept the future #15 Forgiveness is not the same as forgetfulness #16 There is no point remembering insignificant people #17 There is no point in putting effort into insignificant people #18 More people die wishing they had rather than being glad they did. Get out there and do it - you make your wishes come true #19 So you may fail, you may stumble and fall. But the person who gets up and continues to walk on gets further than the person who whines and cries about it. #20 You will make mistakes. Accept them and learn from them. When you need to apologise be sincere about it. 5
Toodaloo Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 oh and 21. If you find yourself saying "someone should do something about that" chances are that you are that someone. Be the change you wish to see in the world. 3
NTV Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 22. If someone will cheat with you, they will cheat on you. 23. Love isn't something that magically happens. It's something you build brick by brick. 24. Don't let your emotions control your actions. Unless you feel emotionally the need for giving me personally lots and lots of money, then it's okay to give in. 5
dichotomy Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 25. Ninety percent of relationships that become sexless - the sex never comes back, no matter what you do.
basil67 Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 26. People can lie to themselves and believe that lie. So the lie they tell you isn't necessarily a deliberate deception of you. 27. An apology has no meaning unless it it accompanied by change. 2
LostOnes05 Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 Okay, I've been on this forum long enough to have seen the perpetual questions of.....but why? I thought we might all chip in with the obvious so we can periodically visit this thread when wearing love goggles and remind ourselves. #1 - People are disingenuous. No, really. They say stuff they don't even mean. You will probably date one at some point. #2 - People will let you do stuff that's not in your best interest if it's works in their favour. That's how hookups, getting strung along, and letting you assume exclusivity that doesn't exist happens. #3 - When dating the under 25s try not to be surprised when unreliability happens. [Amended] #3 - When dating the under 99s try not to be surprised when unreliability happens. 1
Author Buddhist Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 - Stop asking 'why' it's the most useless question when it comes to relationships. If you take your fixation off 'why' you will be able to see the 'what' of a situation and make better decisions. Why never ever......makes you feel better, changes the situation, or redeems the other person. The only outcome from asking 'why' is delaying your own ability to move on. - Closure is not something you get from someone else. You can't buy it in a supermarket, florist shop or department store. Therefore, stop expecting someone else to give it to you. 1
Toodaloo Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 [Amended] #3 - When dating the under 99s try not to be surprised when unreliability happens. To be fair though by the time most of us reach 99 we do tend to have a touch of dementia so it would be a bit like pot luck trying to remember which day you had that date and who it was with... actually what day is it today? Has anyone seen my glasses? 27. Wasting emotion on people who do not want you is fruitless and a waste of time. Waste your emotion on yourself and love yourself before you start giving it away to random strangers...
Poutrew Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 [Amended] #3 - When dating the under 99s try not to be surprised when unreliability happens. And just remember, the over 99's will lie to you, cheat you, and possibly even kill you over a full can of Ensure. Don't even ask what they'd do to you if they found out you have an old bottle of Geritol lying around... 1
Toodaloo Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 29. (because I mis-numbered the last one) Respect yourself and walk away from those who do not treat you with dignity and respect.
Author Buddhist Posted June 12, 2016 Author Posted June 12, 2016 (edited) - Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. They can look a lot like they are meant to be but then it doesn't work out. The only real solution to that is to move on. Edited June 12, 2016 by Buddhist 2
Toodaloo Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 31. Heed the advice of your peers and family. They see things with out rose tinted glasses... 1
Toodaloo Posted July 1, 2016 Posted July 1, 2016 32. There are three versions of the truth. Their truth, the other persons truth and the whole truth... 33. Sometimes its better to break your heart rather than break your soul.
Wave Rider Posted July 2, 2016 Posted July 2, 2016 Some of this is starting to sound kind of cynical, like The Red Pill.
JuanDelToro Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 #13 That guy/ girl you dated for 3 months and were crying about for 6 months... in 3 years you will not even remember their name #14 Life goes on. You can choose to go with the flow or sit stubbornly on the bank and remain in the past but that is your choice. Your past is not to blame for you refusing to accept the future #15 Forgiveness is not the same as forgetfulness #16 There is no point remembering insignificant people #17 There is no point in putting effort into insignificant people #18 More people die wishing they had rather than being glad they did. Get out there and do it - you make your wishes come true #19 So you may fail, you may stumble and fall. But the person who gets up and continues to walk on gets further than the person who whines and cries about it. #20 You will make mistakes. Accept them and learn from them. When you need to apologise be sincere about it. In bold, best points of the whole thread.
salparadise Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 32. There are three versions of the truth. Their truth, the other persons truth and the whole truth... The whole truth means it's your version. Everyone has a different narrative.
Toodaloo Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 The whole truth means it's your version. Everyone has a different narrative. That was kinda my point Sal... Perspective and all that... The whole truth is NOT my version. It is a combination of all versions that culminate in fact... 34. Keep your feet on the ground at all times...
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