phoenix1 Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 I had 3 great dates with this guy who seemed to be really into me, some fun make out sessions, we talked about doing different activities, even as we last said goodbye. Now it is almost week since any communication, and he has apparently fallen off the face of the earth. I get it, he is not into me now, even if he was, right? But why do men act so hot for you, talk about all these things they want to do, and then disappear? Why say all that if you have no intention? Makes it really hard for me to believe anything anyone says. 3
sagetalk Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 Some people just tell you everything you want to hear, it makes it easier on them. It's really just selfishness. Selfish people make terrible relationship partners, so consider yourself fortunate. 8
Buddhist Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 I get it, he is not into me now, even if he was, right? But why do men act so hot for you, talk about all these things they want to do, and then disappear? Why say all that if you have no intention? Makes it really hard for me to believe anything anyone says. Thats because you should not believe anything anyone says. When guys go on about how much they like this or that and want to do with you they are just living in the moment. They are not future planning as many women assume they are. They're just romanticising their own lives and fantasising mostly. It's not a sign of budding love or any other such thing. It's just a guy daydreaming. He could daydream with you, or really any other woman he finds reasonably attractive. Dating is fun, he's living in the moment, not seeing wedding bells. The only sign a guy is into you is when he turns up. Never listen to whatever drivel is coming out of his mouth, he's spouting that to every person of interest he meets. 5
TXGuy Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 It could be that he follows the third date rule of thumb. That is simply being a pleasant optimist through three dates. If the third date results in sex, keep going with the relationship. If the third date does not result in sex, cut your losses and move on to other women that might actually be interested in you. It is a perfectly reasonable rule of thumb for men to follow. It is not for everyone, but it is better than many other subjective methods. 1
Author phoenix1 Posted June 3, 2016 Author Posted June 3, 2016 I don't think this was the issue. We were all over each other- as much as you can public-but far from either of our homes. However were supposedly making plans for our next date which clearly, unless he's blind, involved the deed. 1
TXGuy Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 I don't think this was the issue. We were all over each other- as much as you can public-but far from either of our homes. However were supposedly making plans for our next date which clearly, unless he's blind, involved the deed. If that is the case, I'm stumped. 1
Author phoenix1 Posted June 3, 2016 Author Posted June 3, 2016 Yeah, I've been thinking about it, and as much as I am kind of bummed- and confused- I'm thinking I dodged a bullet. If you can't communicate like a grown up, and just disapear on me like that, good riddance. 3
The_Dork_Lard Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 Have you tried contacting him? He could be in hospital, or anything. 1
swazzzz Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 Sometimes the women too disappear for some time, only to resurface later on. It is just the interest level that fluctuates. I've been seeing this girl for 2 weeks now and been on 2 dates so far. We haven't had make out sessions but we have kissed lightly. I know that she likes me but more often than not, she behaves contrary to my expectations. Like tonight for example, we had a great date, a good meal and some wine and I walked her back to her car and we kissed. Once I got home, I texted her that I had a great time and hope she reached home safe. Never got a response back and this happens on and off. I try not to be over eager and keep the texting to a minimum but when your expectations don't turn out the way you want them to, it really is a sucker punch. So all I am saying is that if you had great chemistry with the guy and he talked about certain things, he could either be just talking fluff or he genuinely means what he is saying. I think you should get in touch with him and see how he responds. If he responds in a cold manner, you should move on because he was obviously just looking for some fun with you. If not, just go with the flow. You should date other men. Nothing wrong with that. 1
BaileyB Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 I think you are lucky he showed you who he is after the third date... Rather than the next after you had slept with him. Best of luck to you. 1
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 And then what? You're not saying what is the issue. He does not reply to your text or call? He replies but he is slow? Then what exactly? After about a month dating my boyfriend he also disappeared. No reply to my text or call. The last thing he had told me was he had lost his job and he was shocked and distressed about it. Then poof nothing ! I had a thread about it on here and people came in telling me he was being an XYZ, he had lost interest, he was caving, etc etc. Turned out his phone broke, he had lost his contact list, and he ran into a series of problems. Finally he contacted me after 4 days of silence and explained everything to me. We have been dating over 6 months now and are having a very fulfilling loving relationship. 2
Author phoenix1 Posted June 3, 2016 Author Posted June 3, 2016 After last date two VERY brief benign texts, 1st initiated by me 3 days after, then one by him 2 days after that. I responded, and no response. 1 week ago. I can see he has been on the dating site, several times. If he wanted to see me, he would be contacting me. I think he met someone else, or his busy checking out his other options. 1
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 After last date two VERY brief benign texts, 1st initiated by me 3 days after, then one by him 2 days after that. I responded, and no response. 1 week ago. I can see he has been on the dating site, several times. If he wanted to see me, he would be contacting me. I think he met someone else, or his busy checking out his other options. Who initiated and paid for the 3 dates?
Author phoenix1 Posted June 3, 2016 Author Posted June 3, 2016 First one him, second mostly him, but both. Third one both really. We dont live in the same town, so took some coordination. Planned in advance, not the last minute. He paid for the first two (one was only coffee) and on the third (most expensive) I offered, offered to split, and eventually he let me throw in $20. 1
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 After last date two VERY brief benign texts, 1st initiated by me 3 days after, then one by him 2 days after that. I responded, and no response. 1 week ago. I can see he has been on the dating site, several times. If he wanted to see me, he would be contacting me. I think he met someone else, or his busy checking out his other options. Well, looks like it eh. I am sorry he disappointed you. When I was online dating I never put hope in a man under 1 month dating and my first rule was to not believe one word out of their mouth till exclusivity. That way I was able to move on quite fast from a disappointment. 4
Satu Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 After last date two VERY brief benign texts, 1st initiated by me 3 days after, then one by him 2 days after that. I responded, and no response. 1 week ago. I can see he has been on the dating site, several times. If he wanted to see me, he would be contacting me. I think he met someone else, or his busy checking out his other options. I think that's the most likely explanation. Try not to be discouraged. He was rude in not contacting you, but in a months time you'll not be bothered. Take care 1
Grapesofwrath Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 In the world of online dating, I think it's safe to always assume the guy is checking out other options/dating other women until it is explicitly stated that is no longer happening. It's one of the problems with online dating, IMO. There is a constant set of options/alternatives and always a shiny new object to check out. He probably enjoyed the dates, but got distracted with a shiny new object. Best to learn this earlier and move on to someone else. It stings, but the pain will pass quickly. As Satu said, in a month's time you'll feel nothing about it. 2
Tressugar Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 (edited) Men know that us women are suckas for pretty, flowery words. My male cousin has several brand new paid in full cars and two plush houses in his name that we kick it in, all based on saying nice sh*t to women. He's a panty dropper. Not by looks, but by gassing women's heads and giving them the ultimate mind f*ck. This is the God's honest truth. And trust me I've fallen victim to nice words time and time again. It's time for women to stop listening and start watching men's actions. I'm saying that so I can see this in writing for myself. Edited June 8, 2016 by Tressugar 2
VeveCakes Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 I had 3 great dates with this guy who seemed to be really into me, some fun make out sessions, we talked about doing different activities, even as we last said goodbye. Now it is almost week since any communication, and he has apparently fallen off the face of the earth. I get it, he is not into me now, even if he was, right? But why do men act so hot for you, talk about all these things they want to do, and then disappear? Why say all that if you have no intention? Makes it really hard for me to believe anything anyone says. It's really really brutal. Keep looking though, there are good ones out there.
Mjm1014 Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 (edited) I had a girl do this to me, 3-4 amazing dates (or so I felt), constantly telling me things like "wow you are the most amazing guy I've ever met, I feel so lucky, and wow no one has ever treated me as well as you treat me" then she ghosted on me and later gave me excuses why she couldn't get together. The takeaway, if someone is giving you lots of compliments like that in the beginning or tell you they want to do this and that in the future, it could be a red flag. Maybe they are trying to manipulate or fill some void in their life...People who come on strong and fast, seem to leave strong and fast in the beginning of a relationship/dating. Slow down, slow wayyyyy down. Take their words with a grain of salt until they prove themselves to you. I learned the hard way and so did you. Edited June 8, 2016 by Mjm1014 1
SugarLips72 Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 If a guy wants to see you, he will make an attempt to see you. Anything else is just lip service.
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