Single-hood Or Couple-dom?

[Buddhist]

I've been both for long periods of my life now and honestly can't decide which I prefer. They both have their up-sides. I've never wanted a family, no longer care about marriage either, am totally happy and confident just taking myself out, doing my own thing. I've travelled single, dine out on my own, enjoy being in nature on my own with my thoughts etc.

 

Pro's to being single

 

- Get to make choices without reference to another person or needing agreement. This gives a lot of freedom in pursuing careers, education, travel options, where you reside, pets you have etc.

- Never need to worry about where my SO is, what time they'll be home, if I should make dinner.

- Interior decorating can be done to my style completely.

- If I have a bad day at work I can come home, shut the door, ignore the world. Order a pizza and scoff it while watching chick flicks for the entire evening.

- No expectations to attend family events, pretend I like people I can't stand, be on my best behaviour and put up a front to impress friends, relatives, coworkers.

 

Pro's to being coupled.

 

- Easy sex

- Comfortable companionship

- A focus outside of work, my own family and interests

- An outlet for my expression of affection

 

Looking at that I probably prefer being single. Although the the shorter list probably has a greater weight to it than the longer one. Anyone else have thoughts on which they prefer as a lifestyle?

[SammySammy]

I prefer companionship, but I'd rather be alone than be unhappy.

 

After a life of serial monogamy, I've chosen to be single - to an extent (FWBs) - unless I develop a special bond with someone.

 

I'm not looking for it, but life is too short for mediocre relationships.

[jen1447]

Relationships here. I think ppl are most happy sharing happiness w/others.

[S_A]

Being in a relationship by far! Why would I not want to be in a relationship with nature's greatest crestion?

 

A BF can watch chick flicks too btw. For instance, my GF watched like three chick flicks in a row one night and I stayed by her side the entire time. I just wanted to be next to her at that time. I did not necessarily pay attention to the movies the whole time, but when my GF sees those "awwww so cute" moments in the movie, the first thing she is going to do is release those built up "awwww so cute" feelings towards me. It's a total win as a BF because it's like I'm being rewarded for doing something amazing when I in fact didn't do a thing It's easy for almost any BF to be considered as the greatest BF of all time in such situations

 

Yep... I take advantage when I can!

 

One of the movies was with Ryan Reynolds where he starts off as a fat kid in high school. The movie sucked but the flashback scenes were hilarious (mainly because of the chin).

 

P.S. Your list for the pros of being in a relationship is extremely short.

Edited June 2, 2016 by S_A

[dichotomy]

 

Pro's to being coupled.

 

- Easy sex

 

 

 

Don't count on this exactly - there are many posts here on loveshack of long term cohabiting couples where the sex is gone after a few years.

 

However I have also read that statically speaking - on the whole - couples have more sex then single uncoupled people.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I have a very happy and fulfilling life as a single woman but will admit that I really enjoy companionship. But as MidKnightDreams said, I'd rather be alone than be in an unhappy relationship any day of the week.

[Buddhist]

Relationships here. I think ppl are most happy sharing happiness w/others.

 

Well as sad as this may seem, I've never experienced that.

[Woggle]

I prefer being with the woman I am with to being single but if I never met her I would probably be single.

[RecentChange]

I am kinda embarrassed to say I haven't spent much of any time as an adult "single".

 

That said - I think I still enjoy much of your "single" list in my "coupled" life.

 

Maybe its because we aren't very conventional. Do not have children, aren't very family oriented etc.

 

Pro's to being single

 

- Get to make choices without reference to another person or needing agreement. This gives a lot of freedom in pursuing careers, education, travel options, where you reside, pets you have etc.

 

Perhaps its because we are fairly independent, but my spouse has been able to pursue various careers (including one that involved a lot of world travel - away for 6 weeks at a time), while I have been able to stick to what I am comfortable with - a long standing established job. Travel, we seem to be on the same page, but if either of us wanted to travel with friends, that is totally an option. I have a horse even though its a crazy money pit, he has acquired two dogs even though I wouldn't have dogs if it was up to me. We try to not stifle each other.

 

- Never need to worry about where my SO is, what time they'll be home, if I should make dinner.

 

Eh' I am cookin' dinner every night anyway. He can eat with me, or have left overs later if he wants to come home late. Or some days I declare "You're on your own!"

 

- Interior decorating can be done to my style completely.

 

We have similar taste - very few things get veto'ed

 

- If I have a bad day at work I can come home, shut the door, ignore the world. Order a pizza and scoff it while watching chick flicks for the entire evening.

 

This happens

 

- No expectations to attend family events, pretend I like people I can't stand, be on my best behaviour and put up a front to impress friends, relatives, coworkers.

 

This does not! Except for work functions we don't play this game.

 

Pro's to being coupled.

 

- Easy sex

- Comfortable companionship

- A focus outside of work, my own family and interests

- An outlet for my expression of affection

 

Yep all of this!

[Jabron1]

Neither.

 

But if you twisted my arm and gave me a chinese burn forcing me to choose, I'd pick being completely single over some sort of never ending couple-dom.

[thecrucible]

For me the best things about being single are:

- having the freedom to decide what to do with my own time

- not having to negotiate when choosing activities

- having 'me' time full stop

- not feeling that you have to help solve another person's problems (it's a different feeling than helping a friend)

- not having to meet relatives and worry about impressing them

- not having to meet a man's friends and pretend that you like things like video games

- not having the uneasiness you feel in a relationship where you don't know the man's level of commitment/where it's going

- not having certain differences of opinion which while expected can cause difficulties in a relationship

- no gender politics

- when you know more than one guy is interested in you and you don't have to do anything more than flirt with them, it can feel kind of good.

 

But I miss about relationships:

- Having a loving person to dote on and having someone dote on me, which for me is what life's all about

- Having more events to go to as certain events encourage couples. A SO can be easier to persuade to go to certain functions with than a friend

- Having a bf means you can share that experience with a friend and discuss your relationships together

- Sex of the loving kind which is a totally different experience

- the excitement about planning a future together, even just planning the odd day out

- going on holiday together

- physical affection

- someone uniquely receptive to hearing my feelings and giving me encouragement.

- the wonderful feeling of knowing one person very deeply

- the caring actions involved in loving a man

- for me it's also the feeling of being grown up, getting on with my life and having plans for the future like getting married and raising a family

 

At the moment I think relationships win. I hope to find a great guy soon.

[Els]

The only downsides I've experienced have been these two:

 

- Get to make choices without reference to another person or needing agreement. This gives a lot of freedom in pursuing careers, education, travel options, where you reside, pets you have etc.

- No expectations to attend family events, pretend I like people I can't stand, be on my best behaviour and put up a front to impress friends, relatives, coworkers.

 

It's true that being in a R limits where you can reside unless you want an indefinite LDR. Family/work events can be crappy but I can suck it up for a couple of hours, no biggie.

 

The others on your list don't necessarily apply to every relationship, I think. If I wanted to spend an evening scoffing down pizza and marathon watching something, I'm certain my SO would have no issues with it. He doesn't care about interior decor, I arrange furniture etc however I please, and our tastes are roughly similar anyway. Considering each others' schedule in daily plans isn't something that bothers me I guess, since it is inherent to any sort of interpersonal relationship (e.g. planning lunch with friends).

 

A downside I might add is that it takes some adjustment and compromise to live with another person - and I am admittedly bad at that. Having noise at home when I'm trying to do work, getting woken up when they roll around in their sleep, the bathroom in use when I reaaaalllly need it, etc etc. But that's a situational thing, not really inherent to the relationship, and could potentially be solved by throwing money at it (king size bed, house with more rooms, etc).

 

Also, as for your pros list, I personally would add a few things:

 

- Easy (and great!!!) sex

- Comfortable companionship

- A focus outside of work, my own family and interests

- An outlet for my expression of affection

- Someone who cares about you deeply

- Going out on dates

- Waking up or falling asleep in the arms of the person you love

- Having someone who really gets you, to share your thoughts, hopes, and dreams with

Ah, I could go on. But suffice to say, I've found that if I'm in a good and compatible R, the upsides FAR outweigh the downsides. That being said, I also think that being single is much better than being in a bad R. Possibly even better than being in a mediocre R. So if you haven't found someone whom you're really excited about, who makes you find all the downsides worth it - it's better to be single until you do IMO. Edited June 3, 2016 by Elswyth

[joseb]

I've been in fairly serious long term relationships most of my life. Too much I think.

 

Right now, I'm very happy being single.

Reading the pros and cons here is even confirming it for me.

[todreaminblue]

i love being in a relationship...but i cant be in one unless i feel its right for me......i have had long term relationships and i love being in long term relationships ......i actually enjoy the effort i put in......i see effort as worth it...

 

caring about someone having them care for you

 

being happy and sharing that....its wonderful...but i dont just want any relationship i want one that will last so i am prepared to wait until that guy.......the right guy for me.......deb

[misspond]

For me it's single-hood all the way. But I think that's mostly down to being independent (just last week my closest friend told me that I give off a very independent vibe when she was tutting at my lack of drive to find a partner), not wanting to deal with any cr@p (I've got two children, I don't need a man-child to add to my work-load) and having been single for a long time now so it's my default setting.

[alwaysgreener]

Hence the name I chose for this site. I'm the most indecisive person on the planet it feels like. When I was single, I was mostly bored and longed for companionship. Now that I'm in a relationship, I miss the independence of being single. I may wake up on a Saturday and my day is already planned out for me before I know what I want to do. Used to wake up single on a Saturday excited about what adventures the weekend may bring, only to be disappointed 85% of the time. I don't like to be forced to talk when I don't want to, but back when I was single sometimes I'd go the whole day and realize I haven't opened my mouth to speak to anyone besides my now displaced dog and feel kinda like a loser.

[joseb]

Hence the name I chose for this site. I'm the most indecisive person on the planet it feels like. When I was single, I was mostly bored and longed for companionship. Now that I'm in a relationship, I miss the independence of being single. I may wake up on a Saturday and my day is already planned out for me before I know what I want to do. Used to wake up single on a Saturday excited about what adventures the weekend may bring, only to be disappointed 85% of the time. I don't like to be forced to talk when I don't want to, but back when I was single sometimes I'd go the whole day and realize I haven't opened my mouth to speak to anyone besides my now displaced dog and feel kinda like a loser.

 

Sounds like in your case you are happier in relationships, you just need to be in one with a more spontaneous partner. You know you can still have a say in what you do when you are in a relationship right?

[Poutrew]

For me, the best thing about being single is that I get to leave the toilet seat up and not catch hell for it...

 

I have nothing against coupledom, or marriage, but it would have to be with he right gal. If I don't find her, then I guess I'll just have to muddle along, booking my vacations for one. But then, Rio during Carnival is not known for the 'family plan'...

[neowulf]

Singledom Pro's:

• Being responsible to no one but yourself
  
• Having the freedom to make drastic life choices, without compromise
  
• As much "you" time as you like
  

 

Singledom Con's:

• Loneliness
  
• Existing in a "dual income" society with only a single income
  
• Lack of support, when things get really tough
  
• Falling ill, without friends or family to depend on, can be unnerving.
  

 

Coupledom Pro's:

• Compaionship
  
• Regular Sex
  
• Growth, through seeing yourself through the eyes of another
  
• Shared resources
  
• Complimentary talents and skills, filling gaps for each other
  

 

Coupledom Con's:

• Conflict and drama, when things go sour
  
• Compromise, having to accept you won't always have things your way
  
• Having to consider another in every decision can complicate your life
  

[Els]

For me, the best thing about being single is that I get to leave the toilet seat up and not catch hell for it...

 

I never understood this bit, never heard of it til I came to LS. Why is the default state 'down'? Is this an American culture thing?

 

I put the seat down when I use it, and the SO puts the seat up when he uses it. That seems fair, not sure why he should be expected to put the seat up and THEN down while I just sit on it.

[Poutrew]

I never understood this bit, never heard of it til I came to LS. Why is the default state 'down'? Is this an American culture thing?

 

Picture this: It is the middle of the night. The little lady needs to use the loo and she sleepily just plops herself down on the porcelain crown, and since the seat is up, she goes down, right into the water. Yes, it has happened, and then the 'hell to pay' part gets delivered...maybe women are more understanding in other parts of the world, but somehow I doubt it.

Edited June 7, 2016 by Poutrew

[Els]

I never understood this bit, never heard of it til I came to LS. Why is the default state 'down'? Is this an American culture thing?

 

Picture this: It is the middle of the night. The little lady needs to use the loo and she sleepily just plops herself down on the porcelain crown, and since the seat is up, she goes down, right into the water. Yes, it has happened, and then the 'hell to pay' part gets delivered...maybe women are more understanding in other parts of the world, but somehow I doubt it.

 

Haha, how does this happen!?!? Do they not turn the lights on or anything??? What if the seat is down but there's a spider on it?

 

Dunno, when I visit other people's homes it's not uncommon for the seat to be up, so I'm pretty sure it's not just me and the people I've lived with who are different.

[Shining One]

Haha, how does this happen!?!? Do they not turn the lights on or anything???

Correct. This is also why you can now buy toilet seats with built-in LEDs.

[jen1447]

Also bear in mind the down rule is only for the ring part of the seat. The upper lid can be up. (Also a toilet w/both parts up just looks like 'man toilet' - ready for a stream of man-pee from afar. And you can see any water stains under the ridge etc. I think that might generally offend some women's sensibilities if it's their own home.)

[Buddhist]

Also bear in mind the down rule is only for the ring part of the seat. The upper lid can be up. (Also a toilet w/both parts up just looks like 'man toilet' - ready for a stream of man-pee from afar. And you can see any water stains under the ridge etc. I think that might generally offend some women's sensibilities if it's their own home.)

 

For me personally the whole seat up thing goes something like this......why do you need the seat up? How hard can it be to hang onto the hose, and direct a stream into a stonking big hole that's about a foot wide. Makes me think guys go to the loo and stand there hands free just spraying urine everywhere. In which case I'm a bit like..... do you need to be toilet trained all over again?

 

Yeah, that whole discussion just made me realise why I prefer single-hood.