Should I take her back?

[AnotherOne.]

Hi, ladies & Gents this is my first thread on this forum I hope to get some good advices.

 

I've been dating a girl for 4 years I'm 22 (her) 21 our relationship was amazing we use to have a lot of laughs and get along so well. We have shared a lot of memories we even spoke about getting married at one stage of our relationship. Her dad and mum loved me a lot and my parents loved her a lot also.

 

These last 3 months our relationship has been abit rocky she had exams and a few problems coming up and she was taking everything out on me which was kind of frustrating me but I still put my feelings away and cared more about hers.

 

She recently told me that we need a break I agreed and we went no contact for 2 weeks. She calls me on the third week I was really excited but didn't show any sign of joy, she arragned a dinner meeting and we had dinner and she told me

She really loves me but she confessed that she slept with another dude whilst we were on a break and told me that she was single and kept using that as an excuse I was really shocked she repeatedly kept using that excuse.

 

What do I do now?

[Daxter325]

Classic case of "I need a break so I won't feel bad for sleeping with another man while I'm still in a relationship"

 

These means she had this person lined up, tough call my friend. Since you agreed to the break however, you can't be too upset (not like like you can force her to not take a break anyway).

 

Me personally, I would've paid my share of the dinner and walked out.

[Zahara]

I think she was already seeing this guy while you both were still together, hence her stress and aggravation with you. She likely asked for a break (to be "single") to test him out and it probably didn't work out so she came back to you.

 

Personally, I would walk away.

[smudge21]

She popped over the fence to see if the grass was greener. For a while it was, but now she's unsure. I guess at least she's being open and honest, but that for me would eat away at any chance of a relationship. If it had been a few months then you could see her point (maybe), but it's only been a few weeks and she jumped into bed with someone else? Come on. That's pretty quick for someone "who has a few problems" to find out that the solution to her "problems" isn't discussing them with the man she loves, but jumping into bed with a stranger. It's a tough call as you clearly have deep feelings for her, and the hardest thing in the world is when we get let down by someone who we think the world of. Maybe you can work through this, but I doubt you'll get many on here who say they'd want to walk that rough road. She's an adult who made a decision which in my opinion has destroyed that trust that couples have and need. If she's to get that back, then she would really have to work for it.

[Satu]

"Engage Plan B."

[lchf]

Since you agreed to the break "technically" it's acceptable in her mind, which is why breaks are generally a bunch of BS, and I never will entertain the idea. I can only tell you what I would do, which is...drumroll: leave her and find someone who will respect your relationship enough not to ride the sausage carousel during a 2 week hiatus because she had "a few problems".

[NoLeafClover]

You get with her, screw around while keeping an eye for a better girl.

 

Don't start no catchy feelings though.

 

This girl is not someone you should see yourself with long term. Not only she broke up with you cuz of BS reasons, but her reasons apparently didn't stop her from sleeping around with other dudes.

 

So either be fine with what she did and just have fun, or cut the BS and tell her what she did was disrespectful as it had been a very short time after the BU

[Satu]

As is often stated here:

 

"A 'break' is the beginning of the breakup."

 

'On a break' = The End.

[Conviction]

Classic case of "I need a break so I won't feel bad for sleeping with another man while I'm still in a relationship"

 

These means she had this person lined up, tough call my friend. Since you agreed to the break however, you can't be too upset (not like like you can force her to not take a break anyway).

 

Me personally, I would've paid my share of the dinner and walked out.

 

Boom. Well said.

 

Don't take her back OP. The thought of her banging some other dude will haunt you, even if it doesn't now, it will when feelings get stronger. The time for her to approach you was before she banged some other guy.

[Chi townD]

Hold on. I'm a little confused. What was the purpose of this dinner? Just so she could tell you that she slept with someone else? Or does she want to come back?

 

Well, if it the later. RUN FOR THE HILLS AND DON'T LOOK BACK! Here's the deal. You said the last three months before the break were rocky and she was snappy and picking fights. It was at this time that she started to cheat on you. She was becoming emotionally involved with this other dude. That's why she was picking fights. It's easy to cheat on someone if your mad at them. She probably was thinking, "If he wasn't being such a jerk, I wouldn't be talking to this other dude." She was trying to ease her guilt and justify her own actions.

 

But, she decided that she wanted to take things further. At this point, she put more of a value on this other guy than you and your relationship with her. So, she proposed that you two "Take a break". She wanted to take a break to see where this new guy turns out. She could screw this guy guilt free because technically "we were on a break" So, she considered herself "single" to which she kept telling you over and over....don't you love technicalities!

 

But, what I suspect is this other guy just wanted to "hit it and quit it". And when she figured out that he wasn't serious about her or didn't want to enter into a relationship with her. She called you, "Hi Honey! Okay Breaks over! I love you again!".

 

Never lose sight that she was in bed (and believe me, it was more than one time) with this dude less than 14 days of "taking a break" with you. No mourning the loss of you. No mourning the loss of the relationship. Dude, she had something going on with this dude before your "break".

 

Hopefully, this is making sense to you..therefore, run! If she feels that she made a mistake. Then, that's a mistake she'll have to live with because you don't have to. Don't get played by this. Time to cut her loose completely and move on.

Edited June 2, 2016 by Chi townD

[swang]

Man, I was on a long break with my ex since I was away studying. We got back together after I returned for another 2 years until recently. There were many strong clues that she slept with other people while on the break, but she denied it thoroughly. I chose to believe her, hence the two girls, but let me tell you the doubt never goes away.

 

In your case, the trust is already damaged. It's ultimately up to you if you want to take her back. Everyone makes mistakes, so you can accept hers should you wish to. However, letting her go now will mean you get to heal faster.

 

IMO, thank her for the time together and her honesty. Leave her be.

[bubbaganoosh]

If it was me. I wouldn't have ordered dinner. As soon as she said that then I would have in a calm manner told her that your not a plan B guy and she should call her new stud up and have dinner with him and then got up and left.

 

Be damned if I play second fiddle to anyone.

[MIK3 WB]

You really wanna stay with someone who decides to sleep with someone else when things get tough rather than work and fix things with you? It's not a matter of "if" she will do it again, but "when".

 

Don't let her play you as a fool. Cut contact and move on. I'm sure you have way more respect for yourself than to be her Plan B while she explores "better" options whenever she is having "problems".

 

Every poster is saying you shouldn't be with her, so we hope for your sake you won't. I hope you didn't come here with the thought that we'd make up excuses for her actions and that you should somehow take her back. You will regret it if you do. The paranoia of her sleeping with someone else again will eat you alive.

Edited June 3, 2016 by MIK3 WB