Author Iamlostin Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 (edited) thank you all so much for the complete honesty over the past couple of weeks. I just wanted to put an update for those who have been following. Just so people don't get mixed up: -We broke up Sunday May 22nd I believe (couple days before our two year) so it's almost been a month by next week. -I've been trying to get some sort of relationship or anything out of them since then until LAST TUESDAY (June 7th) -HOWEVER last Sunday the 5th it was four days without communication and we ended up spending the whole Sunday arguing which started with me texting him saying that if he was gonna delete me in FB then to please get rid of all the pictures (childish on my part). We went back and fourth alllllll day. Every time the conversation was supposed to end he'd just come back with something else. He blocked me on the iPhone however the conversation mid day when to Instagram messenger which turned into him wanting to "see me", after all the bull**** (you all know what that means) I see him that night and make one final plea in asking about if I ever got another chance, and he gave me a long thoughtful pause and said if it's meant to be it will. I could tell he was trying to keep an emotional block and get everything over with but when I asked it was like is he just actually "feeling" for a moment or not? (He's never been a man to share feelings) however I texted him four more times that night pleading like an idiot, he replied "I think it's best that we be separated, I'm sorry but that's how I feel". And then I meantioned about just "seeing" each other until I found someone, obviously I wouldn't be seeing him, because it was strict business and that's it, he was completely different and cold whenever I saw him. He replied at 4:53 am saying "that's not fair" from then on when I texted him back all day my phone never delievered the texts and finally found out he blocked me, but why be somewhat ok yesterday and just all the sudden just do that and drop me without Atleast saying so like he usually would (not that he has to). It was weird and out of the blue. He ended up blocking me on Facebook as well because I said "hey ru around did you get my texts", all he said was no and blocked me....I get he's annoyed but why even bother talking to me Or even answering my texts the previous night even AFTER we saw each other? Since LAST Tuesday I have not spoken to him once. I have seen the light and Finally have a grip on the situation and realize my actions were shelfish. However I never meant them to do so. I've caught up with old friends, kept myself busy, and even hear from some new guys and half of me is in it and the other half is out thinking and somehow hoping he'll come back. I have a gut feeling, but then at the same time I have a gut feeling about him really not wanting anything to do with me. I could be having the best time, forgetting he exists but then a guy gets close and I freeze. I want to be able to see other people but my heart just can't still are the light. I try to remind myself, he tried hanging out with MY friend, but still I become so numb and sweep it under the rug. I'm afraid to completely give up and be with someone else and he come back and I'm already gone. AGAIN being realistic, I know it's dumb to thNk that or even worry about it when we're clearly not together .Knowing him I know that's what'll happen. I have my mind focused enough to steer clear of ANY communication however my heart is still at war, what have you done to just keep the process of healing going? I sometimes get those moments and I've been controlling them but instead of being harsh I just want some hopeful advice not for the relationship but for me in general. Edited June 16, 2016 by Iamlostin
ExpatInItaly Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) OP, with all due respect... Leave. Him. Alone. You are coming across as desperate and disrespectful of his wishes to end the relationship. Stop contacting him through any means, including getting your friends to talk to him. Just stop. You aren't healing because you haven't let go. By continuing to try to force your way back into his life, you are doing yourself harm. And that goes for any break-up, but especially yours because you are ignoring his wishes. Remember that it's far better to be with someone who wants to be with you. You are wasting your emotional energy with him, because he doesn't feel the same way anymore. But don't worry about dating other guys right now. You need to recover from this break-up first. Trying to sweep your pain under the rug by seeing other men won't help. Be single for a bit. Detach from your ex. Then start dating. Edited June 16, 2016 by ExpatInItaly 2
Author Iamlostin Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) With all due respect expatinitaly I made it VERY clear I have NOT communicated with him in over a week. I understand beforehand it was unfair, and I have realized that. I am referring your first three sentences THATS IT. I have and will stick to my guts. He is just as bad and has his own stuff he shouldn't have done but I'm only responsible for my side and my part and I get it. I appricate your insight Edited June 16, 2016 by Iamlostin
Author Iamlostin Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 Tonight is just one of those nights, where I'm bitter, halfway to tears and confined in all my thoughts. It was Father's Day and I had a great day. But I think to remember last years and I remember spending that Sunday with him and his family. We went out to eat and got icecream after, I remember him getting on one knee at the icecream place as a joke and we all laughed. I hate reminding myself, that I am BLOCKED from all communication, except Instagram but that still doesn't mean ****. I still try to remind myself he wanted to spend time with "my friend", and is taking someone else to the wedding. And worst of it all, he wants NOTHING to do with me. I have to keep constantly repeating myself and reminding myself but all that clouds it is wonderful memories. Especially the ones in the beginning of our relationship, those times in Vermont over the water, or that night he asked me to marry him while we were in bed, to the time he came back for me after we broke up for the first time. It all went downhill at some point and I wish I was able to fix it and that regret is so strong, and I totally forget about anything he ever did to hurt me. I miss him terribly, but I know what's right for us and he always did too. I was too clouded and too distracted by the fear of saying goodbye. All I want to do is apologize. Again and again. I wake up every morning with the thought of him in my head because the night before I would have a dream with him in it. Literally his face haunts me. It's now becoming more and more emotional to find things that are his and to throw them out. In the beginning of the breakup it was so much easier to just throw everything away all at once. But as I slowly find things still, I just want to hold it so much and hold on to the memories, but I can't. I keep telling myself, he doesn't miss you, or love you, he is clearly happy without you, what don't you see? It's so funny and so hard to convince myself that the person that said he loves me...doesn't anymore. I have improved with eating, sleeping etc, and I am very proud of myself. But what scares me beyond reason is my tendency eventually to become desensitized to anything bad he's ever done or said, I've had that issue with all of my relationships the impossible task to even see any slight bit of negativity just thrown right under the bed. I've had a really bad on and off relationship YEARS ago and ever since then my feeling and emotion for dislike or hurt towards him is non exsistent.
bummer Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 I still try to remind myself he wanted to spend time with "my friend", and is taking someone else to the wedding. And worst of it all, he wants NOTHING to do with me. I have to keep constantly repeating myself and reminding myself For me it's a she but same deal. Repeat repeat repeat. She doesn't want me, she doesn't want me, she doesn't want me...
Author Iamlostin Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 I am so sorry to hear . It sucks! But i decided to send a happy belated texr the other day because I truely feel it was only respectful to Atleast wish him a happy birthday and I did it through Instagram direct message, we don't follow each other nor did we block each other, in virtually blocked on EVERYTHING else. I know it went through but it didn't show that he's "seen" it, which Instagram gives you that below your message when they see it. It's been two days and he hasn't "seen" it but I wonder if he saw it from the inbox and deleted it, and if he did see it....why not just end up blocking me on Instagram too. I know it's a stretch but why leave that one form of communication open, when we've used that before for communicating ?
Author Iamlostin Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 For me it's a she but same deal. Repeat repeat repeat. She doesn't want me, she doesn't want me, she doesn't want me... I am so sorry to hear . It sucks! But i decided to send a happy belated texr the other day because I truely feel it was only respectful to Atleast wish him a happy birthday and I did it through Instagram direct message, we don't follow each other nor did we block each other, in virtually blocked on EVERYTHING else. I know it went through but it didn't show that he's "seen" it, which Instagram gives you that below your message when they see it. It's been two days and he hasn't "seen" it but I wonder if he saw it from the inbox and deleted it, and if he did see it....why not just end up blocking me on Instagram too. I know it's a stretch but why leave that one form of communication open, when we've used that before for communicating ?
Lostweekend Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 (edited) Hey there, Been reading through your post and first of all, I´m sorry for your pain! Listen, been there done that. I know it´s hard but you have to fight the urge to contact him. There´s a book / movie called "He´s just not that in to you"! Ok, so it´s a Hollywood movie but there´s a lot of truth to it. We try and kid ourselves and to justify the behaviour of others. This applies to people we are in relationships with, friends with and family. In other words, with people we have an emotional attachment to. The one thing that shines through in your comments is that you need to love yourself more and to realise that you deserve better than to beg for him to love you. You can´t push those things and you can´t beg for someone to love you. I can imagine that you feel very rejected and feel a strong urge to win him back. The fact that he ended it is bad enough but when you are made to feel totally rejected, blocked and unloved, it´s only human to want to be loved and accepted by that person, you want that feeling to go away and to prove that they are wrong. I have been on both ends of similar situations and can tell you here and now that you will not win him back this way! What you need to ask yourself is if you want HIM back or is it that you want this pain to go away? Do you think that you will trust him to stay IF you won him back? Girl, love yourself. Respect yourself, and don´t beg him for anything. Deal with his words and his actions. If he says "who knows what the future holds" it´s a way of keeping his options open. From what you are writing he just isn´t in to you in the right way and he´s not treating you right. You need to just leave him alone and go about your life. Build your self esteem and allow yourself to believe and feel that you can manage without him. That´s the only way you can grow as a person and be confident in your own skin. If you are going to be in a relationship you can´t force anything or anyone. Men and women are very different in dealing with stuff like this. Let him stay in his cave! If he wanted to deal with it and work on the relationship with you despite his personal problems, he would. It doesn´t really matter what his reasons are but make the decision to love yourself more and to look out for number 1 (you) You will be fine with this some day! PS - About your birthday message to him. You write that you felt it was respectful towards him to send him a birthday message. Girl, you are looking for excuses. You know that! Why should you be respectful towards him? With all that´s happened, you don´t owe him a birthday message. Admittedly you have brought some of this on yourself by continuing to contact him but the bottom line is that communication between the two of you has run it´s course. Work on healing and moving on with your life. Edited June 23, 2016 by Lostweekend
Marine1991 Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 (edited) Men and women both feel longing and wish to push the envelope hoping for something to change this time around. Edited June 24, 2016 by Marine1991 not the right area for posting
Author Iamlostin Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 (edited) Hopefully this doesn't interfere with the rules of this forum I'm still a little confused about them, as I am doing this all from my phone. 2 years down the drain was posted on June 2nd basically a breakup over a closed off emotional ex and my pushing and peristance. I remember everyone telling me about the not respecting rhe space and all so I decided that I would let him be. HOWEVER this past Saturday night we both ended up in the same place with our mutual friends. Neither of us really knew until it was too late. I decided wtf it's been over a month and over two weeks of straight NC. (I received a text while I was five minutes away and he had no warning text) I go in to the bar, he eventually comes in. Completely ignoring each other for about twenty minutes. It was suggested that I go say hi but after all the "clingyness" I supposedly had I didn't want to push it, however they kept saying he may want to talk to you. Again people filling me with hope. So I decided to build the confidence peek over say hello, walk away and drink my drink. Five minutes later I followed him purposely outside with our one friend for a smoke because I wanted the ice to break everyone felt the tension. At first he still kinda tried to ignore me but then our friend said "listen it's been two years you can Atleast say hi". He replied by saying "I already said hi" sounding unenthauised. Both of our friends left and him and I ended up talking, he noticed I had lost weight, that I was confident and things were very basic but nice in conversation. THEN he proceeds to tell me he wants to talk to me on the side a little bit away from everyone and HE begins to talk about the relationship. How he blocked me because I wouldn't let go, keep saying "you think this was easy?", I want nothing bad between us blah blah blah. I talked about how I felt sorry and again put all the blame on myself. So just like he had made it clear weeks earlier I figured again it's OVER so I had told him like yeah I've tried dating sites and stuff and he replied "did you go on a date?" With an attitude and I didn't, and I never did, talked to other people but remained loyal to someone I wasn't even with anymore. Something tells me he didn't like that I said that I turn around next thing I know is that he's gone. He left never finished the convo NOTHING. Immediately I call him through my friends phone demanding we finish this conversation and it was disrespectful what he did. He didn't want to talk and he said his "stomach hurt". Which was all bull. I told him to be outside I was coming in five minutes. for the first time I was actually infuriated. Waited outside, he never came out. (Found out he must've never went straight home) I called on the restricted number got fed up and went home but also left a message crying because it was truly rude what he did. I go home and within ten minutes I get texts from him saying he's trying to answer me back and said that we can talk. He kept saying how we can't be *******s about it if we wanna "fix things". Within minutes like the idiot I am, I drop everything and go over there. He sits in my car I was very pissed and he knew it and knew to be quiet as I yelled at him for what he did including weeks earlier trying to spend time with my friend when he made it clear I am not to bother with his friends, which I never would like that. We talked for about 15 fifteen minutes. FOR ONCE he admitted that not opening up and not doing his part was also wrong and it wasn't just my fault. He puts his head down, looks up and says "I'm only gonna ask this once, do you wanna try again?" I said yes, he said "Well if I don't like something i'm gonna end it because I don't want to lead you on, and we both have to change." He for once actually OPENED UP AND TOLD ME what bothered him about me. I kept saying all you had to do was just tell me and not wait until you blew up over everything. We proceed to make love, he walks me to the car, kisses me on my lips and says goodnight. I leave him alone ALLLLL DAY until about night time and said I hope he was having a good day, we replied with an average conversation and went to sleep. The next day at 10:27 AM he texts me saying...."about last night" and I knew....it was done. Apparently he said he was drunk. (idk if thats a lie or truth)He said its not healthy, we already said too much and caused so much damage? and not to call him an ******* or any names and NOT BE MAD. Dude, I was clingy you saw that I changed my mindset and now you do this to me. He basically didn't like that I mentioned that I attempted to move on and use tinder which I NEVER FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH ANYONE, therefore still be loyal to him and he thought that was bull****. Withn the next two days were discussing possibly hooking up. By that Tuesday I asked him about it, he was down and apparently it never followed through because he was too busy screwing someone else and didn't mention to be until the next day. He said theres always bull**** after sex in which I tried to usually get a little closer to him, especially if i tried to be nice he doesn't like it. He keeps thinking I THINK he's a piece of **** and I keep thinking I'm a piece of ****. Whenever I tried to get personal and say you're not you've given me so many great times he gets so bothered. He was apparently OK if we saw each other in public but he would never ask me to hangout. But he's super confusing. THIS PAST FRIDAY some of his VERY close friends (he hasn't talked to them in a while) saw I was upset and even gave their opinions on how he wasn't right either and he should have paid more attention and not ignored me all the time which they all agreed he did. That I need to give him space, that he took advantage and that he'll realize. These people to me are legit because they've known him 10+ years. And for them to say that made me feel better and like I wasn't the only one. I know I shouldn't give into false hope but these people are legit, they know him better than anyone. Because we didn't want to start problems I decided to keep it all to myself. However this makes me think, my ex is still pretty immature, I know he doesn't like confrontation or someone else telling him to do something such as "getting back with me", he is an alpha male, always has something to prove, says things sometimes in heat of the moment (when angry), doesn't want to talk about feelings BUT HE DID THAT NIGHT and apparently he said he was drunk. I am so lost and confused. He clearly says he doesn't want to and won't wanna get back together but so many people agree he has a part in this and clearly took advantage of how nice I was to him. What the **** do I do? Edited July 4, 2016 by Iamlostin
kidm Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Move on, move on, move on, move on, move on. Nothing you have described sounds like a man who genuinely wants to be with you and you frankly need to work on yourself- seems like your self-worth is at an all time low. "Well if I don't like something i'm gonna end it because I don't want to lead you on, and we both have to change." That should have sent you running for the hills instead of being intimate with him. He's calling all the shots, he knows you're pretty much desperate to be with him and would do anything. He'll be back to for some free easy sex if he so desires. It doesn't matter what anyone tells you: people who have known him for 10+ years, his parents, etc. etc. He has REPEATEDLY shown you that he is just not that into you but you can't seem to accept it. You are in for a world of hurt if you don't cut off contact completely. Best wishes!
Author Iamlostin Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 (edited) Its almost been two months since my boyfriend and I have been over with. I have many posts about the timeline of our breakup. Yes, I pushed for a relationship for almost two weeks after our breakup I would not let it go for anything. Month later we ended up being in the same place, he drunkingly wanted to get back together, we made love with me and then broke it. Now, I blocked once again from his phone, and now I am getting statuses that are targeted at me. One particularly because I reconnected with a friend that wasn't good to me but we worked things out (he never wanted to me to speak to her). But I realized its a new leaf, and we connected, and HER BEST FRIEND reconnected with my EX boyfriend AFTER OUR BREAKUP (he never spoke to his friend of 20 years while we were dating). The first status was targeted at the fact that I had reconnected with this girl. I called him, left a message and confronted him, he then proceeds two days later to write a status about me accusing him of something he apparently never did (which is make a status about me), and that I'm a hypocrite. Really? My friends are sure he is being childish and wants to play games, but if he's supposedly so tired of me why take the time and make two statuses about me when you know damn well someone will tell me about it?! BUT yet I have tired to contact him through a restricted number to confront him once again after I found out about the second status. I am so lost. I know I'm not perfect and not everything can go my way but is it too much to want to find some sort of way to get a meeting between him and I and NOT solve anything but atleast clear the water here. I don't have it in me to hate him. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Edited July 16, 2016 by Iamlostin
MzLady Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 You need to let this guy go. So much drama and it's not good for either of you. It sounds like you are pretty needy too... pushing for a relationship quickly, not letting go, and him having to go so far as to block you. None of these are signs of emotional health or stability. Take some time away from social media (Facebook, Instagram, and whatever else you're on) and just detox from the whole thing. I went through a horrible breakup where I found myself checking on him on FB. When I realized I was doing that, I deleted the app from my phone. I don't need to know what everyone is doing all the time anyway. It was hard at first because you get used to checking those things when you're bored... I'd recommend downloading a couple of games to distract you instead. Anyway... please move on.. maybe get some counseling because there's something more going on and it would do you a world of good to address it.
Nowty V Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 You can not speculate on the actions of another. He's playing games. Don't play, move on - he's toxic.
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