btunesful Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I met a girl at a friend's birthday party. She asked the friend for my number a few weeks later and we started texting. Now it's been about two months that we had been hangin out a lot. I would sleepover with her multiple times a week and we would talk everyday. If I didn't call her first, she would call me, up to two or three times. She would tell me that she thought i wasn't as into her as she was in to me. That she thought I was a ladies man who had a lot of girls and could get whatever I wanted. she told me she liked me and felt comfortable around me, could be herself and she liked that. Seemingly over night she went cold though. Would go two or three days without returning a call or text. Last week I talked to her once during the week. It was unusual, considering how often we had spoken before, so I asked her what was up. She said, "I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now and it started to feel like we were in one." She said maybe if we're both not doing anything we could meet for a drink sometime. I told her that I didn't want to hangout with a girl who's friend zoned me and haven't talked to her since. Was that the wrong move? What do you make of her saying what she said given the back story i described? Was this a test, or is she really not interested now, bc I made her feel overwhelmed by trying to call her on the days (once or twice) she did not respond to me? Worth noting, this girl is a consensus 10 across the board. Guys throw themselves at her on the daily, so she could have just been hanging out with someone else. I'm just extremely confused. Please help.
Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Walk away. If you stay you will end up in a worse pickle trying to figure out how to a. get out of the friend zone or b. broken after being FB's and she falls for someone else and ditches you. So walk away and keep your dignity in tact. She does not want to be in a relationship. Listen to that. Its what people say when they do not want to be in a relationship *with you*. to soften the blow. 1
Author btunesful Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 So it's not remotely possible that she said this because she wants me to back off a little bit after trying to get in touch with her after she went a week without talking to me? Or like I said, she was really into me at first, and didn't think I felt the same level of interest in her, could it be possible that she is trying to see if I'll chase her? It's not my style to do that and I've already told her, she's going to friend zone me and I'll walk away gladly if that's the case. But this girl is a real catch so I'm questioning what to do about it
Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Sorry but you have no hope. The words "I am not ready to be in a relationship right now" actually mean "You are an OK kind of person and there is nothing wrong with you but I really do not want to date you. Equally I do not want to have you going all postal on me when I reject you so I am just going to try and let you down gently and hope you get the point". She went a week with not talking to you because... shock horror you were not top of her radar and she couldn't be all that bothered to talk to you... Move on. No harm, no foul, but move on. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 No, this isn't some ploy to get you to chase her or get you to back off. If that were the case, she'd still maintain some type of contact and certainly wouldn't have told you she isn't ready for a relationship. For whatever reason, she has changed her mind. Maybe she is being completely honest; maybe she is dating someone else; maybe an ex came back. It's anyone's guess. It sucks, but it's best to just walk away from this one.
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 You did the right thing......I suspect she has her sights on someone else and is passively blowing you off. 1
Author btunesful Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 Nah, it doesn't suck. I could care less and have a lot of options myself. I can get any girl I want. I'm not worried about someone who isn't worried about me. The only reason I cared is she's really gorgeous, looks like a Victoria's Secret model, no lie. And I would typically talk to my best friend who is a girl about these things but she's currently giving me the silent treatment bc I told her I slept with a girl she used to be best friends with who is now not her friend. What's the deal with that? Anyway, I'm not too concerned about it.
No_Go Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I bet 99.9999% that by 'Not ready to be in a relationship' she meant 'Not willing to be in a relationship with you'. If you keep contacting her, she may keep you around as a confidence boost - while she dates others, she'll keep you as an 'orbiter' for the days she's lonely. Sounds harsh, but I'm afraid that's the truth.. So it's not remotely possible that she said this because she wants me to back off a little bit after trying to get in touch with her after she went a week without talking to me? Or like I said, she was really into me at first, and didn't think I felt the same level of interest in her, could it be possible that she is trying to see if I'll chase her? It's not my style to do that and I've already told her, she's going to friend zone me and I'll walk away gladly if that's the case. But this girl is a real catch so I'm questioning what to do about it
Buddhist Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 She said, "I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now and it started to feel like we were in one." I'm just extremely confused. Please help. So you haven't even dated and she comes out with this? Anyone who throws out the 'not ready' BS is just putting you off by lying to you. What she means is I have found someone or am looking for someone better than you. You're just my time waste for amusement. Move on.
Author btunesful Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 Nah we've been on several dates and have had sex multiple times. Like around 20 in the 2 months I've known. Prolly had like 6 or 7 dates in that 2 month period as well. She was really into me, but then like literally overnight she got cold and idk what happened
Author btunesful Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 I've already decided I'm not going to pursue her anymore I may keep her around and we could hook up now and then and I'd be down with that bc she's a total babe but I'm not going to pursue a relationship with her at all now.
Buddhist Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Nah we've been on several dates and have had sex multiple times. Like around 20 in the 2 months I've known. Prolly had like 6 or 7 dates in that 2 month period as well. She was really into me, but then like literally overnight she got cold and idk what happened She found someone better. 1
elaine567 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 She was really into me, but then like literally overnight she got cold and idk what happened I guess this is your clue. She would tell me that she thought i wasn't as into her as she was in to me...she thought I was a ladies man who had a lot of girls and could get whatever I wanted. She got fed up feeling she was being used, is my guess.
Author btunesful Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 She found someone better. Maybe, but maybe not. Elaine thinks I made her feel used. Other people think I should walk away bc she rejected me. But I'm the only who really knows this girl, and honestly I think she's just confused. She doesn't know how she really feels about me and everything that was happening between us got too intense too fast. On both our ends. She didn't outright reject me because she did say she still wanted to hangout, but I took the not ready for a relationship as code for "friend zone" so I said I'm not going to be friend zoned I have enough friends already and haven't said a word since. I'll wait 2 weeks, hit her up. See what happens. Or maybe she'll contact me before. In the meantime, I'll do my own thing and hookup with whoever I want, and do whatever I want. And continue doing that
Author btunesful Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 I guess maybe I should have included that she just moved back here from Dallas where she ran an Edward jones agency she had been living with a boyfriend of two years there who she lived with but one night he went psycho on her and beat the **** out of her. She had to go to therapy as a result and start taking anxiety medication. She moved back in January, we met in March.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 In the end, the "why" isn't important. The only important take-away from this is that she's not interested anymore. Who knows if she's still interested in a casual arrangement, but I rather doubt it. Her drop in contact leading up to her telling you she didn't want a relationship indicates her interest level just really isn't there any longer. As a woman, I can tell you that guys I've really been interested in never got the "I'm not ready for a relationship" line. I've only said that twice, and both times I truly meant it. And both times it wasn't because they did something wrong, but because my heart was in another place.
Emilia Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I guess maybe I should have included that she just moved back here from Dallas where she ran an Edward jones agency she had been living with a boyfriend of two years there who she lived with but one night he went psycho on her and beat the **** out of her. She had to go to therapy as a result and start taking anxiety medication. She moved back in January, we met in March. Well yeah, that would screw with anyone. If you aren't too hurt by it then speak to her in a few days and see what happens. People do change their mind, nothing is really ever set in stone (good or bad). The 'move on' advice is usually given when one person is heavily emotionally invested. If you are not, you should give it another try.
Author btunesful Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 Well yeah, that would screw with anyone. If you aren't too hurt by it then speak to her in a few days and see what happens. People do change their mind, nothing is really ever set in stone (good or bad). The 'move on' advice is usually given when one person is heavily emotionally invested. If you are not, you should give it another try. I'm def not heavily invested emotionally. It's been like 2 months I barely know the girl, but I liked her so far. This was just unexpected
Author btunesful Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 Especially Bc I never told her I wanted a relationship even lol I was still getting to know her and she just came out with that. That's why it doesn't make sense
Author btunesful Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 In the end, the "why" isn't important. The only important take-away from this is that she's not interested anymore. Who knows if she's still interested in a casual arrangement, but I rather doubt it. Her drop in contact leading up to her telling you she didn't want a relationship indicates her interest level just really isn't there any longer. As a woman, I can tell you that guys I've really been interested in never got the "I'm not ready for a relationship" line. I've only said that twice, and both times I truly meant it. And both times it wasn't because they did something wrong, but because my heart was in another place. True, but that is anecdotal, pertaining to your own experience. Not everyone is the same, just bc you are both women, does not mean that she does the same things you do. I have a friend who dated a girl for a few months, then she stopped talking to him for two months, told him she wasn't rdy for a relationship just like my girl, bc she had just got out of a long term relationship and she liked my friend and didn't want him to be just a rebound. They are currently together today.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 True, but that is anecdotal, pertaining to your own experience. Not everyone is the same, just bc you are both women, does not mean that she does the same things you do. I have a friend who dated a girl for a few months, then she stopped talking to him for two months, told him she wasn't rdy for a relationship just like my girl, bc she had just got out of a long term relationship and she liked my friend and didn't want him to be just a rebound. They are currently together today. Yes, I realize this and assumed you did too. That's a given. All of our posts generally derive from personal experience and others we have observed in our lives. The same could be said for your friend's experience. His experience doesn't make mine any more or less relevant to yours. I am simply offering you some insight which could explain why she isn't interested in you anymore. After all, I assume that is why you posted this thread in the first place, no? Again, I emphasize that the reason behind her statement isn't really of importance. You may never know the real thought process behind it. I would just assume she is telling you the truth and move along. You say you weren't very invested anyway, so at least now you know she feels the same. 1
Author btunesful Posted June 3, 2016 Author Posted June 3, 2016 yeah i get what youre saying. i meant no disrespect.
sagetalk Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 Guys throw themselves at her on the daily, so she could have just been hanging out with someone else. I'm just extremely confused. Please help. She's putting you in a queue full of dummies and lining you all up, then deciding which one she wants. More than likely she will choose none of you. She will pick a guy who isn't even in the queue that treats her like a bag of dog food. Loose your feelings for her, keep her as a friend, and get her to hook you up with one of her hot friends.
Author btunesful Posted June 3, 2016 Author Posted June 3, 2016 I realize I don't really have feelings for her anyway. She's just really ****in hot and I wanted to keep her around. When she did this it confused me is all
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