onlyfools33 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 So just to get this out of the way I do have herpes and I have for 8 years, its gone dormant within my body and is virtually impossible to spread. That being said let me give you the run down of my situation here: I met my dream girl on POF and we began a texting conversation. Playing a slow roll game I eventually was able to meet up with her and have drinks. It went smashingly well and she left utterly infatuated and in love with me. This scared her and she expressed her concerns, using philosophy and intellect I was able to get over her **** tests and find my way into her heart. We hung out a 3 or 4 times within a couple weeks. Upon our last date I made her dinner etc and it ended in an f-close. After we had our after sex cigarette she began asking if I had any STD's and I admitted to having herpes. She was very upset that I wasn't honest with her about it to begin with. (Which is understandable) she said she was shocked and speechless. I told her I would give her some space to figure it out. But the connection we felt made me push a bit too hard with a barrage of text messages the next day trying to utilize my knowledge and philosophy to win her back. Additionally I pulled some major "romantic" (read creepy) moves and showed up at her work with a balloon, poem and lunch for her. Which worked for a moment, she texted "thank you" back to me, and rather than leaving it at that and giving her space like I should have, I continued to push through text to try and meet up to talk, eventually she had went dark again. I deleted her from all of my social media in an effort to stay away. The next day I tried my best not to message her, but a meme I saw on FB was the excuse I used to send it to her. After a quick conversation she said "I don't think I could ever trust you again". I panicked, I sent another barrage of texts to her professing my love and etc, even showed up at her work again for the second day in a row to try to talk to her. She humored me for 5 minutes and then I left with the promise that she would "call later". I texted her couple hours later asking when she would call and if I could come over, she said "no, not tonight, I already told you that", and rather than just accepting that I continued to text, making her more defensive. Eventually I left it with a sappy "if its meant to be I'll hear from you again someday" text. She blocked me from Facebook the next day. I sent her a letter apologizing and professing my love. I sent her a buddha bracelet (as she is a spiritualist) I sent her far too many texts over the past couple weeks about working things out, she replied (barely) mostly just too say that "there is no need for us to communicate any further"... Yet I continued to text until she blocked my number. I called her with a blocked number and apologized for being "creepy" and told her that I just wanted to talk. (Ironic I know) I am well aware of all of the mistakes I made by pushing and acting needy and crazy/creepy. I am pretty sure that I scared her off completely, especially considering how scared she was to be in a relationship and to trust a man in the first place. My only question for you guys is if there is anything left for me to do? Obviously she needs time, but do I wait a month and try something else? Or is this one of those situations where I simply have to wait and see if she comes back. Am I completely out of ammo here?
BikerAccnt Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 The only thing left to do is stay completely away from her or she's going to file a restraining order against you. Seriously, why would you have sex with someone without disclosing your STD? I'd seriously consider suing you for assault over that if it was possible. 3
GorillaTheater Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Am I completely out of ammo here? Yeah, I'd say so. And it's not only her who thinks you're stalker; you can sign me up on that roster as well. And the deal with not telling her you had herpes before having sex with her? Unforgiveable. You've blown this about as thoroughly as possible. Now, the good thing about f*cking up is that you're under no obligation to do it again. Learn from this. 5
Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 No she needs you to leave her alone. It may be low odds but its her body and her choice to make. You should have told her before you slept with her and spoken about it. Instead you took that choice away from her. You do realise that now if she does catch herpes that she can sue you. Leave her the hell alone. You screwed up. Big time. There is nothing you can do about it. So quit before she gets a restraining order.
Zahara Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 No, nothing left to do. It's done. And yes, I would be completely freaked out by someone that kept continuously barraging me with contact, and of course, turned off by dishonesty. In the future, be honest about your STD before you have sex, REGARDLESS of whether you feel it's an issue or not i.e. dormancy. Allow the other person the opportunity to make an informed decision about their wellbeing. That's isn't your call. What you did was despicable. Secondly, stop with the obsessiveness. It's unattractive. You come off needy, pushy and insecure. 1
ironspider Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 The only thing you need to do is leave this poor girl alone forever. If a woman told me that after sex I certainly wouldn't speak to her again.
planb1973 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I don't see one single thing that you did right. In fact you could not have messed this up anymore. It makes my skin crawl just reading your post. For the love of god please take yourself out of the dating pool until you learn to be a respectful human. 5
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 onlyfools33, you need a hug and I'm here to give it to you! (((((onlyfools33))))) There are many good days ahead for you as you live and learn like all the rest of us are doing. I haven't posted my worst behavior on LS (doubt many others have, either) but thankfully, I've learned from it and, hopefully, you will learn from your mistakes, too! Live and Learn is one of my favorite sayings! Hope something wonderful happens for you today! God bless, LWP.
SoulCat Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 You never felt the need to use your 'knowledge and intellect' to inform her of your STD? So she could in turn, use hers to make an informed decision about sleeping with you? Could you not have used your 'philosophy and intellect' to figure out that you were creeping her out with the gazillion texts, poem, unannounced visits to her work and what not? She thinks you're a stalker? So do I. Leave. Her. Alone. 7
Author onlyfools33 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 I completely understand where all of you are coming from and I appreciate the honest responses, I am/was just so racked with guilt that I panicked and acted like a pyscho, all I wanted to do was apologize and be there for her. All actions have consequences, I suppose I just hoped that the consequence wouldn't be losing her and that I would have the opportunity to make things right. I didn't want her to just be anther life lesson, but at the end of the day that's not up to me. (Clearly) Thank you for the hug lw, I did need that. 1
truth_seeker Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) You lost her with not telling her you have herpes... now you're making it worse trying to get her attention and showing up at her work. [] I'm curious: what was the poem? To the love of my life I met on POF Please do me a favor and grant me one wish Forget I have an incurable STD We both have herpes, will you marry me Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language and decency 5
GorillaTheater Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) You lost her with not telling her you have herpes... now you're making it worse trying to get her attention and showing up at her work. [] I'm curious: what was the poem? To the love of my life I met on POF Please do me a favor and grant me one wish Forget I have an incurable STD We both have herpes, will you marry me Violets are blue, roses are red. You left your window open, now I'm under your bed. Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit quote 9
ironspider Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I completely understand where all of you are coming from and I appreciate the honest responses, I am/was just so racked with guilt that I panicked and acted like a pyscho, all I wanted to do was apologize and be there for her. All actions have consequences, I suppose I just hoped that the consequence wouldn't be losing her and that I would have the opportunity to make things right. I didn't want her to just be anther life lesson, but at the end of the day that's not up to me. (Clearly) Thank you for the hug lw, I did need that. Only a warped mind would think that you wouldn't lose her after you did something so atrocious and unforgivable. This is beyond reprehensible.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) Good heavens, man. []You did a terrible thing by not disclosing your STI status. And then you made it a heck of a lot worse by bothering her and not backing off when it was clear you needed to. I hope you have learned your lesson. Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Responses shall reflect the veracity of the original post 1
Zahara Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I completely understand where all of you are coming from and I appreciate the honest responses, I am/was just so racked with guilt that I panicked and acted like a pyscho, all I wanted to do was apologize and be there for her. All actions have consequences, I suppose I just hoped that the consequence wouldn't be losing her and that I would have the opportunity to make things right. I didn't want her to just be anther life lesson, but at the end of the day that's not up to me. (Clearly) Thank you for the hug lw, I did need that. Unfortunately, apologies won't suffice. This is something that involves her wellbeing and the possibility of it changing her life. It's not something that's reversible, so there's no such thing as "making it right." It's so very callous of you to think that a mere apology should be enough to change her mind. 1
Author onlyfools33 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 Unfortunately, apologies won't suffice. This is something that involves her wellbeing and the possibility of it changing her life. It's not something that's reversible, so there's no such thing as "making it right." It's so very callous of you to think that a mere apology should be enough to change her mind. I didn't think an apology would be enough, thus all of crazy attempts that I made (that movies have taught me would work) and now it's all messed up and completely ruined.
Zahara Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) I didn't think an apology would be enough, thus all of crazy attempts that I made (that movies have taught me would work) and now it's all messed up and completely ruined. I don't know what movies you're watching that condone hiding your STD and then harassing the other person to forgive you. Integrity, OP. It's important. Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Cleaned up quote 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) I didn't think an apology would be enough, thus all of crazy attempts that I made (that movies have taught me would work) and now it's all messed up and completely ruined. It was messed up and ruined the moment you decided not to reveal you have herpes. Everything after that only compounded the biggest mistake. It wouldn't have mattered what you did thereafter. Movies are awful teachers. Life is much better. Now you know what not to do next time you find yourself with a girl you like. Never, ever gamble with someone's health. Ever. Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Cleaned up quote 1
mikeylo Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Learning life lessons at the cost of well being of you supposedly love ? Duh. You love only yourself. Not her and that's what you proved to her.
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) onlyfools33, here is a simple way to always know what the best thing to do is, whether before you make a bad decision and even after you make a bad decision. Put yourself in the other person's place and think how you would want to be treated. Try to get away from the manipulative mindset of, "How can I get what I want out of this," to "How would I want a person to behave who has already treated me this way?" Approach all of your dealings with everybody in the future with this same mindset. Life will open its doors of blessing to you if you do this. Sure, you'll have some mishaps but folks will begin to see you as someone they can rely on, trust, and want to be with. A lot of people think the Bible is outdated but there is a clear pathway there for relating to both God and others that really is found nowhere else. Following it's guidelines will be a blessing to you. Matthew 7:12, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you." In your place I would appreciate good advice and a hug is why I'm giving you both! (((((onlyfools33))))) Edited June 2, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease
jen1447 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 My only question for you guys is if there is anything left for me to do? Obviously she needs time, but do I wait a month and try something else? Or is this one of those situations where I simply have to wait and see if she comes back. Am I completely out of ammo here? You're completely out of ammo and she's not coming back. About the only thing left for you to do, assuming you had a legit means of contacting her, would be to apologize for sharing your herpes and reassure her that you won't be intruding on her life anymore in any way and then stay completely away and forget about her. You're no peach for being so generous with an STD (which type of Herpes is it btw?), but I have to say she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer either for only asking you if you had any STDs after you had sex. Moot point now tho anyway, what's done is done. On the stalker question, the difference between a grief-stricken dumpee and a stalker is that the dumpee knows at some point there's nothing left and they have to let go, but the stalker doesn't. Be the first one.
TXGuy Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 My only question for you guys is if there is anything left for me to do? Just sit back and wait for the restraining order. 5
SugarLips72 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Seriously dude are you in high school?? Leave her alone. You have gone way overboard and you have bugged her and you have stalked her to no end. Nothing says "I love you" like a restraining order. Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving. You need to tell people BEFORE you have sex, or use a condom. Some people don't really understand the disease and freak out as soon as they hear the word. This is done. Kaput. Grow up and do not contact this woman again.
William Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Good morning, 1. Regardless of how ridiculous or provocative or outrageous members might feel the starting post is, responses shall always adhere to our guidelines of interaction. 2. Please don't publicly state, insinuate or in any form or fashion suggest that a thread posted on LoveShack.org is a troll or designed to evoke an emotional reaction. Always report that to moderation privately. Why? Your posting privileges rest upon that choice. With that out of the way, rest assured moderation is watching this thread and proceed to address the topical material in a conforming fashion. Thanks!
Author onlyfools33 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 onlyfools33, here is a simple way to always know what the best thing to do is, whether before you make a bad decision and even after you make a bad decision. Put yourself in the other person's place and think how you would want to be treated. Try to get away from the manipulative mindset of, "How can I get what I want out of this," to "How would I want a person to behave who has already treated me this way?" Approach all of your dealings with everybody in the future with this same mindset. Life will open its doors of blessing to you if you do this. Sure, you'll have some mishaps but folks will begin to see you as someone they can rely on, trust, and want to be with. A lot of people think the Bible is outdated but there is a clear pathway there for relating to both God and others that really is found nowhere else. Following it's guidelines will be a blessing to you. Matthew 7:12, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." Luke 6:31 "Do to others as you would have them do to you." In your place I would appreciate good advice and a hug is why I'm giving you both! (((((onlyfools33))))) Thank you 1
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