Where are the boyfriends?

[newyorker1960]

I am actually open to age gap relationships, but then you get tarred with Daddy issues, gold digging, "you don't have anything in common", people glaring at you, etc. It's not easy to handle that.

 

Maybe I should move out of the dorm and buy a cat.

[sin miedo]

I'm a 23 year old male who is happily in a long-term relationship, but to be honest, very few of my same-age friends are looking for commitment. It's all about hooking up and "hitting and quitting."

 

There are young guys out there looking for relationships, just be aware that many (if not most) early-mid 20s men take the mentality that this is their time to score as much ***** as possible. But I assure you that there are some good ones out there

 

Good luck!

[PogoStick]

I am actually open to age gap relationships, but then you get tarred with Daddy issues, gold digging, "you don't have

 

Yeah that's what I'm talking about! My previous post was aimed at you if that wasn't clear. Mature men have redeeming qualities. What do you think is your upper age limit?

[mortensorchid]

Sweetheart, I am 41 and STILL asking that same question! Ha ha ha ...

[Zippy2000]

Yes it is just the way 19-25yr old guys are, most of the time. They are still drinking that kool aid that says....commitment to no-one, I'm hot property and need to prove how great I am by getting lots of $#@. :roll eyes:

 

You are unlikely to find anything good or anything serious until you are about 28 or so. So enjoy the next 9yrs however you want, but looking for BF material at this stage is probably going to be a waste of time. You're welcome to try but don't be surprised if it doesn't happen.

 

 

I disagree with this. Not everyone from 19 to 25 are out to party. I have a couple of friends who met and married in their early 20s and they are stilll together.

 

 

I must be one of the few men back in my early twenties I only anted a relationship. I wasnt into casual sex. Wanted something more solid and no sleeping around. That way there is less chnace of catching a disease.

 

 

Its how women give themselves away too soon. Let me court you and repsect you and nto jump into bet straight away.

 

 

Whats for you will never go by you they keep on saying.

 

 

Like everything else. Just takes time for the right one to come along.

[somechick99]

Its how women give themselves away too soon. Let me court you and repsect you and nto jump into bet straight away. .

 

Same tired notion, that it's natural and excusable for men to stick it in anything that moves, but if a woman sleeps around she is "giving herself away." Men have had trouble keeping it in their pants for ages. Can't blame women for saying f*** it and doing the same after all these years.

[Zippy2000]

Same tired notion, that it's natural and excusable for men to stick it in anything that moves, but if a woman sleeps around she is "giving herself away." Men have had trouble keeping it in their pants for ages. Can't blame women for saying f*** it and doing the same after all these years.

 

Sorry, I think you got the wrong end of the stick and by just quoting part of my post. Its been taken out of context.

 

What I was saying was most men wont be committed as they are only looking for sex.

 

Take your time to get to know them, to court you and give it time to make sure its not just sex he s after. That way you can filter out all the sex pests and find a quality long committed boyfriend.

[newyorker1960]

Maybe patience and being a little more creative is the key, but patience isn't my stongest point.

 

I had imagined that most guys would have the same kind of feelings that most girls do. In a lot of movies it seems that way. Ok, my bad.

[stillafool]

Same tired notion, that it's natural and excusable for men to stick it in anything that moves, but if a woman sleeps around she is "giving herself away." Men have had trouble keeping it in their pants for ages. Can't blame women for saying f*** it and doing the same after all these years.

 

I agree but then they shouldn't complain about it when they do the same.

[stillafool]

Maybe patience and being a little more creative is the key, but patience isn't my stongest point.

 

I had imagined that most guys would have the same kind of feelings that most girls do. In a lot of movies it seems that way. Ok, my bad.

 

Forget about the romantic movies they are script. If only real life was that way but it's not.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

That’s sucks. I’m buying a vibrator and some steamy paperbacks.

 

 

 

I love it!

 

 

Yet I still believe that, particularly for women, if you wish to meet certain kinds of men, you GO to places where THOSE men are.

 

If you wanted frat boys, then you wouldn't hesitate to go to a fraternity to find them, would you??

 

 

If you don't want frat boys, then you should be looking for partners far from a college or university.

 

All it takes, especially for women, is meeting lots of people of the types you'd like to mate with (in whatever way you'd like to mate).

 

 

Change your schedule/routine to cause yourself to meet lots of candidates in settings where mating is not the centerpiece to being there.

[Jabron1]

Maybe patience and being a little more creative is the key, but patience isn't my stongest point.

 

I had imagined that most guys would have the same kind of feelings that most girls do. In a lot of movies it seems that way. Ok, my bad.

 

LMAO and bless your heart.

 

I thought the same things at your age (18?).

 

Men and women are completely different. Learn quickly like I did. Some people bang their heads against this wall forever. Don't be one of these people.

 

I've been looking at this thread, but I'm not sure what to say to you to be honest.

 

I think you are probably going after "the wrong type of guy" .

 

There are plenty of 'nice guys' out there, who aren't so good with women, but would make excellent boyfriends. You need to go find one of these guys, and initiate. That means you asking them out or at least showing real interest.

 

You really want to find a boyfriend quick? Go to a 'dungeons and dragons' group or something like that. You will then be able to take your pick.

 

I'm not even joking.

[newyorker1960]

I appreciate all the ideas. Maybe I need to change things up a little.

 

I watched a documentary about teenage girls (18 or 19) who do porn. "Hot Girls Wanted".

 

One girl they interviewed said "It's the same thing I would be doing anyway so I may as well get paid." She didn't look too happy; more like defeated. I can sympathize.

[Dark Horse]

Trust me, there's guys out there who are interested in more than hookups.

 

You may just be falling for the wrong type of guys or are looking in the wrong places. If you're hitting the bar and club, most of those guys just want sex anyways.

 

 

One more advice is, don't be afraid to approach and be friendly to guys. I know there's not any social pressure for women to approach men but trust me when I say that men like it when women are friendly to them, especially us shy and nerdy guys who normally woudn't get approached anyways. It's a confidence boost for us.

 

Some of us the greatest guys are the ones that you might overlook the first time because they're too scared to initiate, they don't know how to play the game we call dating. These type of men are like 6th round draft steals, they get passed over for more confident men who just want sex or turn out to be jerks, but when someone takes a chance on them, they end up being loyal and grow to be confident and get a lot better. Basically a Tom Brady of the dating world, a 6th round draft steal.

 

Go find yourself a 6th round draft steal.

Edited June 3, 2016 by Dark Horse

[newyorker1960]

That is a problem: nice guys who are shy.

 

I think most girls would feel so horrible if we were rejected, so we wait for guys to chase us.

 

But the more persistent guys aren't always so nice in the long run.

 

Maybe there are two sides to this: I am not picking the right guys. But secondly, great guys are mostly in movies not my college classrooms.

[Laprus9]

I don't want to cast stones here but if a woman is known as someone that hooks up then the type of guys you are looking for won't go anywhere near her. That's not me trying to shame because there's nothing wrong with that lifestyle if that's what a woman enjoys doing; her life & her rules.

 

Now I am not saying you are one of these types but I'm just making a point. Not all "nice guys", "good guys" are shy or reserved and perhaps you aren't what they are looking for. Just because you get noticed because you're pretty doesn't mean you are deemed as relationship material by every man you meet.

 

My advice to you would be to more proactive, if you like a man enough, then make a move, don't sit around waiting for someone to fall into your lap.

[nordic]

I don't want to cast stones here but if a woman is known as someone that hooks up then the type of guys you are looking for won't go anywhere near her. That's not me trying to shame because there's nothing wrong with that lifestyle if that's what a woman enjoys doing; her life & her rules.

 

Now I am not saying you are one of these types but I'm just making a point. Not all "nice guys", "good guys" are shy or reserved and perhaps you aren't what they are looking for. Just because you get noticed because you're pretty doesn't mean you are deemed as relationship material by every man you meet.

 

My advice to you would be to more proactive, if you like a man enough, then make a move, don't sit around waiting for someone to fall into your lap.

 

i second this. men shun away from girls that hook up when they look for girlfriends. it might very well be so, that some of the guys who hooked up with her are not players, they just dont want to proceed with her since they know what she has done before.

[Laprus9]

i second this. men shun away from girls that hook up when they look for girlfriends. it might very well be so, that some of the guys who hooked up with her are not players, they just dont want to proceed with her since they know what she has done before.

 

It's hypocritical and those men aren't worth the time of day, if it's socially acceptable for a man to go around mounting various women then I fail to see why women should be told they're not allowed to do it.

 

My point was that there are a section of men in society who do not engage in hook ups, who do not have casual sex, not all of these men have problems attracting women but they are not interested in women who do have casual encounters because they perceive those women as being incompatible with them (that may or may not be the case).

[nordic]

It's hypocritical and those men aren't worth the time of day, if it's socially acceptable for a man to go around mounting various women then I fail to see why women should be told they're not allowed to do it.

 

My point was that there are a section of men in society who do not engage in hook ups, who do not have casual sex, not all of these men have problems attracting women but they are not interested in women who do have casual encounters because they perceive those women as being incompatible with them (that may or may not be the case).

 

nothing hypocritical over that at all. mens and womens sexuality cannot be compared since they are completely different entities that have nothing to do with eachother. you get confused about it since we use the same words for these two completely different things.

 

go out the door right now and ask women you meet if they like to ****, and you will realize the difference, if you didnt already.

 

plus, who cares, if it would be hypocritical, reality is reality, and it wouldnt change a thing.

[GunslingerRoland]

There are lots of guys who still want to date and not just hook up. What you need to do is find out why you're only drawing the guys who want to hook up.

 

Is it a vibe you're putting out, the places you hang out, the friends you hang out with? I'm not saying you are doing something wrong, but you may need to do something different.

[OnlyHonesty]

Smart, cute, caring, funny, passionate but respects me, honest, dependable, non smoking, no white drugs. Tall is a big plus.

 

And I'm not slutty. I'm not a party girl, sorority girl type. Just normal.

 

 

I'm sick of parties, hookups, but no follow up, no relationship.

 

Is this just the way guys are? How long does it take to break out of this hookup limbo?

 

 

What do you mean you are not a party girl? You just mentioned all of the hookups and parties...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I appreciate all the ideas. Maybe I need to change things up a little.

 

I watched a documentary about teenage girls (18 or 19) who do porn. "Hot Girls Wanted".

 

One girl they interviewed said "It's the same thing I would be doing anyway so I may as well get paid." She didn't look too happy; more like defeated. I can sympathize.

 

Some of your cynical outlook is entertaining (because it reads better to someone who envisions that your relative youth will let you have plenty of meaningful social at-bats in the near future).

 

I understand that it feels completely frustrating to somebody who has lived your social life to date. I'm sure that it feels like nothing has happened so far, but you are gaining important experience, and don't forget that the recent onset of adulthood, along with some independence, applied new variables.

 

But what IF instead of seeing your dance card to date as a function of your own shortcomings, or even your, uh, self-perceived imbalance of long-term vs. short-term social appeal... you liken your (dance card to date) to, say, "puberty":

 

 

... where we can all understand and agree (NOW, anyway) that the onset of puberty happens as a somewhat random function of genetics and environmental causes... at some certain point in every young person's life.

 

AND THAT those around many others (in school) during that point are invariably going to see SOME kids showing obvious signs of puberty when they're age 11, and others will show few or none by 14. Nearly everybody exits those years still qualifying as "completely normal" despite the variations in timing, but adults, by now, can reason their way to accepting that "normalcy" despite its variables.

 

 

As a young woman looking forward toward most of her romantic and social life, you right now need the equivalent to pep talks and evidence which would arrive via the equivalent to the writings of, say, 14yo teens who have yet to hit puberty and who are offering matter-of-fact assessments and summations of what they (and you, in your case) are doing wrong.

 

 

The problem is, that you can't easily find such material because once most people move through puberty they look BACK and finally accept that (their random distribution upon the graph of their age easily fell within the realm of 'normal', so they don't have to talk about it ever again - {save for the one example they offer to their own future teenage child} )

 

AND I KNOW that it is personally painful to BE the girl who hasn't known her first period, by her sixteenth birthday... but she's out there, and she's still very normal (within the vast range of normalcy for such a thing)

 

 

(Deep sigh)... SO, you are gonna continue to go through the social motions... and then you're going to meet a great guy, and you are going to just BE yourself... and that will be ALL it takes... you don't need bigger boobs, or smaller boobs... or a new hairstyle... etc.

 

 

BUT you're going to forget all of the seeming data which supports the apparent cynicism of the present, because it isn't going to matter anymore once you find yourself swept-away by romance.

 

Should you write it all down now, while you can, for anybody in the future?... no, probably not, because while LOTS of people are writing such stuff from present-day perspective, you just can't really get through to those who are so sure that "it's THEM..." at the points when they need it the most.

 

 

It's like trying to tell a pre-pubescent 14yo girl that she's "normal" when the 12yo next door already has C-cups and a waist-to-hip ratio that all of the boys at school seem to like.

[Stage5Clinger]

I am 19 and just finished my freshman year of college.

 

I met a lot of guys, a lot of guys liked me. I definitely get noticed. However I really want a BOYFRIEND. Something more committed, more long term but I just can't find it.

 

What is with these guys? I'm sick of parties, hookups, but no follow up, no relationship.

 

Is this just the way guys are? How long does it take to break out of this hookup limbo?

 

Thanks!

 

God, I so feel you on this. It's a culture thing. People are narcissists these days and only care about themselves being "pleasured". I'm a little older than you so it's probably even worse for you. People my age, 30ish, are just as bad. Everyone wants the next best thing. Throwaway culture. Something breaks, including a relationship, throw it out and replace it instead of fix it. I hope I find someone someday that doesn't think this way and wants to work on being a healthy happy family/relationship.

[sickoflove11]

God, I so feel you on this. It's a culture thing. People are narcissists these days and only care about themselves being "pleasured". I'm a little older than you so it's probably even worse for you. People my age, 30ish, are just as bad. Everyone wants the next best thing. Throwaway culture. Something breaks, including a relationship, throw it out and replace it instead of fix it. I hope I find someone someday that doesn't think this way and wants to work on being a healthy happy family/relationship.

 

I agree with this. Mostly the part about being narcissistic. Many people where I live are just looking for a quick fix, a hook up. They either don't want the commitment or they're the complete opposite and jump from relationship to relationship. Neither are the kind of person I want to be with. So right now I just have to be happy being single and alone I guess. I don't understand how things got to be this way in society, but I've always wished I lived in a different time. A time when people didn't just throw things away after they broken like you said... I'd even settle for a time with before all this technology. I'm only 23 and use social media daily, but it brings a whole other dimension to relationships for people my age, and I could live without it.

[nordic]

I agree with this. Mostly the part about being narcissistic. Many people where I live are just looking for a quick fix, a hook up. They either don't want the commitment or they're the complete opposite and jump from relationship to relationship. Neither are the kind of person I want to be with. So right now I just have to be happy being single and alone I guess. I don't understand how things got to be this way in society, but I've always wished I lived in a different time. A time when people didn't just throw things away after they broken like you said... I'd even settle for a time with before all this technology. I'm only 23 and use social media daily, but it brings a whole other dimension to relationships for people my age, and I could live without it.

 

why it become like this?

 

women wanted this. third wave feminism provide the "intellectual" framework, sex and the city the inspiration, low-fare airlines, big anonymous cities, schools away from family homes, the internet all provide what the woman believes is a way to live out her sexuality in a way that carries minimum to her sexual reputation.

 

what the feminists never discounted as that men's brain has very different value system on female chastity. a male brain dont give the benefit of the doubt to a woman, the woman is quilty until proven innocent. and lets face it, in todays world you cant find a woman who hasnt been ****ed by more men that she care to disclose.

 

it leaves a situation, where, as a man, you open a dating site, and there is a matrix of female faces coming up, and you can pretty much see the sperm in their faces before you write them. and if the girl write dont answer you on a tuesday evening, more likely than not, this is a true picture.

 

the very little chance that a man will invest in that. men's attitude will be to get the woman naked on all four in front of him at the absolute minimum investment possible. not dating, just texting the woman to your apartment if possible.

 

the feminists problem was that they assumed a chessgame where they could move three times and make make checkmate, forgetting that when you move the opponent moves.

 

when women changed, men changed.

Edited June 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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