newyorker1960 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I am 19 and just finished my freshman year of college. I met a lot of guys, a lot of guys liked me. I definitely get noticed. However I really want a BOYFRIEND. Something more committed, more long term but I just can't find it. What is with these guys? I'm sick of parties, hookups, but no follow up, no relationship. Is this just the way guys are? How long does it take to break out of this hookup limbo? Thanks!
Acerboy Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) What is it that you are looking for in a man? The way he makes you feeeeeeel? Lol I hear that what women want. [] Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted link to unrelated thread ~6
katiegrl Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) What is it that you are looking for in a man? The way he makes you feeeeeeel? Lol I hear that what women want. [] I think it is obvious what she is looking for. A guy with some staying power, who is interested in more than casual hookups. I don't think that is unreasonable, however I wish her luck finding it with guys in her age bracket. OP, how about a guy a bit older? Graduated college already, has a steady job, lives on his own... say mid to late 20s? Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited quote ~6 1
Shanex Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 If you target guys your age they may not want commitment right now.
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Meet guys outside of college. College produces a certain atmosphere of a free for all attitude. They are living away from home so no parent supervision, the only responsibility they have is getting their school work done, all the rest is partying/hooking up and there are so many girls at their disposal.,....it's like letting a dog off it's leash. You need to look somewhere else. 2
Author newyorker1960 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) I'm not talking about total commitment, eternal unconditional love, vowing until death do us part and having three babies. But how about a guy who is interested in a mutually exclusive relationship for a year or two. Is this just the way things are these day? Doesn't anyone under 25 want a little stability? I just feel a little bit used; like he gets what he wants and I don't. Being in college, I'm basically meeting other guys about my age or professors. And professors are pretty much off limits. Edited June 2, 2016 by newyorker1960
katiegrl Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I'm not talking about total commitment, eternal unconditional love, vowing until death do us part and having three babies. But how about a guy who is interested in a mutually exclusive relationship for a year or two. Is this just the way things are these day? Doesn't anyone under 25 want a little stability? I just feel a little bit used; like he gets what he wants and I don't. Being in college, I'm basically meeting other guys about my age or professors. And professors are pretty much off limits. Guess you missed my earlier post. Oh well, good luck. 1
Buddhist Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I am 19. I met a lot of guys, a lot of guys liked me. I definitely get noticed. However I really want a BOYFRIEND. Something more committed, more long term but I just can't find it. Is this just the way guys are? How long does it take to break out of this hookup limbo? Yes it is just the way 19-25yr old guys are, most of the time. They are still drinking that kool aid that says....commitment to no-one, I'm hot property and need to prove how great I am by getting lots of $#@. :roll eyes: You are unlikely to find anything good or anything serious until you are about 28 or so. So enjoy the next 9yrs however you want, but looking for BF material at this stage is probably going to be a waste of time. You're welcome to try but don't be surprised if it doesn't happen.
Author newyorker1960 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 “OP, how about a guy a bit older? Graduated college already, has a steady job, lives on his own... say mid to late 20s?” I did read that, however I am seldom meeting people in that age range. I’m full time in school living on campus. You never know, it’s possible but it’s not that easy. “Yes it is just the way 19-25yr old guys are, most of the time.” That’s sucks. I’m buying a vibrator and some steamy paperbacks. 1
katiegrl Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 If you were to get a part-time job, let's say in a restaurant after school, you might find some 25+ guys there. That is how I met my first boyfriend and we dated four years and even got engaged! We were both in our 20s. Me 21, him 24 when we met. Or how about volunteering or meet-up groups? Just cause you're in college, you don't have to limit yourself to young, horny guys looking for hookups. There are plenty of other guys out there, you just gotta GET OUT THERE.
Buddhist Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 That’s sucks. I’m buying a vibrator and some steamy paperbacks. Not a bad idea actually.
elaine567 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 YOU have to just suss out the guys in your year that are not the ones merely out to get as many notches on their belt as possible. The ones not getting drunk and having ONSs all the time, the more serious ones. Look at yourself too, do you look and act like a "party girl"? if you do then that is the way they will treat you unfortunately. 4
LostOnes05 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 You rang??! Haha, it will happen when it does. Women aren't any easier to deal with and I'm a bit older than you...they still play games, don't know what they want etc. I understand your frustration so just take it easy and achieve your goals. A guy will come along.
Author newyorker1960 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 “There are plenty of other guys out there, you just gotta GET OUT THERE.” “YOU have to just suss out the guys in your year that are not the ones merely out to get as many notches on their belt as possible.” I appreciate the ideas. Maybe I just have to try harder and hope for the best. Maybe I’ve been watching too many movies like The Fault in Our Stars and The Spectacular Now (I LOVE THOSE MOVIES) where you have great guys who are my age, cute, caring, loving, loyal…. I guess that’s mainly just in movies which totally sucks.
katiegrl Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 “There are plenty of other guys out there, you just gotta GET OUT THERE.” “YOU have to just suss out the guys in your year that are not the ones merely out to get as many notches on their belt as possible.” I appreciate the ideas. Maybe I just have to try harder and hope for the best. Maybe I’ve been watching too many movies like The Fault in Our Stars and The Spectacular Now (I LOVE THOSE MOVIES) where you have great guys who are my age, cute, caring, loving, loyal…. I guess that’s mainly just in movies which totally sucks. Yes you need to be pro-active. That will serve you very well in life anyway. You can't expect the man of your dreams to just fall out of the sky. At any age! Best of luck...
ironspider Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 The problem with college guys is the variety. When I went to college if I decided to have a GF there is no way I could stay loyal as there were too many girls willing to jump into bed. Most of us just stayed single as it was easy to get some and GF's cut into our party time. I don't believe you will find what you are looking for there.
PogoStick Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 How about a man who's 38 y/o and way past teenage bullsht?
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 How about a man who's 38 y/o and way past teenage bullsht? You cougar you! lol
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Guess you missed my earlier post. Oh well, good luck. And mine too....
TheBathWater Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I'm not talking about total commitment, eternal unconditional love, vowing until death do us part and having three babies. But how about a guy who is interested in a mutually exclusive relationship for a year or two. Is this just the way things are these day? Doesn't anyone under 25 want a little stability? I just feel a little bit used; like he gets what he wants and I don't. Being in college, I'm basically meeting other guys about my age or professors. And professors are pretty much off limits. I hate to break it to you, but this post could have just as easily been written by someone in their thirties (or older). If you think that this is strictly a college issue, just you wait... People don't commit anymore, and those who do don't really commit - they just stay until things get tough then bail. 4
TheBathWater Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 YOU have to just suss out the guys in your year that are not the ones merely out to get as many notches on their belt as possible. The ones not getting drunk and having ONSs all the time, the more serious ones. Look at yourself too, do you look and act like a "party girl"? if you do then that is the way they will treat you unfortunately. I was wondering about this too. I know for fact there are college guys interested in relationships who are not players. But what kind of guys are you attracted to? Guys, does this sound familiar or what? 2
Author newyorker1960 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 Smart, cute, caring, funny, passionate but respects me, honest, dependable, non smoking, no white drugs. Tall is a big plus. And I'm not slutty. I'm not a party girl, sorority girl type. Just normal.
Miss Peach Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I met a few in college but they were few and far between until at least the late 20s when some of them start thinking about settling down. In the meantime I would just concentrate on friends, classes, etc. You could also try OLD. To be honest, you'll see this at any age you date. There will always be a bunch of men/women looking to date around without anything more.
TheBathWater Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Smart, cute, caring, funny, passionate but respects me, honest, dependable, non smoking, no white drugs. Tall is a big plus. And I'm not slutty. I'm not a party girl, sorority girl type. Just normal. Okay, I should have phrased my post differently (and by the way, partying and wanting sex is totally okay if you aren't being reckless about your lifestyle). What I meant was that if you find yourself repeatedly getting into hookup situations, you are attracted to men who can't give you what you want, and that may be why you are attracted to them. The majority of the men on this board will tell you this is how it goes with women.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I'm sick of parties, hookups, but no follow up, no relationship. Are you partying and hooking up before a guy has shown he has the intention to follow up and have a real relationship? If so, that's your problem. Men will respond to the messages you broadcast. Of course the players will target a wide range of girls, but if you're clear about what you want and don't entertain advances that are casual/sexual, you'll weed out a lot of that and find men with more depth. I know that times are changing, but I think it's still possible to find college men who want something deeper than casual hookups. But you can't get distracted by the casual guys grabbing at low-hanging fruit. 2
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