rngrl12 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I'll try and keep this concise. There's a guy at the gym I've been eyeing for a few weeks. We made eye contact a lot (~30 times). Last Thursday I worked up the courage to finally go up to him. I approached him when he was resting between sets. Me: "Hey I know this is really forward but I think you're attractive and wanted to know if you'd be interested in grabbing a drink with me sometime." Him: "Sure, when?" Me: "We can go whenever." Him: "Here let me give you my number. Hi my name is ----." Me: "Nice to meet you. I'm ----. I don't want to interrupt your workout I'm going to go get back to mine I'll text you." I know I'm not really smooth but it appeared to work. He smiled at me and seemed really friendly the whole time. I sent him a text later that night saying it was the girl from the gym. He replied late afternoon the next day saying "hey I hope you had a great day. Mine was crazy, so swamped at work." I replied to his text saying I had a good day and asking where he worked. He never responded. Friday before he left the gym he stood in front of my machine to get my attention to wave bye to me. I texted him again Monday saying I hope he had a good weekend and asking if he was free to go out this week. He hasn't responded to that either. At this point I've kind of written the dude off. Tuesday I'm working out on a cycling bike with my back turned toward the main hallway of the gym. The guy sees me and comes up to me and taps me. I have headphones in and he could have walked right past me and I would have been none the wiser. He asks me how I am and we make small talk. Seems interested. He tells me he's incredibly slammed with work and is working 8 am to 8 pm. For reference he's a law student working at a law firm this summer. I casually ask him if he's able to go out this week. He tells me he doesn't know his work schedule yet. Small talk eventually ends, he leaves. Wednesday he sees me and waves again. Make eye contact as he's leaving locker room. He smiles at me. I'm not sure what to make of it. He seems interested in person but doesn't text back and hasn't set up a date to go out. He tells me how busy he is with work but I'm also a busy graduate student and am able to make time. At this point I'm thinking of just calling it a loss. Sucks because he initially seemed interested.
PegNosePete Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 If he was interested he would make time and put in the effort. Maybe he has a gf but enjoys the "safe" flirting and attention at the gym? I would write him off, he seems like a time vampire. 6
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Seeing as he's a very busy guy and you've already initiated twice, I'd keep it to small talk level at the gym and leave it to him to get in touch and organise something. He will ifhe's genuinely interested. 1
basil67 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 We don't know if his reason is true or not. But if it's true, it means he won't have the time to have a decent relationship and if it's not true, then he's just avoiding a relationship. Either way, there's not going to be a relationship. 2
ironspider Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 If that were me and I was interested, I would have made it very clear that I am interested in that drink and will make the time despite my busy schedule. So maybe he's not very interested. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 He doesn't sound very interested at this point, no. Or perhaps he's already got someone in his life, but is testing the waters by accepting your initial invitation and then backing away when the opportunity to meet you actually presented itself. Maybe he's telling the truth that he is completely swamped. But honestly, if he has so little time that he is unable to respond to a simple text (twice) then trying to actually date him will be next to impossible.
katiegrl Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) I don't think this is over quite yet. Sounds like he enjoys the attention and wants to see how hard you will chase him. In fact I would venture to guess he is getting quite a kick out of it. If it were me, I would start ignoring him. If he says hi, say hi back, don't be a bytch or have an attitude ... but don't engage. Just do your thing and be on your merry way. Be aloof, cool. It's called "flipping the script," and watch and see how the tables turn and soon it will be him chasing you and trying to set up that date. Keep us posted! Edited June 2, 2016 by katiegrl 2
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 A guy doesn't text or call because he doesn't want to. Get the hint and move on. 4
katiegrl Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) A guy doesn't text or call because he doesn't want to. Get the hint and move on. You're right he doesn't want to... the question is why? Guys can play a lot of games, which is what I think he is doing. He KNOWS she is interested, and is milking it IMO. As I said, wants to see how hard she will chase. THAT is why he keeps engaging her, smiling at her, winking at her etc. He is playing with her! He KNOWS he will see her again too, that's a given.... so he is biding is time. Once she starts ignoring him watch the tables turn. Can almost guarantee it! This thing isn't over by any stretch..... By the way there is a member of this board (a guy - no names mentioned) who had a MAJOR CRUSH (almost to the point of obsession) on a chick at the gym for months but did nothing about it. There were looks, smiles, and other little flirtations... but for months he never asked her out.... nor did she. I don't think he was playing a game like this guy is though. This guys KNOWS the OP is interested.....smiles, winks, keeps hinting that he would like to go out.... but never follows through.... or gives a clear answer. Sending mixed messages.... wants to see how high she will jump. He is playing a game with her, it's BS. She needs to start ignoring him! Edited June 2, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Lovelorn00 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 You're right he doesn't want to... the question is why? Then the final question is, does it even matter? Like you mentioned, it's BS. He's game-playing. Flip that script!! 1
katiegrl Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Then the final question is, does it even matter? Like you mentioned, it's BS. He's game-playing. Flip that script!! That's what I said! lol No it doesn't matter but it might be fun to watch him try to worm his way back in..... I dunno I'm bored I guess... 2
Shanex Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I can only applaude you OP for being forward and go talk to a man you're interested in. As for why he's not really responsive we can only speculate. Maybe he's got a gf already or is married and didn't want to tell you. If he wasn't interested at all he would have declined the suggestion for a drink.
Author rngrl12 Posted June 4, 2016 Author Posted June 4, 2016 Thanks for the replies guys The only reason I asked him out was because I see him in a gym. All of my male friends told me if I wanted anything to do with him I'd have to ask him out because it's a taboo/no no for a guy to approach a woman in a gym. Past texting him twice I haven't paid much/any attention to him because I don't know how to deal with him. I assumed if he wasn't interested he would have shot down the drink and wouldn't have given me his number. I have some mutual friends with him and am 100% sure he is single. No girlfriend. I don't give him attention in the gym because like I said idk how to deal with him so I just act like I can't/don't see him. He is always the one coming up to me and initiating anything. Since I've approached him he has either talked to me or waved at me every time we're at the gym together. Thursday I was walking into the locker room and he was walking on the main hallway of the gym. They're 90 degrees apart. He pulls out his ear buds and asks me how I am. I replied good. Asked him how he was and kept walking. Ie the typical "hi how are you." "good" when walking past someone. Friday I'm walking to get water. He runs into me. Pulls out ear buds again. Him: "Hey, how are you?" Me: "Abandoned" Him: "Oh your gym partner isn't here." Me: "No she left me for dinner with her boyfriend" Him: "Well that's sh**ty" Me: "Ya I hate lifting alone have to go in the guy section by myself" Him: "Just own it. You can do it, I believe in you." And for now that's all. Good news is I can update a lot because I see him daily. I've decided to just toss him in the "nothing will happen here category" and keep doing me. I'll be polite to him if he approaches but past that I've already asked him out and if he wants to go out again it's on him. My best friend/gym buddy told me to make some joke with him about not responding to my texts and see what he says but idk. Thoughts? My dad thinks he's slow playing me and might have low self-esteem. I found out through the grape vine that his last girlfriend slept around a lot. And he used to be very chubby/not in great shape. Dad thinks he might be insecure and taking things very slow because I am relatively attractive, confident, and in a demanding male dominated field. I'll keep you guys posted. My plan with him is to be polite but distant and to keep my eyes open for other options because I don't think this one is going anywhere.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 I wouldn't drop any more hints, make casual jokes, or the like. He knows you're interested. You don't need to remind him again, directly or indirectly. If it's this difficult to get him to reply to a simple text, it's going to be a an uphill battle trying to actually go on a date with him. Too much work here. You're putting in effort; he isn't. I'd just move on.
ChickiePops Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 I think distant but polite is perfect. I really have to applaud your boldness in approaching him..that was truly brave. I hope you won't let this experience put you off of trying that again! 1
Author rngrl12 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Posted June 5, 2016 I'm going with polite but distant and sticking him in the friend zone. IF he asked me out I'd do whatever I felt like then.
joseb Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Him: "Hey, how are you?" Me: "Abandoned" Him: "Oh your gym partner isn't here." Me: "No she left me for dinner with her boyfriend" Him: "Well that's sh**ty" Me: "Ya I hate lifting alone have to go in the guy section by myself" Him: "Just own it. You can do it, I believe in you." So you gave him two hints, one you would like someone to workout with right now, and one that you were free for dinner. And he ignored both. Yeah I'm with the low/no interest or maybe he has a gf or something. Not everyone knows everything about someone. Also, if he has time to go the gym every day then he has time to go out with you.
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