aussie_darling88 Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I wasn't sure whether to post this in here or not, but anyway, here goes... OK, There's this guy at work and I am starting to like him. We have been working together for about 2 and a half years and we are friends and stuff like that. The problem is he is gay. I know it sounds weird, but lately we have been working together a lot more and he seems genuinely excited when I come in to work, or when he comes in he always makes a point to go out of his way and say hello to me. I am so confused because i have never felt like this before ... because, I mean, like ... he is gay. I never expected this to happen. I am going away for a week next week, and I am kind of sad because I won't get to see him for a while. I really need help with what I am supposed to do. Do I tell him, or do I just keep it to myself and hope this feeling just goes away?
brokengrl Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Are you sure he's definatly gay? Or is he Bi perhaps?
jellybean Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Originally posted by aussie_darling88 I am so confused Yes, are you ever! I've worked with dozens and dozens of gay guys in my lifetime. At my current job, there a 3 that absolutely adore me...they're friendly to the point of being annoying sometimes. Anyways, they insist on taking their breaks with me, want to know everything that's happening in my life, constantly ask if I want to go for beers after work, and send me emails at home. Most gay guys LOVE their female friends. It's FRIENDSHIP, nothing more....get a grip - he's gay.
centered Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Aussie Darling, try Googling "fag hag"... If he's gay, he's gay. He might be friendly, non-threatening, sweet, charming, and thoughtful. And you might have a great friendship. But if he's really gay, he won't change. It probably took him a lot of soul searching, experiementation, and facing abuse and death threats to even come out as "gay" -- and once he's certain of that, it's extremely unlikely he'd change his mind. I read somewhere that women are more likely to explore intimacy with another woman, and to be more open to a partner regardless of gender. Movies like "Go Fish" and "Chasing Amy" keep this notion alive. In these movies, apparently militant lesbians had a change of heart when the right guy came along, and they actually entertained the idea of switching camps. But, in both movies, it didn't last, and they went back to their sisters. I work in San Francisco, so I hear a lot of water cooler talk. Many of the gay guys in the office were once married, some with children, before figuring things out or finally being honest with everyone. Once they came out, they were *out* there -- and they never looked back. Guys seem to be a little more single-minded about sex, though. Goes with the whole confidence thing, I guess. A friend of mine wanted a baby very badly, but didn't want to get married, and didn't to use the lottery of a sperm bank. Instead, she asked her close gay friend if he'd do the deed. They were very close friends. He was flattered and, ultimately, decided he would help her get pregnant under the condition that he could be involved in raising the child in some small way. But during the attempts to get pregnant, my friend told me he confessed a repulsion to her body. He was viscerally disgusted with what he called the "bags of fat" on her chest, and the "fatty softness" of her tummy, thighs and buttocks. He didn't like her smell, either. I have heard similar comments from other gay guys regarding women. They can *like* women well enough as friends, but when it comes to sex, they just aren't attracted to what makes us women. All of these types of guys knew they were gay from an early age and never got involved with women. If your friend is bi, and is open to something, be prepared for a very risky relationship. If he's free of STDs, you still have to realize that the playing field has doubled in size for you, and your competition may be male *or* female. If he's an enlightened bi person, maybe he can look past the "wrapper" and actually know how to fall in love with the person. I know some people can do this. For me, the wrapper is part of the whole package, and I *definitely* prefer guys. If he's a good friend, ask him if he's bi. He'll be flattered by your question, and will certainly answer things for you.
moimeme Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Most gay guys LOVE their female friends You got that right! They'll be cuddly and loyal and love you to bits. They'll be so lovely to you and so much fun to be with it'll be hard to avoid falling for them but you have to. If you can keep it 'just friends', you'll find you have no better friend than a gay guy.
Marshbear Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Gay guys are a women's best friend. All women should have a male gay friend or two. They make the best friends but nothing more. If your feelings are causing to want more then you need to stop being so close and take a step back. It is easy to want more with someone you genuninely like so much but you have to end it at friendship. Do not tell him of your crush. It will just make things uncomfortable and he knows you know he's gay. He figures there is no problem. You have to stop your feelings or back away from the situation. Peace...
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