joseb Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 Passion is equally important in my opinion. Sounds like you should be looking for guy #3. Yeah - you can't force attraction if it's not there. I know it's only been a month...and he sounds like a good guy, but are you just with him because the other guy moved away? Honestly, I don't see why you are even thinking of the first guy as relationship material. Did you have any break between that and starting dating the new guy?
gaius Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 You should go for the best of both worlds. Have guy 1's baby, pretend it's guy 2's and build a life with him.
gimlynick Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 My opinion: Go for guy nr 3. If you are not 100% sure with whom you want to be then this means that you aren't that crazy into him. Let them both go, or maybe keep guy nr 1 for sex, and when you meet someone who has the best of both these guys you will certainly be enough in love to not even ask this question on LS. Good luck
PogoStick Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 You should go for the best of both worlds. Have guy 1's baby, pretend it's guy 2's and build a life with him. It's the oldest trick in the book. Marry the rich CEO and get knocked up by his bodyguard!
Buddhist Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) So you've starting dating someone new? I think that tells you everything you need to know really. If guy #1 was all that and a bag of chips you wouldn't have started dating anyone else. Edited June 2, 2016 by Buddhist
truth_seeker Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) Date both. Have Guy 1 strictly for hot sex and Guy 2 as the sweet boyfriend. In time, the hope here is that Guy 1's hotness will wear off and you'll be happy with Guy 2 at all times. Yes I know. He is absolutely amazing. He treats his family so well, is so loving and caring towards them. I've never met a better guy before and he has already shown a lot of love and care towards me. He learns and plays songs for me on his guitar too. And burns CDs for me. I know I would be crazy to pass him up for guy 1 who was really self-centred and also dull,but I can't help but miss the sexual chemistry with guy 1. I so get this... it's like dating Rihanna and Kate Middleton... Rihanna is so hot and sexy, you want to have steamy, animalistic sex with her night and day but nothing after that. She's SEX and that's about it. Kate Middleton is attractive but is also very proper, the type of woman you can marry and have a family with... but she lacks that [sexiness] Rihanna brings to the table. Guy 1 is OP's sex addiction... Guy 2 is a sweet guy who can't match Guy 1's sexiness... I hit the nail on the head here? Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge and redact inappropriate language 2
VeveCakes Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Selfish and inconsiderate are not qualities you want in a husband... Trust me on this. Guy 1 sucks. 2
Author Leyee Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) Yeah - you can't force attraction if it's not there. I know it's only been a month...and he sounds like a good guy, but are you just with him because the other guy moved away? Honestly, I don't see why you are even thinking of the first guy as relationship material. Did you have any break between that and starting dating the new guy? Guy1 moved away because he wanted to study a language programme for three months in another city. He just quit his job, and had no plans for the future so to kill time he wanted to study something. We agreed that we would take a break, because guy 1 said that he wasn't very good with communicating, and he didn't want me to feel frustrated that he wasn't talking to me everyday. He isn't actively seeking out another woman (he is pretty happy to be alone- he didn't date anyone 6 years before meeting me, and I was the pursuer in the beginning of our relationship). I also had major doubts as to if we could work out in the long term so I wanted a break and date guy 2. I didn't have a break between guy 1 and guy 2. Edited June 2, 2016 by Leyee
Author Leyee Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) Date both. Have Guy 1 strictly for hot sex and Guy 2 as the sweet boyfriend. In time, the hope here is that Guy 1's hotness will wear off and you'll be happy with Guy 2 at all times. I so get this... it's like dating Rihanna and Kate Middleton... Rihanna is so hot and sexy, you want to have steamy, animalistic sex with her night and day but nothing after that. She's SEX and that's about it. Kate Middleton is attractive but is also very proper, the type of woman you can marry and have a family with... but she lacks that [sexiness] Rihanna brings to the table. Guy 1 is OP's sex addiction... Guy 2 is a sweet guy who can't match Guy 1's sexiness... I hit the nail on the head here? Yes haha you're correct. And to anyone else I would say go for the nice guy!! It makes more sense. But I am just addicted to guy 1's body. He also likes to dance salsa as a hobby and has gotten quite good at it. When he dances with me, it drives me crazy.... And I'm so sad if I can't ever dance with him again. It makes me feel sad that I can't sleep with him again too. Although I have to say that he is a selfish lover, but I don't mind. He really turns me on. There is no guy number 3 yet, and to be honest I've not met someone as kind and as good a partner as number 2. He is about 90% there already. I feel that if I chase the other 10% I would be missing out on what's really important. We are realistic with each other. I am still keeping an open mind, and I am hoping that a few more months down the road I will really fall in love with guy 2 fully. Edited June 2, 2016 by Leyee
joseb Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Yes haha you're correct. And to anyone else I would say go for the nice guy!! It makes more sense. But I am just addicted to guy 1's body. He also likes to dance salsa as a hobby and has gotten quite good at it. When he dances with me, it drives me crazy.... And I'm so sad if I can't ever dance with him again. It makes me feel sad that I can't sleep with him again too. Although I have to say that he is a selfish lover, but I don't mind. He really turns me on. Do you want a Fk buddy or do you want a relationship?
Leigh 87 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I was in your position. I ended up waiting for a guy who I not only had off the charts chemistry with, but who I click well with emotionally and spiritually. He is loyal loving and we make each other laugh a lot. It is never dull. People will tell you to forget about the 10/10 chemistry and to go for the 7/10 chemistry and the 10/10 compatability. And I'll be honest here. Only a very small minority. A tiiiiiiny portion of people, end up with the 10/10 instant chemistry. Veeeeeery few long term married coupels started out with fire works........ Time and time again, women the world over have debated as to whether they wsnt to settle for the men who get their hearts racing yet aren't good partners, versus going for the men who are devoted and loving who unfortunately don't take their breath away. It isn't just women. A famous dating coach once said " I wasn't enamoured with me wife. Where as prior to her, I thought chemistry was the be all or end all. I'd date women who I was infatuated with ans then realize they were selfish or immature or crazy or the good ones didn't want me. I personally don't need to breed. And so I was waiting for a soul mate style connection. Where I felt instant chemistry and an instant connection. Where the chemistry was fireworks. And where we bith fell hard. Most people on here will advocate for you to drop your need to feel the fireworks that you had with guy 1, and to embrace less chemistry with a guyyou're not crazy about yet who you are still attracted to and who treats you well. I personally remained single until I found the fireworks and spark with a compatible man. Guy one isn't into you. And he sounds emotionally incapable of loving. " it's annoying to have to find a new girlfriend" isn't enough after 1 year....I would honestly use guy 1 for ssx and company until you met a guy with whom you felt the fireworks with AND who was nice to you and cherished you. Everyone os different. But for me, when I tried to date men who were kind and decent and super into me and super romantic. ....and I lacked the fireworks. ... well the fireworks never came! ! I was attracted enough to have sex. But I always felt something was " missing ". Some posters on here have shared their stories of meeting their long term partners. One lady married hers-- she was in her late 40s and was sick ofchasing chemistry with men who weren't right for her. So she picked the guy who was fabulous and a 100% match. Minus the sky illuminating fireworks. Another poster mentioned that she wasn't even into her bf. For a few dates she wasn't even sure if she had romantic potential. She even checked out other men. Within 5 or 6 dates, she realised that she could in fact, grow to be into a man who she didn't have fireworks with. My best relationships started with fireworks. Yet sorry to say, it only happened TWICE in ten years---- that I had the connection and chemistry with men who ALSO shared an emotionally and spiritually rich connection with me that resulted in a relationship. I am a slim and relatively attractive woman ( not gorgeous but I regularly get options in men and I recieve a lot of male attention). And yet while chemistry is easy enough to find.... chemistry with a truly compatible personis EXTREMELY rare................ For most of us, the people we fall for the hardest are never the oned who return our feelings; or if they do.... they are unsuitable partners. The key here is.... decent people are hard to find. True compatability is hardto find. Fireworks and great chemistry can be hard enough to find albeit some peoplefeel it more often than others. You're late 20s. So am I. If you wsnt a family, I wouldn't count on necessarily finding mr chemistry and mr compatible in the same guy. Sadly for women like me, we cannot settle for less. Good luck! Don't bother with guy 1 and please, identity if you're the type who can ignore men you feel weak at the knees for ---- if you remain with guy 2. I couldn't ignoretrue chemistry when I was with Mr 7/10 chemistry guy. I broke his heart when I dumped him to chase chemistry.
Author Leyee Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 Do you want a Fk buddy or do you want a relationship? I want a relationship and not just a FK buddy, although many times I feel like that our relationship is kind of all about sexual chemistry since I am mostly dissatisfied with the rest. But I wish that guy 1 was relationship material. I know he is trying his best and he does like me, but at the same time he doesn't know how to love me in the way I need. I find he is not caring enough. Like he didnt ask about the details of his mum's recent tumour operation a day ago (I asked him where was the tumour and he said' I don't know exactly. It's close to the stomach, isn't that enough?'). He didn't accompany her to the hospital. And when his best friend had his first baby two months ago, he still hasnt talked to him yet. When we had our one year anniversary, he didn't say happy anniversary. He didn't do anything special but over the phone he just said 'you too'. I know that he wants to marry me because he told me he doesn't think he can find anyone better than me. He said he will have to settle for someone less if we broke up.
Leigh 87 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 so? Go after your dream in a relationship. Why not find guy 1 with guy 2's traits? It is rare but dooable IF....... You are capable of feeling " chemistry" WITHOUT the man having to have movie star good looks or a 6 figure income. If you are in tune with yourself, and able to feel connections and chemistry despite of what you THINK is obectively good looking... you stand a chance. All the girls I know who found guy 1 and guy 2 in the one guy - were attractive girls who fell for the guy despite him not having movie star good looks - they just followed their chemistry radar rather than their egos (what OTHER people and society would be "impressed" with). The women who want " hot hot hot" men and think that these men are the ONLY way to feel chemistry, never usually end up successful unless they themselves are models. I recommend going after the chemistry in guy 1, combined with the compatability of guy 2......But if you are still fruitless in your mission by the age of 32 or 33, I would pick: have a family with a guy 2, and learn to be OKAY with not being crazy about a partner - OR - become a single mum and meet the guy 1 and 2 Mr perfect later in life........ I believe the vast majority of people meet the love of their life, later in life..... if they are lucky. It is rare to meet them young. But ONLY try and find a combination of guy 1 and 2 if you are able to feel great chemistry with the average Joe - because yeah, if you need a good income and the stero typical movie star good looks for you to even FEEL chemistry then you won't likely land that AND the rest (compatability and the full package) If you are realistic and open to feeling it with any type of guy (providing they have a job and the standard basic minimums to a comfortable life) then go ahead and find " guy 3", you DO NOT have to settle for either guy 1 or 2!
joseb Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I know that he wants to marry me because he told me he doesn't think he can find anyone better than me. He said he will have to settle for someone less if we broke up. That is about the lamest "compliment" I have ever heard! He doesn't want to marry you, he wants to keep you around for the good sex. Unless you just want a fk buddy, and nothing else, put this one out of you mind completely.
Arieswoman Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 OP, I didn't read all this thread, I just looked at the title. IMO if you don't know which one you want, maybe you don't really want either of them? Just my 6 penneth. 1
elaine567 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Guy #3 is definitely the way to go. Guy #1 is NOT relationship material in any way, shape or form. Get involved more deeply with him and you will have a life that you will have to live alone as he will never be there for YOU. It is always all about him. Guy #2 just looks good to you in comparison to Guy #1, he is not someone you would have chosen, he just happened to be there at the right time when you were no doubt at a low ebb. I am sure he is a really nice guy, but you have to realize picking new people when you are still emotionally involved with someone else is never a good idea. He is the rebound and you will hurt him badly.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Well let's see...the personality-disordered, emotionally stunted 40 year old sees you as a good candidate because he wants to have kids and you're young and fertile. Admittedly, he doesn't really like kids or being around them. Hell, it doesn't really sound like he likes YOU much or being around you either. LOL. Yeah, that's some serious Husband and Father of the Year material, there. He sounds like one of those middle aged fools who suddenly decide they should have had kids so they get themselves a young wife and start spitting kids out at 45. Don't be this guy's brood mare. Guy #2 - the jury is still out. Everyone is on their best behavior at the one-month mark. They say we don't meet the 'real' person when we start dating someone - we meet their 'dating ambassador.' We don't really know them yet as they're still on their best behavior and putting their best foot forward. So you'd have to come back a year from now and tell us whether he's still great or not. You sound young because you're allowing your hormones to do your thinking for you. At the end of the day, there's got to be a lot more to someone than just a pretty face or good chemistry. And you know with the 40 year old, there ISN'T. I'm neutral on the 28 year old but I wouldn't waste another second with the 40 year old.
Otter2569 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 As Truth Seeker said: why cant you date both? Who says you have to chose right now? Best of both worlds! 1
Cherryz Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 If you feel you have to choose between 2 people , means you are not into none. You are just looking for your iterest only to see which one will combine you better. So better chose no one. Be single and and take time get to know yourself and what you really want and looking for in life and in a men. Read dating books and so on. When you really like someone or inlove already, there is no question about who should i choose. You will be busy with other questions like: How do i tell him, how can i surprise him, should i kiss on first date and so on. 1
Cherryz Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Its not 2 furniture's or dresses that you are asking about. Its 2 humans with feelings and a heart. We should be careful how you deal with people. and dont waste their time.and mess with their hearts. 2
Author Leyee Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 Well let's see...the personality-disordered, emotionally stunted 40 year old sees you as a good candidate because he wants to have kids and you're young and fertile. Admittedly, he doesn't really like kids or being around them. Hell, it doesn't really sound like he likes YOU much or being around you either. LOL. Yeah, that's some serious Husband and Father of the Year material, there. He sounds like one of those middle aged fools who suddenly decide they should have had kids so they get themselves a young wife and start spitting kids out at 45. Don't be this guy's brood mare. Guy #2 - the jury is still out. Everyone is on their best behavior at the one-month mark. They say we don't meet the 'real' person when we start dating someone - we meet their 'dating ambassador.' We don't really know them yet as they're still on their best behavior and putting their best foot forward. So you'd have to come back a year from now and tell us whether he's still great or not. You sound young because you're allowing your hormones to do your thinking for you. At the end of the day, there's got to be a lot more to someone than just a pretty face or good chemistry. And you know with the 40 year old, there ISN'T. I'm neutral on the 28 year old but I wouldn't waste another second with the 40 year old. You've hit the nail on the head exactly with the 40 year old. He says he wants to settle down as soon as possible because he said he is 'expiring soon' and there is a stigma with unmarried 40 year olds!! He said he liked me because I was young enough to have kids (he doesn't want to date anyone over 35), pretty and low maintenance. He gets pressure from his parents to settle down too, and they have tried to match him up. Guy 2, well yes it's still early days, but I can tell from the way he treats his family and friends that he is a caring guy.
WhirlwindGuy Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 I don't know what you mean by finding a more mature woman. But he says he is looking for someone 'low maintenance' and will look after him, and young enough to give him children. The break was my decision and not his. He wants to stay together because he said its 'too much work to find a new girlfriend' and that he likes me. How romantic! You should definitely keep him. 1
truth_seeker Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 The 28 year old has no chance... why? OP lusts for the 40 year old and the 28 year old guy will never be able to satisfy her like the 40 year old does... the real solution here is for her to break up with both and start over. Some on this board advocate blocking and nexting people... in this situation it applies here. OP needs to cut both loose as when she is with one she pines for the other (one for sex; the other for emotional comfort) and it seems never ending... delete both guys and find a guy who gives you everything you want in a man. 1
Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Guy one blows so hard he should be used by gardeners to collect leaves... My advice. Quit looking at pictures of him and buy yourself a vibrator instead. Seriously you do not want to end wasting your youth on some dead beat old guy just because he has tounge or knows how to use the dangling bits between his legs. Guy two sounds fantastic. My advice. Look at his picture lots. And the best bit is that you can train him... This guy if you say it makes you feel hot or horney will do it for you. So use that to your advantage and when he finds that spot tell him... he will be finding it again very quickly! If there are things you like him to do in bed or ways that you want him to erm "dangle the doughnut" then let him know because that guy will jump on it... and probably end up a far better lover than guy one... If you find yourself still thinking about guy one in a couple of weeks then ditch both and go do the girly thing. Guy one really is not for you so stay away and if you can't get over him then do not date until you are.
Woggle Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Dump 2 so you don't break his heart down the road then date 1 until you get him out of your system. He sounds completely awful but people tend to learn the hard way.
Recommended Posts