pretty boy Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I just finished up freshman year and I haven't ever had a girfriend. Some people have asked me out, but I only want to go out with people I want to go out with. All year I was trying to get to know this one girl better so that I can eventually ask her out. And as time went on I just liked her more and more. Her friends and my friends are pretty different so I mainly only got to talk to her in class. But when we did talk, I made her laugh and we shared some of our interests. In my mind I was doing all of the right things, I just never got a chance to talk to her about this because she always seemed like she had a boyfriend. My worry is that I went from, "that guy in history" to, "my friend in history" without ever getting a chance to tell her that I like her. She wrote in my yearbook that she was glad that she met me, that she met me. She said that she I always helped her get into a better mood and that she didn't mind being weird about me. She finished it up saying that she considered me a good friend and that she hoped to see me next year. She gave me her e-mail address and her phone number. So my plan of action is to keep in contact over the internet, and to eventually suggest doing something, maybe with someone so it wont seem obvious that I'm trying to get closer to her. I really like this girl and I don't want to screw it up. I know you can't make anyone love you but you can persuade someone to like you right? I would eally like some feedback. Support that I'm on the right track, or a warning that I'm digging my self into a grave. I wrote her trying to be as friendly as possible, asking about her summer, telling her about mine that sorta thing. She writes back just as friendly, she didn't answer all of my questions, like how her boyfriend was doing, she told me about her ballet and getting sunburnt. Well that's about where I am. I'd like a little advice on how to proceed.
centered Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Since you mentioned yearbooks, I'm assuming you're in high school. (Most colleges don't have yearbooks.) So you finished your freshman year. That would mean you're about 14 or 15. You didn't mention her age. Is she older? How much? You say you've never had a girlfriend. Yet you say you've turned down invitations to go out because, presumably, these other girls weren't your type, or *you* want to be the one asking, and not the one asked. In any case, you missed out on some good opportunities to gain experience. Next time a girl asks you out, and you are unattached, go out with her! Learn! Guys that have dates seem a little more attractive, and less desperate, to girls. As long as you don't send out signals that you are "taken," girls will want to find out what other girls see in you. Also, if you want to get to know a girl, don't be coy or shy. You have to take the plunge! Ask this girl out! If you don't, she's not going to wait around forever, even if she likes you. She'll see your lack of response as lack of interest and start to assume you aren't really interested in her that way. But you're *both* too young to have had much experience yet. No, you can't make someone love you. And no, you can't make someone *like* you, either. You will be liked for who you are and what you do -- a package deal. The deeper the like, the better the person knows you and appreciates *you* just as you are. No rules, games, or faking things. You're a good age to learn this one lesson well: Be confident. Girls will be drawn to leaders. Don't worry if you're not the stereotype of a leader. Girls are smarter than that and see leadership in many forms. Sometimes the smart, geeky brainiac is the leader of the nerds, and that will attract some girls. Sometimes the quarterback who makes all the right calls on the field is the leader, and you'll catch a certain girl's attention. Sometimes it's the poetic guy who *knows* Blake and Keats and Rosetti so well that they stand out as a leader in romantic prose. Find the qualities in yourself that you are good at, that bring you happiness and pleasure, and work on them until you become the *best* at that special something you have to offer the world. And then your confidence and leadership in that area will shine through, and you'll attract a girl who really appreciates those qualities, and is genuinely *proud* of who you are and what you can do. This is a key concept for finding happiness in your life.
Marshbear Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 Your slowness in telling her your feelings have put you on the friends slippery slope. Once there it is hell getting off. You need to learn that if you befriend a girl that she will see you as a friend. You should be courteous and friendly but do not get involved in her life unless you are dating her. Girls see guys that do this as friends. It may not be to late to change things if you step up to the plate and make a move. Let her know of your interest. If she likes you that way she may give you a chance. It not then you have learned a valuable dating experience. Do not befriend a gal that you have interest in. Peace...
Author pretty boy Posted June 26, 2005 Author Posted June 26, 2005 O.K. thanks for the advice, I appreciate the response. Centered, I don't really want to go out with someone just for the sake of going out with someone. It's just that I don't want to date someone if I don't really feel anything for them. But I'll definitely think about it because I think you have a point. By the way, very astute observations about my age, I'm 15 and the girl I'm talking about is my age. We've been e-mailing back and forth sort of sparingly, I think the next time I'm going to ask her out to a movie, or to coffee or something. Wish me luck!!!
centered Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 PB, movies can backfire, since you both don't have a chance to talk. Two hours of enforced silence aren't conducive to bonding on a first date. Coffee's good. Even better, considering your age group and where you live, try bowling or ice skating. Some kind of low-key physical activity where you can both talk and goof around is a great way to break the ice and have a fun date.
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