Feelings towards cheating ex

[LuvMyTwinGirls]

I’m just seeking people’s opinions on some feelings I have that I am not sure why I am having them, whether they are normal or whether they could be an issue.

 

I split from my husband 2 years ago after he came clean that he was having an affair with a younger woman. It was a difficult time but I have or more correctly still am recovering. We have maintained a precarious friendship for the sake of my children.

 

Since we split I have found out from various sources of what exactly he was up to. Not only was he having the affair but they also were having threesomes with a friend (ex friend now) of mine.

 

Now here is what concerns me. Rather than being angry with him I am kind of impressed. Believe me I don’t want to feel that way but I find myself thinking well good on him. He had always expressed that as a fantasy of his and the fact that he made it happen with two very attractive women somehow has me patting him on the back (not literally) rather than chastising him.

 

I know that sounds weird. It's not a way I want to feel but I just can't help but smiling when I think of him and what he has done. I should be hating him for it but I just don't seem to have it in me.

 

What is going on? Why am I feeling this way? On one hand I hate this man but then I have the feelings I described above. It is very unsettling.

 

I have told only two close friends and they think I still love him and secretly subconsciously want him back. I just couldn't do that, there is no way I could ever trust him. Please tell me that people here don't think that too. It's been 2 years, it is time to move on.

[PegNosePete]

I don't think you've anything to worry about. In fact if you were still hating him after 2 years then I'd be more worried. I would be telling you it's time to let go of your anger and move into indifference. But you've moved past the anger and are doing fine. There's nothing wrong with being happy for another human being's happiness - even one who did you wrong.

 

As long as these feelings are not holding you back, then nothing to worry about.

[Alamo657]

You're a woman, when a man works at fulfilling his goals, you re genetically programmed to feel attraction.

[Liam1]

LuvmytwinGirls;

 

I read emails between my fiance and the person she had an affair with. She showed them to me and although I was slightly angry about the affair, I was amused by the emails, and the affair was not a deal breaker for me.

 

It appeared that she was interested in a certain type of sex that I had no interest in. It totally put her affair in perspective.

 

We moved past the affair and stayed together but later broke up for reasons unrelated to the affair. We are still friends and meet with our respective spouses.

 

There are couples that you read about who have divorced due to an affair but then get past it and get back together years later.

 

So you are not alone in your change of heart.

 

Finding someone new offers no guarantee that this new person will not have an affair too.

 

Have you considered counseling for you and your ex?

 

I’m just seeking people’s opinions on some feelings I have that I am not sure why I am having them, whether they are normal or whether they could be an issue.

 

I split from my husband 2 years ago after he came clean that he was having an affair with a younger woman. It was a difficult time but I have or more correctly still am recovering. We have maintained a precarious friendship for the sake of my children.

 

Since we split I have found out from various sources of what exactly he was up to. Not only was he having the affair but they also were having threesomes with a friend (ex friend now) of mine.

 

Now here is what concerns me. Rather than being angry with him I am kind of impressed. Believe me I don’t want to feel that way but I find myself thinking well good on him. He had always expressed that as a fantasy of his and the fact that he made it happen with two very attractive women somehow has me patting him on the back (not literally) rather than chastising him.

 

I know that sounds weird. It's not a way I want to feel but I just can't help but smiling when I think of him and what he has done. I should be hating him for it but I just don't seem to have it in me.

 

What is going on? Why am I feeling this way? On one hand I hate this man but then I have the feelings I described above. It is very unsettling.

 

I have told only two close friends and they think I still love him and secretly subconsciously want him back. I just couldn't do that, there is no way I could ever trust him. Please tell me that people here don't think that too. It's been 2 years, it is time to move on.