Malexandria Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 Hi guys, Sorry for the possible mistakes I'm french. To sum up, I dated this guy for 6 months and we've had ups & downs but always found ways to overcome problems in the past. When I met him he was a real partier, living at night, taking drugs, sleeping during the day, you get it. I helped him stop all that, at least I think because he was kind of living at my place and we were seeing each other 6 days a week. He's an actor and I pushed him looking for job opportunities, trying to motivate him to stop sleeping until 3 pm... But it was hard. Each time he tried to move things on he relapsed in his old habits, sleeping all day etc. He owns a big apartment and get a monthly rent for it so basically he doesn't "need" to work if you know what I mean. So to explain my current situation: he was acting weird these days, and on friday told me he needed space. He didn't told me it was a break up, just that he needed to clear his mind and spend some time alone. I got quite emotional and thought it was just a break up and he was afraid to tell me, so I voiced his decision and told him I couldnt wait for days wandering what was going to happen so we should break up right away. He didnt agreed but didnt try to convince me either. I tried to contact him the day after, no answer. His best friend tried, one of his other friends too, no answer. After 3 days we started to worry a lot, and called the restaurant where he works: they told us he came to work the day before. I contacted his brother, asking if he had any news: he told me he and his father were trying to contact him for 5 years but he never answered or called back. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should keep trying to contact him or move on. I love him and I'm afraid he's relapsing into his old habits (drug use mostly). Yesterday his best friend went to his place and stayed for 3 hours in front of his door : no answer. The guy is ghosting us. It's not just about me and our relationship. I think he's broken. I know I can't fix him but I love him and don't want to let him destroy his life (he has lost his mother at age 8 and been raised by his father and his wife, whom he hates). So I know he has a difficult baggage, but I also know he's a great guy, deep down... Thanks for reading. 1
Buddhist Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 (edited) trying to motivate him to stop sleeping until 3 pm... But it was hard. Each time he tried to move things on he relapsed in his old habits, sleeping all day etc. He owns a big apartment and get a monthly rent for it so basically he doesn't "need" to work if you know what I mean. So to explain my current situation: he was acting weird these days, and on friday told me he needed space. So I voiced his decision and told him I couldnt wait for days wandering what was going to happen so we should break up right away. I think he's broken. My guess is this. - He got tired of you telling him how to live his life, he is an adult after all and decided to take some time out. - You tried to manipulate the situation by instigating a breakup he didn't want. - You then tried to contact him, but he's had enough of the drama GF who's trying to control his life and has decided to go no contact. - He doesn't want you to think he's broken and needs saving basically. Sorry to paint you in a bad light. But in all honesty if someone did this to me I would get annoyed very quickly and do exactly the same thing. I don't care what others think is best for me, I live my life according to my own will. If someone messes with that I cut them out of my life completely. You already said he has no financial need to work. He wasn't sponging off you, he had his own money and probably thought what he did with it, and how he spent his days was his business. You may not agree with his life choices but that doesn't mean he needs an intervention because you happen to consider him a broken individual. If you fear for his safety, call the police. But don't expect him to ever talk to you again after that. Edited June 1, 2016 by Buddhist 1
Author Malexandria Posted June 1, 2016 Author Posted June 1, 2016 Wooooow Ok. Maybe you're right after all. During the last months he told me several times me giving him these kicks in the butt was a good thing, that he needed and appreciated it because it was helping him finding the motivation he didn't have... But maybe you're right, maybe all is my fault and I'm basically the one responsible for him disappearing and ignoring everyone, including his friends. 1
MIK3 WB Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I don't agree with the initial poster. The fact that he is ignoring basically everyone, and not just you, leads me to think whatever he is going through is bigger than the relationship. I understand you wanting some clarity when he vaguely tells you he wants a break and disappears. I don't think you're wrong asking for that. Hopefully you hear from him soon with some information. 1
Author Malexandria Posted June 1, 2016 Author Posted June 1, 2016 Yep, that's it. I'm confused because it's more than us, it's deeper than that. I think its related to the loss of his mother/his childhood but i'm not his therapist. His best friend came to his place yesterday, and stayed for 3 hours in front of his door, no answer. But he's showing up online on facebook and whatsapp. 1
Satu Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 snip *It's not just about me and our relationship. I think he's broken. I know I can't fix him but I love him and don't want to let him destroy his life (he has lost his mother at age 8 and been raised by his father and his wife, whom he hates). So I know he has a difficult baggage, but I also know he's a great guy, deep down... Thanks for reading. *I'm glad that you realise that. He needs much more help than you and his friends could ever give him. Unless he himself reaches out for help, nothing much will change. In the meantime, he asked for space, so give him exactly that. Don't contact him. Take care.
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