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Posted

Well, actually, moderation has removed the majority of members who are here just for the sake of arguing and are happy to consider more contenders via the 'alert us' button, however such discussions are not topical to this thread, nor are any discussions of members themselves, or the thread starter's past postings unless they are relevant to the topic and are directly quoted and linked to, per our published policy on such matters.

 

Let's dispense with labeling and work this member's frustration with females in his dating world. Thanks in advance for your cooperation with this moderation directive.

Posted

I agree with others though, don't expect a woman to be overly impressed that you own a place and look ok - it's good you do, but so do most guys. Just don't lead with that on your online profile.

 

You forgot own a car, have money in the bank :D

 

Best way to win someone over on OLD... post pics with a puppy.

 

Are you guys ready to score with all the OLD girls? Here it is...

 

Post 3-5 pics with a puppy... holding it, playing with it, walking in the park... then in your bio you write: "Just your average Joe enjoying life with his best friend. Want to join us?"

 

Money.

  • Like 2
Posted

You are average, that's why you don't stand out from the rest. Women pick up on social cues of attraction by how a man carries himself when he walks by...(the swagger), the smooth talker, and maybe being a little rough around the edges. You can be ok around women but if you don't put out that "I desire you" vibe you don't get very far. I worked in a club for 4 years and had plenty of time watching these guys work their magic. What they do and say clicks on a woman's attraction to them like a hot damn. Women want excitement, intrigue, mystery....remember women think with their emotions. You have to focus on what stimulates those emotions.

 

Bottom line, you gotta work on yer game.

 

There have been a few thread where a guy complains about how his buddy gets women so easily, and women ask him for his buddies phone number, even tho the level of physical appearance is the same between the two of them. It's the vibe, the eye contact, saying things the just the right way. It's the only way to take those walls down.

 

**side note, what else attract women are guys who do physically masculine activities like playing football, rock climbing, sky diving, etc. What also helps is having a good group of fun loving buddies around you when you go out. The more testosterone the better. Just saying from my observations.

  • Like 4
Posted
I dunno, everyone seems to be saying don't approach women in malls etc,

but I remember a thread here not too long ago and a lot of women were complaining about guys not approaching enough and how they wished that a certain guy in a supermarket had chatted them up, etc.

So I don't think it's a lost cause, or there is anything wrong with it really. I rarely do it myself, and usually I wait for a bit of a clue, but have met one or two like this.

 

 

----

 

I agree with others though, don't expect a woman to be overly impressed that you own a place and look ok - it's good you do, but so do most guys. Just don't lead with that on your online profile.

 

^Hmmm ....I didn't interpret it that way. That he expects a woman to be impressed/attracted because of his material possessions.

 

It is more what those material possessions represent = he is responsible, stable, ambitious, good provider..."these" are qualities women *are* attracted to. At least I am!

 

OP, stay off on line dating...

 

I did it for a bit and it was rare I met a man I liked. If ever. Why? My expectations were too high.

 

When we met, I expected an immediate spark, that click, that *chemistry*.

 

If it wasn't there on the first meet, next!

 

It was wrong but that is how it went down for me, and jmo but I think that may be what is happening.... and why meeting on line is so difficult!

 

Also, I came to realize that by meeting on line, that spark, chemistry wasn't going to happen.

 

Why? Because of the *expectation* that it *should* happen. It puts an unnecessary pressure on both people that squelches attraction.

 

Instead of it being spontaneous .. as it would if, let's say, you met spontaneously at a party or somewhere else. Where there is no expectation, no pressure that you *connect*.

 

I don't think most people even realize this. It's a subconscious thing.

 

But I eventually did, and stopped on line dating for that reason.

 

I think you would have better luck joining groups, doing volunteer work, meeting spontaneously , no pressure to *click* and connect, and getting to know each other naturally and organically....

 

Lastly, i disagree with Buddhist's opinion, I think you sound great and if you lived in my area, you would be the type of man I would love to meet!

 

Spontaneously and naturally.

  • Like 2
Posted
Jen1447:

I tried dating a women at work once. Never again. Better to separate work and love haha. Makes things weird if it doesn't end well. Clever ruses?Artificially start conversations? I suppose I'll have to save her cat from getting run over by a car before it's a real life acceptable conversation lol? I'm taking it that you don't ask a lot of men out on dates. Why would you? It's the guys job to ask right? That's all I'm doing. I'm being a man. If we didn't ask you out you couldn't accept our invitation. All I'm trying to do is break the ice. If she can't understand and appreciate that then I don't know what else to say. Artificially created conversation or not. Both sexes have their problems. I'm not saying it's enjoyable to be asked out 20 times a day if your a woman and your busy. I'd also like you to imagine though how a man would feel if he got rejected multiple times but it's still his job to make the first move? Let's all just try to be understanding of the opposite side of the issue here ok? I've had women ask me for help when they didn't need it to talk to me in the past. Isn't that being....fake?

 

Yes it is ...who said it wasn't? Fakeness isn't a one-way street.

 

The issue with these department store approaches of yours is that you're in an environment that isn't automatically intended to host social interactions like bars, parties, social gatherings, etc. So the ppl there are there for other unrelated reasons than chatting w/you. Doesn't mean you can't try, but like I said it's gonna be a low return just by its very nature. So you'd do better focusing your energy elsewhere or at least diversifying.

 

Add to that the making up stories to initiate conversation and you're shot gets even less likely, bc the ppl who are there already for other reasons will be even less inclined to entertain 'games' like that. Sizing up the cantaloupes isn't really the time you want to be presented w/riddles or the need for detective work, e.g. "who is this guy randomly telling me a phony story and do I need to contact security?" etc. You're much better off just being genuine and finding common interests - like the cantaloupe - at the supermarket.

 

I was mentioned earlier that there should be a threshold for every person to cross who wants to interact like this, and that's getting some positive feedback prior to your approach - a smile, a semi-sustained glance, something. If you get absolutely nothing you can save yourself and the other person a lot of trouble by just taking that for what it's worth and leaving it.

 

(btw I'm bisexual and I do most of the initiating w/women, and probably about half w/men back when I was active w/them. So my 'approach' ledger is pretty long and storied. :p If you think approaching women is a challenge, try being a woman approaching women.)

  • Like 2
Posted

I will be blunt, OP. After reading your first post in this thread...

 

There is nothing in that post that indicates to me that you're actually an interesting person. You don't stand out in any intriguing way.

 

As Buddhist said: "Honestly? Who cares."

Posted

Sounds to me like you need to put more emphasis on who you actually are, rather than what you own or what shape you're in. Putting those things as the main points of what you have to offer a woman also puts you at risk of attracting gold diggers. It's great that you're clearly in good financial shape and take care of yourself, but I think these are more seen as bonuses rather than what actually attracts women (or, the RIGHT women), to you in the first place as a person.

 

Maybe if you start to attune yourself more into your interests when it comes to looking for a partner, you can meet women who are attracted to who you are besides your income or your house or whatever. You could attend gigs for bands you like, or hang out at more places which focus around your personal hobbies and interests.

 

It'll be cool if you find a girlfriend who is attracted to you for the properties that you mentioned which you think should make you attractive, but what use is it if you get a girlfriend due to those qualities about yourself that you mentioned, and you're both sitting around in your lovely home together with absolutely nothing to talk about and nothing in common?

Posted (edited)

I disagree with all the posters that have said the OP is not interesting (there have been quite a few of these). Aside from the fact that such comments are obnoxious and that everyone is going to be interesting to someone out there, it isn't fair to pass such judgments on people based on an issue they post about on a forum. Also absurd is how someone can issue a verdict on another as to whether or not they are interesting based on a two minute interaction (I'm assuming his interactions are two minutes, if that, because he is getting shot down by the women he approaches), so I doubt being "not interesting" is the reason he is not having success.

 

Regarding the OP's issue, I am in total agreement with the posts that suggest the OP's "game" is weak and that he is trying to force it too much.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T
  • Like 1
Posted

It is about personality and a connection. I met my BF on eharmony and there were a few messages exchanged between different guys but he was the only one I wanted to keep talking to. Also his looks (face) did draw me in as well when we first messaged. I was hesitant but we kept talking for almost a month and finally met in person. He doesn't have a perfect body and he doesn't have his own place but it's not about that. We get along well and have a nice time together. We can make each other laugh. He was actually the first guy I met online ever. So keep messaging people and don't set your expectations too high from the get go. If it happens it happens.

Posted
Now what I would really like to know is this...Is there something that I am doing that is getting me the wrong results or are the women in modern society just so picky that a lot of them refuse to settle for someone who doesn't make at least $100,000 a year

 

Not true...

 

on an online dating profile lol? Or maybe he doesn't have the right college degree etc? Or maybe he doesn't drive the right kind of car? I'm just frustrated. I feel like on paper I am what most women say that they want but in reality they are somehow missing all of my potential and choosing men who to me don't seem like a good match for them at all. Lower quality men in my eyes.

So....what's up with you crazy ladies?

 

I disagree with all the posters that have said the OP is not interesting

 

Ok....

 

S_A he is the one her posting and wondering what he is doing wrong…. AND because of his lack of success he disparages an entire gender. So many dudes get on here and when things do go as they think it should then ALL women are crazy or nuts. Frankly that gets old.

 

Some basic things that women look for in terms of “interesting” is not rocket science.

 

*Brains. Can you engage in a nice interesting conversation?

*Confidence

*Looks

*Humor

*Listening skills

*Ambition.

*And finally basic courtesy and general kindness. A lack of these will turn women off.

 

You already know he does not have the last one because he ends his OP by calling ladies CRAZY!

  • Like 1
Posted
You already know he does not have the last one because he ends his OP by calling ladies CRAZY!

 

In all fairness he was being cutesy w/that, and he even clarified he was being cutesy.

Posted (edited)
Ok....

 

S_A he is the one her posting and wondering what he is doing wrong…. AND because of his lack of success he disparages an entire gender.

 

Yea, he's frustrated. But he isn't frustrated because he embodies the essence of not interesting. He is frustrated because his game needs to be re-worked. His GAME is what he is doing wrong (as far as what I can tell).

 

[]

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content
  • Like 1
Posted

Everybody is roasting the guy. Nobody is saying that there is some truth in at least some of what he is saying. Strange.

  • Like 1
Posted
Everybody is roasting the guy. Nobody is saying that there is some truth in at least some of what he is saying. Strange.

I agree. Posters tend to get alienated here when someone says 'female' in the thread title. I think because in the past this messaging board used to be inundated with PUA guys from some other places and there were a lot of misogynists posting here then.

 

If he had said he had trouble with women or girls, the tone would have been friendlier, 'female' is usually used by a certain type of guy.

 

Also, there are some - and I agree with S A's post further up - that enjoy making themselves feel better at others' expense. I think men do this more, hence the 'you are not interesting' posts.

  • Like 1
Posted
I will be blunt, OP. After reading your first post in this thread...

 

There is nothing in that post that indicates to me that you're actually an interesting person. You don't stand out in any intriguing way.

 

As Buddhist said: "Honestly? Who cares."

And I will be blunt in return. This is a very poor post by you, clearly you didn't bother reading the OP's response to Buddhist's and you just wanted to have a stab. Pretty poor.

Posted

The OP used 'women' seven times in the original post, and the word 'female' three times, including the title.

 

It appears women win the word race by four. I can parse other posts similarly. A woman is female as much as a man is male.

 

OP, when you're dating, how do you refer to your dating partners in person? You know, like when you're talking with someone else about your dating partner? Is she 'female', 'woman', 'girl', 'date', etc?

 

My read of your responses to the commentary offered indicates your willingness to work this issue. How do you feel about targeting a different demographic, as example location, social strata, age, etc?

 

I dealt with a lot of what you share in your OP back in my 20's and it was a whole bunch of trial and error and, ultimately, getting out of the local demographic which did the trick. Taking a break from dating and going off and experiencing other cultures helped as well, leading to what women apparently perceived as a more interesting aura.

Posted
Everybody is roasting the guy. Nobody is saying that there is some truth in at least some of what he is saying. Strange.

 

Well you liked my post so I assume you read it... :)

 

I didn't roast him at all! I think he sounds great and opined as to why I think on line dating isn't working for him...

 

As for when he meets a chick in real life, perhaps he is using the same approach he does with on line dating... putting pressure on himself to click and connect instead of getting to know a woman gradually and see what develops naturally and organically.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I'll be totally honest. I've read all of the responses and I just don't have time today to answer each one individually. I do appreciate the feedback both positive and negative though. I'm willing to adapt. I pride myself on being able to improve and learn new things. I'm flexible.

 

 

Here is what I think I am going to do. As far as online dating is concerned I'm going to drop that completely. I think some of you are right when you say that women online have too many options. It's basically just people shopping. They only want to "buy" the absolute best product they can find. If I'm one message of 1000 then my chances aren't great. These women are only going to message back men who make a certain amount a year or have a certain college degree. Or whatever. They are just as picky as I am most likely and that's why this isn't going to work. I'd rather deal with someone in person honestly anyway. My success rate is higher that way.

 

 

As far as approaching in person I think I'm going to only approach women who give me little indicators that they are interested. No more approaching "busy" women. If they smile at me or I find them looking at me I'll approach. If they aren't giving me the time of day I pretend they don't exist. Period. If they say they have a boyfriend or whatever I'll ask if I can add them on facebook so that we don't lose touch. Keep my options open. Maybe try to meet more women at social events rather than grocery stores, malls, or whatever. I'm young and have plenty of time I suppose.

 

 

Next I need to clarify to some that I am not anti woman lol. This is completely ridiculous. I shouldn't even have to respond to a comment like this it is so totally absurd but I will anyway because I'm that type of guy. Just because I am a tad frustrated with women in terms of dating does not in any way, shape, or form mean I am anti female. Like I said I was raised by a single mother and respect her probably more than any man on this earth. I let my younger sister stay with me for an entire year rent free after she broke it off with her boyfriend. Her and her two kids. I was paying electric bills of up to $500 a month. That's like a second house payment just so she could get on her feet financially. Is that anti female? That is my official political stance on women lol. I feel like I should be up in front of an audience right now. Microphone and everything. "I did not have sexual relations with that woman". Oh sorry I'm no Bill Clinton I guess. I'm kind to women. I don't beat or yell at them. I tell them to have a great day even if they don't give me their phone number when I talk to them. I'm not anti female.

 

 

Thank you to those who stood up for me and argued that I might not be boring or uninteresting. Later.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
response to deleted posts removed ~T
  • Like 3
Posted

 

You already know he does not have the last one because he ends his OP by calling ladies CRAZY!

 

Guess you missed the wink he put at the end of that comment.

 

He was joking! Geez.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Thanks Katiegrl! So....what are you doing this weekend? Just messing with you lol. I do appreciate the fact that someone picked up on the joke. If Id have said that in person I would have said it with a smile. Maybe even a little nudge to let them know I was joking. You can't see stuff like that over the internet. I should have seen it coming.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to deleted posts ~T
Posted

I think we all get frustrated when trying to meet someone and it's easy to feel like you just cant figure out what you are doing wrong/what the other person is looking for. It's really easy to forget that it's just the basics... Work on becoming the best person you can be and then show that to others - in a relaxed, kind, fun, and thoughtful way. You have lots going for you - someday, you will meet the right person and she will see everything you want her to see (and more). Keep your chin up and keep trying...

  • Like 1
Posted
It might be your attitude/how you come across? To some women, you can have all the money, looks etc but if the right personality/attitude (to them) isn't there then the interest will be placed elsewhere.

 

 

What are some examples of your first messages on dating sites? The hey what's up/hey sexy etc get no response from me.

 

Maybe you need to tone it down a bit.

 

The right one will come along.

 

OP if you are referring to women as females, that's your first wrong move right there.

  • Like 2
Posted

 

As far as approaching in person I think I'm going to only approach women who give me little indicators that they are interested. No more approaching "busy" women. If they smile at me or I find them looking at me I'll approach. If they aren't giving me the time of day I pretend they don't exist. Period. If they say they have a boyfriend or whatever I'll ask if I can add them on facebook so that we don't lose touch. Keep my options open. Maybe try to meet more women at social events rather than grocery stores, malls, or whatever. I'm young and have plenty of time I suppose.

 

Definitely look for signals. Try smiling and saying hi/good morning/etc. And then see who gives you positive signs. The more people you say hi to the less awkward it is. Also look out for women who are "hoovering" when you are at social events. That is a non verbal clue.

Posted

Here is what I think I am going to do. As far as online dating is concerned I'm going to drop that completely. I think some of you are right when you say that women online have too many options. It's basically just people shopping. They only want to "buy" the absolute best product they can find. If I'm one message of 1000 then my chances aren't great. These women are only going to message back men who make a certain amount a year or have a certain college degree. Or whatever. They are just as picky as I am most likely and that's why this isn't going to work. I'd rather deal with someone in person honestly anyway. My success rate is higher that way.

 

 

As far as approaching in person I think I'm going to only approach women who give me little indicators that they are interested. No more approaching "busy" women. If they smile at me or I find them looking at me I'll approach. If they aren't giving me the time of day I pretend they don't exist. Period. If they say they have a boyfriend or whatever I'll ask if I can add them on facebook so that we don't lose touch. Keep my options open. Maybe try to meet more women at social events rather than grocery stores, malls, or whatever. I'm young and have plenty of time I suppose.

 

Now you're talking! Look for signs of interest. Social events. Yes!

 

But don't add women who say they have a boyfriend on FB. While it may be true that they have a boyfriend, it's also an excuse many women use to avoid having to explain that we're simply not interested. In short, "I have a boyfriend" is frequently code for 'I'm not interested". Besides, how would you feel if some dude did this with your girlfriend?

  • Like 1
Posted
Now you're talking! Look for signs of interest. Social events. Yes!

 

But don't add women who say they have a boyfriend on FB. While it may be true that they have a boyfriend, it's also an excuse many women use to avoid having to explain that we're simply not interested. In short, "I have a boyfriend" is frequently code for 'I'm not interested". Besides, how would you feel if some dude did this with your girlfriend?

 

Agreed, if she has a bf then she will likely not want to add some single guy she hardly knows as the bf will not be happy, and if she doesn't have a bf, and it is just an excuse to get rid of you then she will not want to be friends with you on FB, so you can patently see she doesn't have a bf and she was lying to you to save hurting your feelings...

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