MsJayne Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I'm interested to hear what men think about women who stay married because of money even though they're not happy. My sister says that when her husband touches her it makes her skin crawl, and that he 'turns her stomach', yet she stays married to him because of their son, (their son is now over 19 years old). All of our family know that the real reason she stays married to him is because she knows he would wipe the floor with her if they divorced and she would then have to stand on her own feet. So, she is just there for the money. For the record he's a nice guy, (let's face it, if he wasn't nice he wouldn't put up with her selfishness or the condescending way she treats him). If you were her husband would you prefer to know the truth or would you prefer to stay ignorant? I have no intention of interfering, I just wonder how men feel about this sort of woman because I observe this quite a lot and men rarely seem to know what's actually going on. My partner says he would take her on a deep sea fishing trip.........
Woggle Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I would rather be a celibate priest than be in this kind of marriage. 8
carhill Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 IMO, marriages are what works for the partners. It's their marriage. If a woman/man marries for money and/or stays married for money and the lifestyle it brings, that's his or her business and that of their spouse. Personally, I've seen it a lot and it was common with MW's. It works for those people. I've yet to meet a woman in my demographic for whom money or lifestyle or both weren't important, including the one I married. They want what they want. 3
Emilia Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I'm pretty sure he knows, he is in the same marriage after all. People have their dysfunctions, codependencies, etc. Best to leave alone. 4
Alamo657 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 Look at it this way : she needs financial security, he needs sex on a regular basis. Everyone has their basic gender needs fulfilled. 1
elaine567 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 Men also have their own reasons for staying in what appear to be dysfunctional marriages. Sometimes it is also for money, as they realise divorce is expensive, cash and assets are split down the middle, and if like a lot of long term couples many assets are in the wife's name for tax reasons, then the wife may actually take him to the cleaners. 2
stillafool Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 Look at it this way : she needs financial security, he needs sex on a regular basis. Everyone has their basic gender needs fulfilled. Then she needs to get a job. Everyone needs sex so this wouldn't be a fair trade. I despise people who use others. 3
basil67 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 He'd wipe the floor when her if she left. Yep, sounds like such a nice guy. Anyone who is incapable of a civil divorce isn't really that nice. 6
Woggle Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 He'd wipe the floor when her if she left. Yep, sounds like such a nice guy. Anyone who is incapable of a civil divorce isn't really that nice. I am for a civil divorce but that only works when both parties are civil. Men already walk into divorce court with a strike against them so they need to be prepared for war. 5
thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 She'll get a divorce....Meet a guy that matches her sexually, then sit around b!tching because the bills can't be paid and he's a worthless loser..... TFY 3
brothers343 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I wouldn't marry for money, I would probably have numerous affairs. And life would seem boring to me.
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 The way you describe it OP, you sister looks like she feels trapped, not necessarily like an amoral gold-digger. We don't know anything about the dynamics of this marriage other than she is unhappy and feels she can't leave because she is financially dependent on her marriage (which doesn't mean the same thing as 'staying for the money') - maybe he wanted a SAHW, maybe she thought things would be different... 2
Toodaloo Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 (edited) OP you say your brother in law is a "nice guy"... you do not know what goes on behind closed doors. I felt the way your sister does about my ex who was classic "nice guy". Truth is he bled me dry financially, emotionally and physically. He was a vile specimen. Yet to all on the outside he was lovely... Since he has gone I am better off emotionally, financially and my physical health has taken great leaps forward. I had years of everyone thinking I was [vile]. Funny how that changed as well when they witnessed some of it and saw some of it. You do not know what goes on behind closed doors... Edited June 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 2
Author MsJayne Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 Interesting replies, but I don't think I gave enough info. This is no shrinking violet who's trapped by cruel circumstance, this is a 5 Star Gold Digger with grandiose retirement plans. She doesn't want to live in a smaller house in a cheaper suburb or drive anything other than a Mercedes or a BMW, and divorce would mean a splitting of assets that would curtail her lifestyle. I think a good demonstration of how she thinks is the following....she has taken an inventory of our mothers valuables because she thinks that someone is going to try to rip her off when our Mum eventually passes away, and two years ago when one of our sisters died the comment that came from her was....."Well, on the bright side, now Mum's estate only gets split three ways." She said this on the day our other sister died, (there were four of us and the sister who died had no children who would have inherited her share of the estate). Certainly my brother-in-law isn't perfect, but he's not a bully, or a player, or a drunk, he's always looked after her very, very well. So, we're not talking about a woman who is hard-done-by, there's no secret misery going on behind closed doors. We are strictly talking about a woman who connives and manipulates and appears to get no joy out of life unless it can be purchased, (and even then it's not joy, it's just the thrill of feeling superior to other people - did I mention that her hobby is looking down her nose at other people?)
katiegrl Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 What does your brother in law see in such a woman? Maybe she is "arm candy." I have seen cases where the man knows his wife only married him for his money, but he doesn't care.... in fact some men actually get off on that. Men whose very existence revolves around their job and how much money they make. So this doesn't offend them at all. His wife serves as arm candy as he traipses her around proving to everyone what a hot wife he has. Makes him feel all special and important. It works for some couples believe it or not. Here in southern cali, in my neck of the woods, I see this a lot as a matter of fact. They don't hide it, they're proud of it! 6
Woggle Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 It makes me feel that my wife has genuine love for me but I guess to each their own. 1
Buddhist Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 If you were her husband would you prefer to know the truth or would you prefer to stay ignorant? It's very likely he does know the truth given the way she apparently treats him. I suspect for many people it's a matter of a comfort zone, better the devil you know, kind of thing. If they've been married over 20yrs (sounds like it?) then things may well have fallen into the antagonistic friend relationship ditch where they accept each others negative sides for the sake of familiarity and not having to do anything about it. It sounds like a habitual funk they've gotten into. 3
Gloria25 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) Married people are weird...they are like salt/pepper shakers. So, while from the outside you don't get it, they do - regardless if it's healthy, dysfunctional, etc. I was watching ID where dude married a golddigger and barely a few months into the marriage they were both having affairs. So, explain what the point of being married is if both of you cheat? Who knows, maybe they just wanted some to come home to, cuddle up to, and/or show off to their friends - while they get their wants/needs met from the affairs. I believe that the husband the OP is referring to already knows and for whatever reason, he doesn't care. Me? I've seen women who "bought" husbands - and they're not even rich. I met a lady at a time when I made double than I did now, so I know that like me, she could afford to pay the bills and all that for herself, her bum bf, and even if she wanted a kid. She would be like "he has low self-esteem and that's why he can't find work"...and every minute she would talk about him and gosh, she was literally like not attractive, overweight, bad acne, out of date hair/dress, and no personality. I can't imagine how much he had to fake interest in her. I would never marry, date, trick, sugar baby, etc for money. The day I get so desperate to get on my back, I'll set up shop on a corner and work a shift. Sorry, but I can't be under the same roof with some guy just cuz I want my bills paid [] But really, IMO, a lot of women marry and/or have kids with guys more for security reasons (job, stuff) than strong attraction for...and it ranges from blue collar to white collar situations. Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author MsJayne Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 What does your brother in law see in such a woman? Well, you see, this is really what I'd like to know! Not just him, but any guy in that situation, because I've seen it so often. I just wondered whether they realised what sort of person they'd married and just accepted it, or if they genuinely believe that they're in a 'happy' marriage, or if they actually admire a woman who approaches marriage like a boa constrictor with a business plan. It sounds as if it can be any or all of those.
SwordofFlame Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Then she needs to get a job. Everyone needs sex so this wouldn't be a fair trade. I despise people who use others. Aren't there some women out there that see sex as an obligation and not something they enjoy?
Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 You do not like your sister very much do you OP... I am not saying that is a bad thing. I just pity you when other sisters/ parents pass away... Please ask your Mum to ensure she has a good will in place and instruct independent people to carry out her wishes... I dated a chap once who had to deal with the administration of estates and it drove him to drink (quite literally). Your Mum can prevent a lot of arguments and sorrow if she gets someone neutral to do this rather than asking one of you... That is my only advice. Your brother in law married her, knows her and lives with it. Who knows what goes through his head with it all but its up to him to make choices in his life. If he is living like that well that is up to him and it is not for any of us to judge. Men are not that stupid that they do not know what they have married. Perhaps he stays with her to stop her divorcing him and taking him to the cleaners. Perhaps he has an Ap somewhere thta no one knows about that he is happy with and he is just waiting your sister out. Perhaps he secretly loves the way she treats him and loves her spending his money. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps... Truth is you will never know. So I shouldn't worry about it... 1
elaine567 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 ..she has taken an inventory of our mothers valuables because she thinks that someone is going to try to rip her off when our Mum eventually passes away, She's probably right though... that is what often happens when people die.
Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 She's probably right though... that is what often happens when people die. My ex was once called to a funeral parlour where 3 sisters were fighting. By the time he got there they had ripped the rings off of their mothers corpse (damaging the corpse in the process) and were tearing at each other in the car park. A ring worth in excess of £40,000 ended up going down the drain... The only person that ended up gaining anything was my ex in legal fees... the fight went on for years and they ended up with around 20% of the estate shared between them after legal fees etc... A lot of money to waste. Respectable women... all drove high end cars, lived in large houses and were in their late 50's early 60's... the sort of women who run the local WI... 1
Emilia Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Interesting replies, but I don't think I gave enough info. This is no shrinking violet who's trapped by cruel circumstance, this is a 5 Star Gold Digger with grandiose retirement plans. She doesn't want to live in a smaller house in a cheaper suburb or drive anything other than a Mercedes or a BMW, and divorce would mean a splitting of assets that would curtail her lifestyle. I think a good demonstration of how she thinks is the following....she has taken an inventory of our mothers valuables because she thinks that someone is going to try to rip her off when our Mum eventually passes away, and two years ago when one of our sisters died the comment that came from her was....."Well, on the bright side, now Mum's estate only gets split three ways." She said this on the day our other sister died, (there were four of us and the sister who died had no children who would have inherited her share of the estate). Certainly my brother-in-law isn't perfect, but he's not a bully, or a player, or a drunk, he's always looked after her very, very well. So, we're not talking about a woman who is hard-done-by, there's no secret misery going on behind closed doors. We are strictly talking about a woman who connives and manipulates and appears to get no joy out of life unless it can be purchased, (and even then it's not joy, it's just the thrill of feeling superior to other people - did I mention that her hobby is looking down her nose at other people?) In my experience, when someone feels so little towards their family, it means that all sorts of dysfunctional behaviour goes on in the background. All this gossiping and scheming doesn't help. I think you have a little too much time on your hands. Try a hobby. 1
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