wish1 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 Hi, so I've posted before about my breakup but here's a quick rundown. My ex and I broke up about two months ago, well he broke up with me saying that "he didn't know if he was in love with me" and "our number one prioroties didn't match up" that is I'm not "outdoorsy" enough but also said that I'm "the best thing that's ever happened to him and the best thing in his life" and that he "loves me so much." I texted him a long text the following day about how heartbroken I was over this and how it felt like a slap in the face because he never really brought up how he was feeling like our relationship was falling apart. We text acouple of times that week, with him getting angry that I was going out and then later coming to an agreement to meet up and talk with one another. The day we talked I had no expectations other than to find out the "real" reasons he felt like we had to break up. He left multiple times from the restaurant because he was holding back tears. We had fun while talking through a hard awkward conversation and even flirted quite a bit. He dropped me off that day giving me an ultimatum that if I could make it through a hiking trip, then we could be together (this pissed me off because I had agreed back in February to go on the trip). I handed him some notes I had written about our relationship from the first week we had broken up and then left. By the next week he had contacted me saying that he wanted to get together because he thought I made good points in my notes about our relationship, real things that he hadn't considered and things that we never even talked about. The following week (the day he wanted to meet up) he "got too drunk" and blew me off. I was pissed, but tried to play it cool when responding to his lame behavior. He apologized and said he prioritized wrong and was really sorry for doing this to me. He said he wanted to still meet up but on my time and promised not to make the same mistake. A few days later we met up and were together for like 6 hours. He told me he felt that in his heart he loved me and wants to make it work but mentally he felt unsure. We literally didn't want to let each other go while we were together, it felt like we could have talked for days and days. He also said that he wished I didn't have class the next morning because he wanted to take me camping that night. We agreed to give it a little more time but I expressed to him I can't wait forever and that this is literally killing me because he's been my go-to-person for 3 years (even though we didn't date all of that time). That week after our long and what I thought to be a "successful" meet-up because I thought we were going to still give our best shot at making it work, he texted a couple times and the final time, he said that he thought "we moved too fast." By the time I responded, he didn't want to talk and went to bed. We didn't really talk after that and then two weeks ago, before he went on his hiking trip I was out with friends having a great time and stupidly drunk texted him. He called me that following morning to make sure I was okay. I was frantic because of the nights events (personal reasons that didn't pertain to him) balling my eyes out and he said he would do his best to check up on me while he was on his trip to make sure I was okay and promised me that he was there for me. Well now its been about 3 weeks of no contact, his mom checked up on me but that's it. I'm so heartbroken over him and I feel like i'm insane or crazy because I can't get over all of these emotions and want to text him so badly or see him even if its just to give him back the rest of his stuff. My family/friends obviously encourage me to move on and tell me that I'll be okay. (My ex is 25, doesn't have a full time job, has depression b/c he doesn't have a full time job, and b/c it took him long to graduate, and b/c he was living with me in my college apartment). I just feel like our instant connection that we've had since we met isn't going to disappear. We "dated" then he broke it off, then I dated someone else, he begged for me back, I stopped dating, then me and my ex "dated" and finally started actually dating and now it's back to where he broke it off AND both times for dumb reasons in my opinion. I just feel like our history is repeating and I want it to repeat to where we get back together but I don't want it to end again. I also feel like this sense of history repeating itself is driving me crazy because it's giving me hope and I just want to feel happy and move on. IDK what to do! Sorry for the very long post, just felt like some details couldn't be left out. Any words of advice are appreciated!
sooshi Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I'm sorry for the rollercoaster of emotions you've been experiencing. What you need to do is to go no contact. Being in contact with him intermittently is only driving you crazy. It's giving you hope, but you also want to move on. In order to move on, you need to end contact with him. I know it's hard, but it's necessary for your healing process to truly begin. If you experience the urge to contact him, you can post on here instead. Take care. 1
Author wish1 Posted June 1, 2016 Author Posted June 1, 2016 He told me that if I were graduated this year, then we would still be together and if I had begged for him to stay the night we broke up, we'd be together. I think these are both BS because 1st it took him 6 years to graduate.. I'm graduating one semester late so he should understand and 2nd because our relationship would probably not have progressed because the actually breakup made me realize what was wrong on both our parts, ad if I begged for him to stay who's to say that we wouldn't have been still stuck in a rut. IDK guess I'll never know, but it hurts a lot because I wanted ti beg but refused to prevent myself from sounding crazy... Forgot to add that he told me this after the 2nd time we met up.
sooshi Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I'm glad you didn't beg, sweetie, for your own sake. It sounds like he you an excuse in the forum of an ultimatum--a huge red flag. What if a wonderful friend of yours said to you, "If [only] you were going to graduate this year, we would still be friends." Does this still sound like something a wonderful friend would say? Or a wonderful partner? Or saying that if you go on a hiking trip with them, then you could still be friends/be together? There are other people in this world he can go on a hike with. Then there's also the fact that you had already agreed to it earlier, which indicates interest in something he's interested in. It doesn't have to be the same level of interest. You'd probably be doing it for him; it wouldn't be a huge sacrifice for you to make, and it'd show that you care. Asking you to go hiking as a must in order to stay together? No way does that show that HE cares about you. I'm sorry, sweetie. I know it's so painful right now, but it sounds like he did you a favour. I know it might not seem that way right now. It seems like he wasn't as invested in the relationship as you were. He sets up unreasonable ultimatums and seems very inconsiderate of your feelings and life circumstances. It's completely okay to graduate another semester later--or even two semesters later! I finished university two whole years after I was "supposed to," and nobody ever stopped being my friend or threatened to leave my life for doing so. You deserve a real partner--someone who cherishes you, who really cares about you, considers your feelings, and allows you to do what you need to do for yourself. 1
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