Daxter325 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 Hello everyone, First I want to say this forum has helped me so much during my times of sadness and loneliness. Currently, I am in my mid 20s and I am a single father. My problem is that I love my sons mother so much but, she doesn't feel the same way. I will try to make this as short as possible and hitting all the important points, so that I can receive the best possible feedback from other forum users... My sons mother (let's just call her Mary) and I have been in a relationship for about 6 years we lived together for about 4 of those years. During those 6 years Mary and I had a pretty remarkable relationship we accomplished a lot for such a young age compared to our peers who were the same age. We did hit a few bumps on both sides but we managed to talk it over, learn, and continue striving for our family. In October of 2015 Mary was laid off from a great job she had and 2 weeks later she says "I am not happy". I honestly thought this was just a moment of frustration for her as a result of her lay off and decided that I will give her space and not worry too much about it (considering that we were pretty good just days before her saying this). Little by little, I begin to realize that Mary has been acting very strange - she's been on her phone more she's been really cold very much not like herself and she even says that she's going to be moving back with her mom ( we got a new place in June of 2015). As it turns out she ended up seeing someone while she was at her job before she was laid off and just for the record I assisted her in getting this job as the job offer was originally for me but I passed it on to her because I knew it would mean the world to her. Upon finding out that she has been talking to someone my whole world was flipped upside down. From October 2015 to February 2016 I lost my job, my apartment, car etc etc while our son was with me. Thankfully I was able to move into my parents home with my son. During that span Mary was a vile, hateful, cold person to myself and her own son. Barely did she call to ask about him or even asked to see him. She was so concentrated on her new fling I've never seen such a dramatic change in someone in my life. Fast forward to the end of February and I get an afternoon call on a rainy day (you might know where this is going) she comes out crying saying that she's been feeling depressed and that shes never been more betrayed or disrespected in her life (talking about her fling from the job). However, because my love for Mary was still so strong at the time and for the sake and *possibility* that my family would once again be united I accepted her back into my family (my son and myself). From February up until 2 days ago I was VERY skeptical of Mary. After all, abandoning your home , family and child for the sake of nonsense I think, is grounds to never speak to her ever again. But still, my love for her was too strong and my heart forgave her and I was willing to move past those things as hard as it was. From February to now things were always off, she was barely affectionate we were intimate once, and throughout the whole time I was always the very loving one. I even tried to encourage her to be around her son more as I tried to gradually let her see that she still has us, her family. I literally took her back as if nothing happened. I got her flowers, took her to nice places if I had to say from February to now I put triple the effort in trying to keep her satisfied. In hopes that she won't feel that she's not happy. During this time she even mentioned on plans on moving back together, I honestly felt like God heard my prayers and gave me back the woman of my dreams. However, something still seemed off about her barely was she affectionate to me or even her own son. And little by little the narrative started to change from let's give us another shot to, she "will keep me updated to how she feels". So two days ago I looked her up on social media just out of curiosity and I see that she's been posting about ANOTHER new person that she's been talking to, this time she makes it so clear that she is seeing someone new and that she misses this new person yada yada. Again, I was soul crushed and felt even more betrayed I confronted her about it and she says this exactly "I want to be alone and I have no plans on being with anyone". Again, I feel lost again I feel hurt and again my son won't have the chance of growing up in a two parent home because Mary is out exploring what the world offers when her beloved family is the only thing she should really need or want. I begged to her again asking why is she doing this and she ignores me and completely disregard my calls and she doesn't even call for our son and continues to post on social media about her new fling. My question is how do I stop loving this woman, how can I not be dragged into her clutches of lies and false hope. I feel like she has completely used me and my time and energy all these years for her own personal benefit. I honestly feel that if she was to come around and say let's give it a third try I would be silly enough to say yes. I do not want to continue loving this woman but my heart doesn't allow me, she is the woman of my dreams and someone that I truly see the rest of my life with.
sooshi Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 (edited) I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I must admit that I wasn't able to read all of that, as the big bulk of text overwhelmed me. But from part of what I have read, you feel like this woman is full of lies, and has completely used you and your time and energy all these years for her own personal benefit. Does this sound like the woman of your dreams? Is this someone you truly want to spend the rest of your life with? You don't have to stop loving her. What I wonder is, do you think you are loving yourself in all of this? Does someone who love themself stay with someone who lies, feels used and drained by someone who is supposed to be their partner? Edited June 1, 2016 by sooshi
LostOnes05 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 Bro...sometimes you have to love them from afar. If I were you, I'd cut off all contact with her. Get full custody of your son and hit her for child support in the courts. Since she can abandon you guys and go from guy to guy, at least make her contribute financially. Basically, you have to man up. Show her that she can't come back no matter how many tears she cries or how bad these guys make her feel. You don't deserve this treatment and the little guy definitely doesn't. She has shown she doesn't want to be a family, so show her that she doesn't have one. Keep your son as a priority and find a better woman.
Author Daxter325 Posted June 1, 2016 Author Posted June 1, 2016 Thank you for your responses, I have started NC to LC (because of our son but considering how she doesn't even ask for him it'll probably just be a NC through and through). My question though is what if relatives on her side asks to see him how should I proceed?
Author Daxter325 Posted June 4, 2016 Author Posted June 4, 2016 Just thought I'd give everyone an update: Caved in and broke the NC. Didn't go well at all obviously. Time to start again.
Marc878 Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" free download. Never be someone's doormat. This is so one sided. That can never be a relationship. You stay NC and move on. Once they lose respect for you and rub your nose it it not once but twice it'll never get better. Use your head. Your heart is betraying you. 1
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