confusiolyn Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) So I dated this guy last year for a few months. During that time, my father got stage 3 lung cancer so I eventually had to drop school to take care of him. All the while, he had a big group of friends that didn't like me so they nitpicked at me. They use to call me shady, they called me a attention seeker, and there was always some kind of drama I had to deal with from them. I wasn't mean to them at all but I think they didn't like me because I'm a quiet girl (they were a loud/party type group) and alot of guys liked me so they thought I was a *bad word* for that... at some point they became distant from him. He became depressed so I tried to help by trying to impress them but it made things worse. We tried to work it out. I found a new group of friends, he joined in, but it was still stressful because there was still drama with his other friends and dealing with school and my father made it worse. So I broke up with him. He continued pining for me for a while after that, apologizing for his friends and that he wants a second chance to do better. He was trying really hard to get me back, he even left his old friends, but I didn't give him another chance... I also learned I wasn't ready for a relationship all along because right before I got together with my ex, I was in a 3 year relationship. it was kind of like I rushed into this new relationship unhealed. So I took this break up as an opportunity to focus on my own life and rebuild myself. I decided to go no contact with my ex because I didn't want to lead him on... Well... I'm here now... this year I got a little involved with another guy but I pulled away because I still don't feel ready. Last month I came back to school and got in contact with my ex again, it went well at first but turned sour later because he started saying he tried really hard to make me happy. Then he told me "Want to know why your friends went cold feet on you?" and he showed me pictures of the group of friends I made at school, all together in a chat talking crap about me, calling me an ungrateful girl for putting my ex through hell... I was shocked and hurt so my ex and I fought. then the friend posted a long facebook status about me, saying I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for my ex and I'm part of a generation where women are all about "ME ME ME ME" and i dont deserve a hard working man like my ex. it was hurtful because I don't make facebook statuses or talk badly about them. I didnt talk to any of them and later that day, I blocked all of them. A week later, he called me and apologized... he said he just felt hurt and admit that majority of this drama was his fault. He also said he learned alot from me when we dated back then. We talked about it, forgave each other, and that was that. The last time we talked was other night on the phone, he called me and asked "how are you?" we talked a bit but nothing too deep. Deep down inside I miss him but at the same time I'm confused and humiliated by all this public shaming on me by so many people at college. I keep having dreams about us being together again and I wake up feeling so sad. I don't know what to do about these feelings... I miss him but I know I shouldn't be with him again. I feel ashamed, terrible, and alone in school. The feelings can't seem to go away no matter how much I go to school, enjoy my life, work, and do hobbies. And I do have 3 close friends out of school, it isn't like I'm completely alone now. I feel confused... why do I feel so terrible? Edited May 31, 2016 by confusiolyn
pteromom Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Anyone would feel terrible about that! You were hurting, and your 'friends' used that as a reason to talk about you behind your back? Those people weren't in your relationship. They don't know what happened behind closed doors. They don't know why you left him. So their opinions mean nothing. Besides, of course your life is about YOU YOU YOU! Who else is is supposed to be about. You don't stay with someone because they are hard working. There's a lot more to a good relationship than that. And your ex? He thought it was the right thing to do to show you this chat and cut your heart? Eww. You can do better than that. Close that door - on him and these 'friends' and move on to better things. Focus on your 3 close friends and your hobbies. You will get over him eventually. It just takes some time.
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