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He left because he met someone to fill his needs

Carly111

By Carly111
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Carly111 New Member

Carly111

Posted
Posted

I'm 36, a single mom of a 6yr old who is in my custody full time. I've been divorced 6 yrs ago.

After the divorce I met JB 3yrs ago, he's 3yrs younger than me. He's also separated with two kids which he gets every other weekend.

The first year we dated everything was great. I met his kids and he met mine.

We did the usual movies and dinner dates. He would come visit me when I don't have a sitter. I've introduced him to my parents and some friends. We took our kids out together a couple times.

After the 1st year things slowed down as I moved to an apt with my son. At this time I told JB it's going to be difficult for me to get to go out as much as I wouldn't have care for my son like before. JB said that's ok, I'll come see you at home and we can just hangout their. When ever I did get a sitter we went out.

This became a routine which I didn't notice as I was so taken up with being a full time mom and everything that came with it.

JB never said anything about us drifting apart even when I told him a few mths ago I was worried about us. He said nothing to worry about we are fine.

Now he text me one day to say we do routine stuff and pretty much broke up with me for that. No talking about it or try to work on it. The reason

Which I now found out is that he found someone else while we were drifting apart. He's with her now.

I did try to call him once he didn't answer or call me back. I sent him a text letting him know that was a mean way to end this. He responded saying he was sorry but the truth is he lost feelings for me.

I've been so devastated and hurt. I also sent him somewhat of a closure text which he didn't respond to.

I don't know what to do. I'm trying to move on but I want him back. Help

  • Like 1
MIK3 WB Member

MIK3 WB

Posted
Posted

I've been through a similar situation with my ex. She left me for someone else because we didn't get to have much time together. So instead of trying to work and fix the issue, she ran to the comfort of someone else. You don't want to be with someone like that, especially when they lie to you and say everything is fine while at the same time seeing someone else behind your back.

 

It's tough, but you can get through it. You need to cut all ties and contact with him to facilitate the healing process.

  • Like 5
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

You have to move on. There is no alternative.

 

Stop sending him anymore messages.

  • Like 3
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

Yeah it's rotten but you have to move on. He was finally honest that he has someone new and you let him know how you feel so there's no good reason to contact him again. You will be okay.

  • Like 2
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry this has happened to you, OP. I agree the way he went about it was inappropriate, and it says a lot about his true character.

 

Having said that, all you can do is remind yourself you deserve someone who wants to be in your and your child's life. It sounds like you had some well-founded concerns that something wasn't right, and rather than communicate his true feelings to you, he opted to pretend everything was fine and instead broke it off in a dang text. It is of course his prerogative to leave, but I feel he could have been a heck of a lot more mature about it.

 

Stop sending him messages now. As much as it hurts, you need to start closing this chapter for yourself. Now you are free to find someone to fill your needs.

  • Like 3
fixing Established Member

fixing

Posted
Posted

Sorry to hear about this. Some great posts above. Fact is, he is dead to you now.

I know its extremely hard hearing this type of advice, but, the sooner you accept it is over, the sooner you get back to being the awesome lady that you are.

 

Forget that POS and focus everything on your child. You deserve so much better and you will find serenity and peace when you implement a strict no contact routine from hear on in.

  • Like 4
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Carly111 New Member

Carly111

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you all for your comments, you are all right.

I keep beating myself up for this, but I will not contact him anymore and I keep telling myself 'I can do this, do not give up' . im scared of being alone for the rest of my life.

It's easier said than done but I have to try. I did join a gym and that helps a bit.

  • Like 1
Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry Carly111, but sometimes things just don't work out, and it's not your fault and says nothing about you as a person :)

 

Joining a gym is good. You get fit, meet people and will feel better about yourself - exercise always makes you feel better.

 

Just take one day at a time and you'll do fine.

 

Good luck x

  • Like 1
feelsobullied Member

feelsobullied

Posted
Posted

Be thankful. I have learned that if a guy dumps me and leaves then I am to be happy and thankful and will never complain again. It's when they try to talk to you and help you after that it becomes disturbing.

  • Like 1
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted
I'm 36, a single mom of a 6yr old who is in my custody full time. I've been divorced 6 yrs ago.

After the divorce I met JB 3yrs ago, he's 3yrs younger than me. He's also separated with two kids which he gets every other weekend.

The first year we dated everything was great. I met his kids and he met mine.

We did the usual movies and dinner dates. He would come visit me when I don't have a sitter. I've introduced him to my parents and some friends. We took our kids out together a couple times.

After the 1st year things slowed down as I moved to an apt with my son. At this time I told JB it's going to be difficult for me to get to go out as much as I wouldn't have care for my son like before. JB said that's ok, I'll come see you at home and we can just hangout their. When ever I did get a sitter we went out.

This became a routine which I didn't notice as I was so taken up with being a full time mom and everything that came with it.

JB never said anything about us drifting apart even when I told him a few mths ago I was worried about us. He said nothing to worry about we are fine.

Now he text me one day to say we do routine stuff and pretty much broke up with me for that. No talking about it or try to work on it. The reason

Which I now found out is that he found someone else while we were drifting apart. He's with her now.

*I did try to call him once he didn't answer or call me back. I sent him a text letting him know that was a mean way to end this. He responded saying he was sorry but the truth is he lost feelings for me.

I've been so devastated and hurt. *I also sent him somewhat of a closure text which he didn't respond to.

I don't know what to do. I'm trying to move on but I want him back. Help

 

*Take the hint.

 

 

What you should do is this, and only this:

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

It's going to hurt for a while, but you will get over it, and move on.

 

Then you'll be ready for a new and better relationship.

 

 

Take care.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Carly111 New Member

Carly111

Posted
  • Author
Posted

It's now a month and I'm still having a hard time dealing with this.

I have not contacted him, I have not seen him or bumped into him but I can't get him out of my thoughts. I cry everyday, I go to bed with him on my mind and wake up miserable with him on my mind.

I do not have friends available to go out with. They are all married and busy with their family life.

My close family doesn't live near by.

I feel hurt, lost, lonely and scared.

My job keeps me somewhat busy and so does my son. The gym helps just a bit.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
It's now a month and I'm still having a hard time dealing with this.

I have not contacted him, I have not seen him or bumped into him but I can't get him out of my thoughts. I cry everyday, I go to bed with him on my mind and wake up miserable with him on my mind.

I do not have friends available to go out with. They are all married and busy with their family life.

My close family doesn't live near by.

I feel hurt, lost, lonely and scared.

My job keeps me somewhat busy and so does my son. The gym helps just a bit.

 

It might be too soon to expect that you'd get over this, so give youself some time. In the meantime, talk to a therapist so they can teach you the tools you need to help you get past this.

 

But continue on the path of not contacting him. That is the fastest way of getting past it. If you slip up and contact him or accept his communiques, it puts you back at square one and "psychotic hope" springs to life once again. If nothing has happened to resolve the issues he says broke you two up, then getting back into things with him will give you the same result: breaking up for the reasons that broke you two up that last time.

 

It's tough, but it can be done. You have to be patient but firm with yourself.

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