NVO Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 I'm so grateful that this community is here so I can drop my stories and frustrations on here. I'm seriously starting to think something is wrong with me. I feel like it's impossible for me to get a girl. Even a f*cking date. At this moment I feel disillusioned. I don't get what I'm doing wrong. I got in contact with some girls through OLD. Some just start by ignoring me. And I'm just like: Why even bother to show me you have some sort of interest to start with? If you are not interested in me, why swipe right, or let me know you fancy me in any other way? No really, why!? Some other girl did respond and we texted some back and forth. I asked about her trips and she instantly sends me pictures of it. So I thought: this might be heading somewhere. But then when I try to arrange a date, she says she already got plans for that day. Suggest another date, and she ignores me. Yeah, thanks for that. I think I got along well with girl number two. We texted for quite some days. Got het number (she said: Normally I don't do this so fast, but you seem like a great guy). When I tried to arrange a date she told me that she is busy with her exams, but really would like to meet me. She even suggested some other dates. So alright, I picked one and she then tells me the day beforehand she can't make it because she does not have a way of transportation to get there. At this point I started thinking to myself: Uhm, there is a train going to that place. It takes you 20 minutes to get there. A ticket will probably cost you 10 euros at the maximum. But alright, I suggest the other date she mentioned earlier. Told her to let me know if she can make it then. Again.. ignored. Don't get me the wrong way, I love my life. I have a great job, have a volunteer job on the side, great friends, lovely family. I just want somebody to share some moments with. Is that too much to ask? My ex destroyed my self-esteem, it took me a year to get myself back on track. And now, it just feels like I am back to square one. All my friends tell me I should try OLD because it is sooooo easy. Well, not for me. Other friends and colleagues tell me what a great catch I would be for any girl. My future wife would be so lucky. Yeah right, like how am I supposed to believe that if I even can't get a date? I'm done.
salparadise Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 We're all looking for a needle in a haystack. It's probably not ever going to be quick or easy, unless your number just randomly happens to hit early on. I stayed single for a full year waiting for a great match, and even then I think I got lucky. Patience and persistence, continual improvement, an optimistic outlook are the keys to it I believe... 2
Author NVO Posted May 31, 2016 Author Posted May 31, 2016 We're all looking for a needle in a haystack. It's probably not ever going to be quick or easy, unless your number just randomly happens to hit early on. I stayed single for a full year waiting for a great match, and even then I think I got lucky. Patience and persistence, continual improvement, an optimistic outlook are the keys to it I believe... Thanks, I needed that. It's not like me to be this pessimistic, I work at a rehabilitation institute and deal with people who can barely walk or talk at a daily basis. So I value my life. I was just kind of fed up.
salparadise Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) The online dating sites are [partly] populated by the chronically single and undateable, people who for one reason or another cannot find or maintain a relationship. When you sign up you must realize that you'll have to filter through those, and a good number of them are not recognizable as such at first glance. They remain active on the sites indefinitely. There are also lots and lots of excellent prospects, however, they tend to only be there temporarily because they will find an appropriate partner, begin a successful relationship and go off the market. Because they show up on the sites less often and remain there for shorter durations, they're always going to be in the minority. Therefore it's important to learn how to sort and cull by profile (writing and pics), messaging, phone and first meetings... and to not waste your precious time and attention on outliers, misfits and the chronically undateable types (unless you're more into sociological experiments or masochism than successful dating). And of course the smart ones are sizing you up the exact same way, so make sure that your profile and communication are interesting but not humming with that cray-cray vibe. Good essay writing is important. Most men are terrible at this (best place to differentiate), and women will be slicing and dicing between the lines as well as on the literal words. OLD is absolutely wonderful at one thing, and one thing only. It allows single people to become aware of, message and meet people who they otherwise would have zero chance of meeting. If your expectations are much higher than that, or include the word "easy" you're almost certain to be disappointed. Edited May 31, 2016 by salparadise 2
Larryville Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 The online dating sites are [partly] populated by the chronically single and undateable, people who for one reason or another cannot find or maintain a relationship. it's important to learn how to sort and cull by profile (writing and pics), messaging, phone and first meetings... and to not waste your precious time and attention on outliers, misfits and the chronically undateable types (unless you're more into sociological experiments or masochism than successful dating). Great points and exactly why when people get into discussions about “which dating site is best” I grind my teeth. If you don’t know how or are unable to decipher the stuff in peoples profiles (red flag words, phrases ect) and pay attention to the types of pics people post you will waste your time and energy. Also pay attention to the length people say is their “longest” relationship. If people have NEVER been in any sort of long term cohesive relationship avoid those people save yourself from the frustration. Not worth it. 1
sagetalk Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 (edited) All my friends tell me I should try OLD because it is sooooo easy. Well, not for me. Other friends and colleagues tell me what a great catch I would be for any girl. My future wife would be so lucky. Yeah right, like how am I supposed to believe that if I even can't get a date? I'm done. Online dating is not easy, especially for men. Many of the profiles are superficial and not revealing of who the person is or what they really like. I think 80% of the girls in online dating go hiking in the mountains and travel the world frequently. People put up a lot of false fronts in online dating and it makes it much harder to listen through all the noise. Do not ever measure your self worth by how women see you. Measure your worth by your family, friends, and your spiritual beliefs. Women will form long lines for a piece of trash man just as fast as a piece of gold man. If you let them define you, you will never be happy nor will they be happy with you. Getting a woman is not a reflection of how great of a person you are. It is a reflection of how skilled you are with them. Be a great person first, then learn the skills it takes to make women desire you. Edited June 1, 2016 by sagetalk 1
Author NVO Posted June 1, 2016 Author Posted June 1, 2016 (edited) Online dating is not easy, especially for men. Many of the profiles are superficial and not revealing of who the person is or what they really like. I think 80% of the girls in online dating go hiking in the mountains and travel the world frequently. People put up a lot of false fronts in online dating and it makes it much harder to listen through all the noise. True. Maybe I'm just making it harder for myself too, but I will not settle down for something I don't really want. Let's take something as Tinder as an example. I'm not the guy who just swipes everything to the right. I noticed I'm quite picky. Not so much when it comes to looks, but definetely when it comes to personality. So if a guy swipes right on, let's say, 100 girls and gets 30 matches, it's not that strange that I only end up with one -or none- when I swipe right on 10 girls. Sometimes I see a timeline post on Facebook from a page that is called 'Singles in (my province / state)'. People can send in their own picture, or one of a friend, and people can reply. I noticed that the description most girls send always contains something like: 'So if you like to party too, reply', or 'So if you like drinks and party like crazy reply'. I find that very shallow. I notice these things on Tinder too. If I ask some girls about their interests it mostly comes down too partying and drinking. Maybe it's just me, but this is a huge turn-off for me. I'm almost 25, so I guess I'm in between the two types of girls / women that are young or more matured in the way they live their lives. I think I always have been more mature than anyone else of my age. It probably has something to do with the fact my parents got divorced when I was 15 and I felt responsible as I was the only man in the house. I learned to be independent at a very young age. Maybe too young. I like history, WWI and WWII specifically, but have other interests too. Like architecture, reading, writing, nature itself, the evolvement of life. Surely there must be a girl who at least shares one interest with me? I want to find that girl. Sometimes this makes me think about my ex. We had a lot in common on those aspects. But in the end I doubt if anything was ever a real interest of her or if she just played along. Don't know, just had a rough day yesterday and came here to get it off my chest. I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Do not ever measure your self worth by how women see you. Measure your worth by your family, friends, and your spiritual beliefs. Women will form long lines for a piece of trash man just as fast as a piece of gold man. If you let them define you, you will never be happy nor will they be happy with you. Getting a woman is not a reflection of how great of a person you are. It is a reflection of how skilled you are with them. Be a great person first, then learn the skills it takes to make women desire you. Tell you what Sagetalk, you are so spot on with this comment. I will remember this quote. And it's not like I really measure my self worth by how women see me. It's just an aspect of life that I've never really been good at. And I want to change that. I want to get that girl that I like and not be picked out and settle for less. Guess I get points for trying though. And if I feel like ****e it's a good thing because it at least tells me I am trying to better myself. Better to feel bad after a rejection or failure instead of feeling bad for not even trying. Edited June 1, 2016 by NVO
joseb Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I remember getting excited at my first couple of tinder matches. I'm pretty fussy who i swipe right on, so these were profiles I felt excited about. But I know now that, despite the fact she had given the "green light" in swiping on me, it really doesn't mean much at all. I now have pretty much zero emotional investment in any matches unless I have met them in person. It starts there. Everything before is just fluff. 1
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