contel3 Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 After a bit of thinking I realised the hardest break ups for me were those where cheating was involved. Or any kind of abuse. What would be the hardest thing to move on from for you? Do you need a lot longer to move on depending on the circumstances?
andrem11 Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 I would have to imagine walking in on your partner cheating would be one of the most painful breakups a person could experience. I'm sure those images would be burned in your head for a long time.
wellimhere Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 any relationship where you've been lied to your face and cheated on is probably as low as it gets [ without actually walking in on your partner in the act ] i feel . and that's exactly what happened to me [ lied to my face ,false hopes,and cheated on ] 1
Neffer Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Cheating. Its the abuse of trust on top of the breakup. Cowardly and slimey. Once you get past the pain of being cheated on though - you are really free of them as they killed off your image (and love) of them. They are not the person you loved anymore. 1
Kwacker39 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Yep the cheating and lying - it's happened to me , in the last 8 weeks my wife of 21 years has told me she no longer loves me , then 3 weeks ago I find out she is having an affair with her work colleague , then once I looked at our phone bills I find out another man was involved from up to 9 months ago ! I was totally oblivious to it all , ( even though looking back the signs were there ) , because I trusted her absolutely . It's a very bitter pill to swallow I can tell you - completely devastating .
toastytiger Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) Being cheated on, physically and emotionally. Then they leave you to start an actual relationship with them, meaning it wasn't just some drunken affair. Being deceived, manipulated through-out the situation. Being emotional abused where you are made to feel crazy or guilty. It becomes even worse when you are blaming yourself for what happened and believe (& this is never actually true) that you on your own, caused the break up Also hard when they openly compare you the other man/woman -- destroying your self-esteem And in this "worst" case scenario, you are left alone and have to see them together, feeling replaced. Betrayal, in general, is on top of the list. As your trust is broken. *Hopefully, when you are in this kind of scenario (which, for the most part, I am right now) You remember not to idealize them and realize you truly don't deserve that crap **Oh, and I think having kids with this person would make it that much more complicated Edited June 6, 2016 by toastytiger
teenyfish Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Being cheated on, physically and emotionally. Then they leave you to start an actual relationship with them, meaning it wasn't just some drunken affair. Being deceived, manipulated through-out the situation. Being emotional abused where you are made to feel crazy or guilty. It becomes even worse when you are blaming yourself for what happened and believe (& this is never actually true) that you on your own, caused the break up Also hard when they openly compare you the other man/woman -- destroying your self-esteem And in this "worst" case scenario, you are left alone and have to see them together, feeling replaced. Betrayal, in general, is on top of the list. As your trust is broken. *Hopefully, when you are in this kind of scenario (which, for the most part, I am right now) You remember not to idealize them and realize you truly don't deserve that crap **Oh, and I think having kids with this person would make it that much more complicated This. I'm experiencing this right now and it's by far the most pain I've ever felt. Thankfully we were not married - I absolutely cannot imagine going through this with a family. Also, my ex did a complete 180 as a person, so that helps in the healing process.
keiji Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) To me, even worse than being cheated on, which happened to me five years ago with my now ex-wife, is how they try to blame the victim afterwards. They've been lying to you for God knows how long, they've slept by your side maybe an hour after having sex with someone else, they've been coldly planning how they'll drop you at the curb as soon as their parallel relationship seems "safe", and then they make you responsible for it with the most ridiculous and infuriating excuses. That's what I find most difficult to digest. I cheated on a girlfriend when I was 22. All I did was lower my head and say I was sorry. I took full responsibility for my actions and, 16 years later, she still hates me. I can't imagine how she would have felt if I had tried to blame her for my own misdeeds. Edited June 7, 2016 by keiji 1
Itspointless Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) Ten years ago I have been cheated on. The circumstance with my last ex I found much harder. She got ill (non-lethal, but serious) and pushed me away, she could not handle being vulnerable. We were not that long together yet. It turned out she always does this when facing problems or stress: she was dismissive-avoidant attachment. Being cheated on was a blow to my ego, being pushed away and told not to talk about her condition with her was much more painful, as I wanted to be there for her. For me it was the second time in my life I was faced with illness of someone very close to me. It brought up painful memories and sensations I had to deal with, as well as the the fact that I was worried for her but did not know a thing. Especially that last fact took me apart. Edited June 7, 2016 by Itspointless
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