My GF says "My Life is Super Lonely".....Red Flag?

[spmh1017]

I wondering if this is a red flag or what I should do or prepare for. Hes the specifics..

 

My girlfriend really has no friends. I can realistic count 3 total she has and 1 of which she has no contact with. On top of that she sees herself as "better then them". Let me explain.

 

1. Friend 1, is her ex-bestie. She hasnt talked to this girl in 6 months. She found out this girl was basically a sociopath/compulsive liar and has a cocaine problem. Shes a club junkie

2. Friend 2 is her age but acts like shes 21. Black out drunk in the club 4 days a week. Another club junkie

3. Friend 3 is a club junkie also but has been in a long term relationship with a guy who works at the club, lives with him and is marrying him.

 

For 6 years my GF was in the club, night after night with these girls and was a "side-chick" of the doorman. She says her life sucked and she was unhappy but it was better then sitting on the couch. See, she has a prestigious job and a masters degree..but for some reason has no friends with "class" like she has. Every GF/aquintance of hers Ive met is a waitress, bartender, bum, etc.. who drinks alot and screws guy after guy. Seems all her friends were her friends cause its the best she could do. Seems she was hoping someone like me would come along and rescue her from this life and be her bestfriend and do intellectual things.

 

So, 2 years before we met she gave up on the doorman, stopped going to the club, and spent more time at home. Luckily her sociopath friend lived a block over so she would basically spend her days at this girls house to stay occupied.

 

And que her meeting me.

9 months ago we met and I had an easy work schedule. I became her boyfriend/best friend. We spent 4 days a week together minimum for 6-7 months. She distanced herself from all 3 of those girls. She was never happy in the "scene" and just wanted to do the "boyfriend 5 days a week, watch TV, cook together, go to dinner/museums etc.." thing...which we did.

 

Now I have a new job. I work a CRAZY schedule (was on 1pm to 11pm the last 7 days, I only have 1 weekend off a month etc..)

On top of that, I live an hour away. So, these last 2 months since Ive started we still see each other but not every single day like it used to be.

 

So this past holiday weekend, Fri-Mon, I worked a 1pm-9pm schedule. Fri we didnt do anything, Sat I came over at 11pm and we watched TV then made love..Sunday is when stuff went downhill.

She text me Sunday morning saying was sick. Then was sad all day cause her "black-out drunk friend" was going to a party and she wanted to go but was to sick. Then yesterday it was "woe is me" all day long cause she was so sick and everyone else was "Having BBQ's and as usual Im home alone in my apartment"

 

Then at 1:30am, while Im fast asleep she text me. I read it this morning when I woke up and it said "I cant sleep, my life is super lonely"

 

 

So, I dont know if this is a red flag. Im all she seemingly has...but I have a crazy work schedule and live an hour away.

 

I worry that shes gonna start looking for a someone, or meet someone, closer to her, with a normal work schedule. I also worry shes gonna fall back into being a "club girl" like her friends still our.

I mean...what if shes just with me so she isnt all alone? What if Im justbin her life to BE a friend?

 

Should I worry? Is this a red flag?

Edited May 31, 2016 by spmh1017

[ByMyself01]

I wondering if this is a red flag or what I should do or prepare for. Hes the specifics..

 

My girlfriend really has no friends. I can realistic count 3 total she has and 1 of which she has no contact with. On top of that she sees herself as "better then them". Let me explain.

 

1. Friend 1, is her ex-bestie. She hasnt talked to this girl in 6 months. She found out this girl was basically a sociopath/compulsive liar and has a cocaine problem. Shes a club junkie

2. Friend 2 is her age but acts like shes 21. Black out drunk in the club 4 days a week. Another club junkie

3. Friend 3 is a club junkie also but has been in a long term relationship with a guy who works at the club, lives with him and is marrying him.

 

For 6 years my GF was in the club, night after night with these girls and was a "side-chick" of the doorman. She says her life sucked and she was unhappy but it was better then sitting on the couch. See, she has a prestigious job and a masters degree..but for some reason has no friends with "class" like she has. Every GF/aquintance of hers Ive met is a waitress, bartender, bum, etc.. who drinks alot and screws guy after guy. Seems all her friends were her friends cause its the best she could do. Seems she was hoping someone like me would come along and rescue her from this life and be her bestfriend and do intellectual things.

 

So, 2 years before we met she gave up on the doorman, stopped going to the club, and spent more time at home. Luckily her sociopath friend lived a block over so she would basically spend her days at this girls house to stay occupied.

 

And que her meeting me.

9 months ago we met and I had an easy work schedule. I became her boyfriend/best friend. We spent 4 days a week together minimum for 6-7 months. She distanced herself from all 3 of those girls. She was never happy in the "scene" and just wanted to do the "boyfriend 5 days a week, watch TV, cook together, go to dinner/museums etc.." thing...which we did.

 

Now I have a new job. I work a CRAZY schedule (was on 1pm to 11pm the last 7 days, I only have 1 weekend off a month etc..)

On top of that, I live an hour away. So, these last 2 months since Ive started we still see each other but not every single day like it used to be.

 

So this past holiday weekend, Fri-Mon, I worked a 1pm-9pm schedule. Fri we didnt do anything, Sat I came over at 11pm and we watched TV then made love..Sunday is when stuff went downhill.

She text me Sunday morning saying was sick. Then was sad all day cause her "black-out drunk friend" was going to a party and she wanted to go but was to sick. Then yesterday it was "woe is me" all day long cause she was so sick and everyone else was "Having BBQ's and as usual Im home alone in my apartment"

 

Then at 1:30am, while Im fast asleep she text me. I read it this morning when I woke up and it said "I cant sleep, my life is super lonely"

 

 

So, I dont know if this is a red flag. Im all she seemingly has...but I have a crazy work schedule and live an hour away.

 

I worry that shes gonna start looking for a someone, or meet someone, closer to her, with a normal work schedule. I also worry shes gonna fall back into being a "club girl" like her friends still our.

 

Should I worry? Is this a red flag?

 

She sounds like ME! Everyone judges us lonely girls and say we have no life but I feel like we are the best women. Some say it's co-dependence, I disagree. Some of us need more time/attention than others. If you can't give this girl what she wants, I suggest you talk about it if you care about her. If you don't, save yourself the headache and bail. The sooner the better. I'm in the same boat. My boyfriend has a 5 day a week work schedule and lives 2 hours from me and it kills and pains me! I have no friends or family in this city and my life is empty.

[ByMyself01]

I worry that shes gonna start looking for a someone, or meet someone, closer to her, with a normal work schedule. I also worry shes gonna fall back into being a "club girl" like her friends still our.

 

Should I worry? Is this a red flag?

 

Yes, you should worry. It depends. By me being the lonely girl as you described, I tried to replace my boyfriend twice. Once by hooking up with an ex and trying to meet someone new to fill the void. However, neither plan worked out. So if you're worried either make time or come up with some kind of agreement. This topic definitely deserves a heart-to-heart talk. If you communicate with her, it will make her feel better. How do I know this? Because my BF refuses to talk to me about it and that explains hooking up with my ex and looking to fill the void he refuses to fix.

[Audacious]

1- In this case she is much better off without these crazy b$%hes .

2- So your girl texted you early in the morning saying that she is lonely and you thought its' a red flag

 

did it occur to you that she wanted to , I don't know , HAVE SEX ?

[acrosstheuniverse]

Major red flag to me. It kinda shows she's looking to you to fulfil all of her social needs rather than having a life of her own. Unless you wanna be joined at the hip 24/6 she's gonna be unhappy. She also sounds kinda whiny, I mean who sends texts like that lamenting how everyone else is having a nice time without doing anything about it? In today's world there's no excuse for not having hobbies, meeting people and being busy even if building solid friendships can be a challenge.

 

If I knew that when I was working or with friends or volunteering my boyfriend was sat around lonely feeling sorry for himself I'd feel suffocated and it'd be a huge turn off.

 

This is who she is and she's probably never gonna change. Can you handle that? Bear in mind if you ever move in together she's probably gonna expect you around all the time...

[Lixxy]

Eh, it sounds like she might just need to change her social circle, and broaden her social group a little.

 

I really don't think this is as big a problem as some are making it out to be. Feeling at odds with your social group isn't so dramatic, and I think it's pretty normal.

 

As long as she isn't actually stagnating and not actually doing anything about the state of her life, it shouldn't be a huge thing. Everyone feels lonely or isolated at some point in their lives, and not everyone is lucky enough to have a job where there are colleagues they want to make friends with.

 

Not having a great group of friends doesn't always mean that someone is just using someone or going to abandon the relationship.

[JS84]

She sounds like one of those individuals who is constantly relying on others to try to fill whatever void or emptiness they have within themselves. People like that are usually the cause of their own misery but usually can't see it. Her life is probably super lonely due to issues on her part. I bet she thinks other people (friends, boyfriends, etc) are responsible for her happiness or lack thereof which is always a recipe for disaster because that's not how life works.

[ByMyself01]

In today's world there's no excuse for not having hobbies, meeting people and being busy even if building solid friendships can be a challenge.

 

I disagree with that statement. Some people like myself, do not have time to be out inn the streets meeting people of no substance. The way the world is today, most people can't be trusted. I think it depends on personality type. I genuinely think she's a good person and looking for someone to give a damn about her.

[Larryville]

My girlfriend really has no friends. I can realistic count 3 total she has and 1 of which she has no contact with.

 

she sees herself as "better then them".

 

People over use and incorrectly use the term “friend” blame Facebook…

 

Seems she was hoping someone like me would come along and rescue her

9 months ago we met and I had an easy work schedule. I became her boyfriend/best friend.

 

You were NOT her best friend...

 

We spent 4 days a week together minimum for 6-7 months. She distanced herself from all 3 of those girls.

 

She was never happy in the "scene" and just wanted to do the "boyfriend 5 days a week, watch TV, cook together, go to dinner/museums etc.." thing...which we did.

 

Now I have a new job. I work a CRAZY schedule

 

On top of that, I live an hour away.

 

So this past holiday weekend, we didnt do anything,

 

Im home alone in my apartment"

 

HER: "I cant sleep, my life is super lonely"

 

So, I dont know if this is a red flag

 

So you wrote all of this and I’m assuming you proofed this before posting and after reading to yourself you don’t know if any of this is red flag material?

 

You both sacrificed your individuality to “just be” in a relationship. You both turned into each other’s crutch and you stopped growing together.

 

I worry that shes gonna start looking for a someone

 

If she isn’t already... You are wasting each other’s time. Either communicate with her or end it. You guys clearly never developed the communication part of your relationship. That is what "true friends" would have done.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I disagree with that statement. Some people like myself, do not have time to be out inn the streets meeting people of no substance. The way the world is today, most people can't be trusted. I think it depends on personality type. I genuinely think she's a good person and looking for someone to give a damn about her.

 

 

What are you talking about 'being out in the streets meeting people of no substance'? I don't think I met any of my friends walking down the street. Most were from school, work, my voluntary job, people I met at gigs or through studying, and friends of friends who became friends of mine. Even when I worked 80 hours per week I still had time for my friends which makes the 'no time' argument seem pretty lame to me. Not sure what you mean by 'people of no substance' either, seems a little high and mighty. There are so many awesome people out there, with a lot to offer. Who am i to say they have or lack substance?

[Mrin]

People, like nature, abhor vacuums and will find ways to fill them - often with pretty destructive results.

[ByMyself01]

What are you talking about 'being out in the streets meeting people of no substance'? I don't think I met any of my friends walking down the street. Most were from school, work, my voluntary job, people I met at gigs or through studying, and friends of friends who became friends of mine. Even when I worked 80 hours per week I still had time for my friends which makes the 'no time' argument seem pretty lame to me. Not sure what you mean by 'people of no substance' either, seems a little high and mighty. There are so many awesome people out there, with a lot to offer. Who am i to say they have or lack substance?

 

Maybe this is my problem, I think I'm too darn good-hearted for people and afraid to get used, abused and hurt again by people. They're monsters and talk about me behind my back and pretend they like me.

[Omei]

Eh, it sounds like she might just need to change her social circle, and broaden her social group a little.

 

I really don't think this is as big a problem as some are making it out to be. Feeling at odds with your social group isn't so dramatic, and I think it's pretty normal.

 

As long as she isn't actually stagnating and not actually doing anything about the state of her life, it shouldn't be a huge thing. Everyone feels lonely or isolated at some point in their lives, and not everyone is lucky enough to have a job where there are colleagues they want to make friends with.

 

Not having a great group of friends doesn't always mean that someone is just using someone or going to abandon the relationship.

 

This is great advice

I too think it's normal

 

I am currently single, no bf.. and have no friends right now also went out of touch 5 months ago with my long term best friend who is my age and still partying heavily we just don't connect anymore at times I'd wish she would get pregnant and become more settled like me lol

 

I'm fairly happy alone I like it sometimes I feel lonely other times I'm just fine I wouldn't see it as a red flag in terms of a relationship isn't possible she's probably just expressing herself.

 

People can survive alone without having something be wrong with them lol at times in life were alone.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Omei

[spmh1017]

I talked to her an hour or so ago. She was on the way to work and me the gym (Im alone, no friends really but I stay occupied with the gym, art, music etc..)

 

Heres the convo..

 

I texted her before she woke up saying "Guess it would help if I was around more like before and not working so much"

She said "did I say that?"

I said "No but youve harped on this for 2 days and text me at 130am saying you couldnt sleep because of it. It sounds serious so why dont we discuss it over dinner tonight instead of via text.

She said "Great. (Sarcastically) Look I'm sick, dont make this about your insecurities"

 

Basically went back and forth how this is important to me and I dont wanna gloss over it via text.

 

She said things like "Theirs no solution so whats the point" "Im sick so dont think this is gonna be a long convo" "Please dont give me any of your positivity"

 

She ended the convo by saying "Well you know I'm always a sad person but I'm not often reminded how I can die alone in my house and have the cats eat my face without anyone noticing"

 

I said "Um, you dont think I'd notice? You do understand you have someone who loves and cares for you as well as wants to build a future with you right?

 

Her response was "Yeah. Thanks."

 

I sent one last text, just punched in the gut..maybe soft of me..she hasnt responded to it either . I said..

 

"Ok, dont sound to excited. I guess those are some underwhelming things. Oh well, safe travels to work. Ill talk to you later I suppose."

 

I get it..Im Mr. Positive usually. I'm 37 and have 1 friend who I rarely see. I work hard and alot, go to the gym and explore solo activities like the arts. Shes usually "woe is me"

But I her...our times together are amazing..are times apart are always seem like Im being tortured.

[Larryville]

Ok your past threads…..

 

*My GF says "My Life is Super Lonely".....Red Flag?

 

*Am I just to insecure, or is she immature?

 

*I'm a 37 year old man with no friends..

 

*Where do I start! - I'm 6ft and 140lbs.

 

While the site police typically does not like mentioning past posts/threads, I think it is necessary in this case because you have some serious self-esteem issues and until you address that you will attract and “settle” for these type of women.

 

(Im alone, no friends)

 

This is your theme song and you seem to wear it like a badge of honor which is why you tolerate conversing with this woman and her attitude. You think you deserve this.

 

I get it..Im Mr. Positive usually

 

No you are NOT, seriously contradictory…

[amaliaprincess]

I talked to her an hour or so ago. She was on the way to work and me the gym (Im alone, no friends really but I stay occupied with the gym, art, music etc..)

 

Heres the convo..

 

I texted her before she woke up saying "Guess it would help if I was around more like before and not working so much"

She said "did I say that?"

I said "No but youve harped on this for 2 days and text me at 130am saying you couldnt sleep because of it. It sounds serious so why dont we discuss it over dinner tonight instead of via text.

She said "Great. (Sarcastically) Look I'm sick, dont make this about your insecurities"

 

Basically went back and forth how this is important to me and I dont wanna gloss over it via text.

 

She said things like "Theirs no solution so whats the point" "Im sick so dont think this is gonna be a long convo" "Please dont give me any of your positivity"

 

She ended the convo by saying "Well you know I'm always a sad person but I'm not often reminded how I can die alone in my house and have the cats eat my face without anyone noticing"

 

I said "Um, you dont think I'd notice? You do understand you have someone who loves and cares for you as well as wants to build a future with you right?

 

Her response was "Yeah. Thanks."

 

I sent one last text, just punched in the gut..maybe soft of me..she hasnt responded to it either . I said..

 

"Ok, dont sound to excited. I guess those are some underwhelming things. Oh well, safe travels to work. Ill talk to you later I suppose."

 

I get it..Im Mr. Positive usually. I'm 37 and have 1 friend who I rarely see. I work hard and alot, go to the gym and explore solo activities like the arts. Shes usually "woe is me"

But I her...our times together are amazing..are times apart are always seem like Im being tortured.

 

Sorry if i'm being rude but to me it sounds like she doesn't give a crap about you.

[todreaminblue]

do you feel waitresses and bartenders are lower class......i heartily disagree....you can have class oozing out of you( i prefer to call it grace) and be of lower socio economic status....

 

you can also be lonely and surrounded by people.....friends family....it doesnt take people to fix loneliness...loneliness is within the person...not external...alone is an external.....

 

i dont know if it is so much your gf who has a problem......i think it may be you who has an issue and the way you view others.....deb

[preraph]

If she wants to hang out more with her club friends, then you shouldn't discourage it. She's already said she gets tired of that too, but balance in everything is important. She was foolish for giving up her girlfriends when she met you! Now she needs them again. Now they're probably going to be mad at her. She may have a better job, but that wasn't a classy move to discard her friends just because she got a boyfriend. She never would have gotten to this place if she hadn't discarded them entirely. She should have at least been going out with them once a month or whatever. I can tell you are super judgy that they like to go out, but that's what a lot of people do. It's called fun.

[basil67]

I talked to her an hour or so ago. She was on the way to work and me the gym (Im alone, no friends really but I stay occupied with the gym, art, music etc..)

 

Heres the convo..

 

I texted her before she woke up saying "Guess it would help if I was around more like before and not working so much"

She said "did I say that?"

I said "No but youve harped on this for 2 days and text me at 130am saying you couldnt sleep because of it. It sounds serious so why dont we discuss it over dinner tonight instead of via text.

She said "Great. (Sarcastically) Look I'm sick, dont make this about your insecurities"

 

Basically went back and forth how this is important to me and I dont wanna gloss over it via text.

 

She said things like "Theirs no solution so whats the point" "Im sick so dont think this is gonna be a long convo" "Please dont give me any of your positivity"

 

She ended the convo by saying "Well you know I'm always a sad person but I'm not often reminded how I can die alone in my house and have the cats eat my face without anyone noticing"

 

I said "Um, you dont think I'd notice? You do understand you have someone who loves and cares for you as well as wants to build a future with you right?

 

Her response was "Yeah. Thanks."

 

I sent one last text, just punched in the gut..maybe soft of me..she hasnt responded to it either . I said..

 

"Ok, dont sound to excited. I guess those are some underwhelming things. Oh well, safe travels to work. Ill talk to you later I suppose."

 

I get it..Im Mr. Positive usually. I'm 37 and have 1 friend who I rarely see. I work hard and alot, go to the gym and explore solo activities like the arts. Shes usually "woe is me"

But I her...our times together are amazing..are times apart are always seem like Im being tortured.

 

Your first question about her not having friends didn't alarm me. It can actually be quite difficult to make new friends when you're an adult. OK, some of us seem to do it easily, but many can't. My social circle extended when I had kids because of meeting other parents, but I struggled before that.

 

But this second post is FULL of red flags. The combination of hopelessness and trying to put it on you is alarming. To be honest, I'd try persuade her to look into whether or not she's clinically depressed. If she is, that's great - she can do something about it. But if she refuses to address it, then you probably need to walk away.

 

Lastly, your work schedule would probably only work for a woman who had a really solid social life and who doesn't need to spend much time with you. If you want a good relationship, you may have to look at your priorities there too.

[TXGuy]

She has been and will continue to hook up with other guys when you are not around. If you ever catch her, she will insist it is your fault for 'not being there.'

 

I don't see why you would want to have a future with her.

[spmh1017]

do you feel waitresses and bartenders are lower class......i heartily disagree....you can have class oozing out of you( i prefer to call it grace) and be of lower socio economic status....

 

you can also be lonely and surrounded by people.....friends family....it doesnt take people to fix loneliness...loneliness is within the person...not external...alone is an external.....

 

i dont know if it is so much your gf who has a problem......i think it may be you who has an issue and the way you view others.....deb

 

No, these people, her friends arent good people. They are lower socio demographic cause the one is a coke head and the other is an alcoholic. I follow them both on Snapchat and the coke head parties and has anew guy at her place 5 days a week. The drunk is just on a non-stop Jamison party 5 nights a week. I could chalk this up to youth but these people are in their early/mid 30's and need to get thier sh*t together.

 

She sounds like one of those individuals who is constantly relying on others to try to fill whatever void or emptiness they have within themselves. People like that are usually the cause of their own misery but usually can't see it. Her life is probably super lonely due to issues on her part. I bet she thinks other people (friends, boyfriends, etc) are responsible for her happiness or lack thereof which is always a recipe for disaster because that's not how life works.

 

I worry this too. I worry I'm filling a void for her.

 

Its like she disliked her social circle and was wating for someone like me to come around and be her crutch.

Like "Oh thank god, now I can stop hanging out with these drunks/drug addicts and spend every moment with you. And if your busy I'll just complain on how crappy my life is to guilt you!"

 

She has been and will continue to hook up with other guys when you are not around. If you ever catch her, she will insist it is your fault for 'not being there.'

 

I don't see why you would want to have a future with her.

 

You really think this?

In the 9 months we've been together shes gone out one time for drinks with friends. Its like the moment we started dating she abandoned everyone and everything. Aside from that I see her a minimum 3 days a week and she snapchats me pretty often. All I ever see is her in her apartment when I'm not around.

She list me on FB as her BF, has pics of us as her featured photos, I get hauled to family parties and to her friends parties/meetups.

 

I only have one problems with one guy, the only one I'm legit sure who messages her. He was a boyfriend of a friend she had a falling out with. I brought it and we had a big argument about it 3-4 months ago and she admitted he had a crush on her but she never had an attraction to him and he dated and had sex with her drug addict friend hundreds of times so why would she ever touch him. She said 99% of their communication is them talking about her ex-friend cause she still contacts him and is trying to get him back.

After the argument about how I clearly could see he had a crush on her via how he acted on social media that stopped.

But I still see his texts come through on her phone. I see her Snapchat alert go off and guess its problem him.

 

I posted about this issue some months back...heres the story..

The story goes he was and is an off and on again boyfriend of her best friend. Her best friend is admittedly "crazy" and has A LOT of these type of guys. A month or two into our relationship her friend and her had a falling out. Basically she found out her friend is a compulsive liar and isnt much of a best friend. To top this off her friend found out she was texting back and forth with this guy and flipped out on her saying "what if I became friends with your boyfriend and text him all the time (Me)! Do you think this is right!?"

They reconciled but the friendship is kinda broken now.

She never stopped texting this "boyfriend/f*ckbuddy" but instead changed his name in her phone so, if her friend was around, wouldnt see it pop up.

I see they text back and forth alot, and have yet to see anything incriminating, and she says what they are doing is mostly discussing the back and forth of lies her friend tells them both. She also has said 2 things that irritated me about him also...First that they are good friends cause he understands and has the same type of depression...secondly, during our rocky start he wanted to punch me (clearly as a man this sits with me, as wrong or right as I was in the beginning this threat sits with me)

This may be petty but I also know he has her Instagram on notification. She post ANYTHING hes the first like in just seconds. In return she likes his stuff back, even if its a picture of a rock or something menial...yet she will never like ANYTHING I post.

We had a minor blowout the other night cause her friend invited us out for drinks. As we are out drinking and her friend is talking about things, including tid-bits about this guy, she is texting him. I got drunk, angry, and just ask if we could leave. Back at her place I wasnt 100% truthful about how I dislike this relationship with him she has but instead said things along the lines of "This 3 way back and forth **** is immature! I'm tired of seeing it or hearing about it! I'm tired of you wasting your time and energy obsessing about it! Just be done with her and move on!" etc... I deflected I guess. She explained it as how she spent the last 6 years with this girl as a best friend and how emotional and such it is too her. Also since they live 2 streets apart how her car, property etc.. could be trashed cause this girl is "crazy"

So maybe this is just me...

 

I did finally confront her over it a few days after I made that post..

 

She says I have a warped sense of how much she talks to him and what about.

She says its a few texts per week and they are always about her friend.

She did admit one thing, he admitted having a bit of a crush on her before I dated her but says hes never said or done anything about it beside admit it.

She said she has a STRICT rule...never date or **** anyone her friends have so he will always be off the table. She says the only connection they have is in discussing her friend.

 

She told me if she dropped every guy friend she had who had a little crush on her then she would have absolutely no guy friends.

She said she will always be 100% honest with me and has never been unloyal even to the guys who treated her like ****. She says her morals and standards are to high for that (she is very "uptight" and has a masters degree even)

 

I basically told her tho I dont want him around and to cut him off. She didnt make any promises tho, more or less I told her "I dont like him or the realtionship between you guys but its your decision on what too do"

I'm gonna ask her what her final decision is tonight.

 

Thats my really only worry/suspicion..the only way I could ever be sure would be to get access to her phone. I have no way tho, she always has it close to her.

 

And a month or so after that post a full recap of what happened and the conclusion..

 

Tue she posted a pic on her IG of her new leggings and like clockwork this "buddy" hit the like button in less then 3 seconds. I shot her a text just saying "Like clockwork as always...I think we may be done, why dont you give me a call"

I explained their interactions were odd, I explained this guy noticable has a crush on her...her response was..

"I know he does, he told me this before me and you even met."

She went on to tell me I have the amount of texting they do blown out pof proportion and its very rare. She went on to say things like "He dated and ****ed one of my friends, Id never touch him!" and "Hes a Vegan, with a pony tail, and a bunch of cats!" also adding "I seriously wish you could meet him and understand why he is no threat"

 

She basically ended that discussion saying for me to pick and choose her friends sets a bad precedent and she doesnt want to start doing that. She also basically said I was acting crazy and blowing nothing into something cause Im insecure.

 

As far as her being emotionally unavailable...she says thats just her. She isnt the touchy feely romantic type. I have to accept that I guess.

 

Heres the kicker...we have this talk Tue morning, Tue night before bed we talk until around midnight on the phone.

I get up at 7am and check my "Pics friends have liked on IG and when"..

I see she went and liked a picture of him from 4 days ago an hour after we got off the phone.

I called her and said this is basically disrespectful. She again says Im crazy and childish, especially checking her "Likes and Times" (she taught me this by the way cause she would monitor what and when I liked stuff and bring it up against me)

I just let it go and made it known I felt it as a disrespect.

 

As it stands now since that day she has liked one photo of his of his sisters graduation (which I can concede too) but low and behold her selfie she posted 2 days ago is the first pic he hasnt liked of hers instantly since me and her have been dating (6 months)

To me, its starting to look like a clear sign she made have warned him...I'm actively waiting for her to post another shot and see if this trend continues. if it does I'm gonna say something along the lines of "I see you talked to him and gave him a type of warning huh?"....to which I'm sure Ill be called crazy and childish.

Edited June 5, 2016 by spmh1017

[todreaminblue]

No, these people, her friends arent good people. They are lower socio demographic cause the one is a coke head and the other is an alcoholic. I follow them both on Snapchat and the coke head parties and has anew guy at her place 5 days a week. The drunk is just on a non-stop Jamison party 5 nights a week. I could chalk this up to youth but these people are in their early/mid 30's and need to get thier sh*t together.

 

 

 

this is the quote below why i stated what i did about how you view her "friends" you include waitresses and bartenders...like they are a lower class of people....

 

See, she has a prestigious job and a masters degree..but for some reason has no friends with "class" like she has. Every GF/aquintance of hers Ive met is a waitress, bartender, bum, etc.. who drinks alot and screws guy after guy.

 

 

 

 

i have known a few real bums in my life..people still call homeless people bums....through ignorance..and many of them had or have mental issues themselves.....many of them had no family ...no friends.....no job...and little understanding from many people...

 

 

you state that your gf feels better than them....."how exactly"....deb

[spmh1017]

I meant to add to this to the conclusion of whats been going on with "Guy-Friend..

 

Like I said at the end of that last post about the conclusion...its clear she told him not to like all her stuff anymore, and she will only like maybe 1 out of 25 post he makes. I think since the argument shes liked 1 or 2 photos tops he has posted..

 

A few days ago, her phone went off...I saw his name...and then the *DING* Instagram "Your friend posted a photo" ding went off almost at the same time. She was out of the room so I checked IG, went to his profile and he had just posted a photo like 10seconds ago, so the *DING* was for him. When she got back to the living room, checked her phone, checked his message...the photo he posted on IG he had sent in a message, along with some other text.

I couldnt read what he wrote but it got me thinking..

 

"Its clear she told him to stop liking all her stuff...Its clear she isnt liking his stuff so much cause she knows I'm watching...Maybe they arent liking each others **** cause they are just sending **** to each other?"

 

I dont know, I'm prob paranoid and insecure..

[spmh1017]

this is the quote below why i stated what i did about how you view her "friends" you include waitresses and bartenders...like they are a lower class of people....

 

 

 

 

i have known a few real bums in my life..people still call homeless people bums....through ignorance..and many of them had or have mental issues themselves.....many of them had no family ...no friends.....no job...and little understanding from many people...

 

 

you state that your gf feels better than them....."how exactly"....deb

 

She never done a drug in her life, let alone do coke and aderall 5 days a week like this friend does.

When she goes out drinking she has a 3 beer limit.

 

Both these girls, her friends, drink or do drugs 4-5 days a week, blackout, get into fights etc.. Both have tried to drunkingly throw a punch at her and had to apologize the next day.

[SammySammy]

Birds of a feather flock together. Your girlfriend is not better than those other women. She was in the same clubs doing the same things. Her "loneliness" now sounds like she wants to go back to that lifestyle.

 

Only boring people get bored. If she really wanted a social life with a different caliber of friends, she could have that by getting involved in things those people do. If she's going to sit at home alone, she shouldn't complain about being lonely. That's what happens when you sit home alone. Active and fulfilling social lives require effort - taking the initiative to get involved and get to know people.

 

Lastly, it's not your responsibility to entertain her. As far as I know, you're not a clown or a minstrel. Don't let women tell you their boredom is your fault. It's not.

 

She's responsible for her own social life. If she wants to have one, she needs to be sociable.