Sunnymae Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 I've been casually texting a guy I met on Tinder and we agreed to meet for coffee, but I wanted to find out a little about him before I actually met him. Would it be alright to ask him if I could send him a FB request? I would like to know more about him before meeting him. Or is it best to just keep it casual, then if there is chemistry, ask to be his friend?
grays Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 I've done that before and I think it's nice. My FB says something about me and sometimes I can get a sense of them from their's. I say go for it!
basil67 Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 I'd think it was odd....but Greys has a good angle too.
Gaeta Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 He is a stranger why would you want to give him access to your private information like your full name and location also your friends and family list, their full names, their location. It's very unwise. Once a man figured out who I was just with my first name and he showed up at my office. That man is a stranger don't give him your private info. 11
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 Unless you want him to have the same access to your life and personal information he allows you, no. I'm not a fan of friending people I don't know really well. Rarely anything good comes out it and if you doubt me just look back on previous threads started on it's behalf. Pace yourself and be discerning about who you friend and give your private information to.
salparadise Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 Nah, you're going about it wrong, imho. Use the coffee date to get to know him a bit, and if things go well and you start dating, then become fb friends... after you know there is a connection. What you're doing is a) trying to investigate him as if only fully vetted people are worthy of having coffee, and b) thinking that seeing his fb page is some kind of guarantee. I guess people can see this stuff quite differently, but I don't accept random friend requests, and I don't want strangers having access to my stuff (even though I don't put anything on fb that I wouldn't want the whole world to know).nMy gf and I didn't become FB friends until we'd been dating several months. I think you need to lighten up and just go have some conversation. 1
Larryville Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 why would you want to give him access to your private information like your full name and location also your friends and family list Ok saw the thread title and thought the OP was kidding.... Seriously!? And people complain about government and privacy stuff... clearly people are perfectly willing to give their privacy away.
Author Sunnymae Posted May 31, 2016 Author Posted May 31, 2016 Thank you all, great feedback. I'm a bit nervous about meeting this guy. What do you think of the following text HE sent: Sound like a good plan. Let's plan on Friday so if the chemistry is right we can have some time. Sound good? "We can have some time. Sound good? (what does that mean?) Then I responded: We will see. I'll text you tomorrow, after I find a Starbucks that's convenient to both. What if we don't know if the chemistry is right, then what? His response:I'm sure we will figure it out. I meet with no expectations. Just two adults doing whatever they both want to do.
Gaeta Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 Thank you all, great feedback. I'm a bit nervous about meeting this guy. What do you think of the following text HE sent: Sound like a good plan. Let's plan on Friday so if the chemistry is right we can have some time. Sound good? "We can have some time. Sound good? (what does that mean?) Then I responded: We will see. I'll text you tomorrow, after I find a Starbucks that's convenient to both. What if we don't know if the chemistry is right, then what? His response:I'm sure we will figure it out. I meet with no expectations. Just two adults doing whatever they both want to do. Is this your first experience meeting someone online? Pick a coffee place. Make the date early like right after office hours during day light. Go to a place you are familiar with. Don't go in any neighborhood you are not familiar with. Make him travel toward you. Then have that coffee, chit chat for an hour or so and say thank you and leave. You don't have to decide right away if you like him. You can go home and reflect on your meeting and decide if you want to meet him again or not later on. What he meant by if the chemistry is right you can have some time he means if you 2 click and you want to make it a long date and do something else after the coffee. It's up to you but I think it's better if you just go home after the coffee and if he is genuinely interested in you he'll invite you to a 2nd date. A lot of the time men that want to prolong the 1st date are only hoping to follow you home.
SwordofFlame Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 This puzzles me, if you want more information about him before agreeing to meet him, why not just ask? The FB friending should come later on after you've met, that is unless you suspect him of misrepresenting himself....
itstoni Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 Why would you invite a stranger into your personal life...............? Sounds like a cheap POV movie plot.
Author Sunnymae Posted May 31, 2016 Author Posted May 31, 2016 Is this your first experience meeting someone online? You don't have to decide right away if you like him. You can go home and reflect on your meeting and decide if you want to meet him again or not later on. What he meant by if the chemistry is right you can have some time he means if you 2 click and you want to make it a long date and do something else after the coffee. It's up to you but I think it's better if you just go home after the coffee and if he is genuinely interested in you he'll invite you to a 2nd date. A lot of the time men that want to prolong the 1st date are only hoping to follow you home. 1
truth_seeker Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 When I joined FB years ago I was very liberal with adding people. I've stopped that and deleted those I will never meet IRL... Don't do the FB add. Instead do more research on him via Google. You don't know the guy well enough to let him browse your personal profile
BrainMangler Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I deleted my facebook a while ago, it's funny when girls ask for it and I tell them I don't have one anymore. They act as though I'm some sort of axe murderer. That quickly passes once we meet up in real life. I think your over thinking things, facebook isn't really a good way to get to know someone. People put up acts on social media to make themselves appear more interesting than they actually are. You can learn more about someone from a 2 hour conversion at a coffee shop then analyzing what they've posted to their social media over the years. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I have found that those I have met on Tinder or other dating websites will seek me out and then they tend to friend me first on Facebook (or attempt to). If they do, I say "Okay" and friend them but I don't friend them first. And quite honestly, I don't see the point in keeping things a mystery anymore because 9 out of 10 times you never end up meeting that person you talk with through the website, and on the rare instance you do meet the person face to face, what are the odds they are going to call you again the next day? Slim to none. It's what it is anymore.
joseb Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 OP, I might be wrong but the way he has phrased things about "chemistry" and doing "what adults do" sounds to me that he is expecting an instant hookup. Are you ok with that? If not, just be a bit wary of where you meet, and let him know it's just an initial coffee meet to see if you click. 1
truth_seeker Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 People put up acts on social media to make themselves appear more interesting than they actually are. This is true. I've had women mimic my profile page. Browse through my posts then make similar posts! I post I'm on the beach... girl posts she's at another beach... I post I'm at a concert... girl posts pics of her at a concert... kinda funny.
seekingluck Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I met a guy online a few years ago. He had his facebook link included it in a message. He seemed like the sort of person I'd be friends with. I decided to friend him in advance of meeting up. We went out a couple of times. Wasn't a great fit. But still friends on Facebook now. And stay engaged on facebook nowl. He's a nice guy, we weren't a good fit and I haven't had enough time to become real friends. But we are acquaintances, and it isn't awkward to having him see my "personal" facebook stuff. I met another guy online that it turned out we had mutual friend. I went ahead and connected with him as well. Similar to the other guy, but no need to disconnect. And now I have a long-distance crush. We indirectly worked together (no longer). At some point he showed up on my recommended list. Friended him before we went out. And of course I occasionally facebook stalk him. For me, the bar for facebook friending is more related to "compatibility." If you seem like a person I'll have common interests with, I'll friend you before we become "friends." It has to be a lot in common, aka you seem like one of my existing friends. Then it feels like you are an extension of my circle. But a run of the mill person? Never.
iphone_user1 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I deleted my facebook a while ago, it's funny when girls ask for it and I tell them I don't have one anymore. They act as though I'm some sort of axe murderer. That quickly passes once we meet up in real life. I think your over thinking things, facebook isn't really a good way to get to know someone. People put up acts on social media to make themselves appear more interesting than they actually are. You can learn more about someone from a 2 hour conversion at a coffee shop then analyzing what they've posted to their social media over the years. LOL I didn't have a FB account and got so many differente reactions when asked for it. It was so much fun to tell them I didn't have one Now I have an account to look less antisocial LOL but it's blank. No posts, information or pictures at all, nothing, just a profile picture, but no one can comment or like it, so I accept friend requests from Tinder girls. I don't care since they won't find out anything.
hippychick3 Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I cannot imagine friending a stranger (which is what he is until you've met in person) and letting them see my private information (friends, family, work info, etc). I never let any guy add me as a friend until we were well established as a couple or as good friends. Anything less than that is just weird to me. I dated my current bf for a month and a half before I let him into my Facebook. If I friended every guy I talked to before a coffee date, I'd have way too many unwanted people nosing around my personal life. And his comments about the Friday night date mean you don't have to work the next day so can stay out later if there's chemistry. I didn't read it as him wanting sex. And unless you've given off those types of vibes, I wouldnt expect he meant that. My first date with my bf was a meet up for a drink that turned into a 6 hour conversation over dinner (nothing physical happened at all between us that first night, but there was still chemistry). Just relax, get to know him over coffee, and have fun (WITHOUT going to each other's home or having sex).
Miss Peach Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I don't give personal, identifiable information until I have met someone in person at the very least. I've been stalked a few times so I prefer to keep that information under wraps the first few meetings.
Author Sunnymae Posted June 3, 2016 Author Posted June 3, 2016 Very observant of you.. Are you a detective( lol) thanks for pointing that out. So yea, I texted him some more and that's basically what he wanted. Omg!! He said he was a dominant man. Lol... Sounds like fun but this old gal will have to pass. Lol I was just looking for friendship right now. I'm trying to move on from a breakup.
joseb Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 Very observant of you.. Are you a detective( lol) thanks for pointing that out. So yea, I texted him some more and that's basically what he wanted. Omg!! He said he was a dominant man. Lol... Sounds like fun but this old gal will have to pass. Lol I was just looking for friendship right now. I'm trying to move on from a breakup. Hi, wasn't sure if your reply was to me? Sounds like it was - he was looking for sex? Yeah just the words he used led me to think that. If you are just looking for friendship right now, I'd recommend deleting your tinder account, and focusing on meeting people in meetups (involving stuff you like doing, not the casually disguised ones that are an excuse for hooking up) or in other organic ways. 1
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