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My ex gf tried to contact me after she dumped me...


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Posted

I am writing an abridged version of this story so it does not run too long, but feel free to ask questions if I haven’t explained something well enough.

 

This girl I dated a year ago, (let’s call her ‘Jane’) ended up treating me real bad in the end due to being cheated on in her previous relationship. When she dumped me, instead of apologizing for treating me badly, she acted like the relationship going sour was my fault and acted ignorant to the fact that she was treating me bad in the end. After I explained how bad she was acting lately, she apologized for treating me bad.

 

We discussed being friends since I became friendly with her friends and she with mine. However, I said that I may not want to stay friends because I don’t want to hang out with someone I can’t have. I also said I may de-friend her on facebook because I don’t want to keep looking her up. She was understanding of both of my statements, saying she would be jealous if she saw me with another girl.

 

Despite her breakup being immature because she blamed me, I thanked her for apologizing for what she did. We then parted ways with her kissing me on the lips goodbye.

 

A few weeks went by and neither of us contacted each other. However, a few weeks later, her friend calls me up saying that Jane and her were going out and that I should join. I said I would think about it as I had a few other possible plans that night.

Realizing that I didn’t like how Jane broke up with me because she blamed me for everything, I figured it would be best not to go out to see her as I felt I would just be hurt again. I made the excuse that I decided to go to a friend’s b-day that night because I didn’t go to said friend’s b-day last year. Her friend said, “Okay, have fun.”

 

I realize in retrospect that I should have said, "No, I don't want to see Jane again." I don’t want Jane thinking that I was okay with the way she treated me or with the way she dumped me. I want her to know that I didn’t see her the night because I was angry at her and didn’t want to see her again.

 

So my question is this: Despite me (1) acting like everything was okay between me & the ex-gf, (2) saying not to be offended if I disappeared and (3) saying I was going to a friend’s bday, do you think Jane took the hint when I didn't agree to see her that I was angry with her and did not want to see her ever again?

Posted

I don't know if it matters too much whether Jane took the hint. She probably suspected that was the reason. But even if she didn't I would say you did the right thing by telling your mutual friend you had other plans. I would avoid bringing this drama to third parties.

 

If you talk with Jane directly in the future, feel free to tell her that you choose not to be friendly while feelings are still raw (and that could take a while to heal). But I would avoid, where possible, discussing it with third parties.

Posted

This is complicated. The best thing to do is just let it be and walk away, no contact for a bit.

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