Do you Google potential dates?

May 30, 2016

After getting out of my last relationship, I have been thinking about moving to another State. So, once a month, I travel to this target city and attend some networking events in the hope to meet new people, learn about the area and maybe land a job interview.

This month, I met this girl and we talked for quite a good amount of time and had some good chemistry going.

We did not exchange numbers, but became 'friends' on this social network, which we both are part of. We connected on LinkedIn. No Facebook or Snapchat or Instagram for me.

I went back home the next day, then Googled her to learn more about her. I found some very interesting things about her (in a positive way) ...

Do you ever google your potential dates? Is it considered creepy? Is there an online etiquette about this type of thing? Do women do the same?

I will be back in that area next month.

May 30, 2016

I think it's crazy not to if you do not know them well.

May 31, 2016

I am an avid Googler of dates and potential dates...but I never mention it, nor do I ever refer to what I found. I do have secret fun by piecing together what I can, drawing a prediction on what it might "mean," and then confirming how close I came when the person actually tells me what I already unveiled online.

Maybe I'm a creep...but I don't think it's creepy at all. It's smart. Just the other day on Tinder, a guy suggested we exchange email addresses. He gave me his and I commented on the name and said, "Is that your last name?" and he said yes. So I Googled him and could find nothing with that first and last name and decided not to give him my email based on that. Just didn't feel comfortable as it seemed he wasn't being straight with me about something.

May 31, 2016

When you Google someone, what exactly are you looking for? Is there something very specific?Are you trying to match what the person is telling you or are you just trying to find out about someone ...

I tried googling myself, there is so much stuff about me out there ... I.e. I'm a home owner and my name is all over the county tax records data. Also, I'm on linkedIn. It would be easy to find my salary as my position is on my linkedIn profile. I have participated in a lot of races (I run 5ks, 10ks, 1/2 and full marathons runner) so it is very easy to find data about me on runner's websites .... I feel like I'm an open book, as soon as I give someone my name ...

I am an avid Googler of dates and potential dates...but I never mention it, nor do I ever refer to what I found. I do have secret fun by piecing together what I can, drawing a prediction on what it might "mean," and then confirming how close I came when the person actually tells me what I already unveiled online.

Maybe I'm a creep...but I don't think it's creepy at all. It's smart. Just the other day on Tinder, a guy suggested we exchange email addresses. He gave me his and I commented on the name and said, "Is that your last name?" and he said yes. So I Googled him and could find nothing with that first and last name and decided not to give him my email based on that. Just didn't feel comfortable as it seemed he wasn't being straight with me about something.

May 31, 2016

I am an avid Googler of dates and potential dates...but I never mention it, nor do I ever refer to what I found. I do have secret fun by piecing together what I can, drawing a prediction on what it might "mean," and then confirming how close I came when the person actually tells me what I already unveiled online.

Maybe I'm a creep...but I don't think it's creepy at all. It's smart. Just the other day on Tinder, a guy suggested we exchange email addresses. He gave me his and I commented on the name and said, "Is that your last name?" and he said yes. So I Googled him and could find nothing with that first and last name and decided not to give him my email based on that. Just didn't feel comfortable as it seemed he wasn't being straight with me about something.

Done the same for the same reason LOL I go full FBI on whoever I meet online

May 31, 2016

When you Google someone, what exactly are you looking for? Is there something very specific?Are you trying to match what the person is telling you or are you just trying to find out about someone ...
I tried googling myself, there is so much stuff about me out there ... I.e. I'm a home owner and my name is all over the county tax records data. Also, I'm on linkedIn. It would be easy to find my salary as my position is on my linkedIn profile. I have participated in a lot of races (I run 5ks, 10ks, 1/2 and full marathons runner) so it is very easy to find data about me on runner's websites .... I feel like I'm an open book, as soon as I give someone my name ...

Basically I'm looking to see that the bits and pieces that turn up on Google match the things he has told me about himself, his past and his current life, as well as hunches I have about things he perhaps has NOT told me yet. I'm looking for consistency--that who he says he is matches, for the most part, who he is.

Several years ago I met an academic and he asked me on a date. He seemed interesting and I'd enjoyed our conversations thus far, but prior to our date I looked him up hoping to find some of his published articles in his field--which happens to be a field in which I also have a degree. What I was looking for was whether he was full of pretentious, pseudo-intellectual sh*t like so many academics are, or whether he had things to offer the field that were smart, truly original, and nuanced. Because if it was the former, I would have canceled the date, since I hate pompous, vapid academics. I wanted to go into our date knowing I felt respect for his academic contributions, rather than the contempt I often feel (and have cause to feel, imo).

But more generally, I'm wary of being sold a story. I tend to believe people based on their body language and intonation as well as my own fairy-tales-and-unicorns hopeful faith that people are honest and sincere. So Google is just a way of getting a bit of a "story" about a person that doesn't come from his mouth.

In the case of the Tinder match I mentioned, we agreed we live too far apart to try to date, but we are both writers and he suggested we exchange information so that we could be professional connections. So for me to have his first name and then be told his email is his last name, and find NOTHING online with that first and last name when he has been living in the same town since graduating college there, struck me as strange enough that I just didn't feel comfortable handing out my email, where had he Googled me he could have found all kinds of things...including my home address

May 31, 2016

Great feedback and very good thoughts. Thanks.

I think this makes me feel a little better. I agree that the consistency part is definitely very important.

This person that I Googled told me she was teaching a few courses at a University and I found a "rate my professors" online site, where she got excellent feedback from her students (4.8 out of 5). She seems well liked by her students. This was very consistent with what had transpired during our conversation.

One thing that didn't seem consistent is her age range. Honestly, I don't expect any woman to be accurate about her age anymore. Just need to find out and deal with it.

Basically I'm looking to see that the bits and pieces that turn up on Google match the things he has told me about himself, his past and his current life, as well as hunches I have about things he perhaps has NOT told me yet. I'm looking for consistency--that who he says he is matches, for the most part, who he is.

Several years ago I met an academic and he asked me on a date. He seemed interesting and I'd enjoyed our conversations thus far, but prior to our date I looked him up hoping to find some of his published articles in his field--which happens to be a field in which I also have a degree. What I was looking for was whether he was full of pretentious, pseudo-intellectual sh*t like so many academics are, or whether he had things to offer the field that were smart, truly original, and nuanced. Because if it was the former, I would have canceled the date, since I hate pompous, vapid academics. I wanted to go into our date knowing I felt respect for his academic contributions, rather than the contempt I often feel (and have cause to feel, imo).

But more generally, I'm wary of being sold a story. I tend to believe people based on their body language and intonation as well as my own fairy-tales-and-unicorns hopeful faith that people are honest and sincere. So Google is just a way of getting a bit of a "story" about a person that doesn't come from his mouth.

In the case of the Tinder match I mentioned, we agreed we live too far apart to try to date, but we are both writers and he suggested we exchange information so that we could be professional connections. So for me to have his first name and then be told his email is his last name, and find NOTHING online with that first and last name when he has been living in the same town since graduating college there, struck me as strange enough that I just didn't feel comfortable handing out my email, where had he Googled me he could have found all kinds of things...including my home address

May 31, 2016

One thing that didn't seem consistent is her age range. Honestly, I don't expect any woman to be accurate about her age anymore. Just need to find out and deal with it.

You should be able to find that. Being dishonest about her age is a big turn off for me, pretty much a deal breaker. Honesty is a huge part of a successful relationship.

May 31, 2016

Definitely Google their name! That's how I found out a girl I had started dating a while back was a convicted felon lol.

May 31, 2016

Do you ever google your potential dates? Is it considered creepy? Is there an online etiquette about this type of thing? Do women do the same?
I will be back in that area next month.

Absolutely! 100% all the time! No online etiquette... it's called due diligence.

I first go to Linkedin to see if they're educated, work history... then go to Facebook to see if they have a boyfriend (today you never know with people living double lives) and to see how many friends they got (more than 1,000 is a red flag) and party pics... yea, I'm assuming a lot but if someone is being very proper with me early on, describing themselves as a girl next door, family person, hoping to marry have kids, then I see all these pics with different guys in bars and in hotel pools... I'm thinking BS liar up to no good and I dismiss them.

Women are worse

Women are looking you up on Google and lurking on every social media profile you've got. Not just your crush but also her friends, too.

May 31, 2016

Maybe I'm a creep...but I don't think it's creepy at all. It's smart. Just the other day on Tinder, a guy suggested we exchange email addresses. He gave me his and I commented on the name and said, "Is that your last name?" and he said yes. So I Googled him and could find nothing with that first and last name and decided not to give him my email based on that. Just didn't feel comfortable as it seemed he wasn't being straight with me about something.

Nah, not a creep... not creepy at all. You're being smart and looking out for yourself.

I looked a girl up and noticed on her LinkedIn she bounced from job to job and they weren't the best jobs (restaurant, bar, health club, car dealership) people who generally work at these places are sleazy and out for themselves... her FB had over 1,000 friends and lots of pics with different men... girl is gorgeous on the outside but my gut told me she's trouble on the inside, which means don't bother with her.

May 31, 2016

When you Google someone, what exactly are you looking for? Is there something very specific? Are you trying to match what the person is telling you or are you just trying to find out about someone ...

First, make sure they're not a criminal, served time in prison, no warrants out for their arrest

Get a sense of who they are... if they have a stable life, work history, educated... look for anything out of the ordinary that warns me to steer clear of them.

May 31, 2016

What if you can't find anything? I mean, a picture here and there on FB, but that's it, no more info at all.

May 31, 2016

I google people but I make sure nothing can be found about me online

May 31, 2016

What if you can't find anything? I mean, a picture here and there on FB, but that's it, no more info at all.

You mean, when you enter the name NOTHING comes up? Yes, that's weird, unless perhaps you are spelling it incorrectly. Try first OR last name (whichever is less common) with some key words pertaining to things you know about him and see if you can dredge up anything. Say he's a triathlon-running chef from Portland with name John Smellyfeet, you type combinations such as:

smellyfeet chef Portland

smellyfeet triathlon

smellyfeet triathlon Portland

smellyfeet run

Etc. Like you said: go "full FBI"--I think it's kinda fun

May 31, 2016

So I Googled him and could find nothing with that first and last name and decided not to give him my email based on that. Just didn't feel comfortable as it seemed he wasn't being straight with me about something.

Really? You dismissed your chance at dating him only because you found nothing on him?

It's VERY common not to find what you're looking for on someone, so not sure why you'd dismiss a quick meet n' greet.

Quite silly.

May 31, 2016

You mean, when you enter the name NOTHING comes up? Yes, that's weird, unless perhaps you are spelling it incorrectly. Try first OR last name (whichever is less common) with some key words pertaining to things you know about him and see if you can dredge up anything. Say he's a triathlon-running chef from Portland with name John Smellyfeet, you type combinations such as:

smellyfeet chef Portland
smellyfeet triathlon
smellyfeet triathlon Portland
smellyfeet run

Etc. Like you said: go "full FBI"--I think it's kinda fun

Nothing would come up if you googled me though, it's completely normal. I keep it like that (I check from time to time) because of protection against identity fraud, it is I think a very responsible way to look after yourself.

It's a bit bizarre to me that you wouldn't date someone for this reason, never heard of that.

If someone signed into facebook or LinkedIn, they could eventually find me but I guess only when I have my own photo up since my full name is very common so they would have to trawl through thousands of people. I also protect my facebook wall and it's not visible to non-friends.

That sort of thing is just common sense, IMO.

May 31, 2016

Do you ever google your potential dates? Is it considered creepy? Is there an online etiquette about this type of thing? Do women do the same? I will be back in that area next month.

Not creepy and quite normal and appropriate, altho IMO you should limit yourself as to how deep you dig. Simply googling someone (putting their name in a Google search) is NBD, but if you're going to courthouses to check for marriage and divorce filings and trying to find out how much they owe on their mortgage and stuff like that, you're overstepping your bounds as a simple (potential) dater.

btw don't assume every hit you get on some name is accurate, esp if the name is at all common.

May 31, 2016

Done the same for the same reason LOL I go full FBI on whoever I meet online.

I have this caller ID app, which helped me identify a scam artist. This particular app puts the name and address of caller. Having said that, I ask questions not to make it into an interview but questions that delve into who a person really is.

Most of the FBI mode stuff is done once contact is established on an OLD site. If you ask the right questions (and if you pay close attention to material in profile) an honest woman will be forthcoming about the basic important stuff. Men tend to hide stuff... (I keep being told that, not just my opinion)

Definitely Google their name! That's how I found out a girl I had started dating a while back was a convicted felon lol.

Yup me too… domestic violence… she did they @$$ kicking.

Absolutely! 100% all the time! No online etiquette... it's called due diligence.
ALL women should do this in depth.

What if you can't find anything? I mean, a picture here and there on FB, but that's it, no more info at all.

That is VERY rare, every person I have dated in the past several years has some sort of online presence. Job site, (site where you put resume, I'm forgetting) employment site pic, FB pic, maybe Twitter, Instagram even found a few people who were quoted in newspaper articles.

May 31, 2016

Not creepy and quite normal and appropriate, altho IMO you should limit yourself as to how deep you dig. Simply googling someone (putting their name in a Google search) is NBD, but if you're going to courthouses to check for marriage and divorce filings and trying to find out how much they owe on their mortgage and stuff like that, you're overstepping your bounds as a simple (potential) dater.

Getting off your a-- and doing actual leg work? I don't think so. It's so easy and effortless to Google on your phone... besides, I think 99% of the world social media lurks like their addicted to a drug.

I just want to get a sense if they're crazy, a liar or unstable. I'm on the lookout for red flags.

May 31, 2016

Really? You dismissed your chance at dating him only because you found nothing on him?

It's VERY common not to find what you're looking for on someone, so not sure why you'd dismiss a quick meet n' greet.

Quite silly.

Um, no, not "silly" at all Do you really need to say that? Sounds condescending and definitely unnecessary, as well as utterly misinformed (though if you'd read my post carefully, you'd have had all the information). First of all, I mentioned the distance with this person, so a "quick meet n' greet" would amount to a 200-mile drive. Secondly, my email is my full name, so only a freaking idiot would go around handing it out to every bloke they meet online since one of the first hits that comes up on Google with my name is my home address.

But how "silly" of me! I should invite him for a sleepover right away and tell him the house is unlocked and he's welcome anytime!!!!!

May 31, 2016

When I was OLD, I did it. That said, it wasn't the sort of thing I mentioned on the first or second date with a person. There should be plenty of other conversational topics at hand instead of having to resort to "So, I saw on Google that you were maid of honor at your friend's wedding last month!"

May 31, 2016

It can actually be a good way to flirt, believe it or not. I had a GF who at the beginning told me she couldn't find out much about me online and it was driving her nuts. Very charming.

May 31, 2016

Nothing would come up if you googled me though, it's completely normal. I keep it like that (I check from time to time) because of protection against identity fraud, it is I think a very responsible way to look after yourself.

It's a bit bizarre to me that you wouldn't date someone for this reason, never heard of that.

If you're addressing me, I didn't say this was the reason I didn't pursue someone. The person I was talking about lives 200 miles away and we agreed we're too far away to try dating. But we're both writers and he suggested we be writing buddies and gave me his email. He even listed "writer and photographer" as his profession on his profile, so if he's legit, let alone at all along in his career, I think it's reasonable to expect that at least SOMETHING show up. Unless he uses a pen name, of course...but the principle reason I didn't pursue further is that my niggling instincts were going off about this guy based on our conversation and his lack of online presence was the tiny last straw to a huge hay bale of data from our conversation that said this guy wasn't being straight about something.

If someone signed into facebook or LinkedIn, they could eventually find me but I guess only when I have my own photo up since my full name is very common so they would have to trawl through thousands of people. I also protect my facebook wall and it's not visible to non-friends.

That sort of thing is just common sense, IMO.

Indeed. My home address is up on Google through some voter registration information site that claims offering up this info is their "right." I've tried to get it taken off :-(

May 31, 2016

Sure, I do my research. It’s only fair to both of us because if there’s something about him that would be a deal breaker or a strong negative, there’s no point in wasting my time or his.

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Do you Google potential dates?

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