fkfkj Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 I've known this guy for about two years, we had a fling way back but nothing else came from it. But, we recently started speaking again, have met up a few times, and I've realised I'm really starting to like him. I think he feels the same way too... Our fling was just sex, but now it's definitely more than that. In any other circumstance I would be very happy with how it's going. HOWEVER, he is polyamorous and has been with his boyfriend for a few years. Weirdly enough, I'm actually fine with this guy and I'm not very jealous over that at all, but more the other people he could be seeing. I just don't know what to do. I really like him, I completely respect his decision to be polyamorous, and at this point I don't want to cut him out of my life. But, I know I wouldn't be happy knowing that he is seeing other people too, so I'm not sure if there's any realistic future in it. I don't know if it's too early to bring it up, or I should just cut contact slowly to protect myself. I'm just trying to have fun and enjoy my time with him right now, but the more I do that the more it's going to be harder in the long-term... Anyone have any advice?
Gaeta Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 First question: What is your goal relationship wise? Are you younger and looking for a mate to build a family? Are you older and looking for companionship with no hassles? Do you know anything about the dynamic of polyamorous relationships? What is his agreement with his other mate? Is his relationship with him open and free for all? or it's a closed relationship and new partners need to be approved? Do you understand the health risk of being sexual active with a male that has open homosexual sex?
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 If you are monogamous and he is not, it's not going to work. Now, later, ever. Sorry. I just don't see it.
Author fkfkj Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 First question: What is your goal relationship wise? Are you younger and looking for a mate to build a family? Are you older and looking for companionship with no hassles? Do you know anything about the dynamic of polyamorous relationships? What is his agreement with his other mate? Is his relationship with him open and free for all? or it's a closed relationship and new partners need to be approved? Do you understand the health risk of being sexual active with a male that has open homosexual sex? My goal generally speaking is to find someone I like and get into a long-term relationship depending how it goes. As far as his agreement, they are in a happy open relationship and are both allowed to have intimate relationships with others (e.g. not just sex - actual relationships). Yeah I'm gay, so I'm aware of any risks involved there.
Author fkfkj Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 If you are monogamous and he is not, it's not going to work. Now, later, ever. Sorry. I just don't see it. I know I just don't know how to approach it and I don't really want to cut him out of my life!
Gaeta Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 My goal generally speaking is to find someone I like and get into a long-term relationship depending how it goes. As far as his agreement, they are in a happy open relationship and are both allowed to have intimate relationships with others (e.g. not just sex - actual relationships). Yeah I'm gay, so I'm aware of any risks involved there. Why do you think you are not jealous of his current partner but would be jealous of new ones? I have come across people in polyamorous relationship. It was 2 men and a woman and they had been together 30 years. The 3 of them lived together and took care of each other. The other people I knew they were 1 man and 2 women and same pattern. It's a romantic relationship between multiple people. You all have a relationship together. There are still boundaries and not everyone is invited in stepping in for some fun. There is still a loyalty toward your partners. Your guy sounds more like in a open relationship, not polyamorous. I am not a specialist but maybe someone on here will know more about the dynamic of a polyamorous relationship.
Author fkfkj Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 Why do you think you are not jealous of his current partner but would be jealous of new ones? I have come across people in polyamorous relationship. It was 2 men and a woman and they had been together 30 years. The 3 of them lived together and took care of each other. The other people I knew they were 1 man and 2 women and same pattern. It's a romantic relationship between multiple people. You all have a relationship together. There are still boundaries and not everyone is invited in stepping in for some fun. There is still a loyalty toward your partners. Your guy sounds more like in a open relationship, not polyamorous. I am not a specialist but maybe someone on here will know more about the dynamic of a polyamorous relationship. I mean he identifies as polyamorous and as far as I'm aware, it can include being in a commited relationship between 3+ people as you have suggested, or having own separate ones (I assume if it gets serious with another guy then they'd have to get permission etc) - as far as I'm aware, they're ok with both. I'm not sure why I don't feel jealous about his boyfriend though. They've been together for ages, I respect that they love each other and stuff. Either way, I'd HAVE to be happy with that! But, I'd feel like I'm competing with guys that he's just seeing. Maybe it's something to do with that? I don't really know. All I know is that I enjoy spending time with him, so I feel like I'm gonna have to force myself to be ok with it if I want him in my life, or cut him off completely. How do I make a decision like that? Ugh.
Gaeta Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 All I know is that I enjoy spending time with him, so I feel like I'm gonna have to force myself to be ok with it if I want him in my life, or cut him off completely. How do I make a decision like that? Ugh. You could give it a trial period. But honestly, what will you be getting out of this? not much I can see. He has a long term partner he needs to give quality time to, and he'll be out there prowling for other flings, so what kind of quality time will you be sharing with him? Can you really connect with someone that is always on the look out?
Recommended Posts