Patty Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I feel like my heart is racing my thoughts are racing.These have happened at work. Im real sad and dont have a number to call to find out how my guy is doing.I really wish I could get into contact with him.He is facing a crisis right now.I go crazy at work wondering how he is.I cry all the time.People at work say he will return.I need him.When I look at his picture,it makes me cry alot. I hope to see him.And I'm just having these attacks cause Im scared about everything.I know I just need him.I really hope to see him.Im going crazy.Im really depressed.
HokeyReligions Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Talk to your doctor about it and listen to his/her advice first. One thing that you might try when you feel an anxiety attack coming on is to list out the things you have and don't have control over. You cannot control when he calls you - so mark that off the list and tell yourself not to worry about it. Think of what else you can not control and mark them off the list and out of your mind. Look at the things you can control and concentrate on those and how you want to handle them. You know that his photograph is a trigger for your anxiety attacks, so put it away and don't look at it for a while. You don't need a photograph to remind you that you love him. When thoughts become overwhelming tell yourself to stop and then choose one thing from your list of things you have control over and focus on that. I am facing a some pretty painful things in my life right now and I have to force myself to concentrate and to work and not think about the things I can't control, and what I want to do is go home and just cry and stay in bed until it's over. But I can't and that would not help me anyway. Diversion is important, but you have to control the diversion. Can you talk with any of his family or friends and get word to him through someone else? Or send a message to him that you would like to hear from him? If not, then let it go. He will contact you when he can.
Author Patty Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 Diversion is important, but you have to control the diversion. Can you talk with any of his family or friends and get word to him through someone else? Or send a message to him that you would like to hear from him? If not, then let it go. He will contact you when he can. Thanks. Im thinking of doing that.Im going to ask someone that he knows if they know an address I can write to or a phone number.The thing is he has mine.I'll just do what I can.
dgiirl Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 You didnt make it clear why you cant speak with him. Did you guys break up, or is he just away doing something important? When my stbxh left, I had anxiety attacks. They'd come out of the blue, and I wanted to run. The best way for me to handle them was to take a second to experience the attack, absorb the feeling, then analyze the reason why I'm getting anxiety. I would be looking for clothes, then all of a sudden i'd get an attack. I realized I was upset because I couldnt find any clothes I liked, and somehow associated finding the perfect outfit would bring my husband back to me. It sounds retarded now, but that was the feeling I had. I had to analyze the feeling and realize that it's illogical, and somehow that helped me overcome the attacks. They're definitely fading over time.
Author Patty Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 You didnt make it clear why you cant speak with him. Did you guys break up, or is he just away doing something important? Thanks. He went over to Mexico.He just found out shes very sick. Patty
dgiirl Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Ah, I just read your other post. Obviously his mother should be his top concern. You should try and focus on that. Is this the first time you guys have been apart? Couples should be able to be apart for a period of time without feeling insecure. You should really try and focus on what is causing your anxiety. What are the fears you are experiencing? Try and rationalize them and put yourself in his shoes.
quankanne Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 patty-cakes, it's good to see your face again, though i wish it were for less worrisome reasons. talk to your doctor about your panic attacks, you may have better luck learning to control them (medicine, meditation, etc) from your doc. I imagine your BF is going through some pretty upsetting stuff himself, so try not to take it too personally if you don't hear from him as quickly as you like. And remember that the phone system in Mexico is nowhere near that which Ma Bell provides ... so that could be part of the problem. hope this helps some ... quank
Author Patty Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 What are the fears you are experiencing? Try and rationalize them and put yourself in his shoes. Thanks. My fears are when I hear people talk about him at work.I start getting very anxious and frightened then start crying.They arent saying anything mean or anything.I just start worrying of when I'll see him.Some of the people told me he would return to work,hes just facing a crisis.I just get worried about it. Patty
Author Patty Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 patty-cakes, it's good to see your face again, though i wish it were for less worrisome reasons. talk to your doctor about your panic attacks, you may have better luck learning to control them (medicine, meditation, etc) from your doc. I imagine your BF is going through some pretty upsetting stuff himself, so try not to take it too personally if you don't hear from him as quickly as you like. And remember that the phone system in Mexico is nowhere near that which Ma Bell provides ... so that could be part of the problem. hope this helps some ... quank Thanks. Yeah thats true. Patty
dgiirl Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by Patty My fears are when I hear people talk about him at work.I start getting very anxious and frightened then start crying.They arent saying anything mean or anything.I just start worrying of when I'll see him.Some of the people told me he would return to work,hes just facing a crisis.I just get worried about it. What exactly are you worried about? That he's not coming back? If he has commitments here, why wouldnt he come back? Most people get stuck on the What if's this and that happens, but they never follow through with it. Think of the worse case scenario, and think of a plan if that should happen. Usually the worse case scenario isnt so bad, especially when you have a plan.
Author Patty Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 What exactly are you worried about? That he's not coming back? If he has commitments here, why wouldnt he come back? Most people get stuck on the What if's this and that happens, but they never follow through with it. Think of the worse case scenario, and think of a plan if that should happen. Usually the worse case scenario isnt so bad, especially when you have a plan. Yes,thats what Im worried about.I dont know why,theres usually certain parts of the day when I start thinking of the what if's.Thats when I start having the attacks. You are right.Never thought of it that way. Thanks.
jellybean Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by Patty I feel like my heart is racing my thoughts are racing. I cry all the time. Im going crazy.Im really depressed. Dear Patty.... I think you''re very worried that he may never return. Please do as quankanne says - see your doctor. Good luck
HokeyReligions Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Patty, I am facing my own mothers terminal condition. She doesn't have much longer and my focus is on her. I try to be considerate of my husband, but there are times when I do ignore his needs because of my own stress. He trys to understand that, but he gets upset too. It is very difficult when one half of a couple is going through a crisis that the other one doesn't feel too. Your bf may just not be up to talking with you now -- he may need to spend his time with his mother (is it his mother?) and when he takes a physical break from being next to her he just needs some down time of his own. Sometimes sympathy from others -- no matter how much they love us and want to help -- well, sometimes that sympathy is hard for us to handle too. It means we need to react or respond and maybe your bf just doesn't have the energy. I know you are hurting for him and perhaps just being able to send him a card that says "I love you and I'm thinking of you" will make both of you feel better. You can be strong for him without him even knowing it. Being strong means that you go about your life and your routine so that when he does return you are not all stressed out. He'll know that you stayed strong all along and that will make him feel better. People who experience a crisis often say and do things that they don't mean. When my brother lost his wife in 1992, my brother sold everything and bought a flat trailer for the back of his truck and loaded up the few bits and pieces he wanted to keep and he planned on driving to Arizona to start over. He was serious about it and he went through some trouble and expense and what seemed like serious planning. As his grief progressed he changed his mind many times and all his friends and family could do is tell him that we support him in what he feels he needs to do and assure him that we would be there. He changed his mind and plans several times. Your bf might go through something like this too -- try not to let is scare you. It's a normal part of grief -- we want to escape from it. It's good that people are talking of him--that means they are thinking of him and concerned about him. Its nice to know that others care about the people we care about.
moon Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Panic attacks are really scary. I just had a few myself a few weeks ago. First thing you should know is that if you are having an attack you can go to the emergency room of your local hospital and they will prescribe you valium or something similar. This will calm you down. You have to tackle your problem. There is something deeply bothering you. It's so down deep that your fears are manifesting in your head. You could also be on the road to a panic disorder. You can take anti-anxiety medication for that. I bought a book the last time I had an attack. It's called "An End to Panic" by Elke Zuercher-White, Ph.D. It's more like a workbook to help you understand and dig into your panic. It gives you alternatives for healing. You need to get involved in finding a way to stop your panic attacks. They will most likely keep coming if you do nothing and still have these dreadful thoughts. I'm serious go to the book store now and look for books on panic attacks. Pick one that you like the best and buy it. Go home and read it. If you have a family doctor call them and maybe they can give you some valium, just in case. I have felt fine all this week. I felt a little jittery last week. I totally know it's like night and day when the panic goes away. I feel fine now. It was funny because the first panic attack I had was years ago when I met my current ex-boyfriend. I literally met him the same day. Now years later (a few weeks ago) I had a few and it pushed me to contact my ex after 8 months of being broken up. We hadn't had any contact for about five or six months. He and I are talking all the time now and seem to be doing okay. I am not in fantasy land anymore about the relationship. I am just taking this guy as he is. But I am seeing him this weekend. I hope for the best. My panic attacks seem to have stopped. I almost look at them as a sign. Something just wasn't right. I feel okay now. By the way, you can also get some therapy to end panic attacks. I think it's cognitive-behavior therapists that can help you get to the root of your fears and help you get over the panic attacks. Just believe me....there is help to end your panic attacks. THERE IS HELP! So go searching for it. It's totally out there!!! Don't be afraid to look. And get some valium if you can. It can slow down your brain. After a few days of it, it will mellow you and you won't be afraid of having the panic attacks anymore. Then you can stop taking it. Good luck.
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