edgygirl Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 My friendship of 10 years has been slowly dissolving. I thought it would die a natural death... I thought my friend would understand I was not interested anymore. Apparently she didn't. She keeps writing me. What's the best way to cut it off? I feel bad and lost about it. I wish she would just get it and stop writing me but it seems that won't be the case as she just wrote me again. My question: how do you break up with a friend? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Details below if you have time: It all started when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer over a year ago. I needed the friend support so much, of course I thought my mom might not survive, I was in the worst point in my life. I was really hurt and cut contact with her. I was with my mom in her country for her surgery etc. When I came back I decided to give it a chance again per the 10 years of friendship. It went weird. I didn't like her new bf and thought she was settling as he was all the things she said she'd never settle for. Then the holidays came, I got a new job and no time to breath. She wrote me beginning of the year to tell me she was engaged (to this meh guy she settled for) and that she was traveling for work the next month. I congratulated her and said I was traveling a lot too (which was true). Then months later she writes me saying hey I thought we were meeting at some point. Well... she didn't write either, so of course we did not meet. I told her I was extremely stressed from new job and still only working and sleeping. Now she writes me again... to tell me she's pregnant, that she wish she told me live but as it didn't happen... We've been venturing the dating world together for most of our friendship, she decided to settle obviously, and with the lack of support with my mom's thing, I just don't feel any connection to her anymore. How do I break up? It breaks my heart, but I don't feel like being in touch anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 My friendship of 10 years has been slowly dissolving. I thought it would die a natural death... I thought my friend would understand I was not interested anymore. Apparently she didn't. She keeps writing me. What's the best way to cut it off? I feel bad and lost about it. I wish she would just get it and stop writing me but it seems that won't be the case as she just wrote me again. My question: how do you break up with a friend? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Details below if you have time: It all started when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer over a year ago. I needed the friend support so much, of course I thought my mom might not survive, I was in the worst point in my life. I was really hurt and cut contact with her. I was with my mom in her country for her surgery etc. When I came back I decided to give it a chance again per the 10 years of friendship. It went weird. I didn't like her new bf and thought she was settling as he was all the things she said she'd never settle for. Then the holidays came, I got a new job and no time to breath. She wrote me beginning of the year to tell me she was engaged (to this meh guy she settled for) and that she was traveling for work the next month. I congratulated her and said I was traveling a lot too (which was true). Then months later she writes me saying hey I thought we were meeting at some point. Well... she didn't write either, so of course we did not meet. I told her I was extremely stressed from new job and still only working and sleeping. Now she writes me again... to tell me she's pregnant, that she wish she told me live but as it didn't happen... We've been venturing the dating world together for most of our friendship, she decided to settle obviously, and with the lack of support with my mom's thing, I just don't feel any connection to her anymore. How do I break up? It breaks my heart, but I don't feel like being in touch anymore. Just tell her straight. Its not confusing or hard to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 Just stop responding to her emails. I don't quite understand why you need to formally break up with her. It doesn't sounds like you're too involved in each others lives already, if she's emailing you about important milestones. The next time she sends one of those, don't reply. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted May 30, 2016 Author Share Posted May 30, 2016 It's just that after being friends for 10+ years, it feels wrong to ghost, mainly cause I am the one who's been trying to let it die (although it's not dying naturally as I expected. Also, we were really really close at one point. She also might think that I stopped responding as she found someone and is pregnant and am jealous or so, while we've been through the suffering of the dating journey together for most of this time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted May 30, 2016 Author Share Posted May 30, 2016 Yeah I thought so. I wrote an email and haven't sent yet. It seems so definitive (and scary) to send it after being friends for so long. I guess I'm really not used to ending friendships. Just tell her straight. Its not confusing or hard to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 She also might think that I stopped responding as she found someone and is pregnant and am jealous or so, while we've been through the suffering of the dating journey together for most of this time... Are you? I can't find any logical reason to break up with her in your post. I haven't done this formally. I had far worse friends and I just stopped contacting them. Link to post Share on other sites
KittyKat67 Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 My friendship of 10 years has been slowly dissolving. I thought it would die a natural death... I thought my friend would understand I was not interested anymore. Apparently she didn't. She keeps writing me. What's the best way to cut it off? I feel bad and lost about it. I wish she would just get it and stop writing me but it seems that won't be the case as she just wrote me again. My question: how do you break up with a friend? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Details below if you have time: It all started when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer over a year ago. I needed the friend support so much, of course I thought my mom might not survive, I was in the worst point in my life. I was really hurt and cut contact with her. I was with my mom in her country for her surgery etc. When I came back I decided to give it a chance again per the 10 years of friendship. It went weird. I didn't like her new bf and thought she was settling as he was all the things she said she'd never settle for. Then the holidays came, I got a new job and no time to breath. She wrote me beginning of the year to tell me she was engaged (to this meh guy she settled for) and that she was traveling for work the next month. I congratulated her and said I was traveling a lot too (which was true). Then months later she writes me saying hey I thought we were meeting at some point. Well... she didn't write either, so of course we did not meet. I told her I was extremely stressed from new job and still only working and sleeping. Now she writes me again... to tell me she's pregnant, that she wish she told me live but as it didn't happen... We've been venturing the dating world together for most of our friendship, she decided to settle obviously, and with the lack of support with my mom's thing, I just don't feel any connection to her anymore. How do I break up? It breaks my heart, but I don't feel like being in touch anymore. Ok love, I will tell you this. I had a friend pretty much like this with same story different circumstances. Bottom line is 30 years into the friendship I have nothing but slow burning anger towards her because of all the times I let her back in and am too weak to cut it off. I will say that in the past, I have had better success at just being honest and real, write her and tell her the truth ad gently as you can, its fair to do that, you can have closure and she will know that you really mean it. She knows, she is not accepting the hint, you are going to have to step up and say something. I did and we got into a huge fight but honestly, I think she respect me more now as she didn't before. Good luck love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 Sorry I re-read and I think there is a phrase missing. When I received the news that my mom had cancer, and needed her to support me, she did not. She was cold as ice and very very apathetic. Hence I cut contact with her for the first time before going to be with my mom in her country for the surgery, etc. Are you? I can't find any logical reason to break up with her in your post. I haven't done this formally. I had far worse friends and I just stopped contacting them. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Sorry I re-read and I think there is a phrase missing. When I received the news that my mom had cancer, and needed her to support me, she did not. She was cold as ice and very very apathetic. Hence I cut contact with her for the first time before going to be with my mom in her country for the surgery, etc. "Dear (insert name), as hard as this is to write I need to be honest with you. During the worst time in my life when I needed you most, you abandoned me and that hurt me deeply. I'm at a point in my life that I need friends I can rely on and truly connect with. You and I have grown apart and it's time to wish each other well and not look back. your name.." Just send her something short and then block her. You don't owe her a huge explanation but I do think telling her why (not being there for you) will at least give you a peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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