Ghosting UPDATE

May 30, 2016

the previous 'Ghosting' thread was really popular but got closed because people went off-topic.

here it is if you want to read it- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/582441-ghosting-how-do-you-move-forward)

In a nutshell, a guy I went on 4 good dates with ghosted on me for two weeks. He texted last night to apologize for not returning my calls and that he 'needs time.'

Actually worried, I asked 'did something happen?'.....to which he never answered again.

I am SO ANGRY now. Why does he have to be such a coward? A simple 'this isn't going to work out with us' would've been fine, but instead he feels like leaving me in a perpetual state of confusion and anger is better. He probably even thinks he is being a 'nice guy' by not being direct.

Had he told me the truth, I'd be over it in a day, but now these feelings of frustration have dragged on for 2 weeks. Even the IDEA of going on a date with anyone new right now fills me with disgust.

I really want to confront him and tell him to never do this to another girl again. I am just so pissed at myself for caring at all. What do you think? Should I confront him?

May 30, 2016

Why would you even waste your time? He couldn't even be bothered to send you a text message and you are going to waste your emotions going off on him? It's not worth it at all. Just delete him everywhere and move on. Ghosting is very normal these days. I have never had a guy NOT ghost on me. They all do this. Whether it's one date, 4 dates, or 4 months most guys are such cowards and I expect this behavior out of everyone I meet these days. Sad.

May 30, 2016

I don't think you should confront him. Just move on with your life.

You had four dated with 'just a couple of kisses.' You had not slept together. You went away on a trip for 10 days without contacting him. While you (and others here) claim he ghosted on you, you ghosted on him just as much.

I don't see any good coming from 'confronting' him. You know what you need to know. No harm, no foul.

May 30, 2016

While you (and others here) claim he ghosted on you, you ghosted on him just as much.

No harm, no foul.

NO, i DIDN'T ghost on him- ghosting is ignoring a person when they contact you and i never did that. and CLEARLY there is harm and foul because I wouldn't be feeling this way if there wasn't. It makes me think YOU are a ghoster yourself so you are just making excuses that your behavior is ok.

Edited May 30, 2016 by tayriley

May 30, 2016

NO, i DIDN'T ghost on him- ghosting is ignoring a person and i never did that. and CLEARLY there is harm and foul because I wouldn't be feeling this way if there wasn't. It makes me think YOU are a ghoster yourself so you are just making excuses that your behavior is ok.

The way you described the situation, I would not fault the guy.

You had 4 dates without sex, just a couple of kisses. You disappeared for 10 days without contacting him. On day 10, you called, but didn't leave a message. That doesn't really count as contacting him. When you did make contact with him, he said he 'needed time.' He gave you a response, just not the one you wanted.

And to re-address your question, I don't think confronting him would be productive. Nor do I think you have anything to 'confront him' about.

May 30, 2016

In what way is calling and not leaving a message 'not count as contacting'??? Please get off of my thread. Nothing you have said has been helpful. All you've been is dismissive.

Edited May 30, 2016 by tayriley

May 30, 2016

If he needs time, give it to him, while you date other people and find someone better.

May 30, 2016

If he needs time, give it to him, while you date other people and find someone better.

I don't want to date him and I don't want to date anyone else. I'm not waiting with bated breath for him to contact me. I am just SO ANGRY that people are such a--holes. Even TXGuy above who INSISTS he did nothing wrong. How can people even think in such a selfish way??

I don't know where to put this anger so that's why I want to confront him. It wouldn't be a yelling crazy message, but at least I can get some of this frustration off my chest.

May 30, 2016

the previous 'Ghosting' thread was really popular but got closed because people went off-topic.
here it is if you want to read it- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/582441-ghosting-how-do-you-move-forward)

In a nutshell, a guy I went on 4 good dates with ghosted on me for two weeks. He texted last night to apologize for not returning my calls and that he 'needs time.'

Actually worried, I asked 'did something happen?'.....to which he never answered again.

I am SO ANGRY now. Why does he have to be such a coward? A simple 'this isn't going to work out with us' would've been fine, but instead he feels like leaving me in a perpetual state of confusion and anger is better. He probably even thinks he is being a 'nice guy' by not being direct.

Had he told me the truth, I'd be over it in a day, but now these feelings of frustration have dragged on for 2 weeks. Even the IDEA of going on a date with anyone new right now fills me with disgust.

I really want to confront him and tell him to never do this to another girl again. I am just so pissed at myself for caring at all. What do you think? Should I confront him?

The REAL issue here is why you insist on borrowing drama when there is none.

You seem like a very sweet young lady but the truth of the matter is that it was only 4 dates. Not 4 years of your life. It didn't work out. This isn't Romeo and Juliet. Something else got his attention and off he went, too cowardly to show you the respect you deserve by having the fortitude to tell you he didn't want to see you anymore.

It happens all the time. Common courtesy seems to be a thing of the past with young people today. God i sound like my mother. But wasting two weeks of your life getting all upset about this little coward disappearing just doesn't even make sense. Welcome to the world of dating. It's frustrating and you're going to be disappointed many many MANY more times.

How YOU chose to handle it is not on him. You're choosing to wallow in this and blaming HIM for it. How the did he manage - after only 4 measly dates - to get SO much power over you?

Think about that.

I'm sorry, but you disrespected yourself when you replied back to this little weasel when he texted out of the blue. Again, that's on you.

Here's a golden piece of advice I ALWAYS try to live by: everyone has ONE chance to disrespect me.

He had his chance.

Don't keep giving him more.

May 30, 2016

In what way is calling and not leaving a message 'not count as contacting'??? Please get off of my thread. Nothing you have said has been helpful. All you've been is dismissive.

Calling and not leaving a message is not a contact that merits a reply. So it is not ghosting. You disappeared on this guy for 10 days and the contact you made with him on day 10 was a call and hangup (no message). It would be reasonable for a guy in that position to think you were disinterested or had 'faded' on him. It would not be unreasonable for a person in that situation to allow things to end.

I'm suggesting your anger is arguably unwarranted, but certainly unproductive. Things didn't work out this time. There will be others. Some will go better than this one. Some will go worse. Getting hung up on this situation isn't going to make you feel any better.

May 30, 2016

Calling and not leaving a message is not a contact that merits a reply. So it is not ghosting. You disappeared on this guy for 10 days and the contact you made with him on day 10 was a call and hangup (no message). It would be reasonable for a guy in that position to think you were disinterested or had 'faded' on him. It would not be unreasonable for a person in that situation to allow things to end.

I'm suggesting your anger is arguably unwarranted, but certainly unproductive. Things didn't work out this time. There will be others. Some will go better than this one. Some will go worse. Getting hung up on this situation isn't going to make you feel any better.

Why do you insist on getting the last word in on MY thread?? GTFO. You dont have all the info- I DID leave a message later, NOT TO MENTION, HE IGNORED MY LATEST TEXT. SO GTFO MY THREAD.

May 30, 2016

I say go ahead and confront him. Maybe some things will come out that will give clarity to the situation. At worst, he'll just ignore you and then you can move on.

May 30, 2016

4 dates + you going away for 10 days + you called & didn't leave a message = this being your fault not his.

You were unclear here. This poor guy didn't know what to do because your behavior was inconsistent. When you got home it was up to you to reinitiate contact by leaving a message. Here is one of the few places even I a huge anti-text person -- would have advocated a text.

Had you so much as taken the initiate & written: "Hey! I just got back. Looking forward to seeing you again. Wanna meet on [fill in date] at [fill in place] for a drink, my treat? I promise not to bore you with my vacation photos. lol" all of this would have been avoided.

Because you called & didn't leave a message, how was this guy supposed to know you didn't butt dial him? He's not a mind reader so no you don't get to confront him & bust his chops because he failed to read your mind.

Honestly I got the sense that he disappeared because he though that is what you were telling him to do when you did not reach out more clearly upon your return.

As for you cursing at TXGuy, that certainly isn't helping me see things your way.

May 30, 2016

4 dates + you going away for 10 days + you called & didn't leave a message = this being your fault not his.

You were unclear here. This poor guy didn't know what to do because your behavior was inconsistent. When you got home it was up to you to reinitiate contact by leaving a message. Here is one of the few places even I a huge anti-text person -- would have advocated a text.

Had you so much as taken the initiate & written: "Hey! I just got back. Looking forward to seeing you again. Wanna meet on [fill in date] at [fill in place] for a drink, my treat? I promise not to bore you with my vacation photos. lol" all of this would have been avoided.

Because you called & didn't leave a message, how was this guy supposed to know you didn't butt dial him? He's not a mind reader so no you don't get to confront him & bust his chops because he failed to read your mind.

Honestly I got the sense that he disappeared because he though that is what you were telling him to do when you did not reach out more clearly upon your return.

As for you cursing at TXGuy, that certainly isn't helping me see things your way.

yes, please blame the victim some more. the guy knew i was gone, he knew i wasnt into too much communication between dates, he knew he told me HE'D call me.

also, i DID leave a message when i contacted him again later. also, I DID text him back to which he never returned. ALL OF THIS BEHAVIOR shows my interest. so even if he at any point thought, 'oh, she's not interested,' he would have to correct his thinking because now that is THREE times he ignored me. 2 phone calls and a text.

so the LEAST i deserve is a 'sorry, i dont want do date anymore' text.

but please. blame me some more. blame the person that came to this forum with vulnerability and is looking for comfort. please do that some more. i haven't gotten enough frustration to deal with. it shocks me that you think you are being rational or helpful when in fact you are being unnecessarily mean.

May 30, 2016

Why do you insist on getting the last word in on MY thread??

GTFO ... SO GTFO MY THREAD.

The reason I replied (to this and your last post) was that you asked a question specifically directed toward me (see the two question marks above). You asked me a question and I answered it. I know that you tend to get upset when men ignore you (that is what this whole thread, and the previous one, is all about). So, I did not want to be so rude as to ignore a direct question.

I must say that you are sending mixed signals: You want me to answer your question, but you also want me to 'get the f**k out.' Those are two mutually exclusive requests. I want to do whatever I can to make you happy, but this is very confusing.

May 30, 2016

Txguy- i can stop replying. I'm not reading them. You are blocked.

May 30, 2016

It's obvious that you are hurt & frustrated. You are not a victim. No crime was committed here.

If you did reach out a 2nd time but didn't get a response you were ghosted through no fault of your own.

It happens. For you to waste your time & energy chasing him to confront him or getting angry at me makes little sense. If you show up to scream at him all he's going to do is think he dodged a bullet. You will not make him apologize. If he does it will be insincere -- him saying anything just so the woman acting crazy on him leaves. You will not make him change he ways & never do this to another person. You may end up having to explain your confrontation to the police if you take it too far.

All in all you need to simmer down, realize he is not worth all this & move on. Going forward control what you can about yourself & let other people's actions roll off you. You are only going to harm yourself by carrying on like this.

May 30, 2016

i would never show up and yell at a man because i know that makes me look crazy. anytime a man talks about a woman acting crazy, i have to ask what did he do to her? because it's stupid frustrating p.o.s. actions that men do to women that cause them to 'act crazy'...when reality is, all it is is a woman being fed up by a man's bad behavior and lack of communication skills.

Edited May 30, 2016 by tayriley

May 30, 2016

TX GUY- you can stop replying, you are blocked

tayriley, you seem to be seething with rage about being ghosted. I too was ghosted about 8 weeks ago and have taken the high road and have never contacted him. You should do the same. There is nothing to be gained by contacting a ghoster.

May 30, 2016

tayriley, you seem to be seething with rage about being ghosted. I too was ghosted about 8 weeks ago and have taken the high road and have never contacted him. You should do the same. There is nothing to be gained by contacting a ghoster.

i WAS going to leave it be until he texts me with more vagueness then ignores me again. i feel like i'd be doing the world a disservice if i just sit by and let it happen without saying something.

i mean, i can sit and complain about being ghosted all i want, but if i dont say something, if i don't call him out on it, aren't i part of the problem??? that's my line of thinking.

May 30, 2016

You ghosted on him and he did the same. And you are mad? Lmao

May 30, 2016

i mean, i can sit and complain about being ghosted all i want, but if i dont say something, if i don't call him out on it, aren't i part of the problem??? that's my line of thinking.

Your line of thinking is flawed. You want to stick up for yourself which is fine. You will do so far more effectively if you simply walk away. You are trying to talk sense into a man who has no manners, poor communication skills & little backbone. It's not your place or your responsibility to correct those flaws & no by not fixing him you are not adding to the problem. Eventually he will figure it out & grow up.

All your continued annoyance does is prevent you from being happy.

May 30, 2016

He knows he ghosted you. You confronting him won't make him feel remorseful or sympathetic to you. He will only feel that he dodged a bullet with you.

Your best means of "revenge" is to never speak to him again, which includes NOT responding to anything at all he sends you. He should no longer exist to you in any way. He's not worth all of this energy and anger. It only harms YOU.

May 30, 2016

i WAS going to leave it be until he texts me with more vagueness then ignores me again. i feel like i'd be doing the world a disservice if i just sit by and let it happen without saying something.

i mean, i can sit and complain about being ghosted all i want, but if i dont say something, if i don't call him out on it, aren't i part of the problem??? that's my line of thinking.

I am anti-confrontational and would never confront someone who dumped me. And if you confront him he would never tell you the truth, so as I said before, please try and move forward from this and maintain your self respect. You will feel better in the long run.

May 30, 2016

After 4 dates of which you admit you enjoyed... You went 10 DAYS without contacting him. 10 DAYS! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 days. Why did you even do that. Please learn from this.

Sign In

Ghosting UPDATE

Recommended Posts

tayriley

KatZee

TXGuy

tayriley

TXGuy

tayriley

bluefeather

tayriley

Lois_Griffin

TXGuy

tayriley

Popsicle

d0nnivain

tayriley

TXGuy

tayriley

d0nnivain

tayriley

oasis

tayriley

Acerboy

d0nnivain

hippychick3

oasis

Acerboy

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...