RoseF06 Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 (edited) I've been dating my bf for about 4 years now. He is 18 and I am 20. Last year, he treated me really well and respected me.But lately it seems he just threw all the respect away. I always wore shorts, and he never said anything about it. But lately, he berates me for wearing them. It makes me feel terrible.Cause he wouldn't say that to any other girl. Just me. We work together, this morning he told me that he is surprised that our boss didn't fire me yet, (even though I always try my best at work), at work he always mutters under his breath and I barely understand him, but I hear him calling me a "dummy" or a "stupid", and it really upsets me, cause I'm just there for money. I try to stay out of his way there, but then he gets mad when I don't talk to him! We had a on and off relationship in high school, and his family doesn't really like me cause of that. He has a pic of us hanging up in his room, and I love it, but one day it was down and he said he took it down because his sister came over and she hates me. It really hurt my feelings cause my family doesn't like him too much, but I've always showed them the good sides of him and it seems like he isn't trying. He told me I am "overreacting". I feel like he is never proud of me, I let him go out with his friends all the time, and he says I can too, but when I do, he starts fighting with me, or gets pissed off towards me. Same with my hobby, he always asks "how horseback riding was?", but he has such a sarcastic tone and I feel like I cannot tell him the truth, which was that I had so much fun, because he is gonna get mad that I had a good time without him. He is so brutely honest, or at least thats what he calls his actions for calling me stupid and stuff. And its really putting me down. I hate how he is acting. I feel like crap. I always try to defend myself but whenever I say something that is against him, he gets mad at me. I don't know how to make him stop.. I love him, and I want us to work. I've talked to him about it, and he does not stop or he avoids confrontation about it. Whenever I wanna talk about something like that, (anything deep), he just lays there and doesn't respond. He accuses me of cheating too! Even though I have been with him forever and have never had another boyfriend. Its so annoying because I know I am loyal to him. Edited June 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
basil67 Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Rose, pretend your future daughter wrote this about her boyfriend. What advice would you give her? 3
fands Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 I feel like crap. Well, a good dump will make you feel much better. I love him, and I want us to work. You tried communicating your feelings, which is great. Unfortunately, he's not showing any consistency in his behaviour towards you. If you have had an "on and off relationship" in the past, who does the apologising when you get back together? There's only so much abuse one can forgive before one loses all self-respect. 1
fands Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Rose, pretend your future daughter wrote this about her boyfriend. What advice would you give her? That's easy! Go to LoveShack.org and type it out! The peeps there are uber-smart and have all the answers!
angel.eyes Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Read what you wrote. Why do you want to continue to date him?
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 He is on his way out, he abuses you because you are blocking his way to seeing other women, he wants to leave and is making your life hell so that you leave him, as he doesn't have the courage to say to your face that he wants to break up with you. High school romances rarely make it. He is 18, he is not ready for marriage and commitment as after 4 years together that is the next step, but he is too young for all that so he is angry and he feels trapped and is taking it all out on you. If you do not break up with him he will eventually break up with you, or he may just start cheating on you instead if he is not already doing that. He is accusing you unfairly of cheating, but that is often "projection", he may actually be the one who is cheating here. No-one should have to put up with this type of abuse, this is NOT "love", nothing like it. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Why do you want to be with this kid? He's a jerk. And his accusations of cheating? Keep in mind that many people who randomly accuse their partners of cheating are often doing it themselves. Seriously. Get rid of him and find someone who actually respects you. This mouthy little boy isn't in your league. 5
Buddhist Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 IAnd its really putting me down. I hate how he is acting. I feel like crap. I always try to defend myself but whenever I say something that is against him, he gets mad at me. I don't know how to make him stop.. I love him, and I want us to work. You see how the bolded makes absolutely no sense when you read everything that came before it? 2
Buddhist Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 IAnd its really putting me down. I hate how he is acting. I feel like crap. I always try to defend myself but whenever I say something that is against him, he gets mad at me. I don't know how to make him stop.. I love him, and I want us to work. You see how the bolded makes absolutely no sense when you read everything that came before it? Staying with someone like that is just an exercise in self hatred. 1
Otter2569 Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 I didn't get half way through your message and I immediately knew what to do. My first reaction "oh, hell no!" would I put up with that disrespect. You either draw the line now and tell him it needs to stop immediately or you subject yourself to this type of abuse. Plus you work with this jackass so there is no escaping his BS. Someone who truly loves you would not treat you this way. Real men (and women) build you up, not tear you down. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 (edited) You do the smart thing that shows you have self respect: You dump him. You can't change him. If he thinks you are a "dummy" well you show him that he's now single. I'd also get a new job so you don't have to work with such a mean spirited person. Edited June 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T 2
tayriley Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 (edited) Last year, he treated me really well and respected me.But lately it seems he just threw all the respect away. I've talked to him about it, and he does not stop or he avoids confrontation about it. Whenever I wanna talk about something like that, (anything deep), he just lays there and doesn't respond. He accuses me of cheating too! The reason you dont want to end things with him is because he is SO familiar. You are used to him and the memories of when he was sweet to you is comforting...but take a look at reality. If you had a friend whose bf acted this way, would you counsel her to stay with him?? He USED to treat you well. He hasn't in a year. He has been disrespectful and he ignores your feelings. You've tried to talk to him about it and nothing has changed....you MUST break up with him. I know it's hard to understand, but that person you loved and loved you is DEAD. He is a different person now (people change) and that person doesn't care about you at all, and is likely cheating on you. (Cheaters are always blaming others for cheating because they believe that everyone else is doing what they are doing.) END IT. it will hurt at first, but you will walk away with dignity. the longer you let him abuse you, the less self-respect you will have. Remember- you don't deserve to be treated this way. Edited May 30, 2016 by tayriley
Cherryz Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 This mean : Time is up! Break up and move on with your life. And if you need a new job to get away from being around him do so. A story have 2 sides. If your butt cheeks almost hanging out the shorts for yourself its not a great view. But this is abuse. Leave him and work on your self esteem. No one should talk to you that way.
preraph Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 You don't have any control over him. He isn't going to change. It's up to you to decide to stay or not stay. The first few months or year you date someone, they are on their best behavior, but what you're seeing is not their total true self. The long you date, you see the more authentic version, and that's what you're seeing now. He was only pretending to be all that good stuff because he wanted to have a girlfriend. He will only get worse as the years go by. And you're too young to be staying with anyone who isn't fun and respectful anymore. You are at the age where you have options to meet lots of new guys and try to find one who is not a jerk.
MargoJones Posted May 31, 2016 Posted May 31, 2016 Never tolerate being called names by anyone! I've never known a quality person to name call, not even during quarrels. If you've tolerated it for as long as you have, I'd recommend taking a break from dating and take an honest evaluation of yourself and your self worth, maybe go into therapy to find out why you accept abuse so freely. If you don't do some serious soul searching you're going to attract another guy who treats you the same way, and you seem nice, so I don't want you to date another piece of crap. :-) 1
Recommended Posts